I have been seeing this girl for about two weeks now. Today she kinda threw me a curveball and said that there was another guy in her life. She said she is not physical with him but that she is seeing him off and on for last two months. I guess he doesn't live in the same city. She said she wanted to be honest with me so that it doesn't catch me off guard and I don't go psycho or anything. I didn't say much. But I was stunned to say the least. She said that she has no idea where anything is going to go with him as she doesn't know if anything is going to go anywhere with me. She said she wanted to be honest and didn't want to hide the fact that she was seeing others as other girls would. She said her families are close and that he knows about me and the fact that she dates around. What would you do in this situation? I'm turned off beyond belief. I don't want to deal with this. I am too old for this shvt. I don't want to spend time, money, or energy and potentially like her a lot and get hurt. How would you play this? I told her that I don't know what to say because I too am seeing other girls but if I wanted to be exclusive or wanted 100 percent from me, then there can't be another guy in the picture. Should I just stop talking to her? Or how can I play this to my advantage? Should I pull away?
Hey guys, I need urgent advice............
- Thread starter Falcon25
- Start date
If a girl told me this...i would take it as a dismissal. The only reason a woman would tell me that she has someone else is if she's blowing me off. Because that's exactly what would happen...she would get no more of my attention. So walk way. If you are dating other girls, then go date them. Let her come after you if she wants you or not, who cares.
Brother, why do you need to ask us this? So she told you that she is seeing other guys and that she likes to date around and you come and ask us what you should do? You want us to tell you what to do when it comes to this admitted sloot that pretty much showed how much she valued you? (and your value is reallllllllllllll low).
Think of it this way, would she tell Brad Pitt she was "seeing other guys like other girls do?" Would she tell the captain of the football team she is the slut of other guys as well? Would she tell the guy she is totally hot for that she is seeing other guys?
OF COURSE NOT! She would not admit it or would stop doing that to make things work. The mere fact she told you this is that she sees you probably came off as real low value/desperate/no other options in her eyes guy, or else she would have never said that to you. She is either blowing you off like warrior said, or she is testing you to see just how low value you really are (and that would be by accepting your role as a sloppy seconds receiver).
Don't let yourself get disrespected, cut her off from your life. My opinion is from someone that would never accept sloppy seconds but hey your choice.
Think of it this way, would she tell Brad Pitt she was "seeing other guys like other girls do?" Would she tell the captain of the football team she is the slut of other guys as well? Would she tell the guy she is totally hot for that she is seeing other guys?
OF COURSE NOT! She would not admit it or would stop doing that to make things work. The mere fact she told you this is that she sees you probably came off as real low value/desperate/no other options in her eyes guy, or else she would have never said that to you. She is either blowing you off like warrior said, or she is testing you to see just how low value you really are (and that would be by accepting your role as a sloppy seconds receiver).
Don't let yourself get disrespected, cut her off from your life. My opinion is from someone that would never accept sloppy seconds but hey your choice.
sharkbeat
Master Don Juan
It doesn't look like she's the type of girl who take relationships very seriously. It is good enough that she's telling you this, lots of girls keep them in secret. She wants to keep the relationship open. Certainly not a wife material, but a fvck buddy, nonetheless. Treat her as such.
Don't get attached to her. Don't burn the bridge, either.
Don't get attached to her. Don't burn the bridge, either.
nismo-4
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This is exactly why spinning more plates is important people!
If you're seeing other girls, then why the f.uck is this bothering you? This girl is obviously not serious about you. Why sit around waiting for her and lower your value? Why, to develop a oneitis? To spend unneccessary money? To get your feelings hurt?
F.uck that sh.it, move on to someone more interested in you.
Case closed. That's some urgent advice for your ass.
If you're seeing other girls, then why the f.uck is this bothering you? This girl is obviously not serious about you. Why sit around waiting for her and lower your value? Why, to develop a oneitis? To spend unneccessary money? To get your feelings hurt?
F.uck that sh.it, move on to someone more interested in you.
Case closed. That's some urgent advice for your ass.
I understand what you guys are saying. This chick is calling me non stop. She told me last night through text (I think she can sense I am pulling back) "I hope you don't think I don't like you or anything". She makes out with me, kisses me infront of her friends. I have no idea what to do. I am pulling back and not talking and hanging out as much. I am offended and disappointed. I don't want to compete for a woman. I'm too old for that shivt. Any advice would help. I am not dating other girls, I'm just hanging out with other girls.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
I understand your disappointment, but you've only been seeing her for two weeks.Falcon25 said:
Unless a girl puts me in the "What are we?" corner, I just assume she's seeing other men. Because I'm sure as hell seeing other women.
