High-Functioning BPD Waif

[DangNammit]

Hi all,

(Jophil - I've read your posts and believe you have experience here.)

I don't know what's going on with me these past few days. I broke things off with my exgf (a BPD waif) 6 mos ago.

We have had NO contact whatsoever in the past 4 mos. I am with someone else and have just realized (much like a piano falling on me) hat I am not at all over her. Was I AFC - I guess according to the laws written herein, I was. I did however fall for her completely and had no prior knowledge of her insanity.

Jophil - she has not tried to contact me once - and I know I should feel blessed about this, but I don't. I still feel the need for some validation. Like, if she contacted me and I just ignored it, I'd feel completely better. I don't get why I feel I need this?? Geezus do they eff you up.

Don't ever get involved with them people... If you think you can beat them, you can't. Take fair warning... I only knew this lady for 11 months meeting to ending...

My 10 year marriage ended with my wife cheating on me (we were together for 6 years prior to marrying) and I'd say if you could compress that pain along with the pain of a hostile 1 year divorce process into one, you'd have about 1/10 of the pain the BPD situation has created for me (though I do know I am not the victim, but the source of the pain).

I don't even know what I'm looking for here... I feel like my soul has been stripped from me. EVERYDAY I think of her still.

I miss her, hate her, and love her with everything I am. I haven't felt this low about it all in some time, I guess it's caught me off guard.

I know I should stay away and won't contact her, but I can't help but want to hear from her again. WTF is wrong with me?

 

[jophil28]

Hi all,

(Jophil - I've read your posts and believe you have experience here.)

I don't know what's going on with me these past few days. I broke things off with my exgf (a BPD waif) 6 mos ago.

We have had NO contact whatsoever in the past 4 mos. I am with someone else and have just realized (much like a piano falling on me) hat I am not at all over her. Was I AFC - I guess according to the laws written herein, I was. I did however fall for her completely and had no prior knowledge of her insanity.

Jophil - she has not tried to contact me once - and I know I should feel blessed about this, but I don't. I still feel the need for some validation. Like, if she contacted me and I just ignored it, I'd feel completely better. I don't get why I feel I need this?? Geezus do they eff you up.

Don't ever get involved with them people... If you think you can beat them, you can't. Take fair warning... I only knew this lady for 11 months meeting to ending...

My 10 year marriage ended with my wife cheating on me (we were together for 6 years prior to marrying) and I'd say if you could compress that pain along with the pain of a hostile 1 year divorce process into one, you'd have about 1/10 of the pain the BPD situation has created for me (though I do know I am not the victim, but the source of the pain).

I don't even know what I'm looking for here... I feel like my soul has been stripped from me. EVERYDAY I think of her still.

I miss her, hate her, and love her with everything I am. I haven't felt this low about it all in some time, I guess it's caught me off guard.

I know I should stay away and won't contact her, but I can't help but want to hear from her again. WTF is wrong with me?

Your reaction and your yearning is exactly what happens to those who are unfortunate enough to draw a BPD Waif in life's lottery.
There is nothing wrong with you.. you have NOT pursued her, begged, pleaded or tried to get back with someone who is toxic.. That means that you have chosen your own mental health over and above that feeling of relief and pleasure that her mere presence would bring you .(You do know what I mean when I talk about that, don't you ?)

There is, however, a lot wrong with her, and right now, know that she is pulling the same scams on some other good man who has no clue about what a BPD Waif looks like or sounds like .
He will be just as besotted with her demure and her uber-feminine ways. He will fall for her 'fragile' personality and her girl/woman mannerisms.
And eventually he will taste the sweet poison.

Thank God that you are out.

 

[DangNammit]

I do know exactly what you mean... I've been trying to view her as a drug (and I'm the addict who knows better but still wants a taste). Thought I would have gotten beyond this by now. Never had such a tough break...

 

[romangod]

I don't have much experience with a bpd whack job. However, I do remember having a short fling with one that temporarily knocked me off balance and left me confused for a short time. This happened about 15 years ago.

On reflection, I was vulnerable and confused after a 3 year LTR fell apart and I was desperately in need of a boost to my ego. She sensed it and went in for the kill and started to play with my mind. Luckily, my senses kicked in and I baled and have'nt looked back since. She showed up at my door about two years ago like a long, lost lover ready to rekindle the flame.

I politely closed the door on her face and haven't seen her since.

The conclusion I arrived at was that I was at fault and not her. She honed in on a wounded animal and me in my vulnerability took the bait. Her sickness was hungry and I temporarily fed it.


Basically, what I'm saying is that if your thoughts and sentiments are focused on one of these whack jobs the problem is with you.

Your mission is to solve that problem before it's too late.

Good luck.


Cheers!

 

[Bluntmaster]

I don't have much experience with a bpd whack job. However, I do remember having a short fling with one that temporarily knocked me off balance and left me confused for a short time. This happened about 15 years ago.

On reflection, I was vulnerable and confused after a 3 year LTR fell apart and I was desperately in need of a boost to my ego. She sensed it and went in for the kill and started to play with my mind. Luckily, my senses kicked in and I baled and have'nt looked back since. She showed up at my door about two years ago like a long, lost lover ready to rekindle the flame.

