Help your little bro youngmack get his life together/self improvement.

[youngmack]

Basically i was raised with absolutely no male figure in my life, so i've developed alot of bad traits about me and my life has been ****ty. I decided to take a break from girls for a little. Im shy,barely any friends, im dumb..my grades are horrible and it seems like my future isnt bright. Idk what i want to be or anything. I have no hobbies but i cant do any and i really want to do football but my mom wont pay for me to do sports or anything. Senior Year is here in about 2 months and time is running before i graduate.

I've set some goals for myself this summer and i want to become a new person. I find trouble stayin motivated in accomplishing my goals. I find that my mind always wanders to my oneitis ex and im always comparing my life to hers. Shes the wake up call that made me realize i need change in my life. Her life is perfect. Every aspect of her life is exceptionally well. Her future is planned out, shes a social butterfly has tons of friends and gets super good grades. Shes really good looking too. I've had this oneitis for over a year now and its been detrimental to my life. Here are my goals:

-Become smarter/develop a future plan
-become an extrovert/social/ make friends
-work on my personality flaws


Not a lot right?... I dont know where to start or how i go about reaching these goals help me out bros.

 

[GQ Scott]

Write your goals out. On paper. 90% of people won't do this. It's huge. Every morning when you wake up, think of 3 things you can do that will push you towards your goals. They can be little simple things, like reading 10 pages of _____ book. Write them down. Follow them. It's a foolproof way to success.

You're not a little kid anymore, time to grow up, and the only person who is responsible for your success or failure is you. You've got to get your own inner issues under control before you can even begin to be successful with women. I suggest reading books on anything you find interesting. It's not only a good way to learn but I find it expands your intellectual capacity. Also try working out or being more physically active. It will make you look and feel better, not to mention it'll mentally boost you. Lots of good chemical releases going on!

 

[SoSuave666]

-Become smarter/develop a future plan
-become an extrovert/social/ make friends
-work on my personality flaws


Not a lot right?... I dont know where to start or how i go about reaching these goals help me out bros.

I'd love to take some time to help you out bro. First and foremost, in order to accomplish any goals you need to be motivated. I don't know where you're going to find this motivation; but all successful people (save those who have won the lottery, and even then their success is based solely on money) are motivated.

The second thing you need to realize is that these are all long term goals. These transformations aren't going to take place overnight. It's imperative that you do not lose faith/hope/etc because you aren't accomplishing these goals as quickly as you want. I mean making friends is probably your best shot at a short term goal; and even then in order to build lasting friendships it happens over time.

I played football in college. I can't tell you how much the sport helped me mature/grow. Even in High School. I also ran track and played basketball. Football more than any other experience in my life taught me the value of dedication and perseverance. Even more so than those values though, football taught me how to lose. It taught me how to properly accept defeat and work towards the betterment of the team for my own personal gain. Very important life lessons can be learned from team sports. If you can, try and talk your mother into helping you get involved in SOME sport, if it's really what you want--sports are NOT for everyone.

I don't know if it's possible to become an extrovert. You can learn/display more outward traits; but really if you are an introvert I'm pretty sure you'll always be one at your core (not really sure about this, but it makes sense). I am an introvert and I have learned to stop being so analytic around people as well as be more outgoing. Problem is, I still just don't find most people interesting and I think interacting with certain types of people is a waste of my time. People think I don't care about them because I don't display affection like most people or wear my heart on my sleeve. I also tend to get in a lot of arguments because I have a bit of a competitive nature about me. I think these are all traits of an introvert, and something that no matter how much I have tried to work at it, won't change. You definitely can become more social though. It's all about reducing the fear of rejection and to stop overanalyzing every single interaction you have with people. Honestly, some people will like you and some won't. Be yourself, just a little more outgoing. I wouldn't want anyone to like me for someone I was pretending to be anyway.

Finally, becoming smarter. Ahhhh how everyone wants to gain knowledge. Actually, I commend you for this. A lot of younger people just want to skate by in life and get the minimum grades required for acceptance to college. Once in college, it doesn't matter to them anymore as long as they graduate and get a job. Once they have a job, all they need to learn are the tools that will make them a Subject Matter Expert in their field. It's scary how little Americans want to work for the highest possible reward.

