Help please...how would you prefer or suggest a woman respond to

[LiveYourDream]

If you are hitting on a woman (who you will see for years to come) and she knows she's not going to engage/escalate with you further, how would you most prefer her to respond to you and your interest/approach? What would you most prefer she say or do, to let you know and when in the interaction?

I moved to a very small town. I am regularly getting hit on by men from 25-60. Some escalate repeatedly with extra friendly closeness and kino over time (which makes me really uncomfortable), while others go straight to offers to come to my home or to be FWB. Most are men, from businesses whose goods or services I use. In the event of an emergency their willingness and immediate assistance could also be crucial to me. These are men who I will see again, and again, for many years to come. They are not businesses and services I can simply replace with others.

How can I best respond so it's clear that I am not interested in more (so, hopefully, it's a one time only clarification) while also being considerate of the man and his compliment and boldness to approach? I'd like to be able to communicate it in a way that leaves him feeling positive, as well as myself, and especially so there is no awkwardness in the future about it. Help please...

In my life I have almost always had the easy and buffered decline via having a ltr/boyfriend or being married. For the times when those didn't apply usually there were work rules or it was a complete stranger who I would never expect to see again. I have always done my best to be kind and gracious. Living in a rural tiny town now is a whole different world. I see these men again and again. Sometimes I feel really uncomfortable afterwards or when I see them again. I have even tried avoiding some. I can't live in hiding and avoid engaging life. My ex here has already inspired enough of that for one lifetime. Some of these men, like he, seem to simply directly or indirectly keep at it. Help please...

I want to get along well here and feel comfortable. Any suggestions for how to best and most clearly respond, for all involved, would be incredibly appreciated!!!

 

[Dingo]

Just tell them.... "I'm flattered but not interested.... Thank you"....

Polite yet direct... and it works.

I've used it before and it works fine with minimal awkwardness.

 

[El Payaso]

What Dingo said.

You might lose the potential to use their services but oh well, it is what it is.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Don't show any interest back. Be polite, but without sexual interest and only respond to statements or questions in a business-like manner to convey that you only want the goods/services they are providing. Now most guys should be able to take a hint, but in today's society, men are idiots when it comes to reading interest and disinterest. If they still persist, respond the same and do not do anything or say anything that may escalate the situation. The only time you need to be direct is if they do 'kino' on you and it makes you uncomfortable. At that point it would be ok to tell them that you do not view them with any romantic/sexual interest. It doesn't matter how you word it as long as what you say is concise and direct. That awkward feeling you may get after dealing with them again? So what? You get what you need and leave, it's their fault for not taking the hint. If they are for whatever reason hurt or offended by you at any point in here, again it's their fault for not taking the hint.

While I cannot speak for every man out there, I can say that these actions would be the least impactful on me if I were in these men's shoes anyway.

 

[BeExcellent]

Some variety of Dingo's approach works well for me. I'm in a similar venue now myself and as you know relationships in a small town are important.

I will say almost exactly what @Dingo suggested or some variable that is appropriate for the individual in question. As long as you handle it succinctly and directly you should do fine. Kind & assertive & direct but not aggressive. Graceful.

I will sometimes gently remind those who don't receive the initial message by saying,

"Now Douglas (or whoever), please behave."

Then I move on to whatever we need to discuss. I have cultivated a sterling reputation in town over time. I think the way I am respectful of the men I interact with is a key to this.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Just buy a giant fake diamond ring from Wal-Mart. $30, problem solved.

 

[Bingo-Player]

if you dont want to lose there services/ business

perhaps then it would be wise to just humor them ?

these men sound weak they shouldn't be difficult to manipulate ........

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I wouldn't say "I'm not interested" because this might p1ss them off. Guys hate it when you're not interested in them, and this is not the response you need if you might want help from them.

I would say "thank you that's sweet of you but I'm already seeing someone." It's kind of like saying, i would like you but i'm already loyal to another man.

You didn't need to write so much haha. It's a woman thing I guess.

Just say you're in a long distance relationship. This way you'll have an excuse for when they say "I've never seen you with anyone before!" Oh, and some guys are really b!tches, so throw in a "I'm surprised" or "Oh my! How sweet of you. But I'm in a LDR. Sorry!" Any variation. There's really not much to it

Any of these LiveYourDream. You want to make them feel like they are not the problem, is that other fvcking guy that has already you....lol

if you dont want to lose there services/ business

perhaps then it would be wise to just humor them ?

these men sound weak they shouldn't be difficult to manipulate ........

