How can I get rid of these excuses not to approach a girl?

[lazikia]

So I always make some excuse not to approach a girl, rather than fear of rejection it's more of like I already know the reason for rejection, here are some of the excuses I make....

1. She already has a boyfriend.

2. It's too late to approach her. I've seen her multiple times before. I won't have any chance since I should've made my move the first few times I saw her. The right time has passed.

3. She'll think I'm too awkward.

4. She'll be nice and friendly and show interest, but that interest will turn out to be fake and she'll end up hurting me and using me without giving me sex and/or a relationship.

5. This kind of goes with 4, but she'll end up hooking up with one of my better looking or more suave friends instead of me. And I'll be sort of like the bridge for her to get them. So by approaching her I'll end up getting my friend laid instead of myself.

 

[Warrior74]

False Expectations Appearing Real. You are consumed by F.E.A.R. How did you get over your fears as a child? That is your answer. Nothing changes, the same rules apply. Of course if you never figured out how to get over your childhood fears you have bigger issues than women.

Like I told my daughter when she was learning to ride a bike and she was afraid of falling. Baby, you are gonna fall sooner or later, and it's gonna hurt for a little while. But you get up and keep riding, and the more you ride the better you'll get and the less you will fall.

Persistence over resistance. Faith over fear. Good luck.

 

[BigJolly]

Hey dude... I had the exact same problem as you, thinking that a girl had a boyfriend or if I would be awkward or if it was "creepy" The best thing to do is just make sure you get eye contact first, smile and if she smiles back...approach say "Hi" and as for the friends thing...simple don't intro her to any friends until you actually start banging her. Confidence is key and rejection is way better than regret, so what do you have to lose...get to it man!

 

[Diaforetikos]

I think the biggest step for me to learn to ignore my excuses was to learn not to care. If you don't care of the outcome, if you don't care of the consequences, you'll be fine. And realize that her view towards you means nothing.

The best example of what it means not to care is to watch Tengen Toppa Gurren Laagan. The character Kamina was a huge inspiration to who I wanted to become.

And the show is really good as well. Haha.

Just have fun.

 

[fatdog]

Trial and error. Just think, "I have to get rejected 20 times before I get a number." Don't focus on the rejections. The rejections HAVE to happen. Focus on achieving that 21st approach, the one that gets you a number.

Of course, 20 is just an arbitrary number. You can set whatever mark you want, but the important thing is to realize that not every girl is gonna say yes to you. The moment you get over this, is the moment it won't even matter anymore.

 

[Isko]

Positivity and the big picture, my friend...

1. She already has a boyfriend.

What if she doesn't?! And if she does, you can definitely get her anyway

2. It's too late to approach her. I've seen her multiple times before. I won't have any chance since I should've made my move the first few times I saw her. The right time has passed.

You're psyching yourself out. You don't have to roll up like James Bond out of nowhere, with perfect game

3. She'll think I'm too awkward.

She probably will, but the girl you approach after doing this 100 times won't think so

4. She'll be nice and friendly and show interest, but that interest will turn out to be fake and she'll end up hurting me and using me without giving me sex and/or a relationship.

WTF.... Or she could end up on your ****... use a condom. How can she possibly hurt or use you without you letting her? My guess: You're afraid of her saying something like "Oh I was just being polite, you're one ugly son of a ***** and such a pathetic worm", to which you would agree, apologize for hitting on her, feel like you were kicked in the stomach, go home and berate yourself in your head. You gotta be unstoppable, emotionally. If a girl said that to me I'd laugh cuz I have already come to terms with my insecurities through equanimity and meditation, as well as countless rejections and many insults (not saying I'm great or perfect, just sayin)

Probably, none of this stuff will make sense right now. My advice is to experiment with meditation, cuz being able to make your mind go blank is useful. Also, read Casanova's autobiography, which you can find online through a Google search. (Skip the non-girl-related parts)

5. This kind of goes with 4, but she'll end up hooking up with one of my better looking or more suave friends instead of me. And I'll be sort of like the bridge for her to get them. So by approaching her I'll end up getting my friend laid instead of myself.

If this happens, take it as a learning opportunity... You should copy your suave friends

Honestly what will make you happy around women is understanding them, and Casanova's autobio is good for that. Girls love sex but always resist it and you have to lead them to it. It's amazing when you're just like "**** it, I'm going for it... If she doesn't want to, she won't let me"

You really have to LEAD because girls DON'T... they rarely lead an interaction into sex. If they do, they usually do it through the context of a relationship, making you into their boyfriend. But in the meantime, while you're waiting for that to happen, you have to make things happen yourself... If you decide for the two of you what is gonna happen, then she will have the choice to either follow, or resist... Just try it out because they OFTEN follow and it's amazing every time.

SO how do you use this advice? Well you should experiment with it, so that you see it firsthand. Realize that girls are not gonna bridge the gap for you, and neither are guys... No one is gonna get you laid until some girl chooses you as your boyfriend... or until YOU start doing stuff...

So just say **** IT, I'm gonna do what I want to do, and go talk to her, kiss her, caress her, tell her to follow, tell her she makes you horny, etc. The more you can PUSH the interaction where YOU want it to be, the more it WILL go that way.

 

[Captain]

Just don't think about it. The 3 second rule. As soon as you see her, you've got 3 seconds to get over there and talk to her. That way you don't have the time to over analyze.

 

[r0cky]

The only way to get rid of your fears is by facing them. You have to approach even though you have a million excuses in your head. I have done more than 200 cold approaches in the last 2 months and I still get fearful sometimes. Except when I use the 3 sec rule, because that way my mind doesnt have time to make excuses!

 

[tihash]

These things will always pop into your head at one time or another.

As for #1, make up your mind not to approach girls with an engagement ring, bridal set, or a plain band on their left ring finger. Assume all other girls are single until proven otherwise.

#3 and #5, I have no advice for.

#2, I have thought that many times. Once I passed the girl a few times in the bookstore, chickened out, then went to leave later after she left. I saw here on a bench outside. I finally walked up to her and started a convo. This was like 1pm on a weekday. Within 90 minutes I was f-ing her at my house. no joke. My one and only "pull" from a daytime venue. I did a post on it on here a few years ago. So keep in mind what you might be passing up by pussing out.

#4-- that is why you dont buy them sh!t like dinner until they give up the puss.

 

[Galactus]

A lot of excellent advice on this post. Good stuff.

Give it time. Give your game time to build. Take note of how much better you are getting, little by little. Or maybe you will do great right away. But if not, just keep at it. The important thing is to notice what's working. And if you keep at it, it will start working for you.

I have used the 3-second rule frequently, and it is really great for this. From the moment you make eye contact, you have 3 seconds to approach her and start talking. Any longer, and you will appear scared. But the fact that you didn't hesitate makes you look confident, which will make her wet.

What do you say? There may be some debate over this, but I like to just introduce myself. Nothing fancy or phony, just "Hi, I'm Galactus, how ya doing? You might want to step away from the canned corn. You're giving the Green Giant a chubby." Or whatever. Just say something relevant to the situation.

You don't have to be smooth, just be relaxed. And I would say don't have any expectations for awhile. Try not to care about the outcome. Just talk, and hopefully you'll start seeing that interest. If not, keep approaching. Do this for fun. It should be. You love women, why fear them?