I politely closed the door on her face and haven't seen her since.

The conclusion I arrived at was that I was at fault and not her. She honed in on a wounded animal and me in my vulnerability took the bait. Her sickness was hungry and I temporarily fed it.


Basically, what I'm saying is that if your thoughts and sentiments are focused on one of these whack jobs the problem is with you.

Your mission is to solve that problem before it's too late.

Good luck.


Cheers!

That's true, the BPD's do come after you when you are down. My last BPD came after me when I was laid off from my job. As soon as she heard I was laid off, she wanted to go out and "buy me drinks". I was the wounded animal. Good thing I took the layoff in stride and found a better job. I think she wanted to control me.

I was suffering like the OP from a BPD breakup. Then I met my new BPD and forgot all about the old one. Now I am broken up with both of them and I am glad they are gone. I've had enough.

Maybe the OP needs to meet another BPD and get his fill until he's sick of them. I don't miss them at all anymore.

 

[jophil28]

That's true, the BPD's do come after you when you are down. My last BPD came after me when I was laid off from my job. As soon as she heard I was laid off, she wanted to go out and "buy me drinks". I was the wounded animal. Good thing I took the layoff in stride and found a better job. I think she wanted to control me.

You are probably describing the behavior of an ACoA rather than a BPD. Their behaviors are similar and their symptoms overlap but BPDs do not usually "rescue" men like ACoA's do. Instead, BPD's seek stronger men to rescue them from their " I am all alone " demons.
Certainly both types try to control men. ACoA's do so by endless "helping" and making themselves indispensible, and BPD's by flooding your consciousness with gushing sweet sexuality - with all the trimmings.

Beware both types- neither is capable of an adult relationship - not even close.

 

[Bluntmaster]

You are probably describing the behavior of an ACoA rather than a BPD. Their behaviors are similar and their symptoms overlap but BPDs do not usually "rescue" men like ACoA's do. Instead, BPD's seek stronger men to rescue them from their " I am all alone " demons.
Certainly both types try to control men. ACoA's do so by endless "helping" and making themselves indispensible, and BPD's by flooding your consciousness with gushing sweet sexuality - with all the trimmings.

Beware both types- neither is capable of an adult relationship - not even close.

What is an ACoA?

 

[DangNammit]

Blunt - I think Jophil is talking about love addicts... someone who is addicted to relationships/love euphoria, etc.

In that dynamic, one person is the love avoidant - this person generally finds their 'love' in care-taking for the other individual. Meanwhile, they keep a distance - they fear enmeshment/intimacy.

The other person is the love addict who seeks to enmesh or completely attach to the avoidant. There is a strong push/pull dynamic there (much like BPD situation).

Just as with a BPD if you get too close to a love avoidant, they will probably run on you...

I THINK that's what Jophil is talking about (Jophil?)...

I should add that there is a strong co-dependence going on in the 'relationship'.

 

[Bluntmaster]

I'm not sure what that girl was, but now that it's said and done when she "came after me" I know she was seeing at least 3 other guys at the time and one of them pissed her off.

We had been texting but she kept flaking on me, and the day I got laid off she texted me an offer to buy me drinks.

I think she believed I would be down and out and she would have a chump she could control on her hands which would boost her ego. She banged on the first date and was at my place an hour after we met and it was crazy sex so she succeeded at getting the hook in me. She wanted me to take the condom off the first night I met her.

The rest is history. She lied constantly, never admitted she was seeing other guys. Never wanted me seeing other girls. Her family is a bunch of liars, cheaters and weirdos just like her. She was divorced twice and has many failed relationships. I think she was BPD.

 

[jophil28]

What is an ACoA?

ACoA = Adult Child of an Alcoholic ( parent/family)

Dangnamit's comments were accurate too.

 

[jophil28]

I'm not sure what that girl was, but now that it's said and done when she "came after me" I know she was seeing at least 3 other guys at the time and one of them pissed her off.

We had been texting but she kept flaking on me, and the day I got laid off she texted me an offer to buy me drinks.

I think she believed I would be down and out and she would have a chump she could control on her hands which would boost her ego. She banged on the first date and was at my place an hour after we met and it was crazy sex so she succeeded at getting the hook in me. She wanted me to take the condom off the first night I met her.

The rest is history. She lied constantly, never admitted she was seeing other guys. Never wanted me seeing other girls. Her family is a bunch of liars, cheaters and weirdos just like her. She was divorced twice and has many failed relationships. I think she was BPD.

Whatever she was, be grateful she is gone.

 

[Bluntmaster]

ACoA = Adult Child of an Alcoholic ( parent/family)

Dangnamit's comments were accurate too.

Her dad was in a gang and now he's a minister. I'm sure he was an alkie and a druggie. And this girl did try and turn me into Capt Save-a-hoe. When she got kicked out of her place, she told me to "save her" and let her live with me.

I think this one was all kinds of messed up. Her ex husband walked out on her and hated her. Her fiancee walked out on her too. And according to her she is the victim because her ex husband was an alkie, and her ex fiancee got messed up in Iraq.

