Here we go again (Or how do I always end up at the same place)

[Lotus Effect]

Hi guys,

---Disclaimer: This post is NOT seeking help on how to get a girl back. This post is seeking help on how to get MYSELF back---

Backstory:

Had one-itis for this Carla girl back 2001 (22 years ago). Got over her in 2009, and then got her in 2010 (No s&x) and again in 2014(Again no s&x).
Got with many other girls in the meantime (be chill about it, I know how to operate)
Then I started dating Ana in 2015, Carla moved to Portugal, got married, a child and that was that...

...Up until this year, when she went back to Brazil in vacations, now divorced. The timing was perfect, because I broke up with Ana last year.

We hooked up. It was awesome. I was in my prime. Money, Girls, Dream Job... the whole deal. She was shocked. We did it like rabbits during her whole stay.
Then she went back, and Invited me to do some vacations back in Portugal. I went, it was great again, and I got a job there.

So I moved to Portugal. Now I'm here, in a country where I don't know anyone or anything... And then shyte hits the fan. I become needy and just as fast as she came, she went. The first weeks were okay, we were going out, having fun and s&x all over the place, but she stated that said she wanted things to go slow because she just got divorced, and all that crap, and I bought it.

And every time she pulled appart, I pushed harder, up until the point I was clingy, lost my mojo, and she went looking for c00k somewhere else.

Bottoline:

I'm pretty sure that with this girl it is a done deal, because of pedestalizing on my part, altogether with her boning some other dudes. She might eventually show up, because of all the attention and validation her ego needs, but she can also get this elsewhere, so Im not counting on it! Specially because she lost attraction and see me as a nice guy/loser

End!
---

But, the reason for me posting this is:

I need to reinvent myself!

Last time I was single, it was pretty much 10 years ago. Things have changed, girls are even wilder than her 2015 counterparts and dating apps are all the rage!
For me, Im not into the dating apps, firstly because Im not a chad, so there is zero decent matches for me. I can handle mysellf better at the streets!

I'm pretty sure that I already know the answers I'm looking for, like go back to reading, find a new hobby, workout... whatever!
But I do need some valid advice from you guys on how to operate in today's world.

Consider I'm 35yo, good looking (not Brad Pitt, but I'm good in the eyes), I do workout, but Im more in the slender side of it, and I'm living in a country where I dont know ANYONE at all (besides said chick).

What the F should I do now, because Im not lying, it hurts being a little b!tch, and I do want to stop obssess about her, and get the focus back on me!


Cheers

 

[Lotus Effect]

If you guys have some decent reading to give, books, posts, or even videos, Ill be glad to know!

 

[Lotus Effect]

Yeah, that would be fine! But I think it is the easy way out!

Besides back in Brazil I don't have a job anymore and here I have one!

I think it is an opportunity in disguise! If I keep fretting about this girl, and move back because it hasnt worked out as I palnned, than it would put an AFC stamp in my life.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Furthermore, it does not matter where I am phisically. It matters where I am mentally.

If I chicken out, than thats that. Im not ready for life!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What should you do? You should go out and start making small talk with everyone you see and be friendly. You'll never know when one of these people will like you and invite you to meet their granddaughter or sister or cousin, etc...

Being nice for no reason to other people and making them like you and want to be around you never gets old and is the quickest way to be a person they want around them.

Don't do it because you think it will get you something in return, just start doing it with no expectations. Then watch in amazement over the next 6 months as you are invited to more things than you can go to and start having to turn them down.

 

[Lotus Effect]

What should you do? You should go out and start making small talk with everyone you see and be friendly. You'll never know when one of these people will like you and invite you to meet their granddaughter or sister or cousin, etc...

Being nice for no reason to other people and making them like you and want to be around you never gets old and is the quickest way to be a person they want around them.

Don't do it because you think it will get you something in return, just start doing it with no expectations. Then watch in amazement over the next 6 months as you are invited to more things than you can go to and start having to turn them down.