Funny thing....you know what the problem is? That she told you. If I were dating multiple girls, I wouldn't tell them about it. When they ask, I just say, "I have options." When you tell someone you're dating, that you are also dating other people, it changes the dynamics of things. It's funny how honesty can create trust issues.
That's a good point Ice. I have never had a woman tell me this. So what should I do? Continue to be myself? Backoff and let her come after me? Forget her? I know she likes me, but I can't stand the thought of another man competing with me. I used to compete at 19 or 20, not at 31. I don't compete for affection of women. I am too busy to worry about another man.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
What should you do? Hmm. Depends on your goals. A chick like this, I'd look at the situation and treat it as easy, meaningless sex. Which is great. Problem (or solution) is, once you start treating her like that, she'll begin wanting you more.Falcon25 said:
If that isn't what you want, then maybe you should leave her. If you're pursuing a LTR with a girl, then obviously you don't want to think about how you were one of 2-3 men in her life at the first stages of the relationship.
Come on bro, if you liked a girl and you wanted to have sex with her, would you tell her "there is another girl in my life I've been seeing for two months?" or would you spend all your time, attention and effort to make sure she enjoys herself when she's with you? This girl is using you for her own ego. She gets a guy who may in love with after two weeks and doesn't have to give any physical affection, just has to talk to him and text him a bit so her own self worth is increased. What a great deal. What the hell is she doing with you if there is another guy in her life? Or better yet, why are you still thinking about her? If you want sex from her, you should have told her where to go and put her in her place once she told you that.Falcon25 said:
Guys get so confused about this. Your TIME is NOT FREE. You have to GET SOMETHING IN RETURN for spending time with a girl . Most guys would accept sex, some guys would accept money, yet some still accept conversations where the girl tells the guy about another guy she wants to sleep with.
Lord Sidious
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Next her, bro. If after that she shows high interest, play the right cards for your porpuses.
Take care.
Take care.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
It's funny, because we spin plates on a regular basis so we have to assume that women are probably doing it as well. 2 - 3 is the norm, so we could say that women generally have maybe 1 more option than we do. We know it... it's just NOT discussed by either side.
I don't tell any of my plates about the others... well... DUH.
If she told me about some other guy she was seeing after 2 weeks... it's a huge caution right there, specially if my mindset was for an LTR.
At the most, she's good for a few lays and nothing more.
Relegate her to the last of your plates and only spin her if you have more.
The last thing you need is to develop a oneitis over a girl like this.
I don't tell any of my plates about the others... well... DUH.
If she told me about some other guy she was seeing after 2 weeks... it's a huge caution right there, specially if my mindset was for an LTR.
At the most, she's good for a few lays and nothing more.
Relegate her to the last of your plates and only spin her if you have more.
The last thing you need is to develop a oneitis over a girl like this.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
Call me Captain Defend-a-ho, but it's not realistic to expect a woman to be faithful to you at the same time as you ask her to be ok with you seeing other women. That's a double standard. Either you are in a committed monogamous relationship, or you are not. She is at least being honest with you. To punish her for that is to encourage her to lie to you in the future.
On top of all that, you should be happy that she basically told you that you still get to fvck other girls. You admit that you are afraid of getting too emotionally attached...so don't! That is the real problem, that you are letting yourself be deluded with the childish fantasy of love.
On top of all that, you should be happy that she basically told you that you still get to fvck other girls. You admit that you are afraid of getting too emotionally attached...so don't! That is the real problem, that you are letting yourself be deluded with the childish fantasy of love.
JohnnyC69
New Member
Hey buddy,
Tough call on this one. Here's a little fun fact about women: they crave power. Women will, in fact choose power over pleasure. It's not malicious, just how nature designed us and them. What she did here was a power play. It wasn't conscious on her part. Reading your post, I got the sense that she genuinely has your (and her) best interest at heart, however, it's in her nature to gain power over you.
The way it works is like this: she tells you about the other guy and it plays on your madonna/w.hore complex. If you're not familiar with m/w, basically it's a psychological condition where we either view women as mother figures or as sluts. Thank the church and the media for this conditioning.
In reality though, a woman has both figures inside of her. Learn to appreciate a woman's sexuality and m/w won't have any power over you.
Back to your question though. I think you're asking the wrong question. What you should be asking is why are you upset that she's seeing someone else? Ask yourself that question and think about what you've just learned about madonna/***** complex and I think you will, at the very least, know what to do better next time.
Tough call on this one. Here's a little fun fact about women: they crave power. Women will, in fact choose power over pleasure. It's not malicious, just how nature designed us and them. What she did here was a power play. It wasn't conscious on her part. Reading your post, I got the sense that she genuinely has your (and her) best interest at heart, however, it's in her nature to gain power over you.
The way it works is like this: she tells you about the other guy and it plays on your madonna/w.hore complex. If you're not familiar with m/w, basically it's a psychological condition where we either view women as mother figures or as sluts. Thank the church and the media for this conditioning.