Whatever she was, be grateful she is gone.

She's only been gone a few weeks. The first week was a little rough but now I really do feel grateful she is gone.

 

[labelle]

I recently thought I was free of bpd. Turns out I'm just "high functioning" now that I have self confidence and self esteem. I no longer feel suicidal or idolize you "men". In relation to what you've written I do not have an ounce of sympathy for you morons. In this very same forum, I've found articles titled "how to get easy sex" and "how to be the bad boy women love". With all the lying, cheating and manipulating most of you do, how do you expect an already hurt woman to be able to trust you? Even if you are not bad, 90% of you surely are. I'm not crazy. You know who's crazy? Those "normal" women who think you're just the greatest and put up with all your crap and pop out your babies in a voluntary slavery. Then they complain when you fail them. Serves them right they shouldve known better than to trust a man. I'm glad to read these stories because men have always made women suffer and its about time we got our payback. I don't even bother w relationships anymore. I just take their money that they hand over like morons since I'm so hot. I also find hot guys in clubs to have fun with. Occasionally some pathetic loser will say he "loves" me but I just look at him with a mix of pity and mistrust and tell him that he isn't good enough for me. No man is. I always advise women to never tell a man she loves him. Those who do not take my advice almost always end up regretting it... PS I'm not bitter or lonely. So don't even try to play that card. I enjoy my freedom but one must always keep a guard up around you walking penises.

 

[The_411]

I recently thought I was free of bpd. Turns out I'm just "high functioning" now that I have self confidence and self esteem. I no longer feel suicidal or idolize you "men". In relation to what you've written I do not have an ounce of sympathy for you morons. In this very same forum, I've found articles titled "how to get easy sex" and "how to be the bad boy women love". With all the lying, cheating and manipulating most of you do, how do you expect an already hurt woman to be able to trust you? Even if you are not bad, 90% of you surely are. I'm not crazy. You know who's crazy? Those "normal" women who think you're just the greatest and put up with all your crap and pop out your babies in a voluntary slavery. Then they complain when you fail them. Serves them right they shouldve known better than to trust a man. I'm glad to read these stories because men have always made women suffer and its about time we got our payback. I don't even bother w relationships anymore. I just take their money that they hand over like morons since I'm so hot. I also find hot guys in clubs to have fun with. Occasionally some pathetic loser will say he "loves" me but I just look at him with a mix of pity and mistrust and tell him that he isn't good enough for me. No man is. I always advise women to never tell a man she loves him. Those who do not take my advice almost always end up regretting it... PS I'm not bitter or lonely. So don't even try to play that card. I enjoy my freedom but one must always keep a guard up around you walking penises.

You're never free of BPD. Nobody asked women to idolize men, we simply would like to be treated with respect.

Yes, You should have sympathy for me I dated a BPD woman for two years and treated her like gold and all I got was debt, assaulted and getting cheated on not to mention constant guilt trips, and wild baseless accusations, and tempter tantrums amongst a whole host of bad behaviors.

Hell, I got in an minor car accident and instead of her asking if I was okay (like people with sympathy do) she screamed at me for getting in an accident.

Please stop with the black and white thinking.... some people cheat and it takes two to tango. That doesn't mean that everyone does cheat or that everyone condones that behavior.

So your solution is to lead men on and then you wonder why men are getting upset?

You look at men with pity and disgust because you are incapable of love.

Please do everyone a favor and just leave us men alone if you have nothing positive to contribute and I'm not talking about this board I'm talking about out in the world.

Don't play with fire and wonder why you are getting burnt ....

 

[Yo'Mama]

Labelle,

Please kill yourself. Thanks.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Labelle, when you're sitting at home alone one day in the not too distant future, stroking one of your 20 cats and packing on Oil of Olay like it's the antidote, please reflect on your past and then re-read your post to see exactly when you failed in life.
Thankfully there are still women out there who haven't digested the acrid feminazi agenda you espouse.
Enjoy wallowing in your bitterness and enjoy convincing yourself that your little "victories" with men somehow validate your pathetic, jaundiced life.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Labelle,

You are incorrect about this board. It is a forum for men to exchange anecdotes and information on meeting women and conducting relationships. There are literally thousands created by women on these same issues, and only a handful like this one created by men. Yeah sure there are some men on here who are the @lpha males and are unable to conduct meaningful relationships, but I would honestly say that they are (younger) men following a pattern of sexual experimentation.

What we guys on this and similar posts are discussing is the statistically higher amount of BPD women that exist, and how they are so disturbing.

The western civilisation, at this point, has created an ideal breeding ground for the most callous of these disturbed persons to take advantage of men. Men have alot of challenges facing them that the liberal media dare not mention, and this forum allows frustrations to be vented.

You must honestly look at yourself, Labelle, and try to discover the root cause of your illness, and get help to overcome it. The bottom line is that this life is too short to live in a state of unhappiness - may you conquer your demons.

God bless Jophil -R.I.P

 

[Focal core]

Labelle,

Please kill yourself. Thanks.

Well said hahahaha