Help! Only alpha sometimes

[iCatch]

sorry for not posting this in the high school section. no one ever looks there.

ok i have this problem where i can be completely alpha when im in a group of people i don't know that well, but when i get in a group where everyone is known to be alpha and not alpha, it's hard for me to be alpha. did i say that right?

basically when you're in high school everyone already has a reputation for being something. i can be totally alpha in a group of people i don't know well, but when im in a group where there are already "assigned" alphas i can't do anything about it. it's not that i don't think i can be alpha in the group. i just think it would be weird if all of a sudden i came out of no where and took more control in the group

help?

 

[Dimehair]

I feel like I have the same thing happen to me, but I have a theory as to why. When I'm in a group of new people and nobody knows each other, everyone is shy (as is normal with strangers). That makes it easier for me to lead, and since people are uncomfortable and don't want to upset anything or anyone, they follow. When I'm with a group that has been together for a long time and is formed of good friends, I can't do anything. I can't start talking about football when everyone else is talking about yesterday's party (that I wasn't at) or about how Miranda is such a wh0re because of what she did in the bathroom at Jake's party ("What did she do? Who's Miranda? When was this? Why do we care?") I think it's just harder to AMOG people that know each other better than you know them because you can easily come off as d!ck when you're just messing around. Meanwhile, the other AMOG can actually be a d!ck, but ask anyone and he "was just messing around". It's all about being able to get to know people as quickly and effectively as possible.

 

[Ollie]

The essence of confidence is being so sure of yourself that other people's opinions don't effect you. Who cares if people think it's strange that you're taking more control. They're just jealous that they don't have the balls to do the same thing. Being alpha doesn't mean loud and talking to everyone and showing off how cool you are. It means being 100% comfortable in your own skin. People can take you or leave you. Outcome doesn't matter. Just go in there, be yourself, and act like you belong there and no one belongs more than you. You'd be surprised at how people react to true confidence. They can't help but follow.

 

[x86]

no one belongs more than you.

Now that is not confidence. That is arrogance.

 

[Following_of_Me]

Now that is not confidence. That is arrogance.

That didn't come off as arrogant to me, I think you misread his comment.

When he says "no one belongs more than you do", I think that's good advice to follow. The reality of it is nobody is more important or belongs any more than you, it's all about perception. People might be jerks and try and make you feel like you don't belong, and being confident to know that you don't have to try and fit in and you have every right to approach any group regardless of "social status" is important.

 

[Alle_Gory]

sorry for not posting this in the high school section. no one ever looks there.

ok i have this problem where i can be completely alpha when im in a group of people i don't know that well, but when i get in a group where everyone is known to be alpha and not alpha, it's hard for me to be alpha. did i say that right?

basically when you're in high school everyone already has a reputation for being something. i can be totally alpha in a group of people i don't know well, but when im in a group where there are already "assigned" alphas i can't do anything about it. it's not that i don't think i can be alpha in the group. i just think it would be weird if all of a sudden i came out of no where and took more control in the group

help?

No dude. You're replacing 'respect' with 'alpha'. Its not the same thing.

Alpha is the guy at the top of the chain. The rooster. In the classroom its the teacher, in the hallway its that dude who's on the football team or whatever. On the bus, its the bus driver or the principal, etc.

Its not something you do, its something you are. If you want to be like that then go ahead and go for it. You're not going to 'be alpha' all the time. Also, control is an illusion. Forget about it. What you're looking for is influence. This is the real 'control'. You can't take charge of a group until they respect you and listen to you and what you have to say. You're chosen to be the leader.

Sounds to me like you're really worried what they think of you. This is the wrong way.