High interest for a month then she starts pulling away

[DJMaC23]

Long story short,

Started seeing one of my best friends coworkers early last month. Things were real cool, she'd always be down to meet up when I would ask her out, we were pretty hot and heavy spending lots of time together (at least twice a week, text almost every day) ...then the week before last after while in her bed thursday, both of us recovering from a pretty crazy happy hour and night out on wednesday, we were both half naked and she had just gone down on me, i had gotten out of the bed to grab a condom from my pants and she asks me when my last serious relationship was. I told her the truth, 4 years ago but I've seen people here and there since then. She told me hers was around that same time frame and same deal. She told me shes never had intercourse before which is funny to hear but I kind of believed her, since we had escalated to clothes off before but she would be reluctant to take off her pants (they'd end up coming off after a bit more kissing haha). She said that she hadn't gone all the way because she wants to focus on her career and didn't want anything coming up to steer away from it. I told her we can take it slow and that I really like her (mistake i know now). We went to eat after that and while we were holding hands and kissing out in public and stuff, she dropped her keys in this bag i had by accident and I had to drive back to her place to drop em off after we had already parted and me getting my car at a friends about 20 minutes away. Then that weekend it seemed to start going downhill. We've talked a few times since then online while shes at work for a little bit but not much, as I was picking up on the signs of falling interest.

She hasn't said anything about not seeing each other anymore but I have not contacted her since our last gchat early friday and don't plan on doing so. Should I call her sometime midweek and say "Hey, youve been kinda cold/distant, is everything cool?"

I spent too much time with her I feel and also got real attached because I thought she was great due to her high interest, how much fun we had and our similarities..

How do I act if she actually tries to contact me at some point? Should I not reply or what? I hate how things are up in the air, and I was out with my good friend who works with her last night and she texted him (him her and a few others spend time together outside of work and hang out too) about a friends who was visiting her this weekend bday party going on that night.. i knew about the friend coming to visit from her but didn't know anything else specific. He also told me that she can be "hot and cold". Anyways just looking for some input from others. I normally don't let the females get too close to me but I did with this one because she was letting me in and now I feel like a gump

 

[Blue Phoenix]

The stuppidest thing you can do is to start chasing after her. Let her come back. Girls are like cats...

Also, I usually don´t take such comments at face value (when girls say "I´m not that kinda girl", "I don´t normally do that"). They hate being seen as sluts, even if they are. Keep your eyes open. Hot and Cold behavior to me, means someone is playing some sort of game (whether conscious or not). Only you will know for sure, since you´re in the context, not me. Observe how she behaves in front of other men. Don´t be taken in by her. Keep your emotions in check.

If she contacts you, act normal, and try to hook up with her again. One step back from her, two steps back from you. If she comes forward, you do the same (you move forward).

 

[Warrior74]

You lost her with your taking it slow. All she really wanted to know is that you wouldn't get attached and glob onto her if she had sex with you. Instead what you told her was, I will slowly glob on to you instead of having sex and globing on to you fast. She wanted sex, just no strings (until she decided later that she did want strings). You told her the wrong thing.

Nothing is in the air, its done. Leave it. If she calls, be cool and fun and short. If she keeps contacting you, set up something but don't invest in it too much. Good luck.

 

[Colossus]

ABE---Always Be Escalating.

You stopped and gave her time to think. I guarantee you if you had put your P. in her V. she would not be distant right now. Whatever the reasons are in her mind for not talking to you are kind of irrelevant at this point, because the seed has been planted.

I wouldnt beat yourself up about it, you just let your feelings get a little hot and you lost your composure. It happens, you're human. Plus, if your friend said she can be hot and cold then it sounds like she has issues of her own. My experience with hot and cold girls is that it always ends in COLD, with you wondering wtf happened.

DO NOT ask her if everything's cool, let it go. If she starts contacting you again take it with a grain of salt and dont get all feely on her.

 

[Jeffst1980]

This girl was trouble from the getgo. How old is she?

It's s#itty, but you lost her by respecting her feelings and going along with her wishes to take things slow. The good news is, she probably is a nutjob.

Your best bet would be not to contact her at all, and wait for the next time you are both hanging out with mutual friends. There's obviously some attraction there, so if you escalate you can probably get another shot. Any communication that ISN'T face to face is going to lower her interest.

 

[DJMaC23]

Yea i felt like I had f##ked up by saying that afterwards too, shes 23. I haven't had the best of luck with other females anyways and then when things really took off with this girl I let my emotions get the best of me. I haven't really taken an active interest in a girl in a long time so it really sucks for me, I've been thinking about it since early last week. It's bad. Hope I can find a girl that does the things she was doing up until this Sh#t, like wtf..

Yea I didn't really plan on initiating contact with her again.. how exactly do you think I should act/what to say if she does come around and contact me?

thanks btw for your advice/input, it really helps

 

[Warrior74]

Yea i felt like I had f##ked up by saying that afterwards too, shes 23. I haven't had the best of luck with other females anyways and then when things really took off with this girl I let my emotions get the best of me. I haven't really taken an active interest in a girl in a long time so it really sucks for me, I've been thinking about it since early last week. It's bad. Hope I can find a girl that does the things she was doing up until this Sh#t, like wtf..