Great tip, and I gotta tell you that doing this is what got me moving on from my previous ex. And it really got me long way in life!
Gotta add that Ive been doing this for some time now, but moving from South America to Europe took a toll on me, considering that people here are less friendly.

Anyway, still doing it!

 

[Lotus Effect]

I'm gonna tell you something you already know, you moved there to be with her, you have oneitis for a women with a kid you're at the bottom right now, let this be a lesson you never forget.

You want to start fresh, this is how I did it when I was going through something like that.

Deleted all my social media, deleted her number and changed mine. When to the gym and in my house allowed myself to feel the emotions I was feeling, didn't want to skip any stage. In 1 month the oxytocin withdrawal was getting better, started to have hobbies that I enjoyed, started to read books, No more mr nice guy, book of pook, unplugged alpha, rationale male series, rain stone's books.

All of that while hitting the gym, working to get better job. Eventually I got over her, she came bac (they always come back), I fvcked her and told her to hit the rocks (realized sex was not that great, it was only in my mind), cause I was dating more beautiful girls than her, all of that will happen to you if you do the work that is required.

Yup!

I know all of this! Not only I do know, that instead of deleting the 1000+ pictures that we had, I put it all in a folder called 'Hard Lesson'

Anyway, thanks for the reminder! Always good to have someone pointing this at you!

Social media has been really taking a toll on me, so that thats solid advice! About the number, I already have my work number, so I can always start using it. Deleting her number is easy. Delete the conversation history is hard.

Hobbies and meeting new people is where Im struggling right now, but I guess that this will fall into place if I focus on myself.

Im in the mood for books right now, with a long list, from influence, to the obstacle is the way, going throught the mistery method and so on, so Im on the same page as you mate.

About working out, Ill keep on doing it, just got a new training plan. And about my job, I just got it, so Im sticking to it for a while.

Anywho,
I pretty much knew all of this, but I gotta thank you for the solid advice mate!
Cheers

 

[Lotus Effect]

OP if moving is possible do it. A changebin scenery where no one knows you is not a bad thing.

I just moved man. Im in Lisbon for only 40 days now. Moving is not an option.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Ok so in 40 days you relocating? Hard to reinvent yourself around the same persons places or things.

I'm not sure if I made myself clear. If not, Im sorry man, English is not my first language.

The thing is, I came to Lisbon from Brazil. I lived in Brazil for 34 years. If anything, now Im at a new place, with new people, and a new job.

What I mean is, I just moved. There is no reason for me to move again right now

 

[Solomon]

OP I like your attitude you know what you need to do, my only advice is to focus on getting that money and get a better honey (no kids, younger etc) start of first to make sure you're mentally on point it's nothing wrong with taking breaks from the dating game

 

[Lotus Effect]

OP I like your attitude you know what you need to do, my only advice is to focus on getting that money and get a better honey (no kids, younger etc) start of first to make sure you're mentally on point it's nothing wrong with taking breaks from the dating game

Thanks man, I'm well aware of my situation. I know everything that I did wrong in order to push the chick away. She is not a h0e, she is just a chick, attracted to the same stuff chicks are attracted for the past milllenia. And unatracted as well

I was weak, and couldnt hold my frame. And I know what to do to get better.

Is those cases of practice what you preach, you know!

The funny part is reading my stick posts that are in my signature.
Written by me.

I've made ALL the same mistakes, and then I learned, written down some stuff... and here I am 10 years later, back to the same mentality, commiting the same rookie mistakes.

Feels like I d'evolved! My mind is sh!tty right now, so is best I remain focused only on myself.

Anyhow, solid advice mate! tks!

 

[Dr.Suave]

I was in my prime. Money, Girls, Dream Job... the whole deal. She was shocked. We did it like rabbits during her whole stay.
Then she went back, and Invited me to do some vacations back in Portugal. I went, it was great again, and I got a job there.

You quit your dream job for a single mom?

Find a better/younger/hotter/childless girl. You will forget all about WhatsHerName in no time.