how do I control myself better?

[monster squad]

I've made about a 160 degree turn in the last two years, from the "sweetheart/teddybear/.... nice guy", into a complete assh0le. And I don't mean that in a good way. I've turned into such a jaded, bitter prick, that none of my old friends want to be around me anymore. My co-workers hate me. Two of my roommates won't even look at me (heh, the one has been stomping around and slamming doors whenever he sees me, just like an angsty 7 year old or something). The girl I was seeing last fall ended up cheating on me with one of my friends after she lost control of me, and feeling like everyone that knows the two of them is laughing behind my back, I still find myself burning bridges over it.

I just can't help it. So much bullsh1t has gone down, that I can't help but be cold and distant. Freudian defence mechanisms and all that. I'm so sick of being used, abused, manipulated, hurt, stepped on and disappointed that I've built this immense wall around me. And I hate it. I was a little more optimistic about life before. Now that I feel more aware, and took at least some control of my life back, I'm depressed as hell. I mean, there are times where I feel on top of the world, but mostly I'm just a miserable sod.

Most complete strangers don't seem to have a problem with me, unless they say the wrong thing and set me off, and my relationship with my family has never been stronger.

I just need some guidance to set myself straight, and make that complete 180.

 

[Last Man Standing]

I've made about a 160 degree turn in the last two years, from the "sweetheart/teddybear/.... nice guy", into a complete assh0le. And I don't mean that in a good way.

Being a nice guy didn't work for you so you felt taken advantage of and so you do a complete sudden change and be an ugly person - but guess what - this isn't going to help you either - it'll only makes hings worse!!

Don't "change" your attitude and behavior rather get a "better" attitude and behavior.

Aren't you 280 pounds? Do you think being a angry prick and a big guy is going to win people over? Don't be a pushover nice guy yet don't be a prick - treat people with respect unless the INDIVIDUAL doesn't deserve it! Because a few individuals betrayed you doesn't mean you take it out on everyone!!! Take your anger out on the aprropriate people and no one else!

 

[kreuz]

Monster Squad,

My friend it is a shame to hear that you are sad about the hand that has been dealt to you. Take a moment and think to yourself, what is this sadness/depression going to do for me? Frankly, it will do absolutely nothing!

Cheer up Monster, life is not as bad as you think it is. If you can walk, if you can talk, then there is no reason to be depressed. Who cares about your ex? You have to remember in times like these, you may have burned bridges, you may have been hurt, but what have you learned from all of this? You have learned how to pick yourself up from a bad spot and return to the good, confident Monster Squad that you used to be!

Some guidelines to help are: go outside and enjoy life, go out more with some of your good friends, start talking to new people, smile even if you do not mean it (this helps believe it or not), build up your self-esteem, realize not everyone is talking about you behind your back, do something productive (learn an instrument, start running), and remember that just because something bad happens, it does not mean you have to let the rest of your life fall to pieces.

On parting, do not be depressed or angry at people because it will never help you. Take a breath, think about it for a moment, then get on with life.

 

[thickandcreamy]

This is not really a seduction related issue. This is an anger management issue. If you are in school take advantage of the free or very low cost counseling and therapy services available to you. Again, your issues are very deeply rooted and cannot be solved by taking advice from inexperienced forum members.

Thick

I've made about a 160 degree turn in the last two years, from the "sweetheart/teddybear/.... nice guy", into a complete assh0le.

 

[monster squad]

It's not that I go into Hulk smash mode. I'm good at keeping my cool, unless someone keeps picking away after I've told them repeatedly to cease. My problem is that I don't like taking **** from people, and I don't like feeling like a "yesman" anymore.

Remember Boxer, the horse from Animal Farm (he represents the lower, working class)? He busts his ass for everyone but himself, never questioning anything, and the minute he's outgrown his usefullness, he's traded to the glue factory for wiskey. Well, I pretty much resisted being carted into that truck, and lashed out at everyone who used me.