I remember when I was in High School I found homework verrrrrrry trivial. I thought it was a waste of time. I did the readings, studied my a$$ off for tests, got As on the exams, but never did the homework. I would skate by with Bs basically because I knew I was going to school for football, but didn't want to seem like a complete dumba$$. When I got to college, I finally found a subject that interested me: Finance. I actually enjoyed doing the homework and studying, and eventually would study up on my own time. This also carried over to all other aspects of my life. I would do the homework for other classes and dedicate myself harder in the weight room than ever before. Bottom line: if you find something you're interested in you will ENJOY studying. This motivation to learn and grow will become habit. To this day I still enjoy reading anything finance/business related. This is also how I became so interested in classic literature; but that's for another time.

You've already stated that you are taking a break from women. Although I don't know what you mean by a "break from women," I can tell you that it's easiest to just let things play out. If you have free time, there is no problem going and hanging out with some girls, if they were available to you. I wouldn't recommend shutting out a facet of life just because you are disappointed with the outcomes you are receiving. You could miss out on a lot of great experiences, especially at your age when women are starting to get secksually active. It's easy to game HS chickies, probably easier than it ever will be again in your life (college might actually be easier). There's a lot to learn at your age about women. Make some mistakes, catch a oneitis if you want, but just know that in the future you will be far more experienced than your male counterparts. Taking a break from women should be reserved for people who have ACTUAL grown up people problems. That's not meant to be a snide remark, but the truth. Divorced men, widowers, bankrupts, that's the demographic I'm talking about.

You'll be straight dude, you're only 17.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Youngmack, you deserve a lot of credit for making an honest self-assessment and reaching out to other older guys to help you change.

Sweeping personal changes can seem somewhat overwhelming but I found a great book that helped me enormously. It's called, "One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way" by Robert Maurer. It takes away the overwhelm and the resistance to change by tackling goals in extremely tiny steps.

If things are a little tight right now I'll be happy to buy it and send it to you. I'll hit you up in a PM.

 

[BigSmooth]

I commend you on noticing what you are doing wrong and wanting to fix it. You are already steps ahead of a lot of people.


Like others said, it's going to be a gradual process. A sudden transformation won't happen overnight. However, if you are very motivated, don't be surprised when results start showing sooner than expected.


As of right now, this is not about the girls. It is not about transforming for the girls. It is not how to be a player or alpha male for the girls. NO GIRLS. This is about YOU and your life and your future.


My first tip for you is to: go run every day and start doing some work-outs at home if you have no money.

It is the first step for you to start finally controlling your body and your mind. You have no idea how beneficial it is to become active. You'll have more energy and enthusiasm which will benefit every aspect of your life.


So..

Step 1) Run. Work-out. Exercise. Become active. You'll be improving mentally as well as physically.

 

[BigSmooth]

Accidentally pressed post. Continuing on with my previous post..


Once you start regaining control of your body and your mind, and therefore your life, it's time to start gradually improving into the person you want to become.


Read some self-improvement guides. However, I think there are some amazing self-improvement guides in the DJ Bible that will more than suffice.

I would also check out this website and read the free articles. http://shyness-social-anxiety.com/system/


So...to recap.

Step 2) Start becoming aware of what you are doing wrong, and start reading up on the basis of how you can transform into a different more improved person.



What makes you tick? What fuels you to live? And don't say video games, tv shows, etc. You have to start discovering your interests in life, and start either doing them, or planning on doing them in the future.

Drifting through life not experiencing what life has to offer is a total waste of life in my opinion. Start reading up on different things in life, whether it is traveling to explore different cultures and places, doing adrenaline sports, doing outdoors stuff, going to car shows, etc.

There is just so much to do in life.

To recap.

Step 3) Get a general idea of what you love or want to love in life, and write them down. If you financially can't do something, plan on doing it in the future and use it as motivation.



No. You are not dumb. Stop telling yourself that. You have the potential to become someone you couldn't even dream of being...but you just aren't ready to become that person yet. You aren't properly equipped. As you mature and evolve through these steps, you'll realize that there is ONE important thing you must conquer NEXT.

