How do you act like a challenge and not be needy during cold approaches?

[Deicide]

Hey. Yes, I'm still struggling with women and cold approach and I hate it. It upsets me and makes me hate my love life just a little bit. But, I still really want to be successful with women despite not finding it. Also on the social side, a lot of my Facebook friends don't answer my messages or send me stuff, so I feel lacking there too for some reason.(Maybe I should deactivate it) I'm happy in all other areas of my life except women, so it's hard to feel like my life is fulfilled and enough.
But I think my outer game is good, I can tease and make conversation with women no problem. The rest is where I'm confused at.
Most women at some point during the cold approach walk away from me and go on their way. I have no idea how to stop it. There is no need to chase them, lol, but at the same time, I stand still, they're leaving. And I want to start having sex on a regular basis too.
I've tried taking time off from women, it doesn't work. I just don't know anymore. I've worked hard and gotten little in return, but I'm not giving up yet. So what can I do during approaches to be a challenge and non-needy?

 

[SharinganUser]

Hey. Yes, I'm still struggling with women and cold approach and I hate it. It upsets me and makes me hate my love life just a little bit. But, I still really want to be successful with women despite not finding it. Also on the social side, a lot of my Facebook friends don't answer my messages or send me stuff, so I feel lacking there too for some reason.(Maybe I should deactivate it) I'm happy in all other areas of my life except women, so it's hard to feel like my life is fulfilled and enough.
But I think my outer game is good, I can tease and make conversation with women no problem. The rest is where I'm confused at.
Most women at some point during the cold approach walk away from me and go on their way. I have no idea how to stop it. There is no need to chase them, lol, but at the same time, I stand still, they're leaving. And I want to start having sex on a regular basis too.
I've tried taking time off from women, it doesn't work. I just don't know anymore. I've worked hard and gotten little in return, but I'm not giving up yet. So what can I do during approaches to be a challenge and non-needy?

When you cold approach, just keep things short, 2-5 minutes. You are there to get a number or build rapport, not to have a long conversation.

 

[Masculinity]

Hey. Yes, I'm still struggling with women and cold approach and I hate it. Also on the social side, a lot of my Facebook friends don't answer my messages or send me stuff, so I feel lacking there too for some reason.(Maybe I should deactivate it) I'm happy in all other areas of my life except women, so it's hard to feel like my life is fulfilled and enough.

You contradict yourself in these statements. You claim to be happy with you life except for women. Yet, you later say that you feel you are lacking on Facebook because most of your friends don't send you "stuff." Which on is the truth?

Most women at some point during the cold approach walk away from me and go on their way. I have no idea how to stop it.

Hmm...you may not be building enough rapport and/or not being interesting enough. A girl who is interested in what you have to say will NOT walk away from you(unless she genuinely has to go). In such case, she would be happy to give you her number before she leaves, because you have build enough interest. Like the other guy said, you may be trying to spend to much time with them, which maybe not be bad at times. However, you have to have acuity around the length of your conversations. If the girl is interested in seems receptive, talk to her a few more minutes than usual. However, if she is looking a way and giving you close-ended responses, then why waste your time?

I need more information to give you more detailed advice and potential solutions. How do you cold approach and what do you talk about? Be very specific and detailed. Also, are you getting any numbers?

And I want to start having sex on a regular basis too.

This thought by itself is blocking your from success. Right now you have women walking away from you while you are talking to them. As far as I'm concerned, you need to be with a woman physically present to bang her. How are you going to have sex with women if they are walking away from you? Focus on solving one problem at a time.

If you can get them interested enough to the point where they are hooked to your conversation, you are much more likely to have sex with them (even though they may still flake). By the same token, deal with problems one step at a time. Right now you can approach, but cannot keep a women engaged in a conversation. When you solve that and get women engaged in conversation, you may have problems number-closing or problems with women flaking on you. Set realistic goals, otherwise you will go down a very frustrating path, brother.