Yea I didn't really plan on initiating contact with her again.. how exactly do you think I should act/what to say if she does come around and contact me?

thanks btw for your advice/input, it really helps

Ah. 23. Yah a lot of girls at that age these days are deathly afraid of relationships until they decide they want one. They want to chase after you,they want you to pump and dump them and then decide afterwards they want you and why are you being a fvcking jerk? They want to conquer! They don't want it given to them. Sex is their weapon to conquer! They are in their prime and want to flex their power. You just have to make them believe that if they work hard enough they can win. And by work hard, I mean anal. LOL. No seriously I mean hot sex and submissiveness. You gotta run hot and cold on em. katy perry's song came to mind (thanks elmo for introducing me to that).
http://www.metrolyrics.com/hot-n-cold-lyrics-katy-perry.html note the shaming language, your like a *****, you pms, your boring...anything to shame the guy she wants into being a nice wimpy little beta. If he gave it to her freely she would be disgusted. She has to put in work or its not worth it.

 

[Zarky]

You don't get good at relationships until you're in you're late 20s at least.

And stay away from chicks older than 19 who are still virgins. They're always ****ed up, no matter what excuse they give you for their virginity.

 

[synergy1]

You lost her with your taking it slow. All she really wanted to know is that you wouldn't get attached and glob onto her if she had sex with you. Instead what you told her was, I will slowly glob on to you instead of having sex and globing on to you fast. She wanted sex, just no strings (until she decided later that she did want strings). You told her the wrong thing.

Nothing is in the air, its done. Leave it. If she calls, be cool and fun and short. If she keeps contacting you, set up something but don't invest in it too much. Good luck.

Echoing the above post.

OP, I am probably in the same position as you are with the chick I have been seeing on and off for the last month. It started out well, but really has hit a plateau in the past few weeks likely due to a combination of things - chief amongst them are her busy schedule and my relative distance. You can't take it personally, if shes not escalating, its probably not going to happen.

My ( and presumably your) plan will be what the second paragraph suggests. I am going to drop it, and if shes even remotely interested she'll make a few minutes to get a hold of me. If not, that whatever..no harm done. She's a cool cat, but no chick is worth chasing like a desperate chode in this day and age. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt ( to quote STR8UP).

 

[jophil28]

It started out well, but really has hit a plateau in the past few weeks likely due to a combination of things - chief amongst them are her busy schedule and my relative distance.

IN order to have any kind or "relationship" with a woman you need two essentials to be in place.

1) She should want what you want. If you and she are pursuing different objectives, neither of you are going to get what you want.

2) Assuming that she is seeking the same style of 'connection' that you are, then she needs to be available to participate and co-create that objective.

In the quote above the woman is making her "schedule " her priority (which does not meet #1 ) and Synergy also admits to a geographical separation which also makes #2 difficult.

Ergo, no play.

 

[themiltman]

Charge Her!!!

I am in a similar situation. Things between us haven't gone bad. I think you should of limited your time with her. If you work with her you already see her on a almost everyday basis chill out. You should of been distant, and by that i mean not texting and talking everyday, that makes it seem like she is the only thing you got going on. In my situation i keep my distance if i see her @ work we talk no big deal but i dont call or text her. I let her call and text me. Also you should of let her seen you talking to other girls so it creates compeition, but its a learning experience move on. every girl you fail with your supposed to learn something so keep you head up.

 

[Falcon25]

So many mistakes. Where to start. NEVER tell a girl you like her. NEVER talk about the future. NEVER see her too much. NEVER tell her that your relationship was four years ago. "I have four girls stalking me and want to be my girlfriend. I'm not kidding. It's annoying, but it's something that I have to deal with cause I'm a good guy. So, I haven't decided on which one I want to be with yet." Something to those lines.

 

[Falcon25]

ABE---Always Be Escalating.

You stopped and gave her time to think. I guarantee you if you had put your P. in her V. she would not be distant right now. Whatever the reasons are in her mind for not talking to you are kind of irrelevant at this point, because the seed has been planted.

I wouldnt beat yourself up about it, you just let your feelings get a little hot and you lost your composure. It happens, you're human. Plus, if your friend said she can be hot and cold then it sounds like she has issues of her own. My experience with hot and cold girls is that it always ends in COLD, with you wondering wtf happened.

DO NOT ask her if everything's cool, let it go. If she starts contacting you again take it with a grain of salt and dont get all feely on her.

I don't agree with the first part, even if you had fuvked her, and said these things, she would have walked away. Sex is not as powerful to females as males think it is. Sex with emotion is. You gave her zero time to want you emotionally. Even if you fuvk her, you still have to fuvk her mind. Or else she will just leave.

 

[DJMaC23]

Yea I don't work with her, and she hasn't made contact at all with me nor I with her. I logged onto gchat for first time since last friday yesterday and she was on, and after a while changed her status to "bumped elbows = poor excuse", yea I know I'm overanalyzing sh*t and just need to chill the eff out and forget her... i signed on again today and normally shes on while at work but her sn didn't pop up so maybe she blocked me or something... thing is she isn't even the hottest chick i've dated, just seemed like the one who had good head on her shoulders and things going for her... can you guys link me to some threads on how to forget her quickly? I have some other girl whose after me but it honestly isn't helping, especially since the other girl isn't really my type physically... I know I need to spin plates as to not get attached next time and I definitely learned from this, sucks