In reality though, a woman has both figures inside of her. Learn to appreciate a woman's sexuality and m/w won't have any power over you.
Back to your question though. I think you're asking the wrong question. What you should be asking is why are you upset that she's seeing someone else? Ask yourself that question and think about what you've just learned about madonna/***** complex and I think you will, at the very least, know what to do better next time.
Hey Guys,
Thanks very much for your responses. This girl won't stop calling me and wants to spend a lot of time with me. She introduces me to her friends, makes out with me infront of them and is physical with me. No sex but it's only been a little over two weeks.
I look at it this way; I'm not the girl, I'm not the one who wants or needs a relationship. If one day she turns to me and says "Are we a couple?" I can say "Not till you stop fuvking around with the other guy that you mentioned when we first started seeing each other. When you decide that I'm the only man in your life, I will make sure you are the only woman in my life. Until then, I don't want to talk about this."
It's my experience that when a man wants a relationship with a woman, he always loses. If she wants one, then it works. I am the man, so all I have to do is wear protection, make sure I get sex, and not fall for her." If she keeps playing me, I have my answer. If she doesn't have sex, or is distant then something is going down. I believe (I thought about this all week) that the only way I lose this is if I become emotional about this. I just have to keep my guard up be myself and sleep with her. She should be the one worrying about who I'm seeing. It sucks, but at least she was honest. Most girls never tell you. She fuvked herself by lowering her value in my eyes. I guess I will have my answer soon. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is what I decided.
Thanks very much for your responses. This girl won't stop calling me and wants to spend a lot of time with me. She introduces me to her friends, makes out with me infront of them and is physical with me. No sex but it's only been a little over two weeks.
I look at it this way; I'm not the girl, I'm not the one who wants or needs a relationship. If one day she turns to me and says "Are we a couple?" I can say "Not till you stop fuvking around with the other guy that you mentioned when we first started seeing each other. When you decide that I'm the only man in your life, I will make sure you are the only woman in my life. Until then, I don't want to talk about this."
It's my experience that when a man wants a relationship with a woman, he always loses. If she wants one, then it works. I am the man, so all I have to do is wear protection, make sure I get sex, and not fall for her." If she keeps playing me, I have my answer. If she doesn't have sex, or is distant then something is going down. I believe (I thought about this all week) that the only way I lose this is if I become emotional about this. I just have to keep my guard up be myself and sleep with her. She should be the one worrying about who I'm seeing. It sucks, but at least she was honest. Most girls never tell you. She fuvked herself by lowering her value in my eyes. I guess I will have my answer soon. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is what I decided.
Mr. Non-Juan
Don Juan
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Wow, how GREAT of her! She's SO interested in you and not hurting your feelings that she comes right out and tells you about ALL the other guys she's seeing!
Even IF you were seeing other girls, I can't imagine you'd be telling her the same stuff. Well, you might (again, I don't know you like that); but usually, even if a girl suspects a guy is seeing other girls, rarely does a smart guy actually TELL another girl this (especially since she's going to be assuming this anyway).
Chances are, she's probably told the other guy about you as well. Which means that, in reality, she has NO interest in either of you, but likes the idea of two guys competing for her attention.
As far as I see it, it's a lost cause. However, if you really want to keep seeing her, try doing it without paying for ANYTHING. If she asks why, simply tell her that, since she's seeing more than one person, there's no sense in spending money - i.e. investing your cash - in someone when they are clearly focusing on other guys.
Or, tell her you're waiting to spend it on a date you have with another girl who IS interested. Even if it's not true, she may start pondering if she really wants to be with you or this other guy...
Click on the link below for more insights about why things you may be doing right now to GET girls that's actually causing you to LOSE them!
-Non Juan
Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!
Even IF you were seeing other girls, I can't imagine you'd be telling her the same stuff. Well, you might (again, I don't know you like that); but usually, even if a girl suspects a guy is seeing other girls, rarely does a smart guy actually TELL another girl this (especially since she's going to be assuming this anyway).
Chances are, she's probably told the other guy about you as well. Which means that, in reality, she has NO interest in either of you, but likes the idea of two guys competing for her attention.
As far as I see it, it's a lost cause. However, if you really want to keep seeing her, try doing it without paying for ANYTHING. If she asks why, simply tell her that, since she's seeing more than one person, there's no sense in spending money - i.e. investing your cash - in someone when they are clearly focusing on other guys.
Or, tell her you're waiting to spend it on a date you have with another girl who IS interested. Even if it's not true, she may start pondering if she really wants to be with you or this other guy...
Click on the link below for more insights about why things you may be doing right now to GET girls that's actually causing you to LOSE them!
-Non Juan
Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!