Helping Woman Move

[logicallefty]

Been seeing a woman sense October. She has been pretty darn good to me overall. Not perfect but for overall treatment and red flags much better than any from my past.

She moved across town on Saturday. She never asked me to help and I never offered. She came over to my house Saturday night to celebrate an early father's day because I had to work most of the day Sunday. She threw in a couple digs as to me not helping her move. After the second one I said "If you are going to be cranky tonight you can just go home, today is my only day off all week and I am in no mood for anyone's bull$h|t tonight including yours". That was it, she behaved the rest of the night and all went well.

I was just wondering from you guys out there, was I a d|ck for not helping her?

Here is why I didn't. It has nothing to do with her. But I bet you over the past 10 years I have helped ~20 people move. One friend twice. But then when I needed help moving myself they scattered like roaches and I struggled to find people to help me... People I had helped couldn't return the favor for me, imagine that...

SO I made up my mind the last time I moved myself that I was don't playing the moving game because it wasn't a good payoff for me. The woman I am seeing wasn't even in my life last time I moved, so maybe I was wrong for her having to suffer the consequences of my past? But shoot I work two jobs. I have a big yard to mow. A big house to clean. Errands to run. My days off are gold to me and there were just too many things I had to do for myself, not to mention relax a little bit.

Would you guys have helped her?

 

[Fruitbat]

You could have just made something up? Oh, I have to see my sister, she's down fir the weekend etc.

 

[logicallefty]

I would help her to to avoid forcing her to activate her legion of orbiters with pickup trucks lol...but I share your distaste with helping ingrates(women, especially) move.

It's funny you say that. One of the things she said was "If my ex husband was in town, he would have helped".. My reply "oh ok great"

 

[MOTU]

Does she pitch in around your place? For example, has she helped you now or clean when you were busy? Does she run errands for you?

If yes, she regularly helps you, then I would have helped her. If not, then no obligation at all.

 

[speed dawg]

Yes, I think you were kind of a d*ck.

Were you obligated to help her? Of course not. But if you didn't want to do it, you could have just made something up. Also, what MOTU said about her helping you.

Her digs at you are an obvious sign that it pissed her off. This won't be easily forgotten. Deal breaker? Maybe not, but you just burned up a lot of emotional bank account cash.

 

[logicallefty]

Yes, I think you were kind of a d*ck.

Were you obligated to help her? Of course not. But if you didn't want to do it, you could have just made something up. Also, what MOTU said about her helping you.

Her digs at you are an obvious sign that it pissed her off. This won't be easily forgotten. Deal breaker? Maybe not, but you just burned up a lot of emotional bank account cash.

She is still busting my balls over it. I had to go home at lunch and dig out my old cup from when I played hockey. It should get me by until my new chastity belt I ordered from from Amazon comes in.

I am also wondering if I have a troll watching me here on SS. Evidently it got back to her that I was "complaining" about the whole moving thing. I love having a fan club.

 

[logicallefty]

Does she pitch in around your place? For example, has she helped you now or clean when you were busy? Does she run errands for you?

If yes, she regularly helps you, then I would have helped her. If not, then no obligation at all.

She has done more for me than any other woman I have ever been with, I will say that. I've helped her with stuff too though. Most of the time what she does for me involves running somewhere for me and I always pay her gas money. I have helped her lug a big freezer in her apartment, given her rides, delivered things for her, and a few other odds and ends. It's just hard for me in that I work two jobs and have a whole house and yard to take care of. If I don't get to own stuff the one day I have off, Saturday, it waits a week.. There is no time between and nobody to do it. It sits and multiplies.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Go ghost for a couple weeks or so.

 

[dasein]

She didn't ask.

Don't ask? Don't get. The end. There is a difference in scale between normal day to day "doing for each other" and big things like moves, etc.

Huge (and common) red flag IMO to form and continue a beef for something they weren't willing to ASK FOR. Regardless of everything else, this is an indicator of bad things in the future. Adults express themselves and ask for help rather than display a privileged attitude and expect to just "get." Spoiled children (and most women) expect things be given to them... just because.

I'm another one on the deep debit side of the "helping move" equation. I simply don't do it any more unless it's close family. I -especially- don't help women I'm involved with move because of the way they tend to not plan and not do and expect the man/men to do everything while they sit and chat on the phone or piddle around. Infuriating. Could go on and on with horror stories, like showing up to see they haven't even begun loading small things into boxes or even worse, have put everything heavy into drawers of furniture turning 200 pound dressers into 350 pound dressers. Brrrrrrr, no thanks.

 

[Desdinova]

PairPlus made a good point about activating orbiters. If she's got some sleeping dogs, it's best to help her avoid waking them up.

But on the flip side, she didn't ask you to help her.

There's also nothing wrong with offering to help her especially if she regularly does 5hit for you. Returning the favour once in a while shows that your relationship is solid, and you can rely on each other when needed.

My ex-fiancee contacted me last week and asked me to help her move some 5hit. However, she followed it up with an offer for a foot and back rub. I'll never have a problem with that

 

[ztas]

Helping someone, whether a lover or a friend, can't hurt (unless you strain your back of course). I wouldn't insist on helping, but just make an open offer.

Just don't go all 'girlie' and have expectations that you'll get instant gratification or anything.

As another poster mentioned, you would get 'credit' in the bank which you might need to use later!

 

[Slickster]

I'm with you on this one Lefty.

My days off are like gold to me. I have so many projects and stuff that I'm trying to get accomplished around my house, property, etc. and when my free time gets taken from me I am pissed off. I hate it when people ask me to do them favours on the weekend. I would never dream of asking someone else to give up their free time on a weekend to help me get my sh!t done.

Anyhow I am guilty of being too much of a nice guy to friends and such so when asked I usually do help out grudgingly.

In the case of helping your gf move....fawk that is tough man. I probably would've done it but I guess it depends how serious you guys are and how long you've been together.

A story from my past. I had a long term GF back in the day who had to go to school in another city. We were living together when she left so she also left most of her stuff at our place as she planned on coming back in 9 months. While she was gone I had a buddy move in to help with rent. The plan was that he would get booted out when she came back. When the time came for her to move back she told me her plan was to move in with her best friend because she was alone and couldn't afford rent by herself, and I had my buddy there at my place and she didn't want to be the reason he got booted out.

When the GF and her friend showed up on the day of the move I had already packed up a bunch of her stuff and moved a bunch of furniture to help speed up the process. I ended up not only moving all my GF's heavy stuff but all her friends crap too.

The move took the entire day and was exhausting. Near the end of the move the friend had a dude come by to say hello and check out the new place. On the very last load and after the very last box was packed into their new place the GF walked with me back to my vehicle and dumped me right there on the spot! I later found out that the dude was her new boyfriend and she had been cheating on me for some time while she was away.

Cold, cold, sh!t!

 

[Mike32ct]

I won't comment on your specific situation but I will say this...

In my experience, people who ask you to help them move always LIE or exaggerate about how much help they have.

They tell you this...

"It'll be easy. My dad, brother, uncle, and neighbor will help us. It'll go fast."

Then when you arrive:

"Sorry. They all couldn't make it. Can you carry that 300 lb sectional sofa by yourself?" Lol

 

[piranha45]

you know moving crews only cost ~300 dollars, if ur just relocating within the city...

 

[Greasy Pig]

@Slickster. Fvck man. The depths of some women's depravity and pure evil never ceases to amaze me.
That shyt is seriously fvcked up. I hope you went ghost....after you told her to go fvck herself.