Help! Think I goofed...

[PokerInTheRear]

Been spinning plates and have two forerunners... Both want me to commit. Both have good ltr potential.

With all things equal (pluses and negs), I told girl one its a go... Just seem to have more spark there. I have no oneitis for either...

I like girl two as well and know I will hurt her with this news - hate to hurt her, but I have tolet her know. I could have slept with her this weekend, but already knew where my decision was heading, and opted to not go there on her account.

Guys, I need advice on how to do this... I feel terrible about it.

Whats the best way to do this?

 

[Warrior74]

It's not you it's me.

I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.

I think we should take a break.

I think we should just be friends.



Trust me, she's a girl, she knows what all of these things mean. You're speaking her language. What ever you do, don't tell the truth. I found someone better than you and I want her instead. Nobody wants to hear that.

Afterwards. No contact.

 

[PokerInTheRear]

It's not you it's me.

I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.

I think we should take a break.

I think we should just be friends.



Trust me, she's a girl, she knows what all of these things mean. You're speaking her language. What ever you do, don't tell the truth. I found someone better than you and I want her instead. Nobody wants to hear that.

Afterwards. No contact.

Really? Man, we've all had that 5hit said to us and it sucks. She does know i am seeing othe rs - I was up front about that...

I was planning to give it to her straight...

It sucks because I do like this girl.

 

[Warrior74]

Really? Man, we've all had that 5hit said to us and it sucks. She does know i am seeing othe rs - I was up front about that...

I was planning to give it to her straight...

It sucks because I do like this girl.

So what sucks more? Letting her down easy with pat phrases that she knows the meaning of (or not), or telling the harsh truth? You want some magic pill here, some happy third option. Look its no easy way to dump someone and its never gonna be fun to get dumped. This is part of the game you chose to play, this is the cost, now pay it and move on.

"listen, I like you, you're great, but you know I'm dating other people, and I think you should date other people too. I think we should just be friends. I enjoyed the time we spent together but I think we should both take some time to explore our options. We can still be friends right?"

How about that one? Trust me no matter how you say it, it still gonna burn. That's life.

 

[The Duke]

There's no magic pill. You'll hurt her no matter how its said. Just be up front and tactful. You can always respect a person that conducts business that way.

I told a top notch girl who had tons to offer that I dated exclusively for 9months that I didn't think I was making her happy and that we shouldn't continue. She was devastated for months afterwards. I let her down as easy as I could and it still sent a shock wave thru her little world.

We still talk and she still reminds me how crazy she was about me and how bad I hurt her when I pulled the plug.

I can say this, the only girl to have is one thats crazy about you. The one who thinks about you all the time and her world revolves around you. The one you don't have to play games with to keep attracted. The one who is thrilled just to stand next to you...........Thats the one you keep.

 

[PokerInTheRear]

I hear ya guys... Just wish I knew I was picking the right one.

 

[grayclif]

I can say this, the only girl to have is one thats crazy about you. The one who thinks about you all the time and her world revolves around you. The one you don't have to play games with to keep attracted. The one who is thrilled just to stand next to you...........Thats the one you keep.

Word!!!

 

[jophil28]

Been spinning plates and have two forerunners... Both want me to commit. Both have good ltr potential.

This bothers me ^

According to that you are willing to be put in a position of dumping one because they want a "relationship" .
I will say it slowly again. You are making this step because of what THEY want.
You appear to be willing to dump one woman because the other wants you to commit .
So what do YOU want?

 

[PokerInTheRear]

This bothers me ^

According to that you are willing to be put in a position of dumping one because they want a "relationship" .
I will say it slowly again. You are making this step because of what THEY want.
You appear to be willing to dump one woman because the other wants you to commit .
So what do YOU want?

Hey Jophil,

I understand what you're saying... I've known for some time that the one (not the one being dumped) has wanted a relationship with me exclusively. I too have been interested in a relationship with her.