As I read, LiveYourDream is doing her best to be a supportive and femenine women...not a manipulative b1tch, that's why she's around SoSuave.

 

[Bingo-Player]

i have no sympathy for weak men who allow themselves to be manipulated by women

its their problem

 

[CuddleJunkie]

i have no sympathy for weak men who allow themselves to be manipulated by women

its their problem

Indeed, but I will encourage any woman that tries to increase her femininity by being gentle even towards strangers.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

This is very awkward. I have this with females as well, believe it or not. A girl in my office literally tried to mount me in front of everyone at last year's Christmas party. She was wasted to be fair; but has since made no real apologies and still flirts incessantly in the office.

I have similar situations all the way along with physical friends. A simple 'no' or 'no thanks' and creating a bit of physical distance between the subject and self should suffice. Decent people, men or women, will respect that.

The longer you go on and maintain physical boundaries, people soon lose interest because they realise they'll not get anywhere with you. No point hiding away; but equally avoid compromising situations where you can be blamed for leading people on.

Last resort, get a boyfriend. The others will soon back off!

 

[LiveYourDream]

You didn't need to write so much haha. It's a woman thing I guess.

I know my posts are crazy long. I try not to write so much. I really do. Men have this great ability to laser in on the center of the target and communicate just the bull's eye points with laser like precision. My female brain sees the whole target and a billion things around it and seemingly sometimes must circle around and around till I finally reach the center/bull's eye. It's tedious for me too. It's just how it works most of the time. Understand women don't do it to annoy you or waste your time, it's just their operating system. Men are built with more inherent laser focus while women have more diffuse focus. Both are purposeful. That's another topic. I appreciate your and all the men here who are patient with it. I get that it can be annoying. Get to the point, already. Know I am trying. This is a perfect example. ha, ha.

I wouldn't say "I'm not interested" because this might p1ss them off. Guys hate it when you're not interested in them, and this is not the response you need if you might want help from them.
I would say "thank you that's sweet of you but I'm already seeing someone." It's kind of like saying, i would like you but i'm already loyal to another man.

Just say you're in a long distance relationship. This way you'll have an excuse for when they say "I've never seen you with anyone before!" Oh, and some guys are really b!tches, so throw in a "I'm surprised" or "Oh my! How sweet of you. But I'm in a LDR. Sorry!" Any variation. There's really not much to it

You want to make them feel like they are not the problem, is that other fvcking guy that has already you...

I certainly don't want to piss any of these men off. They are good men. Interactions with them are always friendly and upbeat. We get along well and easily and I'd like to keep it that way. These are men who I might see 2x a week to 2x a year. With each interaction you get to know each other bit by bit. I appreciate who they are. I appreciate how they help me. In a similar way that I appreciate the men here at SS. Each displays a uniqueness that makes him, him. I appreciate that individuality.

I can't lie. It is just how I am built. Even little white lies, I can't do. I know it would seem simpler if I could. Literally, if I say something that is untruthful, I'll need to immediately go back clarify what is actually true. The littlest thing will seem gigantic until I clear it up. That's just me. I know that makes this more challenging to be graceful and not offensive and not hurt feelings. Help please. What else can I say (specifics are great) that is true and lighthearted and won't offend them?

What else would be really good to say to them, without using any lies, so without suggesting a current BF or LDR or that I am seeing someone else? These men can easily ask who he is or about my relationship with phantom BF and I can't go there. The truth is, for a variety of reasons I am not ready enter my next LTR, so dating is not in my radar and I am not a ONS girl. I am off the market so speak right now. I do have my eye on a particular man I'd like to meet/connect with, when I am back on the market, should he still be available. It's going to be a while longer for me. In the meanwhile, how can I best respond to the men hitting on me, without making anything up?

I am sorry to make it more difficult. I just don't know the best way to respond. I really appreciate your help figuring it out.

P.S. If it helps to differentiate, many are not relationship geared but clear immediate sexual/FWB/ONS type escalations. As enticing as they can be, those just straight up aren't something I engage. Would it help to address those that way as not to be about the man? Does that not work well because I am not up for more either, right now? Then there are the married men, who openly look for something on the side. I have no interest in that either. Not sure if helps to be one answer for all or more more specific? I really am grateful for any help.

TL;DR Bold above

 

[The Duke]

Just tell them.... "I'm flattered but not interested.... Thank you"....

Polite yet direct... and it works.

I've used it before and it works fine with minimal awkwardness.

