Help this n00b

[Learningquietly]

Last Thursday I broke up with my girl. It was a legitamate reason, but I shouldn't have broke up with her. I regret it and the next day she called to get a better understanding why I did what I did.

During this call she asked to clear some things up, which I did and I told her it was an immature thing to do. Later I called her and I asked her to go for a walk by the river so we could talk some things out. I never appologized. She said she would be busy and basically blew me off. I guess I can't really blame her.

The next day we talked on aim a little and then a few days went by with no communication and yesterday we talked on aim again. All seemed to be going well throughout these conversations and then at the end when we were saying our good byes I told her lets get together sometime and go for a walk. She just said, "I don't know" good night Gabe. I responded with, "well nm, I'm not going to beg. Good night." and this morning I gave her a call asking her to bring some of my stuff I left over her place to work (we both work at the same place, but don't see eachother really here) Saturday. She called me back and left a voicemail stating that she would and if I needed it sooner that it wouldn't be a problem to bring it to me and if not she'd bring it Saturday. I never called her back and I don't intend on calling her back. When I get my stuff Saturday I plan on being cold and short, but cordial. Is this the right approach?

I want to get back together with her and at the same time I think she does too. What do you guys reccomend. Should I just freeze her out?

Thanks.

Sincerly,

Noob

 

[Learningquietly]

Just to clear things up, our conversations were about random stuff and didn't pertain to our problems. I never said sorry, but it still feels like she has me by a hook now. I gave her that oppportunity. I'm kinda an idiot.

 

[Brandonc662]

by telling us the "legitimate" reason why you broke it off will help in giving you the best advise for your situation

 

[Desdinova]

When I get my stuff Saturday I plan on being cold and short, but cordial. Is this the right approach?

After you get your stuff, throw her number in the garbage can. There's no point in trying to save this one. In fact, it sounds like she had already lost her attraction toward you by the time you ended the relationship. She seems to be relieved that it's over and wants to move on with her life.

I want to get back together with her and at the same time I think she does too.

No she doesn't. If she did, she would have gone for the walk with you and would've begged you not to leave.

The relationship is finished. It's time for the both of you to move on with your lives.

 

[WC2]

I don't know if it's necessarily last call for you and your girl here, but you have indeed dug yourself a hole.

Let me guess - you got mad at something she did and decided that the only way to receive a full emotional apology was to dump her on the spot and expect her to come crying back to you.

Sure, guys do it all the time.

The only problem is that you didn't execute fully. The second you called her afterwards, she knew that you weren't fully committed to the breakup. After that, she lost interest in you (or was never really interested in the first place). You look like a big joke after pulling a stunt like that. In effect, you showed her that you would give in to her even after you had dumped her.

I think you need to give us some more information (like why you dumped her?) before anyone can make a recommendation to ya.

 

[Learningquietly]

I don't know if it's necessarily last call for you and your girl here, but you have indeed dug yourself a hole.

Let me guess - you got mad at something she did and decided that the only way to receive a full emotional apology was to dump her on the spot and expect her to come crying back to you.

Sure, guys do it all the time.

The only problem is that you didn't execute fully. The second you called her afterwards, she knew that you weren't fully committed to the breakup. After that, she lost interest in you (or was never really interested in the first place). You look like a big joke after pulling a stunt like that. In effect, you showed her that you would give in to her even after you had dumped her.

I think you need to give us some more information (like why you dumped her?) before anyone can make a recommendation to ya.

The breakup had a lot to do with not working out our problems through communication. The night I broke up with her we were arguing about how she always gets jealous when I go out with my boys. I make it clear to her that when it's an all guys night out she won't be coming. She went out with two of her intern girlfriends this night and the day before I left her a message on aim stating that I'd be going out with my buddy mike and that I wanted her to come. She claimed she never got it, but her away message was changed from then so I'm pretty sure she got it. Regardless, she started saying how I never invite her out and asked if I am uncomfortable or ashamed of her or some crap. Of course I'm not though. She knows all of my friends and if anything I know none of hers basically cuz she has very few. it has just been this summer that I've been passive on asking her to go out because she is working a very important internship where she wakes up at like 5am. Well we had this argument and she didn't want to resolve it over the phone and just kept saying whatever I'm going to go now. This has happened numerous times and my thing is if you can't talk through your probs and resolve them then what the heck is the point of continuing a relationship. I guess I wanted to make a point and it backfired on me.

The fact is this is an ongoing thing. She doesn't have many friends and I think this is what contributes to her actions or how she feels about me going out with my buds (which is pretty rare cuz I work a lot and go to school and don't have much time).

I'll give you one more example of how wierd and jealous she can get. Few weeks ago I went out with the buddies and told her about this get together earlier in the day. She hounded me all day and asked me atleast 2-3 times if I was still going. The next day she would be working a double like 5:30am-6:30pm and I worked 4-12am. I got out of work and met my buddies out. I figured she'd be sleeping but I get a call around 12:30am from her saying that she was going into work early because she couldn't sleep. I knew I was the reason for this. Perhaps she didn't trust me. I don't know. I was like you should stop by because I did have a buddy of mine that I wanted her to meet, however now that I look back I shouldn't have played into her game. I should have just said ok and got off the phone.

Regardless a lot of you are getting me thinking and you might be right. If she shows so little concern, maybe she did lose the attraction for me. I just can't believe it yet though because she is under a lot of pressure at this intern (ie. will have to perform 5 oral presentations, 30 min each within like 10 weeks), she still works a few shifts at another job and I don't think her next few days off are for like two weeks. She works every day until then. I basically have the same type of schedule.

We've only been dating like 6 months, but I still have strong feelings for this girl. I can usually just let them go, but this one is differnt.

Any advice from you guys is appreciated. Sorry if some of this is garbled. I'm at work and inbetween stuff.

 

[Learningquietly]

bump

bump

 

[YoungSir4sho]

Its not like she cheated or anythin, plain n simple u shouldn't have broke up wit her if u still got feelings fo her. Mind as well move on n erase everythin bout her