Have you recorded yourself approaching or had a friend watch you? Do you have any clue of what you're doing wrong? Identifying your problem will help you find the appropriate solution. Imagine your car brakes down on you in the highway and the engine simply shuts off. The problem could be anything from an empty gas tank to a seized engine/transmission. It is the job of your mechanic (or your job if you're handy with cars) to identify the problem so that you can correct it. Why would you replace an expensive part when you aren't sure that is the cause of the problem?

You would be surprised at how much seeing yourself from someone else's perspective can do for you. Have a friend videotape you and then watch the tape & see what you are doing well and what you could have done better.

I've worked hard and gotten little in return, but I'm not giving up yet. So what can I do during approaches to be a challenge and non-needy?

Unfortunately most of the game with women results in getting little in return. In fact, assuming you are just starting to approach, you will be getting nothing in return from women except experience (which will help you further down the road--learn how to delay gratification. Don't be desperate!)

What can you do to be a challenge and not be needy? One of the best things you can do to be more of a challenge and to stop being needy is not to care whether you are a challenge or you are needy. Am I saying there is no difference between being needy and confident? No. However, being in your head and asking yourself "is this working right now?" will only jeopardize your cold approaches. Be cool and let your conversation be genuine. Faking it until you make it will only get you so far. Secondly, you can try the tools I mentioned earlier in my response.

 

[Masculinity]

bump

 

[Jeffst1980]

First off, understand that you are still young and probably won't be getting truly remarkable results for awhile.

If cold approaching is making you feel bad about yourself, you shouldn't do it. You absolutely HAVE to view it as a game, and not as something that reflects on you in any way. Otherwise, you're going to let it dictate your self worth. Remember- none of these girls know you on any level, and therefore can't judge you in any way. Most of the rejections come from the fact that cold approaching isn't "normal."

Cold approaching is HARD. Most of the time, interactions go nowhere and there's nothing you can do about it. Because of this, it is absolutely essential that you do TONS of approaches and be willing to accept rejections. It's not a good model of game for everyone, and if you feel like the rejections are getting to you, I'd abandon it and working on building a social circle, instead.

Most guys that have success at cold approach pickup are NOT chatting up girls in the pharmacy, walmart, etc. The best places to do approaches are on your own "turf"- a venue where you have some social proof. That's why it is best to pick ONE venue and try to make friends with the staff, regulars, etc. before worrying about approaches-- it truly makes things THAT much easier. Concepts like being a challenge, etc. really only work in these settings, where a girl is forced to compete for your attention.

How is your social life besides pickup? Do you have a number of friends that like to go out and do things? This is very important.

 

[Slickster]

You need to improve your overall social skills not just your cold approaches.

Practice approaching everyone, not just chicks.

Start talking to people wherever you go.

Read the DJ bible. There are great articles about how to converse with people.

If you get nervous approaching women try doing it without having any agenda. Forget about getting her number or trying to get a date. Just talk to them for the sake of talking to them. A comment here or there. A short chat. Then move on. Repeat over and over with as many women as it takes.

If you do this enough your social skills will improve enough so that you can chat up anyone, anywhere. Find your gift of gab.

 

[Deicide]

First off, understand that you are still young and probably won't be getting truly remarkable results for awhile.

If cold approaching is making you feel bad about yourself, you shouldn't do it. You absolutely HAVE to view it as a game, and not as something that reflects on you in any way. Otherwise, you're going to let it dictate your self worth. Remember- none of these girls know you on any level, and therefore can't judge you in any way. Most of the rejections come from the fact that cold approaching isn't "normal."

Cold approaching is HARD. Most of the time, interactions go nowhere and there's nothing you can do about it. Because of this, it is absolutely essential that you do TONS of approaches and be willing to accept rejections. It's not a good model of game for everyone, and if you feel like the rejections are getting to you, I'd abandon it and working on building a social circle, instead.

