17 here. I used to be completely socially autistic. Now after a physical and mental transformation I've feel I've gone to the other extreme and become a performer.
So I've gotten great at being the centre of attention. It's great for meeting new people because you're instantly likeable, and you're automatically seen as confident and a leader.
But this isn't who I want to be. It means you constantly have to be high energy and superficial so that you're constantly jokey. It's hard to build up solid relationships being a performer and in a group people get tired of it, because you've built a whole identity where they almost feel required to laugh at anything you do.
How do I stop being a performer? How do I become a leader?
So social engineering has worked for me before, now I want to engineer a different personality. So far I can see 3 main things I need to do:
1. Be more reserved, so I always refrain from talking about myself and my experiences, and instead listen to the other person.
Difficult when you meet strangers: you often need to be prompting the conversation and building trust quickly
2. Go out of my way to praise others.
I could get shadowed by other people, especially in a group environment
3. Never talk about what I can do, show it instead. For example today I was out with friends and we got a frisbee hooked on a branch. I climbed the tree to get it down since I'm good at climbing and athletic. But this could be anything like wit, strength, charisma etc
But people might think I'm boring/useless if opportunities where skill is needed don't show up
What do you guys think? Regardless of the downsides I put in italics, I'm still going to have to try this out and see how it feels.
So I've gotten great at being the centre of attention. It's great for meeting new people because you're instantly likeable, and you're automatically seen as confident and a leader.
But this isn't who I want to be. It means you constantly have to be high energy and superficial so that you're constantly jokey. It's hard to build up solid relationships being a performer and in a group people get tired of it, because you've built a whole identity where they almost feel required to laugh at anything you do.
How do I stop being a performer? How do I become a leader?
So social engineering has worked for me before, now I want to engineer a different personality. So far I can see 3 main things I need to do:
1. Be more reserved, so I always refrain from talking about myself and my experiences, and instead listen to the other person.
Difficult when you meet strangers: you often need to be prompting the conversation and building trust quickly
2. Go out of my way to praise others.
I could get shadowed by other people, especially in a group environment
3. Never talk about what I can do, show it instead. For example today I was out with friends and we got a frisbee hooked on a branch. I climbed the tree to get it down since I'm good at climbing and athletic. But this could be anything like wit, strength, charisma etc
But people might think I'm boring/useless if opportunities where skill is needed don't show up
What do you guys think? Regardless of the downsides I put in italics, I'm still going to have to try this out and see how it feels.