After I tried changing my direction in life, and stopped trying to be a martyr, everyone reacted scornfully. Aren't I supposed to call the shots in my own life, and do things for myself? Doing so has created a imbalance, and the opposition I was met with resulted in my animosity in general. Now I have a hard time trusting people, and I've become unsociable. It almost feels like fear.

 

[Obsidian]

Better to be disdained by people than to be used and abused by all of your "friends." It sounds like you're in the process of improving your situation somewhat. But learn to control your anger and, like Last Man said, only be angry at the right people.

Don't be an @sshole to people, and if your friends are being @ssholes to you, ditch them and find new ones.

 

[Potbelly]

drop your ****ty friends.

I think I'm going through the same thing you are going throuhg, but that is because a lot of my old friends just ditched me. A few of them are really great and I keep in contact with them, but some people just aren't worth your time. Don't let the way you treat them define you. for example, just cuz you treat them like an azzhole doesn't make you are one. Because they deserve it, cuz they are asking for it.t

I treat people who treat me well well. I treat people who treat me like **** and use me like ****. simple

 

[Dannyrt34]

Just tell everyone to kiss your white ass.

 

[Ryan69]

I felt the same a few years ago

I started working out and keeping busy. Slowly worked my way into new social cirlces and slowly cut off all the A-Holes who used and abused me

I started feeling better about myself and no longer walk around with a chip on my shoulder


It's all about Y O U


feeling good about yourself is VITAL. Girls can sniff guys out who feel down on themselves are like who they are

 

[Fenderules]

yeah im kinda in the same shoes as you. I used to be a helping nice guy now im a bigger a-hole. im not as big on as a-hole as you but im grumpy, and have no patience, especially when it comes to woman. I'v been treated just as badly as you so everytime i walk into something, i expect the worst situation possible and keep my expectations low. of course that is self-defeating.

The only good thing i feel good about is that im never going to taken advantage again by woman or anybody for that case (unless i dont know hahah). Im never returning to that wussy ***** cause it was hell because 2 many people were a-holes to me. I may be still not happy, but at least i have my self-respect. When things got down, i never shorted myself out. for a while i started to drink a lot, now i'v cut down. Im not going to turn into an alcoholic looser. I'v cut down on the dope as well. im not gonna be some stoner wasting his life away.
I excersize and eat healthy 90% of the time which is better then most people.

Im just tired of the BS that people give. i dont have time for anymore stupid games or woman that are **** teases. I think its 2 short to some degree because im not gonna put any time into anything because i dont wanna get screwed.

 

[Fenderules]

time was the most valuable thing i'v lost letting people take advantage of me. Im not about to just give it away again

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I just need some guidance to set myself straight, and make that complete 180.

Have you identified specifically what people do or have done to set you into this funk? Also, other than bitterness, what other things do you feel during this time?

 

[CalmCoolAndConfident]

You have to be nice but show that you can be mean. Be good to people on a 90% of the time and 10% of the time rip on someone you dont really care for, but only one person. You isolate that person in the group as the person to show that you are a dominant alpha male but to the rest of the group be good to. Make you and your other buddies equal with 110% relaliation, they wrong you, you take it just a little farther than they did, and you are both better after.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

I went through a similar turn of attitudes as well, but in the long run, things have all worked out for the better.

Started out as the nice guy/supplicating AFC who slowly realized the error of his ways, and then became a bit meaner (lack of snatch I guess..lol). After stupidly shucking off some of the decent friends I previously had due to my own actions (in the process trading them for backstabber junkie types), I finally settled into a middle area armed with the experiences of my past. I was also used, abused, manipulated and so forth, and it sucked. Throughout all of that, I felt the same way you did a lot of times and hated it.

Take stock in the reaction of strangers, because I have found the reaction of strangers is an accurate assessment (good or bad) of the inner vibe that you give off, so in your case, it can't be that bad. The full 180 will probably happen for you as it did for me, and in the process you'll have learned a bit more about yourself and know how to handle it better next time around.

Good luck...