There have been some things that have caused me caution and therefore prevented me from being receptive to a relationship with her. I have watched to see how these cautionary aspects would play out for some time... The things that have made me hesitant in the past are no longer an issue.

Ultimately, I do want to have a good relationship - one-on-one with a woman. A GOOD relationship... I do believe at this point that this lady is worthy enough to give it a go.

I do not feel pressured into it by her and feel confident in my ability to not become an AFC pu55y about it.

I'm just feeling guilty about what I have to do, knowing full-well I may hurt a good girl. No one likes that part, but it is part of the game unfortunately. I'm going to have to make that call in the next hour or so... I'll report back with my experience.

I just hope I can keep from fumbling around for the right words. UHHG!

 

[jophil28]

Hey Jophil,

I understand what you're saying... I've known for some time that the one (not the one being dumped) has wanted a relationship with me exclusively. I too have been interested in a relationship with her.

There have been some things that have caused me caution and therefore prevented me from being receptive to a relationship with her. I have watched to see how these cautionary aspects would play out for some time... The things that have made me hesitant in the past are no longer an issue.

Ultimately, I do want to have a good relationship - one-on-one with a woman. A GOOD relationship... I do believe at this point that this lady is worthy enough to give it a go.

I do not feel pressured into it by her and feel confident in my ability to not become an AFC pu55y about it.

I'm just feeling guilty about what I have to do, knowing full-well I may hurt a good girl. No one likes that part, but it is part of the game unfortunately. I'm going to have to make that call in the next hour or so... I'll report back with my experience.

I just hope I can keep from fumbling around for the right words. UHHG!

It sounds like you have made your mind up.
I am curious however.
You say that you don't feel pressured, so why are you discarding a perfectly good woman.
Do you fear losing your A girl if you don't, or perhaps spinning two plates is just too damn tiring?

 

[PokerInTheRear]

perhaps spinning two plates is just too damn tiring?

j

BINGO! Honestly, I have a very limited amount of social time due to work and kids... It was getting way too tough running around with these two...

I made the call and it went surprisingly well... She ended up telling me she was going to have the same talk with me :rock:

She had asked me this weekend to be exclusive with her and I said I wasn't looking for that... She said she didn't want to keep putting herself out there if I wasn't willing to do the same.

I just told her I think she's a great person and I wish her the best - said I consider her a friend and know good things will come her way... and we ended the call in less than 5 min.

I'm actually excited to see how my new relationship turns out... I'm viewing this as an experiment and will start a log about it. Getting the girl hasn't been a huge issue for me in the past, keeping her has been the challenge...

Going to try to keep the attraction going here...:rockon:

 

[hithard]

j

I'm actually excited to see how my new relationship turns out... :

How long has it been since your last relationship?

I have has two plates (one ditched, one current) start to bug me about commitment. I'm still fresh out of a relationship, so I'm just not interested atm.
Sex on tap and only see them when I'm not busy doing my own thing, God what more do they want

 

[squirrels]

I'm actually excited to see how my new relationship turns out... I'm viewing this as an experiment and will start a log about it. Getting the girl hasn't been a huge issue for me in the past, keeping her has been the challenge...

Going to try to keep the attraction going here...:rockon:

If you're at the "exclusive" point, then "keeping her" should no longer be a "challenge" and "keeping the attraction going" shouldn't be something you have to TRY for.

If they ARE challenges, then maybe you're not ready to BE in an "exclusive" relationship. This isn't a never-ending game of "pretend-to-be-Don-Juan", you have to BE a Don Juan.

Having "game" is NOT ENOUGH for an exclusive LTR or marriage. You have to BE game, incarnate.

If not, you will get burned out "spinning one plate" the same way you did "spinning two plates". This should be something you ENJOY, not something you have to "make time for" by not doing the things you want to do.