Your grades and your knowledge.

You aren't dumb. You just don't have the willpower or motivation to try to become smarter and you have no long term goal concerning what you want to do in life. Basically, there's nothing you are WORKING FOR.

If you have followed the previous steps (and continue doing them), you will find it easier to motivate yourself into improving your grades and your efforts in school. Be the best at whatever you are. Don't just drift through life.

Start looking through possible career fields that capture your interest, and go online and find forums that are for people of that field and just start talking to them about the different aspects of it. Also talk to your high school adviser.

It's okay to not be TOTALLY sure on what you want to be. I was a chemical engineer my first semester of college, but then realized that wasn't what I wanted to do in life. I talked to some older guys and realized my passion for finance and investments and switched to that. Couple years later to the present time, I just finished an internship for a top firm in New York and life is going smooth. But it takes hard work. You have to work for it.

Here are just some examples of majors -> careers you go do. If you want more advice on this, just pm me.


It's not just about "how much you want something". It's about "how far would you go to get the things you want".


So...to recap.

Step 4) Compile a short list of careers that interest you and speak to your adviser about them. You have to show initiative and be proactive. Start setting a general goal (that CAN be modified with time) and start working to achieve it.



So to recap everything SO FAR:

You should be running every day and working out to get you in shape not just physically but also mentally. You are finding new books to read to give you more wisdom and knowledge as well as reading, comprehending, and practicing the self-improvement guides in the DJ Bible (Pook has some great ones). In your spare time you are pondering about what you want to get out of life and what experiences you might want to enjoy, and keeping a running list. The majority of your time, you are focusing on improving your grades so you can get into the institution that is best for the major that will give you opportunities to be in a career you are interested in.

 

[BigSmooth]

If you are evolving right, the person you are in a couple months will be:

- More motivated and driven
- More in shape physically and mentally
- More wiser after reading a variety of books about life
- More smarter and successful in school
- Will have a general idea of a career you might pursue
- More apathetic to what people think of you because you are focusing on YOU
- More confident in 1) yourself 2) your surroundings 3) interacting with other people


You won't be the person you want to become in a short 2 months but you will be on the right track and your improvements will show and that is what matters most.


AND STILL, NO GIRLS. Don't focus on them. Don't think about your ex. Don't compare your life to hers. You are focusing on YOU.



Now, start reading more in depth articles about confidence, charisma, and what it is to be a man. The self-improvement articles that I told you to read before might and probably will contain some of these elements, but won't be an in depth guide to improving them. Now, it's time to start building up more confidence, charisma and manliness NOT for the girls, but because these three will benefit you in all facets of life.

I'm not telling you to fake confidence and charisma and manliness. You have constantly been improving yourself, and this next step is just an element that helps transforms you into a complete and thoroughly improved person. If you have been following all my steps so far, becoming more confident, charismatic, and manly will be much easier than if this was the first step of the process. I mean hell, you should already be NATURALLY becoming more of these things through the steps I told you. Now this is a direct springboard into further evolving even more!

To recap...

Step 5) Read up on what confidence, charisma, and becoming a man IS, and start thinking to yourself about what it means and fully UNDERSTAND the information, and then start incorporating that into your life.




After 3-5 months, not only will you be noticing, but EVERYONE will be noticing the new you.

Combined with the improvements I listed earlier:

- More motivated and driven
- More in shape physically and mentally
- More wiser after reading a variety of books about life
- More smarter and successful in school
- Will have a general idea of a career you might pursue
- More apathetic to what people think of you because you are focusing on YOU
- More confident in 1) yourself 2) your surroundings 3) interacting with other people


YOU ARE ALSO:
- Carrying yourself with a higher sense of worth
- Even MORE confident in your abilities
- Following your manly instincts more
- You are talking and socializing with other people with more ease than before
- Be in the best shape of your life physically and mentally because you are still running and working out
- ATTRACT MORE WOMEN


Wait, what was that last one?? ATTRACT MORE WOMEN??

YES. While you are focusing on improving YOU, you are also becoming more and more a person that attracts girls! Consider this the icing on the already large cake.

