Help me move from AFC to DJ.

[Recovering AFC]

As this is my first post here, I will start with a brief introduction. I'm 28 years old and, simply put, I'm an AFC who wants to change his ways. I have been proactive in my attempt to change my life, including losing approximately 50 pounds this year and reading a number of books and websites devoted to pickup artistry and seduction. Of those, my favorites have been 'The Art of Seduction' and 'How to Succeed With Women.' But, even still, I have not gotten anymore successful in meeting women and attempting to spark romantic relationships. The only area of pickup artistry where I excel is in picking up strippers at strip clubs, using an approach based on sensuality and empathy, but, after a couple of years of dealing with strippers, I'm not really interested in them anymore.

My cardinal problem is that I am terrible at going up to women and talking to them. I have no trouble speaking with men in public or even women in whom I have no sexual interest but, the instant there is the slightest bit of sexual tension, I balk. I have even tried psyching myself up and resolving to go out and speak with women but, as soon as I'm faced with the task, I generally back down or get flustered and make a poor impression. I find this inexplicable, as I am confident and commanding in dealing with people in business or other social interactions, and I am an adroit conversationalist and overall good communicator. Despite all of this, in the arena of interaction with women, I am wholly inept. It is an unpleasant irony that I can take home a stripper whom I will ultimately grow to despise, but that I cannot even bring myself to initiate suggestive banter with one of a bevy of cute waitresses whom I see regularly, or summon the nerve to talk to a girl reading a book at a coffeehouse or library.

My second problem is that I am a classic "nice guy." I can intimidate people at first, both because of my physical presence and biting sarcasm but, in the end, I really am nice and caring. While I excel at games and am schooled in conflict theory, the practice of picking up women is a game which I don't like to play, because it seems sinister. Furthermore, because of my "nice guy" tendencies, I frequently end up in the friend role, and I'm getting a little tired of that.

So to all the real Don Juans out there, what can I do to get started? I have no doubt that I can plan and execute great dates and make a good impression on a woman over time, but initiating and optimizing those first, crucial 90 seconds is where I generally fail.

 

[cactus3178]

Welcome.

I don't know how long you've been here reading before your first post, but the absolute first thing you should do is read the DJ Bible, here:

http://www.sosuave.com/bible/bible.htm

I know it sounds like the cliche answer, but you'll find the answers to 90% of your questions/problems in those pages. Then, you can of course ask more specific questions in the forums, post your FR's, etc.

Be sure to check out the terminology here:

http://www.fastseduction.com/acronyms.shtml

So you know what the f*ck people are talking about

The next step is to come up with some goals. You've already lost 50 lbs, and that's something to be proud of. Losing weight isn't easy but you did it. And you can do the same thing with your mindset.

People are creatures of habit, and habits can be made through repetition. You might want to read and re-read some of the things in the DJ Bible that will inevitably hit home for you and your situation personally.

Figure out exactly what you want from this website. We've all got pretty similar goals, to be able to meet (and f*ck, of course) Hot Babes! Some of us are hardcore players, some are in LTR's and need help keeping things fresh.

You've got to figure out where your problem areas are and then fix them. For example, if you have a problem talking to women you find sexually attractive, talk to women you find sexually attractive. Do it alot. Until your comfortable with it. The more you do it, the better...and it will get easier every time.

Like this: It's like learning how to drive. The first time you tried, it didn't likely go so well. Maybe you learned on a stick and ground the sh*t out of the gears. Until you got it right. Now it's no problem because you did it so many times that it's second nature. Autopilot. You get in the car and drive it without giving it a second thought.

Maybe that's a stupid analogy, but I'm sure you get my drift.

Go read the DJB, especially the parts about 'Nice Guys', and 'the Nice Jerk'.

And forget about strippers. Talk about problematic....You can do so much better.

 

[MrCode]

One thing I would recommend is to stop worrying so much about getting the girl and start worrying about getting the skill! Spend a month and set a goal which is to not worry about getting laid but to just talk to 20-30 women you find attractive.

Talk to them, flirt with them, and as you get more comfortable, get numbers and go on dates. But for that month, be celibate. Take sex and all that crap out of the equation. Don't worry about getting a girlfriend. Just get the skills down and soon you will realize that talking to attractive women is no different than anyone else. They eat, drink, sleep, dream, cry, sh!t, and love just like the rest of us.

Stop putting them on pedestals and thinking they are somehow better human beings.

Oh, and as cactus says, read the DJ Bible.

 

[Dukester]

1st bud, you need to read the DJ Bible- by all means. Even if you think you dont need to look at some of the stuff in it, b/c your other books had that info- do it anyway. Those books are not real life experiences.

Read all the "true" threads around here. Stuff by Player_Supreme, Pook, Bad_Ass_Canadian, me, and a few other people are good. The mod's also have some good insight.

I also suggest that you get some confidence. Just for reference, read this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=58654


good luck to ya