HELP! Wanted to leave her...can't take the heat

[yul]

Hi,

been seeing this awesome girl for the past month now.

She is so hot I can't even believe it.
She says she loves me and cares for me a lot and does eveything for me (cooking, paying, making out 2x everyday etc)

I have assimilated many DJ skills and applying them all the time with great success.

The only problem is that there are too many guys lined up trying to get her.

There is even a freeloader (waiting to move out next week) childhood friend that has a ton of money that is also in love with her.

Came back from work yesterday and they were sitting next to each other having a few drinks.

I got really scared and panicked. I told her I couldn't live like this, her being so close to all these people who are in love with her.

Later, she started crying saying she didn't want me to leave her etc..

I was in fact thinking of leaving out of fear of being heartbroken eventually.

She says she is willing to kick everybody out if I want but i then said it was my problem to fix this.

She has been living like this for the past 20 years in a faithful relationship with her ex husband. She said her ex was also freaking out from time to time.

So, whats attitude should I adopt?

I know this was VERY AFC but I am human afterall and can't hide this.

Thanks

Y

 

[WestCoaster]

You answered it yourself, total AFC. Panic and lack of confidence in a man are not appealing qualities to women. Panic won't bring women closer -- you may think so -- but a relaxed confidence brings the woman closer.

The attitude you should adopt is that nothing bothers you and that you're the prize and if she leaves you can bounce back in no time. But the way you started off the post I don't think you believe that. "She's so hot" blah, blah, blah ... yeah, and so are 1 billion other women. Take down the pedestal.

Right now you have her as the prize ... if you keep up this attitude, you're sunk. Bank on it.

I speak from AFC experience, did the same things you did and lost the woman. I'm not making this stuff up.

 

[yul]

Thanks.

this was a big mess and am lucky she is still there.
Although my panic was more like, "I need to sit quickly" more than anything else.

Also, she knows that I can get a lot of women because I really have and have been able to prove it.

Why did she say that she is happy to hear that I really care about her then?

She was crying because she thought I was to leave her for this...and she asked me not to leave.

Is saying I wanted to leave her because of my insecurities really AFC?

I can't possibly imagine this being easy for anyone to be challenged day in day out with actual people showing up at her place asking her out.

I know it's the price to pay to be with her but this has to be normal reaction...no?

 

[Bronxtal112]

You’re going to see men all over hot women, even the ones you are close to. The mistake you will make is to act like you give a 5hit about these men. Even if you do, pretend not to.

Are you two exclusive? If not, she really has the right to talk to anyone she wants to, and so do YOU. Play this situation cool and be indifferent until she gives you a reason to walk away.

 

[Bronxtal112]

You’re going to see men all over hot women, even the ones you are close to. The mistake you will make is to act like you give a 5hit about these men. Even if you do, pretend not to.

Are you two exclusive? If not, she really has the right to talk to anyone she wants to, and so do YOU. Play this situation cool and be indifferent until she gives you a reason to walk away.

 

[speed dawg]

Looks like you got yourself an attention wh*re. Get used to it, pal, because it's not gonna stop. My best friend's girl is like this, and, while she IS faithful to him, she's got TONS of guy friends that she hugs, gets kissed on the cheek by, talks to on the phone, flirts with, goes to lunch with,....you get my drift. All of them want to date her. H*ll, all of ANY girls "guy friends" want to date her, but they're so AFC they try to sneak in via "being friends". My buddy just never acts jealous, because basically he doesn't care about her anyway. Either way, AFC or not, you can either handle it or you can't. YOU make that choice. She isn't going to change. If you can't handle it, dump her. You, being AFC, is scared of being alone. You're not really in love with her (month???), you're just AFC and don't want to be alone. F*ck that, man. Next her if her behavior is crossing your line. Attention wh*res will drive you crazy if you fall for them.

 

[yul]

Thanks.

Yes, we are exclusive.

She's the one saying she loves me. I sometimes don't even reply.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

been seeing this awesome girl for the past month now.

She is so hot I can't even believe it.
She says she loves me and cares for me a lot and does eveything for me (cooking, paying, making out 2x everyday etc)

Need more info here. One month is NOTHING. If you are all up in this and freaked out over a girl you've been seeing for a month, you've got an accute case of ONEitis. This chick is telling you she loves you after a month? This doesn't sit right with me. Making out twice a day? Great, are you knocking it out with her twice a week or more? Or have you even gotten that far? How old is she? How old are you? Details man, details.