Its funny, most of you guys preach all this pump and dump, no contact, don't worry about what she thinks, be Alpha, do your own thing, spin plates, be a man tough guy schitt and the only response worthy of that status is Dingo's. Some of these postings (other than Dingo's) remind me of a response a bunch of weak, game playing, half truth, insecure women would throw out there.

Treat others how you expect to be treated. If you want honesty going forward, then be honest to begin with. This isn't hard. Coddling the weak is why this country is in the shape its in.

 

[Julian]

"Oh hey now stop that you scoundrel! Im a good moral woman didnt you know? teehee". This works best with a southern drawl.

Just play it off with flirtatiousness...you need to be the carrot on the stick. Give a little kino back but then withdraw. If they ask to be a FWB then just say your waiting for marriage. You just need to play these clowns. Cant be too hard. lol. Give them a little smile and make em feel good, boost their little ego's and you will stay in good standing. bonus points for slooty milf clothing. Just be there for the white knight admiration and DONT give it up.

Also like i said...say your waiting for marriage nothing will scare a man away faster then a woman saying marriage if he just wants FWB/Sex

 

[Alvafe]

I guess you will need to undertand, you can't keep contact with guys when they want you, sure some are very well okish to be friendzoned, some will not, there is no way for you to keep they help in the future if you reject then.

best thing for you and for then is saying youa re not interested and ask for then to stop, save tehn and yopurself from wasting time

 

[playa99]

Honesty is the best policy IMO, both @Dingo and @BeExcellent responses are on the money. You may feel awkward initially, but down the line an honest response will pay dividends.

In college I had girls who I was not interested in after me, as I would talk and have a laugh with anyone. I didn't have the heart to tell them I wasn't interested with the exception of one who had a BF.

I ended up being friends with the girl who had a BF & the girls I led along ended up hating me and badmouthing me due to my playing games.

 

[Huffman]

The best way to prevent hard feelings is to stop them before they develop, right from the start. Be light hearted about it, nobody loses face, everyone still respects each other. A friend of mine tells me how guys often thank her for being honest and upfront. This would also go a long way in trust, if you are business associates.

Of course, it all depends on the guy - some men will just be butthurt and hate you. Send them to sosuave so they can grow a pair.

 

[Huffman]

Men are built with more inherent laser focus

I almost got a headache trying to apply my laser focus to your post

 

[Ronaldo7]

If one is victim of manipulation, one can conclude that the victim is the inferior party.

Manipulation is intelligence. Therefore, he/she who manipulates demonstrates superior intellect.

One can't be a victim if one is the intelligent party in the aforementioned combat. Facts of life.

Strong eats the weak. The smart manipulate the dumb. The tall overwhelms the short.

If one is victim to it, focus on becoming better. Focus on becoming wiser.

Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better.

 

[Trump]

If you are hitting on a woman (who you will see for years to come) and she knows she's not going to engage/escalate with you further, how would you most prefer her to respond to you and your interest/approach? What would you most prefer she say or do, to let you know and when in the interaction?

I moved to a very small town. I am regularly getting hit on by men from 25-60. Some escalate repeatedly with extra friendly closeness and kino over time (which makes me really uncomfortable), while others go straight to offers to come to my home or to be FWB. Most are men, from businesses whose goods or services I use. In the event of an emergency their willingness and immediate assistance could also be crucial to me. These are men who I will see again, and again, for many years to come. They are not businesses and services I can simply replace with others.

How can I best respond so it's clear that I am not interested in more (so, hopefully, it's a one time only clarification) while also being considerate of the man and his compliment and boldness to approach? I'd like to be able to communicate it in a way that leaves him feeling positive, as well as myself, and especially so there is no awkwardness in the future about it. Help please...

In my life I have almost always had the easy and buffered decline via having a ltr/boyfriend or being married. For the times when those didn't apply usually there were work rules or it was a complete stranger who I would never expect to see again. I have always done my best to be kind and gracious. Living in a rural tiny town now is a whole different world. I see these men again and again. Sometimes I feel really uncomfortable afterwards or when I see them again. I have even tried avoiding some. I can't live in hiding and avoid engaging life. My ex here has already inspired enough of that for one lifetime. Some of these men, like he, seem to simply directly or indirectly keep at it. Help please...

I want to get along well here and feel comfortable. Any suggestions for how to best and most clearly respond, for all involved, would be incredibly appreciated!!!

Come on dear. You have tons of experience and give lots of advice in here on sex and relationships and dating. Yet you don't know how to reject a handsome tall 25 year old man who is dying to sleep with you at 45?

Sounds a little off...