history

[phoreus1911]

There has something that has been bothering me when I think about it. This was back when I wasn't so experienced, so yeah, I was an AFC and had no idea about this website, so don't bash me for that please, but it was when I went up to a girl and admitted my feelings for her. I called her up, met her at a coffee shop and told her. She was with a guy that was ****ty. He cheated on her twice, she was also giving me signals for a while but it wanned, and started giving me mixed signals. when she said her boyfriend cheated on her twice, I took it as a signal, but as soon as I told her how I truly felt (yes I know really dumb of me to do) everything seemed to cease. After I told her we just talked about things like karate(she loves working out just like me) she said she wouldn't wan't to loose me as a friend, she was flattered, and that apparently her and her @$$ of a boyfriend were getting serious.There's a little more to the story but I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. but yeah, I accepted the friend thing, called her up a week later and asked if she wanted to work out (what we did together usually) and she brought her boyfriend. It was kind of awkward. She never said that he was coming. After that, two weeks later, I asked if she wanted to work out again, and she was an hour late. I told her I was almost finishing up, we had a brief work out and I walked with her, joked around a bit, and left. She just seemed to flake out more, and I felt like she saw me as a nuisance. I didn't mind being friends. I loved just being around her, even if it wan't romantic. What the hell happened? I know that there were things I did wrong. I want to learn from this. I want to know what happened in a more deeper sense, I guess on her side as best as possible. I can pick out things I did wrong, but still Was I being wrong, or an ass somehow? (something I would prefer not to hear, but hey, it's better to learn this now than when I'm 30) She seemed up for the idea of hanging out later, and more(she even brought it up), but why pull all of this?

If it's some kind of **** test what gives? she said she wouldn't want to loose me as a friend(keyword friend), and that her and her boyfriend were getting serious. I was cool being friends, so yeah, what gives?

 

[phoreus1911]

look, I know this is AFC, and I'm over it. Honestly 100% but I come here for insight... nothing more. I look at it as a failed play in football kind of way nothing more. I suspect some things, and I'm wondering if my thoughts match up with other people who know women better than I do.

I just want an outside neutral party to at least look and give me input.

 

[Fred_Scuttle]

kind of hard to understand your story. she was making a fool out of you. if she wanted to be friends then you were only friends. she had a boyfriend so why wouldnt you expect for him to be with her. no point in hanging around being the third wheel. thats all you were. why would you expect anything more with her? you were only friends. just because he was cheating on her doesnt mean she will be cheating with you. this is in the past so you should of forgotten about this a long time ago. live and forget. do you think i still dwell on old things from years ago? i dont. you dont re live the past and youre doing that and doing that will hurt you in the long run. move forward and forget.

 

[LoneWolf]

well your first mistake was thinking you could of been anything more than friends since she had a bf. i mean, things can still happen if you know your game. many of us have hooked up with women who are taken. you can keep trying but it's usually more work and the wrong thing to do anyway. but for the future if ur trying to hit it on with a single girl, try be more agressive and sexual. girls need actions from us that show we want them more as friends. go for a kiss at the end of first dates - (just you two alone). touch them, flirt, be ****y and funny. don't be their friend. they have enough of those already. remember, always be sexual with girls that you want. show them you want them!

 

[phoreus1911]

kind of hard to understand your story. she was making a fool out of you. if she wanted to be friends then you were only friends. she had a boyfriend so why wouldnt you expect for him to be with her. no point in hanging around being the third wheel. thats all you were. why would you expect anything more with her? you were only friends. just because he was cheating on her doesnt mean she will be cheating with you. this is in the past so you should of forgotten about this a long time ago. live and forget. do you think i still dwell on old things from years ago? i dont. you dont re live the past and youre doing that and doing that will hurt you in the long run. move forward and forget.

Understandable, Thanks for the input I thought no one would answer! Again, I look at this as a learning experience nothing more. This one always confused me. Even after reading literature on the matter, I still couldn't really decipher this, but yeah, I'm going through a phase of change. My recent bad luck with women prompted me to do, so I want to understand what I did wrong in the past so I don't repeat the mistakes I made.

