How do I handle this girl flaking on me the other day.

[Canadian Catnip]

Hi all I'm new here and this is my first post.

I have been hanging out at a tea shop in my neighborhood for a few months and I sometimes chat with a young 21 year old girl that works there.

Normally I never come on to waitresses or servers but I was being C&F to her and she kept giving me IOI's.

Several times while I was in there when I got up to leave she would say, "Please stay a little longer, I really like talking to you."

Anyway I broke my rule and asked her for her number a few weeks ago and she happily gave it to me.

Last week I was in there and was telling her about a drumming circle that I go to that she might like to attend.

She was very interested it seemed. I told her "Tell you what, I'll come over to your place on Friday and pick you up and take you to the drum circle and drop you back home and I'll only charge you $50." She laughed and agreed to go out with me on Friday so I said I would call her on Friday to get her address.

Friday night comes around and I call her at 6:30 and there is no answer. I call her again at 7:00 and her cell phone is off, it went straight to voice mail. I never left her a message either time.

So I am thinking about hitting this tea shop in a few days and seeing if she is there.

I want to know what is the best way to handle this? Should I blow it off or should I call her on it?

My thoughts were to go in there and say to her "You know what. If you want to hang out with me that's cool, If you don't want to hang out with me that's cool too, but if you say you want to hang out and then when I call you you turn your cell off, that's not cool."

Any help from guys with experience would be greatly appreciated.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Man you gotta hate when this happens!!! It happens to us all at different times. I would say if you have been going there as a normal routine, don't stop. When you get inside and see Ms. Flake of the year, do not even mention it and see what she says. If she feels crappy about it, she will offer an explanation and it may even be lame. I give people a chance and some will say NEXT right away. I wouldn't offer to take her back out, but if she tries to seem really sorry give her a chance. I really hate this silly games women play. Or you could just say hell with her, it is really up to you! Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[Moofahsa]

Play her game with her

When you see her tell her you hope she didn't wait on you, something came up and you couldn't go but she didn't answer her when you called and your phone didn't have a good signal.

Then offer to take her somewhere NICE to make up for it.

 

[Max Power]

Play her game with her

When you see her tell her you hope she didn't wait on you, something came up and you couldn't go but she didn't answer her when you called and your phone didn't have a good signal.

Ha ha

I like that.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

Update... I guess I'm out.

Hi everyone thanks for the responses. Unfortunately I just got some information that answers all of my questions.

I know the girl works this afternoon at the tea shop so I too the opportunity to Stalk...ahem...observe the shop without being seen.

I saw her coming to work hand in hand with a guy. They kissed each other a bunch of times before she went into the shop and he walked on.

I have been going there and chatting with her for a few months now and I have been in the shop sometimes when she comes on shift and I have never seen any guy walk her to work or give her a kiss at the door.

So she must have met this guy sometime between Saturday when I asked her out and Friday when she did not answer her phone.

I am envious of this guy, Here I am taking 3 months to work up the courage to ask her for her number after all of her IOI's. Then this natural who met her this week is now her boyfriend and has probably already bedded her a dozen times.

God I feel like such a loser, how can I show my face in there again. I'm hurting inside right now. I was developing feelings for her and seeing them both kissing was painful to watch.

If I go in there now and talk to her I am certain I will get a load of bull and she will be looking at me like a fool for waiting so long to ask her out.

Man, I have been studying a lot of dating material over the last year and I thought I had moved beyond the AFC stage into a guy with a little bit of game. I feel inside that if I went in there now and talked to her I would revert to an AFC in .0075 seconds flat.

I'm hurting now, as I walked home to write this follow up, a lot of things went through my head. I have fallen into the oneitis trap.

 

[st_99]

Umm, you're 43 and she's 21... Move up in the age range.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Find another coffee/tea shop, go to church, do what ever, just go and do. I would not enter her place of business all the time just maybe in a month or couple of months or so, to be there, not for her, but for the other women.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

Umm, you're 43 and she's 21... Move up in the age range.

I agree with the age thing. I never came on to her at all, she kept wanting to talk with me. I never wanted to come across as the creppy older man. Besides I get attention from 20something girls all the time.

Speaking about age differences, Bob Barker is my hero.

 

[st_99]

I agree with the age thing. I never came on to her at all, she kept wanting to talk with me. I never wanted to come across as the creppy older man. Besides I get attention from 20something girls all the time.

Speaking about age differences, Bob Barker is my hero.

Not saying you shouldnt go for it if presented with an oppurtunity. Of course young girls are hot! BUT, you cant get emotional about it....

 

[Moofahsa]

Holy cow, I just noticed your age

Sounds like shes lubing you for a generous tip

 

[Canadian Catnip]

Holy cow, I just noticed your age

Sounds like shes lubing you for a generous tip

Ok so perhaps I did not fully explain everything including my age and all in the first post. I thought I was giving all of the important facts for you guys.

Let me just fill this in a little more so you guys don't get the wrong impression of me.

Me, 43 sometimes goes into a tea house for a nice cup of tea.

Her, not working at tea house when I started to go in
there.

Me. reading David D, Doc. love, Carlos Xuma, Mystery and Style. Going into tea house because a lot of Young hot women like to drink tea. I prefer coffee.

Me. Learning that age and appearance don't matter much.

Her, started working there a few months ago.

Me. Chatted to her when I was in there, Note: there was a tip jar there but I never gave a tip ever. Perhaps I was cheap, but I wanted to show that I was not impressed with her beauty or trying to buy her affection.

Her. your funny, stay a while longer and talk with me.

Me. Hmmm, well she's 21 and I'm 43 I really don't think this could work.

A month later.

Her. Hi it's so nice to see you.

Another week later.

Her. Did you know I also work at *******? you should visit me there sometime.

Me. That sounded like an IOI but I might be reading too much into this.

Later that month.

Her. Stay a while, I like your company.

Me. Sounds like another IOI. But I could be wrong.

Next time I'm in.

Her. So what are your plans for the weekend?

Me. I'm going to the Zoo.

Her. OH that sounds like fun, did you know that I live right beside the zoo? I haven't been there in ages.

Me. Mental note. Could be an IOI.

Week later.

We chat again.

Another IOI etc.

On and on it went, me being funny and a little unavailable. The whole time I saw other AFC's hanging around her like flies around honey. She ignored them of course but always chatted with me. After 3 months I never once put a dime in her tip jar and she never seemed to notice.


Eventually I said to myself, Well even though I don't ask servers for their numbers because they are payed to be nice to customers this girl seems to go far beyond communicating that she is just being nice.

I really think there could be some attraction here. I should ask her for her number and if she says no then I will leave her alone but if she gives it to me then I know she has some attraction. But I am 43 and she is 21... I wait a while.

Another month and she is still into me. Finally I decide to ask for the number. I call her over and slide a pen and pad towards her and say "Write down you number for me." and she did with a big smile on her face.

Two weeks later she is telling me all about how she loves drumming music. I say, well I go to a drumming circle.... etc. and you all read the rest on how she flaked on me.

So I hope this long winded reply does not make me look like a creepy old man trying to hit on a 21 year old HB.

Also she is smoking hot, what guy wouldn't fall for her. I showed incredible restraint and avoided any AFC behavior at all cost.

It goes to show that you can do everything right and be attracting a girl half your age when suddenly if a better offer comes along and they are horney they will jump on it.