Most guys that have success at cold approach pickup are NOT chatting up girls in the pharmacy, walmart, etc. The best places to do approaches are on your own "turf"- a venue where you have some social proof. That's why it is best to pick ONE venue and try to make friends with the staff, regulars, etc. before worrying about approaches-- it truly makes things THAT much easier. Concepts like being a challenge, etc. really only work in these settings, where a girl is forced to compete for your attention.

How is your social life besides pickup? Do you have a number of friends that like to go out and do things? This is very important.

My social life isn't much. I don't have friends to go out and do stuff with. So when I'm out I usually do things by myself or with my parents. Yes, I really need to go to bars and nightclubs more often to practice this stuff.
Maybe that's why my improvement has been so slow. Because the rest of my life isn't growing much. I'm unemployed technically with a 5-10 hour a week radio job andI live with my parents in a rural location.

 

[Deicide]

You contradict yourself in these statements. You claim to be happy with you life except for women. Yet, you later say that you feel you are lacking on Facebook because most of your friends don't send you "stuff." Which on is the truth?



Hmm...you may not be building enough rapport and/or not being interesting enough. A girl who is interested in what you have to say will NOT walk away from you(unless she genuinely has to go). In such case, she would be happy to give you her number before she leaves, because you have build enough interest. Like the other guy said, you may be trying to spend to much time with them, which maybe not be bad at times. However, you have to have acuity around the length of your conversations. If the girl is interested in seems receptive, talk to her a few more minutes than usual. However, if she is looking a way and giving you close-ended responses, then why waste your time?

I need more information to give you more detailed advice and potential solutions. How do you cold approach and what do you talk about? Be very specific and detailed. Also, are you getting any numbers?



This thought by itself is blocking your from success. Right now you have women walking away from you while you are talking to them. As far as I'm concerned, you need to be with a woman physically present to bang her. How are you going to have sex with women if they are walking away from you? Focus on solving one problem at a time.

If you can get them interested enough to the point where they are hooked to your conversation, you are much more likely to have sex with them (even though they may still flake). By the same token, deal with problems one step at a time. Right now you can approach, but cannot keep a women engaged in a conversation. When you solve that and get women engaged in conversation, you may have problems number-closing or problems with women flaking on you. Set realistic goals, otherwise you will go down a very frustrating path, brother.

Have you recorded yourself approaching or had a friend watch you? Do you have any clue of what you're doing wrong? Identifying your problem will help you find the appropriate solution. Imagine your car brakes down on you in the highway and the engine simply shuts off. The problem could be anything from an empty gas tank to a seized engine/transmission. It is the job of your mechanic (or your job if you're handy with cars) to identify the problem so that you can correct it. Why would you replace an expensive part when you aren't sure that is the cause of the problem?

You would be surprised at how much seeing yourself from someone else's perspective can do for you. Have a friend videotape you and then watch the tape & see what you are doing well and what you could have done better.




Unfortunately most of the game with women results in getting little in return. In fact, assuming you are just starting to approach, you will be getting nothing in return from women except experience (which will help you further down the road--learn how to delay gratification. Don't be desperate!)

What can you do to be a challenge and not be needy? One of the best things you can do to be more of a challenge and to stop being needy is not to care whether you are a challenge or you are needy. Am I saying there is no difference between being needy and confident? No. However, being in your head and asking yourself "is this working right now?" will only jeopardize your cold approaches. Be cool and let your conversation be genuine. Faking it until you make it will only get you so far. Secondly, you can try the tools I mentioned earlier in my response.

Thanks for the in-depth advice Robyn. I edited my comment to add the Facebook info. That's probably why the info isn't matching. No, my social life is lacking. But i have hobbies and interest that I enjoy doing. I talk about general and situational things with women during my cold approaches. I have gotten numbers before, but I haven't gotten any from cold approach since October. i've gotten a couple from Social Circle/Hired Guns sincei then though. I have no recordings and my friends aren't into this sort of thing.