 

[phoreus1911]

well your first mistake was thinking you could of been anything more than friends since she had a bf. i mean, things can still happen if you know your game. many of us have hooked up with women who are taken. you can keep trying but it's usually more work and the wrong thing to do anyway. but for the future if ur trying to hit it on with a single girl, try be more agressive and sexual. girls need actions from us that show we want them more as friends. go for a kiss at the end of first dates - (just you two alone). touch them, flirt, be ****y and funny. don't be their friend. they have enough of those already. remember, always be sexual with girls that you want. show them you want them!

I realize that. When I was going through...this for lack of a better term I never said "I'm going to go for this girl boyfriend be dammned" She was giving me signals, that's what prompted this. I was reluctant at first, but gave in.

I wasn't too aggressive, but I did manage to get some kino in there, and I always made her laugh whenever we hung out, so both of us had a good time. It was for those reasons, at the time, I thought I had a chance. Honestly, I missed it. That option is gone, and she is no longer a factor.

I'm like you I suspect, I normally don't go for taken girls. This one miffed me up, She really messed up my "game" (still kind of foreign to that term) I felt like I couldn't truly extend myself becaise she had a boyfriend. That unsettled me; the fact that she had a boyfriend and she was giving me signals. Whenever I thought I was getting close I thought. She is taken, she could never truly be mine, how could I trust her, will she do the same to me, and not to mention the fact that I would kind of feel like a douche if I went for her. Again, there is a bit more to the story, but Thanks for replying, I appreciate the input

I look at this as a learning experience. I'm going through a change right now, and I want to understand what I did wrong in the past so that I don't repeat them, and on the off chance I could learn something new from this experience. This one was interesting, I read up and still didn't understand what the hell really happened.

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

That kinda sucks that nobody really responded to you, maybe because it's an old issue or that it is self explanitory. I'll reply to this for you. I really don't know why you thought you even had a chance with her, and that you are still wondering and confused about it. The others pretty much summed it up for you.

This wasn't a single girl, she was taken, she was already with another guy, and you can't treat her like a single girl. It won't work. What you have to do is get her interested in you. You have to show her why you are better than her boyfriend. Then she will evaluate that in her mind, and decide that for herself. If she thinks you are the better guy, then she will leave her boyfriend, but then again, maybe she won't. That is why you shouldn't try to get in a relationship with a taken girl. She is already involved with him, and is invested in the guy, no matter how he treats her. You have to understand that. So, that is why you shouldn't try to go after a taken woman, because its usually not going to work out for you, just like you found out.

Can you hook up with taken women? Of course you can, I have done that before, and it really isn't hard to do, because if a girl is attracted to you, she will want you, no matter if she is taken or not. Now, do I expect a relationship? of course not, but if she is willing to hook up with me, of course I will oblige and do so.

You ruined things by telling your feelings for her, you can't do that, and that is why she stopped hanging out with you. She was taken not single, and you don't say things like that anyway. She got weirded out by you because she thought of you as a buddy, not a f*** buddy. If she was interested with you at that point she would of slept with you, she didn't because she only thought of you guys as friends. Hope you understand now what happened with her.

but it was when I went up to a girl and admitted my feelings for her. I called her up, met her at a coffee shop and told her.

That was very stupid on your part and why things turned out they way they did. Just because you had feelings, doesn't mean she had the same for you. If she had interest in you, you don't say a word and let the interest build more, and let the bf's interest lower more. She will see you are a better guy and leave him if she chooses. Then again, maybe she won't, that is why falling for a taken girl usually doesn't work in your favor.

She was with a guy that was ****ty. He cheated on her twice, she was also giving me signals for a while but it wanned, and started giving me mixed signals. when she said her boyfriend cheated on her twice, I took it as a signal,

Doesn't matter how he treats her, she was putting up with it. You can't take mixed signals because you don't know for sure. You let her tell you how she feels, you don't tell her. If she wanted you at all, she would of told you, and then been with you.

but as soon as I told her how I truly felt (yes I know really dumb of me to do) everything seemed to cease.