"Game" is like anything else. There's a time when it's no longer about "trying", it just comes without thinking. You're not a "master" of a martial art if you still have to think out every punch, kick, block, and motion in advance. You're not an expert skier if you're still having to think "pizza, french fries, pizza" as you go down the slope, no matter HOW fast you're moving.

If you still have to think about it, you're not in control, and it's not coming naturally, and when it comes too fast for you, your "relationship" is gonna sh*t a brick and crash.

Your mind has to push this down into your subconscious to where it becomes AUTOMATIC to make the "Don Juan" move.

From the way you're talking, what you've done is "fool" two women into thinking you're "LTR-caliber". There's no harm in that, but when you decide to COMMIT to one and, more importantly, make HER commit to YOU, you'd better be damned sure you are what you pretend to be.

This is why I call most of the relationships I see in modern society, "playing house".

Maybe I'm wrong and you're truly ready for this...I hope so, anyway. But if it is, stop talking like you don't know what you're doing. Man up and go for it.

 

[PokerInTheRear]

Squirrels, you are a meanie ha ha...

I hear ya, but actually, for the first time, I believe it. It's different in that girl or no girl, I know I'm good to go.

Trust me, this girl has worked hard to qualify herself to me. There is a simple attraction between us that does not feel like work at all.

 

[squirrels]

Squirrels, you are a meanie ha ha...

I hear ya, but actually, for the first time, I believe it. It's different in that girl or no girl, I know I'm good to go.

Trust me, this girl has worked hard to qualify herself to me. There is a simple attraction between us that does not feel like work at all.

Good...then enjoy yourself and go forward being the great lover you've become.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1774715&postcount=9

 

[Warrior74]

j

BINGO! Honestly, I have a very limited amount of social time due to work and kids... It was getting way too tough running around with these two...

I made the call and it went surprisingly well... She ended up telling me she was going to have the same talk with me :rock:

She had asked me this weekend to be exclusive with her and I said I wasn't looking for that... She said she didn't want to keep putting herself out there if I wasn't willing to do the same.

I just told her I think she's a great person and I wish her the best - said I consider her a friend and know good things will come her way... and we ended the call in less than 5 min.

I'm actually excited to see how my new relationship turns out... I'm viewing this as an experiment and will start a log about it. Getting the girl hasn't been a huge issue for me in the past, keeping her has been the challenge...

Going to try to keep the attraction going here...:rockon:

Glad it turned out for the best! Sounds like she was really mature about the whole thing. Good luck!

 

[PokerInTheRear]

Yowzah!

Had to bring this thread back to life...

So as stated above, let the other girl go... We haven't communicated at all since we had our break-things-off chat on Monday night.

This morning I get a text from her saying that she noticed that I took my profile off of the dating site I met her on and she just wanted to say that she hopes I'm doing okay and no need to respond...

I did respond - there is no bad-blood and this girl was a tough one to let go of as she's really cool... I told her thanks for her concern, but I just needed to clear my head a bit so I took my profile down (did not tell her anything about going exclusive with another girl). She said she hoped she didn't push me too hard, and if I ever need to talk, she's there for me... Wow - seems like a pretty cool girl no?

Well, now I'm all effed-up thinking I picked the wrong girl of the two to go exclusive with... sonofa*****.

What do ya'll suggest?

 

[Jamo]

The grass is greener next door? :yes:

 

[grayclif]

Dude! She just got dumped what do you expect her to say.

 

[jophil28]

Well, now I'm all effed-up thinking I picked the wrong girl of the two to go exclusive with... sonofa*****.

What do ya'll suggest?

This story is a great example of how skilled women are at playing with your mind and emotions and how easily they manipulate mens' feelings.
The girl that you dumped sent you a seemingly innocent text of goodwill, and now you are seriously second guessing your decision to drop her.
In fact, now you are questioning your ability to make good decisions to the extent that you find a need to post about your confusion. You then go on to describe your emotional state as " all effed up ...".

She sure understands how to use a teaspoon of honey .