The only problem is that there are too many guys lined up trying to get her.

There is even a freeloader (waiting to move out next week) childhood friend that has a ton of money that is also in love with her.

Great. Let these guys do the heavy lifting for you. If this girl is as hot as you describe, she's used to a lot of attention and other guys qualifying themselves for her. If you stick to your guns and follow the DJ/PUA plan their easily accessible attentions will make your attention (that she must qualify for) that much more valuable a commodity. Remember, we only chase what runs from us and the person with the most power in any relationship is the one who needs the other the least. The minute you confirm for her that you need her more than she needs you, you'll join the ranks of her other male 'fans'.

Came back from work yesterday and they were sitting next to each other having a few drinks.

Where? Her house, your house or some bar at the end of the street? Behavior is important, but so is context. I'm not excusing it, I just want to know how she got whereever she was.

I got really scared and panicked.

Strike One. Always maintain your composure. Women are FAR more perceptive to subcommunications and body language - Scared and panicked, translates to 'lacks confidence'.

I told her I couldn't live like this, her being so close to all these people who are in love with her.

Strike Two. Verbally and overtly confirming your lack of confidence for her. You've also just confrimed for her that she is your only option and your attention is commonplace and something that other women wouldn't compete for (just like all her other 'fans').

Later, she started crying saying she didn't want me to leave her etc..

You still retain a little bit of capital here. Her insecurity cuts you some slack, but don't expect this to be the case in the future. She still percieves your attention as somewhat more valuable than the other guys.

I was in fact thinking of leaving out of fear of being heartbroken eventually.

Dude, you've been with her for a MONTH. Grow the fukk up. Spin more plates, expand your base and sh!t like this doesn't even enter the equation.

She says she is willing to kick everybody out if I want but i then said it was my problem to fix this.

Two things are happening here; #1, and a big mistake, was to accept responsibility for her disengaging with 'everybody.' This casts you in the role of "insecure posessive guy" and makes you vulnerable in the future to a guy with genuine options and confidence. I know, because I've been the guy that pounds a chick just like yours once I've made her realize what an insecure, unconfident guy she's saddled herself to, and here I am the fun guy that many women enjoy the company and sexual attentions of. NEVER hamstring yourself by accepting the blame for her like this. Not only this, but you make yourself less confident and suspicious of her.

Secondly, you've personalized it as your problem. YOU don't have a problem understand? If she needs you more than you need her, you imply that you have other options if she doesn't meet with your requirements. You are the PRINCE and the prince can play or bench any of his players as he sees fit.

She has been living like this for the past 20 years in a faithful relationship with her ex husband. She said her ex was also freaking out from time to time.

And now you're the replacement. You've accepted the role. If this girl is as exceptionally good looking as you describe, she most likely brings this out in guys. Men want to possess her and secure their 'good thing' when in fact she's never going to be this way so long as chumps will line up around the block to freely give them their attention. You have to think of this girl like any other HB sitting at the bar and shooting down guys buying her drinks. She has to be kept in a position of qualifying herself to you and you have to do this by being confident - even when you're shaking in your boots.

 

[WestCoaster]

Great post Rollo. I need to read things more carefully. I guess after all the tired "My gf is treating me like dirt" posts, I just scan them. It's as if no one reads the DJ Bible anymore.

Yes, after a month you have no idea whether you're in love or not. And if she's in love after a month, you have a drama queen ... a divorcee should know better.

Oneitis, desparation, it all stinks. He needs to go out there and build up his stable of women.

 

[NewMan]

Havign a good looking girl, guys hitting on her will come with the territory. It's just the way it is, and you should feel flaterred about that - you have a girl that other guys find attractive. The reverse of this, is where you don't want to be.


In your situation, it sounds like you are not playing back at her enough. She is controlling you and your letting your emotions get the better of you.

It's just a pvssy, and it sounds like your way to wrapped up in her physical characteristics. Your letting her control the relationship.

It's been only a month - you've got to relax things a bit. 1 month is 4 Fridays and 4 Saturdays. that's way to early to be getting head deep in emotion over a chick. At this stage in a relationship, you should be observing her and how she acts and what she does.