Of course it did. And I'm not sure why you are confused about this still. She wanted you only as a buddy, not a f*** buddy. You made your feelings known, she got weirded out by that, and decided that your friendship was done. She wasn't interested in being sexual with you. She already had her bf no matter how he treated her. Hope you understand now.

After I told her we just talked about things like karate(she loves working out just like me) she said she wouldn't wan't to loose me as a friend, she was flattered, and that apparently her and her @$$ of a boyfriend were getting serious.

A friend...and you still pursue her. her only interest in you was a friend. They were getting serious. She even told you that. You were getting in the way between them. Why are you still confused?

I accepted the friend thing, called her up a week later and asked if she wanted to work out (what we did together usually)

she rejects you and you still talk and want to work out. why? you knew she didnt want you as anything more. why waste your time and lower yourself and dignity?

and she brought her boyfriend. It was kind of awkward. She never said that he was coming.

she can invite him wherever she wants. its her bf. she felt uncomfortable with you knowing how you felt and knew you wanted to be more than friends.

After that, two weeks later, I asked if she wanted to work out again, and she was an hour late. I told her I was almost finishing up, we had a brief work out and I walked with her, joked around a bit, and left.

Good Lord....she rejects your advances, brings the bf to your work out, makes you feel stupid, comes late, tells you that they are getting serious, only wants you as a friend, distances herself from you, and you're still wanting to talk and work out? what on earth makes you think things are going to change?

She just seemed to flake out more, and I felt like she saw me as a nuisance.

That's exactly what you were to her. You didn't take the hint the first time, and you kept pushing yourself and botherng her more and more. She wasn't your gf. She already has a bf. she spends her time with him, not with you. And you kept bugging her all the time, acting like you were dating her.

I didn't mind being friends. I loved just being around her, even if it wan't romantic.

She didn't feel the same way, after you let the cat out of the bag, she got tired of you bothering her.

What the hell happened? I know that there were things I did wrong. I want to learn from this. I want to know what happened in a more deeper sense, I guess on her side as best as possible. I can pick out things I did wrong, but still Was I being wrong, or an ass somehow? (something I would prefer not to hear, but hey, it's better to learn this now than when I'm 30) She seemed up for the idea of hanging out later, and more(she even brought it up), but why pull all of this?

She saw you as a buddy, not a f*** buddy. You made your feelings known, she rejected them. That made her feel weird, knowing you wanted more. She has a bf. You kept pushing her to work out and bothering her and drove her friendship away. You made an a$$ out of yourself telling her how you felt, and you kept going back for more and more, when she had no interest in that, then she brought the bf, and you still wanted to be working out and hassling her. What did you expect? She had a bf and you were in the way. She liked you as a friend, and once you made your true intentions known to her, that changed your friendship, she didn't think of you that way, you kept hassling her, and that eventually dissolved your friendship.

 

[phoreus1911]

I should have written this post better. I really should have written this post better. The issue isn't whether or not "I had a chance". In all truth and honesty, I did not just go for her on a whim. She was giving me signals, I enjoyed being with her, and I fell for it hook line and sinker. It was stupid I know, but that's done. The one thing I wanted to address was the fact that after I spilled my guts, why was she acting the way she was, of which you answered. Now I take offense to one thing. The fact that you said I was still pursuing her. When I spilled my guts, I gave myself some time, met some new girls, and approached the situation as a friends. I didn't nag her, or at least I don't think I did. I called her once a week, maybe once every two weeks. Either which way, I wasn't too frequent I think. she also said that she still wanted to work out with me, still was up for long boarding, and would like to learn karate from me. I looked at is as okay why not I'm cool with being friends. I wasn't as flirtatious back. I just did stuff with her, talked with her, no playful touching, which she seemed to be okay with. The point is, I backed off, but I suppose she kept acting the way she did was because she perceived me as some sort of nuisance/ threat. Is that correct? Was calling a week or every two weeks to hang out too much? or was hanging out in general too much? I'm confused about that part. All the other stuff, I know about. Hey, thanks for replying though. I appreciate the input. This helps me out.

 

[phoreus1911]

Sorry If I seem dumb. I have a bad tendency to overanalyze things, so please excuse me.