Help me give advice to my friend

[clicheusername20]

My friend has been asking for relationship advice from me lately with a girl he's been after for a while. Since I'm new here and just learning and have gone through similar things recently, I think it would be beneficial for both of us to have SS weigh in on what's up.

He's known the girl for a while, but she had a long term BF so he never made a move. A couple months ago, the girl and her boyfriend started having serious issues, and my friend ended up taking her home after a night of drinking at the bars. She stayed overnight and they made out but didn't end up banging and she left the next morning. According to him, she "confessed her feelings" for him and told him she likes him.

So for the last couple months, he's been trying to get her to hang out with him to no avail. He'll text her trying to make plans during the week and she'll always be busy or take a couple days to respond, which he'll rationalize by saying things like she's told me she's terrible with her phone. He'll try to meet up with her at the bars and stuff on the weekends but she always seems to flake out or cancel the last minute and respond a couple days later apologizing for not seeing the text or being busy, typical BS.

Last week she finally agreed to go out to lunch with him, and he took her and paid for his lunch. He said he was planning on taking her on a walk to try and escalate after, but this didn't end up happening. He was planning on coming back to college (we're on break) Saturday because our friends are having a big get together, but now he can't come because this girl has "plan" that don't involve him and he agreed to give her a ride back to school. She lives like 45 minutes out of his way.

Can't help but feel like this girl is stringing him along and simply using him for favors like rides back to school, etc. is this a fair assessment? what do you guys think i should tell him that will help him but not make him reject my advice?

 

[Between_The_Lines]

My friend has been asking for relationship advice from me lately with a girl he's been after for a while. Since I'm new here and just learning and have gone through similar things recently, I think it would be beneficial for both of us to have SS weigh in on what's up.

He's known the girl for a while, but she had a long term BF so he never made a move. A couple months ago, the girl and her boyfriend started having serious issues, and my friend ended up taking her home after a night of drinking at the bars. She stayed overnight and they made out but didn't end up banging and she left the next morning. According to him, she "confessed her feelings" for him and told him she likes him.

Classic validation seeking behavior. She took him through a crash course of Intro to Being A Beta Orbiter 1101 and he aced the class with flying colors according to the rest of your story.

So for the last couple months, he's been trying to get her to hang out with him to no avail. He'll text her trying to make plans during the week and she'll always be busy or take a couple days to respond, which he'll rationalize by saying things like she's told me she's terrible with her phone. He'll try to meet up with her at the bars and stuff on the weekends but she always seems to flake out or cancel the last minute and respond a couple days later apologizing for not seeing the text or being busy, typical BS.

"Months"??? This guy is probably her favorite orbiter of all time by this point. At this rate, she'll never need anti-depressants as long as he exists. And I'd say about 1 out of every 2.3 million girls is actually "bad with her phone". Doubt this girl is that girl.

Last week she finally agreed to go out to lunch with him, and he took her and paid for his lunch. He said he was planning on taking her on a walk to try and escalate after, but this didn't end up happening. He was planning on coming back to college (we're on break) Saturday because our friends are having a big get together, but now he can't come because this girl has "plan" that don't involve him and he agreed to give her a ride back to school. She lives like 45 minutes out of his way.

Can't help but feel like this girl is stringing him along and simply using him for favors like rides back to school, etc. is thisa fair assessment? what do you guys think i should tell him that will help him but not make him reject my advice?

It's a spot on assessment, about as accurate as the fact that water is (still) wet. Cases like this are some of the most excruciating to observe once you've swallowed the red pill, not just because you know what's happening and you know what will continue to happen, but because how excruciatingly slow and drawn out they are. He'll continue to rationalize that he's "almost there" over and over and over and over, and never get so much as a single finger inside of her panties. Tell him that once he's reached his level and he's decided "enough is enough" that you have some advice that might help him, then direct him over to this forum and he'll go through the ritual immersion in No Contact/DJ Bible etc. to begin the process of exorcising his blue pill demons.

 

[GS750]

She's got him deep in orbit land for attention and validation. She knows he wants her and it feeds her ego knowing that there is someone chasing her. Possibly using him to make her current BF jealous, which will work like a charm at the orbiters expense. She is definitely stringing him along for her own benefit and the best thing he could do is break contact with her and pursue someone else or other interests. And she isn't "bad with her phone". She's glued to it 24/7 like every other girl. I don't buy that for one second. She is constantly texting, updating her FB, playing with instagram, snapchat, etc. Guaranteed 100%, especially if she is a college aged chick.

 

[Moroder]

Intro to Being A Beta Orbiter 1101

Hilarious. Let's hope the OP's friend will soon drop this class and add Getting A Life 101 instead.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Hilarious. Let's hope the OP's friend will soon drop this class and add Getting A Life 101 instead.

Needs to change his major to Plate Spinning immediately

 

[Moroder]

Needs to change his major to Plate Spinning immediately

You consider PS a major by its own right? That's an interesting thought. At the moment, I look at it rather as a class for the DJ major (same as working out, socializing, finding out about and adhering to hobbies, maybe volunteer work etc.).