Never focus on the girls, always focus on you. The girls will come with ease once you become the person you want to be.




And just remember...life is a ongoing process of transformation and change. Never stop improving and evolving into the ideal person. As you grow older, the more experiences that you accumulate will help shape you and impact you. Just learn to go with the flow and just enjoy life and be the best at whatever you are.


Good luck.
~BSmooth

 

[thesicilianprince]

Hey man...I can tell just by reading your post that you have a very low sense of self worth. I've been there, everyone has. It's hard to do anything when you're your own worst enemy. You have to remove all that negative self talk. Instead of putting so much judgement on yourself, push it outward. I'm not saying that you should treat other people like ****, but don't put them above you. Once you start thinking like this, and sticking up for yourself, things will start to be better.

 

[JohnChops]

Good to see an honest post, if you need any help you can message me, good luck man. Outline your goals and make a plan on how you will acomplish them

 

[youngmack]

Thanks so much guys ! I will try my best ! I HAVE to change, I NEED to change and i WILL change. It wont be easy but nothing in life is that easy. If you guys don't mind i ask that you guys keep an eye out for this thread so that i can post updates.

I will take everyone's advice here precisely and take action

 

[youngmack]

UPDATE ! :

So I've been working out everyday at home. Can't afford a gym and my mom refuses to pay for me smh. I am reaping the disadvantages of being raised by a mother. I've been doing pushups, incline pushups, chairdips, and wall leg squat.

I finally figured out some possibilities of what I want to become when I get older/ major in college. I've been told I have a way of influencing people I guess this my natural gift. Here they are:

-Psychologist(My natural influencing gift)
-Sports Agent (I love sports)
-Sports athletic trainer(I love sports)
-Petroleum engineering( only because the mean salary coming out of college is 91K)
I still need to do more research on these careers/majors.

I am currently trying to overcome my shyness. I divided it into three components...
-My chronic self consciousness
-My chronic negative self evaluation,
-Negative self preoccupation.

I plan to tackle each of these using small steps (thanks to the book atom smasher suggested) , and reading self help articles on it. Its a struggle but I'll hang in there.

 

[BigSmooth]

UPDATE ! :

So I've been working out everyday at home. Can't afford a gym and my mom refuses to pay for me smh. I am reaping the disadvantages of being raised by a mother. I've been doing pushups, incline pushups, chairdips, and wall leg squat.

I finally figured out some possibilities of what I want to become when I get older/ major in college. I've been told I have a way of influencing people I guess this my natural gift. Here they are:

-Psychologist(My natural influencing gift)
-Sports Agent (I love sports)
-Sports athletic trainer(I love sports)
-Petroleum engineering( only because the mean salary coming out of college is 91K)
I still need to do more research on these careers/majors.

I am currently trying to overcome my shyness. I divided it into three components...
-My chronic self consciousness
-My chronic negative self evaluation,
-Negative self preoccupation.

I plan to tackle each of these using small steps (thanks to the book atom smasher suggested) , and reading self help articles on it. Its a struggle but I'll hang in there.

Good deal.

Those careers sound like a good fit for your personality, but in order for you to be ANY of those, you're going to have to lose the shyness (which is what you are working on so good job).

I have a few buddies who did petroleum engineering and they are making big money now. It's not necessarily a great career to try to start a family with initially because you'll be traveling to various places, working off-shore, etc. If you think you'll enjoy living the single life for a while and making a generous amount of money, look into Pet. E. However, it is fvcking difficult to major in so good luck.

I would also recommend looking into finance or some business related major (excluding marketing and advertising). If you lose the shyness and still have the ability to influence people with your words and demeanor, that could pay off in the business world.

Or you could always get a Bachelors in Pet. E and go get an MBA.


So many possibilities huh? Get excited about it! But just remember to enjoy college also. While it is very important to maintain good grades, also learn how to live a little.




And yes, small steps is the best way to approach it. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was any Don Juan.

 

[coochieman]

Coochieman recommends Petroleum Engr.

Why?
Cos I recently became one; lots of maths and bullsh!t tho'. Stressful as a mor'fuccka.