She has lot's of guys as friends? then that should dictate, that you need to back off. Work some women on the side. Be busy once in a while - let her pine for you. Let her want to spend time with you. When you got out or see her, take her away from her normal friends - be different.

She may just be an attention ho - and if thats the case, that's fine to - but in that case you should just fvck her and keep fvcking her as much and as often as you can - ignore the guy friends and the games she's playing - cut the emotional investment and just bang away.

 

[yul]

Thanks guys!

Well I did have a bunch of women but I somehow left them behind.
She has an idea but she knows I am still playing a bit on the sides.

She is 38 yo.

They were sitting at her place on the couch.

We have been together everyday since day 1 and making out 2x a day ever since.
We are already travelling quite a lot together for weekends outside the country and such...

Y

 

[NewMan]

We have been together everyday since day 1 and making out 2x a day ever since.

thats way to much. Cut that sh#t out.

Your fvckign her right?

 

[Latinoman]

"making out 2x a day"?

What is "making out"? Does that mean SEX or just kissing? Please be honest!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I think the short version of this is simply a comparisson of options. HB 9+ women will almost universally have a stable full of men trailing behind her, playing 'friends' with her etc. and these represent her options in the same way that spinning plates should be for a confident guy. For a beautiful woman these options are easily recognizable and her looks only confirm it further. What you have to confirm for her is that you have other options. A guy can do this with social proof of course, but women will naturally pick up perceptions of confidence from a guy's behavior - particularly when he reacts to a sh!t test.

YUL has no options and he's with a girl who verifiably has many.

 

[WestCoaster]

To branch off from Rollo's post, this got me thinking: Women often play guys like fiddles (at least in America) ... why don't more guys spin plates?

Honestly, I don't know any guys who spin plates, like none. And when I was in college, I knew very few guys who did this, and only one of my friends. Most were like me, hoping for the ONE. (Puke, barf, gag!)

I also go back to my earlier post asking if this site is helping anyone. I'm not sure, it appears 90 percent of the guys on this post still have oneitis.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

OK, DJ math time. She's 38 and was married for 20 years, ergo she was 18 when she was first married. This woman is still using an adolescent psychological skill set with regards to dating and men etc. She's still the most popular girl in high school in her head and it shows in her behavior now.

How many kids does she have?

Godammit, I hate going off on guys like you half ****ed because you're too chickensh!t to pony up the whole story, knowing what the responses here are going to be. Too many guys already KNOW the solution to their own damn problems, but can never find the sack enough to pull a trigger.

 

[yul]

"making out 2x a day"?

What is "making out"? Does that mean SEX or just kissing? Please be honest!

SEX

 

[yul]

HERE IS THE WHOLE STORY:

She is 38, with a kid. Recently divorced. We have sex 2 a day.
We go on trips and have too many things in common.

She has a house she is trying to nsell and wants me to move in with her.

She dresses in black with high boots and sexy cothes all the time.

She says I am her sould mate.
She has dated about 20 guys in the last few months too.

She knows I have also been with 10+ girls in the past few monthand over 50 girls in my life.

She cooks for me, pays, cleans up etc.

She says she would date me even if I had no money.

SEX is awesome. She squirts all the time. She says she's never had that EVER. We use handcuffs, whips, knives etc.

She says I am stuck with her for a long time and that I don't realise what I have in front of me. She is not going anywhere and she loves me.

I have had many gf's and experiences and she knows about them all.

She wants me to tell her about all the women I've been with and I do.
She wants all the details and I give her. Everything.

I am a very crooked guy and I think she won't be able to find that anywhere either.

We fu(k in the woods, in public, in the car. everywhere all the time.
She wanks 3 times daily in front of me or in the washroom. She wants me to want in front of her too.


NOW ANYBODY SHOW ME HOW YOU WOULD HAVE REMAINED CALM IN THE ABOVE SITUATIONS?
If I think of anything to add, I will edit later.

 

[NewMan]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Latinoman
"making out 2x a day"?

What is "making out"? Does that mean SEX or just kissing? Please be honest!


SEX

Problem solved.

Keep fvcking her, until she locks the barn door.

 

[Latinoman]

How old are you (yul)?