Help me understand this so I can learn

[pumpit21]

Ive been learning a lot since i have discovered this site years ago. I had dated a girl for a year about a year ago. We broke up last Feb. I went no contact, did my own thing, focused on my life. On New Years weekend I see her at a party. She approaches me, and is giving me the feeling that she is interested. (A lot of eye contact, laughing and just the general aura wasa there to I know she was showing me she was interested) We talked for a while and she was suppose to hang out for an after party but certain circumstances came and we couldnt. She initiated couple texts following day, essentially breaking our NC that we had. The texting stops, couple weeks later I see her randomly at the grocery store by her place (i wasnt stalking, just was in that area. This time things were different. She starts talking in a different manner and the general feeling is shes not pursuing me anymore. It was more of a friend talking to friend vibe. (Couple my friends said maybe it was because she wasnt drinking like NYE).
Then last weekend see her at a mutual friends place. Same thing, no vibe. Im engaging her friends and making them laugh and when she came over, made her laugh too, but it still was a different vibe from NYE.
Opportunity presented itself yesterday when my softball team needed a girl to plaly, i texted her asking and she declined.

Update to present time.
What I learned from this site is that when a girl goes hot/cold there is usually another guy involved. So a friend of hers told me today that she was dating a guy again. The same guy that was "her rebound" couple months after we broke up. Apparently they got back in contact on NYE and have been dating since.

So here is what I dont understand. She apparently broke up with him because she didnt want anything serious with him. She has mentioned she has issues with herself that she needs to sort out. On NYE she shows interest in me, texts me for the next couple days, yet she gets back in contact with him too and have been dating since. She mentioned to my friend that she has sorted her issues and is dating that guy again. What was the point to pursue me for those two days if she was planning on getting back with him? Ego validation? I really cant figure this out

 

[Slickster]

It doesn't sound like she really pursued you those two days. Maybe showed a little interest.

Of course her ego needs validation, she's a woman.

The question I'm wondering is why do you care about getting back with an ex?

 

[L B]

Women let their guard down when in celebration mode (NYE). Add that to having problems with her lover, she turn to you for comfort (safety blanket). When things worked out for her and her lover, she has no use for you.

Don't waste time on women like this. If you meet her on Valentines Day and she had a fight with her bf, she will be all over you. Then leave you the next day. She would be good for friends with benefit if you have enough experience to handle her.

Time is better spent focusing on yourself and other women.

 

[grayclif]

What I learned from this site is that when a girl goes hot/cold there is usually another guy involved.

What was the point to pursue me for those two days if she was planning on getting back with him? Ego validation? I really cant figure this out

I think you got it figured out... but it seems as though you still have a bit of oneitis for this one. You guys have been broken up for a year and I think you know she's not good for you. If you were spinning plates you wouldn't have given her actions a second thought.

 

[pumpit21]

Women let their guard down when in celebration mode (NYE). Add that to having problems with her lover, she turn to you for comfort (safety blanket). When things worked out for her and her lover, she has no use for you.

Don't waste time on women like this. If you meet her on Valentines Day and she had a fight with her bf, she will be all over you. Then leave you the next day. She would be good for friends with benefit if you have enough experience to handle her.

Time is better spent focusing on yourself and other women.

You could be right, the only thing that disagrees with that was that on NYE she wasnt just using me as a safety blanket. She was the one that broke up with this guy because she wasnt ready for something serious with him. She sees me on NYE and is telling me she was thinking about me and misses me etc. But yet, shes able to go back to the other guy, to which she did. Those next couple days she was still texting me and conversing with me.

In all honesty, I am seeing someone else. I find myself always comparing the two and the girl Im seeing is really into me. Does things that the ex would never do, yet I do find myself thinking about my ex. Oneitis, eh, possibly although I think about her i dont think its oneitis because like i mentioned I went a year with no contact with her. I can and have moved on but not fully. Im not sure how I really feel about the ex or even if I would ever go back to her but knowing myself, I feel like I need to figure this out.

Why would she break up with a "rebound" guy to figure things out about herself, pursue me for a couple days, and also during the same time get back with this guy to work on that again? Does she think he is better for her than me?

 

[pumpit21]

Women let their guard down when in celebration mode (NYE). Add that to having problems with her lover, she turn to you for comfort (safety blanket). When things worked out for her and her lover, she has no use for you.

Don't waste time on women like this. If you meet her on Valentines Day and she had a fight with her bf, she will be all over you. Then leave you the next day. She would be good for friends with benefit if you have enough experience to handle her.

Time is better spent focusing on yourself and other women.

it didnt seem to me like she let her guard down, because like i was saying, this other guy was at the same nye trip that i was in.

 

[jophil28]

Pumpit,

This is the third thread you've started on this subject. The previous two already told you that she was seeking validation.

I don't want to beat you up mate, but seriously, how many threads does it take to "get it"?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181193
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181194

What is going on here is that YOU are hung up on this girl. Go find more women, especially one's that are not going to use you to feel better about themselves.

He continues to post because he wants to hear something different from us.

 

[pumpit21]

Pumpit,

This is the third thread you've started on this subject. The previous two already told you that she was seeking validation.

I don't want to beat you up mate, but seriously, how many threads does it take to "get it"?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181193
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181194

What is going on here is that YOU are hung up on this girl. Go find more women, especially one's that are not going to use you to feel better about themselves.

Wow, way to be a d!ck . Actually this is only my 2nd thread. The first one got moved away because age was not displayed so I had posted again.

Secondly, it was added information I thought would help give a better picture since I just recently heard about this. I am spinning plates. I am getting laid regularly and if you read above, even though she does everything I could ask, I feel like she still isnt long term material. I love to hear about what made relationships work and not work which is what brought me to this site. Since this ex situation came up with me, I cant seem to stop thinking about it, not because I want to be back with her but I feel like I need to know why this has happend.

Maybe the best answer is women are not logical and react solely on emotions. She felt more of an emotion for this other guy so she reacted.

 

[f283000]

He continues to post because he wants to hear something different from us.

Like I always say if you come to sosuave to find what you want to hear then you're in the wrong place.

Some guys are destined to get beat up by the game until they finally humble down and listen to what's good for them.

 

[grayclif]

Why do you care so much why??? Why even bother your head about why? The "why" is irrelevant.

As it is said "it is what it is", my brother.