Holla me for more info' on the programme if you feel a need to. Wasn't top of ma class, but I could tell you one or two 'bout it.

 

[youngmack]

Thanks ya'll. im seeing a little progress which is better than no progress at all.

I have a question though... What small steps can i take to overcome my shyness? This is new to me being that i've been shy all my life.

I've read articles on it and I don't know if its just the specific ones I'm reading but they do no more than just explain what shyness is and not exactly on how or what to actually do to overcome it.

 

[BigSmooth]

Thanks ya'll. im seeing a little progress which is better than no progress at all.

I have a question though... What small steps can i take to overcome my shyness? This is new to me being that i've been shy all my life.

I've read articles on it and I don't know if its just the specific ones I'm reading but they do no more than just explain what shyness is and not exactly on how or what to actually do to overcome it.

Easy. Talk to...let's say...at least 8 people a day. Within those 8 people, talk to 2 classmates or fellow students that you've never actually had a real conversation with.

Make small talk. Start learning how to talk instinctively in a conversation.

 

[JohnChops]

What I did was just get used to looking people in the eyes for 3 seconds. Then add a smile and then a hello and booooooom conversation babbbby

 

[Cremasta]

I've been told I have a way of influencing people I guess this my natural gift.

I'm glad you got around to this. Doing an honest self assessment of all the things you need to improve about yourself is fine, but you need to realise that there will be something that you are good at. Find out and remember your strengths, use your natural abilities.

I just think about how I treat my staff at work. Sure, I always try to help them improve any shortcomings they have - and self improvement is always good, but I get a lot more value out of them by letting them use their natural (or learned) skills to the best of their ability and not get too tied up in stuff they're not good at.

 

[bigneil]

The key to success is to do what you love. That's where your natural talents lie. My advice:

1) Don't be a psychologist. They are paid to make up disorders and prescribe deadly drugs.
2) Do look into the Oil industry. Learn about seismic engineering, the upstream industry is hiring. And yes the pay is incredible.
3) You're at the age where you need to get yourself into college though. Or just get a job and get some real skill. It's not worth student loans anymore. A degree is not worth $100K.
4) Have a side job that might one day make you rich. Work passionately at it. Oneitis can inspire you there - try to think about it enough to get oneitis for your work.
5) Since you are asking, I would suggest you focus a little on your grammar - capitalize your "I"s and use punctuation more consistently. I got my new job by emailing the CTO directly. You must write flawlessly.
6) By eating better and detoxifying you will indeed become smarter. Our food and "medicine" is so unhealthy most people are literally intoxicated 24/7.

 

[youngmack]

The key to success is to do what you love. That's where your natural talents lie. My advice:

1) Don't be a psychologist. They are paid to make up disorders and prescribe deadly drugs.
2) Do look into the Oil industry. Learn about seismic engineering, the upstream industry is hiring. And yes the pay is incredible.
3) You're at the age where you need to get yourself into college though. Or just get a job and get some real skill. It's not worth student loans anymore. A degree is not worth $100K.
4) Have a side job that might one day make you rich. Work passionately at it. Oneitis can inspire you there - try to think about it enough to get oneitis for your work.
5) Since you are asking, I would suggest you focus a little on your grammar - capitalize your "I"s and use punctuation more consistently. I got my new job by emailing the CTO directly. You must write flawlessly.
6) By eating better and detoxifying you will indeed become smarter. Our food and "medicine" is so unhealthy most people are literally intoxicated 24/7.

Thanks for the tips bruh

 

[youngmack]

F*CK ! my oneitis ex keep popping up in my head ! Went out today and was social.. talked to some strangers which is some solid progress. but she just keeps popping up.

I dont know what to do anymore this is getting me mad. Learned she got a new job today and im like why does EVERYTHING always go good for her? LITERALLY. i keep comparing my life to hers, and its like hers is just so perfect !

I think the reason why i cant get over her is because i have a void in my life and i want her to fill it. Shes happy and im not. Its like i want my life to be like hers. WTF is wrong with me...But i aint complaining tho, ima just brush my shoulders off,continue to try to reach my goals,change my life and do me.