High Interest to ?

[jacketman]

Hey guys,

This is my first post here. I first of all want to thank you - I found this site about a year-and-a-half ago when I broke up with my (diagnosed) BPD gf. This site among others helped me climb out of that hellhole and get back to being myself again.

I thought I'd ask your opinion on a girl I recently started seeing. We know each other from working in the same building. Our first "date" was last Monday when she texted me to hang out. I ended up staying over and we hooked up. On Wednesday we hung out again. I stayed over on Thursday night and we had really good secks. We had been exchanging alot of flirty texts and things were moving quickly.

I went out to bars with her and her friends this weekend though, and it was kind of awkward. She spent most of the night hanging with her friends rather than with me, and she got pretty hammered. We ended up staying at her friends place because she lost her keys, and we didn't hook up (no opportunity to).

The past couple of days I haven't heard much from her, and text messages have lacked that flirty feeling. Today at work she was kind of so-so when I spoke to her.

She's just got out (1 month removed) of a 3-year relationship, but one in which she wasn't treated very well - she did the breaking up. Do you all think maybe she is just looking to hookup and is afraid we're moving too fast? What do y'all advise me to do?

I'm thinking of playing it cool for a couple of days and seeing if she says anything...
Thanks in advance.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Sounds like She's not over her jerk ex-boyfriend and you are the emotionally-available tampon rebound...

A girl will only think she is moving too fast when your interest is higher than hers or your value is not up to par. Back off and let her come to you.

You are playing with fire trying to date a chick whose a month out of 3 yr relationship...

 

[rascal99v]

I went out to bars with her and her friends this weekend though, and it was kind of awkward. She spent most of the night hanging with her friends rather than with me, and she got pretty hammered. We ended up staying at her friends place because she lost her keys, and we didn't hook up (no opportunity to).

You guys just do this to yourselves. The whole point of a fvck buddy is to be fvcking her. Not going to bars and drinking with her friends. Why do you guys do this? You defeat the whole purpose. And as a result you got ignored and didn't get laid.

Once you bang a chick you establish yourself. Don't ruin it by hanging out with them for fun. Keep fvcking them for as long as you can. In the meantime, get other chicks you can rotate around her. This is how you get your plates set up and avoid not getting laid by these chicks.

Don't contact her. Wait for her to get into contact with you. Keep it strictly sexual and no dates to get back the fvck buddy status.

 

[jacketman]

Thanks for the advice so far guys. I feel like an idiot...I know this stuff. For whatever reason I'm great at picking up girls but once they fall for me I fall back into being an AFC. Anyone else have this problem?

I'm gonna go silent a couple days and she if she initiates anything. We'll be at the same party on Thursday, maybe I'll try and make something happen after then.

 

[Tarfun]

For whatever reason I'm great at picking up girls but once they fall for me I fall back into being an AFC. Anyone else have this problem?

Been there jacketman, learn from it and you'll be fine. Getting a few more plates spinning definitely will help you with this too.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Thanks for the advice so far guys. I feel like an idiot...I know this stuff. For whatever reason I'm great at picking up girls but once they fall for me I fall back into being an AFC. Anyone else have this problem?

I'm gonna go silent a couple days and she if she initiates anything. We'll be at the same party on Thursday, maybe I'll try and make something happen after then.

I have the opposite problem where I can't open up an remain indifferent until she's fed up and leaves. Not sure what's worse....

 

[GotED?]

You are the REBOUND guy.

Don't expect too much - it is same as being rephrased in this way:

"You were just being used for secks."

Poor you - but most men would dive at that opportunity of being a male slut.

Remove yourself emotionally, buddy.

If she's getting to you, drive on out of Oneitis-ville.

Exodus

 

[VladPatton]

Avoid the group hangouts, especially at the beginning. Nothing good comes out of them, and it shows without a doubt low, low interest on her part. If she had high interest, she'd be going on 1on1's with you.

 

[Black Widow Void]

This could be salvageable, but hard to tell. While it's nice to have something convenient, you don't want to give off the impression (especially this soon) that you are always available. The chase/challenge dissolved and gone with it was a certain attraction factor.
Let her text next time. If you want this to be a reoccurring thing, then do not take the bait so soon. You could always say something like you are kind of beat and feel like staying home to watch a movie. If she asks what you are going to watch, then she's initiating the chasing and that's the position that you want to obtain.

 

[jacketman]

Thanks for the responses guys. I was doing fine until she called me out for negging her a bunch and I overcompensated and turned "sweet" (her words - ugh). Thought she might be dealing with some issues from her abusive ex so I probably became too much of a white knight.

I also have some moderate OCD which I think contributes to some attachment stuff with girls, wanting to text alot, and focusing on one girl too much.

Question on dealing with face-to-face interaction. The goal is to get back to FB status. We'll both be attending the same after-work event tonight. Should I acknowledge her and just play it cool? Not initiate any interaction?

 

[JoeMarron]

Her interest could've been lowered for a variety of reasons but none of that matters. I have one question for you, were you doing most of the initiating or her? If it was you then that's where you fvcked up. Never chase.

 

[jacketman]

Her interest could've been lowered for a variety of reasons but none of that matters. I have one question for you, were you doing most of the initiating or her? If it was you then that's where you fvcked up. Never chase.

She initiated 70%, me 30%. She'd usually do the initiating of texts, convos, whatever.

Edited to add: this past weekend I was the one doing the initiating via text. I also gave a lot more positive attention after we fvcked. Maybe that's part of the problem? Am I screwed? Can I get it back just by waiting for her to initiate?

 

[jacketman]

Update: I think this girl's just a c***. We saw each other at an after-work event tonight, said hi, and then I see her later flirting with other guys, walking arm-in-arm with them, etc. She knew I would see her. I also have the feeling she may be sleeping with her boss, or at least flirting with him.

Still never heard from her via text. Good riddance I guess, although It'd be nice to know why she cooled on me. I'm gonna go with she just wanted to hookup.