 

[clicheusername20]

update: I spoke my piece yesterday and left it alone. Later that night, we went out to the bars in my college town. He was dead set on going to a specific one because that girl told him she was going to be there. He's normally very social and outgoing, but he would not leave this girl's side for hours. It's like he had tunnel vision for her. She was flirting with other guys, grabbing other guys sexually, and enjoying herself, and I could literally see him chasing her across the bar and orbiting her for the entire night. Eventually he tried to kiss her and she didn't pull away, but she didn't seem into it and ran over to her friends immediately afterwards. He couldn't stop talking about how big of a victory this was, and we left. He was convinced she would text him later because she said she would. I told him she's not gonna text him but he didn't believe me.

Called me at 4am crying because the girl never texted him. Sad. He got home at about 12 and waited 4 hours for her to text him while she was probably banging some other guy

 

[Between_The_Lines]

update: I spoke my piece yesterday and left it alone. Later that night, we went out to the bars in my college town. He was dead set on going to a specific one because that girl told him she was going to be there. He's normally very social and outgoing, but he would not leave this girl's side for hours. It's like he had tunnel vision for her. She was flirting with other guys, grabbing other guys sexually, and enjoying herself, and I could literally see him chasing her across the bar and orbiting her for the entire night. Eventually he tried to kiss her and she didn't pull away, but she didn't seem into it and ran over to her friends immediately afterwards. He couldn't stop talking about how big of a victory this was, and we left. He was convinced she would text him later because she said she would. I told him she's not gonna text him but he didn't believe me.

Called me at 4am crying because the girl never texted him.

"Crying?" Hyperbole right? Either way, it sounds like this will be what it takes for your buddy to open wide and take down the damn red pill already.

 

[clicheusername20]

"Crying?" Hyperbole right? Either way, it sounds like this will be what it takes for your buddy to open wide and take down the damn red pill already.

Nope. Crying

 

[No.Danny]

Your friend is the biggest bitvch in the United States of America.
He needs to consider a sex change at this point because he no longer is a man.

 

[El Payaso]

Your friend is the biggest bitvch in the United States of America.
He needs to consider a sex change at this point because he no longer is a man.

This is what is wrong with a lot of men. So quick to shame other men. Sad. Yes, his AFC behaviors are terrible but he will learn from them and eventually see the light. No need to ostracize him.

 

[Vulpine]

He'll text her trying to make plans during the week and she'll always be busy or take a couple days to respond, which he'll rationalize by saying things like she's told me she's terrible with her phone. He'll try to meet up with her at the bars and stuff on the weekends but she always seems to flake out or cancel the last minute and respond a couple days later apologizing for not seeing the text or being busy, typical BS.

Shocking. More texty game fails.

If I keep pointing out the texty game fails, perhaps you folks will start to see the pattern and make the connection.

Honestly, what should one expect when they act like a p¨ssy? To not get treated like one? Text is for women to chat with other women about men. Virtual men get virtually treated like men. If you don't want to be treated like a püssy, don't try so damn hard to show women how much of a püssy you are.

You texty game guys deserve your fails.:kick:

Point and laugh at your friend for me.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Shocking. More texty game fails.

If I keep pointing out the texty game fails, perhaps you folks will start to see the pattern and make the connection.

Honestly, what should one expect when they act like a p¨ssy? To not get treated like one? Text is for women to chat with other women about men. Virtual men get virtually treated like men. If you don't want to be treated like a püssy, don't try so damn hard to show women how much of a püssy you are.

You texty game guys deserve your fails.:kick:

Point and laugh at your friend for me.

Wrong.

He's cascading tears right now because she's not into him, probably never was. He didn't ruin his chances because he stuck to texting or overtexted her - he likely never had a chance to begin with.

I have a plate right now constantly on my @ss trying to get me to see her, sending me cleavage shots, asking me when am I going to "manhandle" her, and I could probably put together a little 25 page book with the amount of texting we've done between each other.

The question isn't - to text or not to text?
The question is - is this girl into me or not?

OP's friend missed the writing on the wall, so he proceeded to text her under the assumption that he stands a chance with the girl, but texting was never his unraveling - failure to recognize disinterest was.

 

[Vulpine]

He didn't ruin his chances because he stuck to texting or overtexted her - he likely never had a chance to begin with.

Which is it?

Facts, or "likelihoods"?

You can't call "wrong" and make a string of suppositions as support. If he was a douche, he'd send douchey texts. Had he asked in person, or on the phone, could you say with certainty that he would have had the same results?

Look, I just read "The less I talk, the more chance I have of getting laid. The more I talk, the less chance I have of getting laid." The reasoning there was that the more said, the more to ƒuck up saying. It's spot on.

Texting is abused. Congratulations on your "text game", but, saying nothing eliminates saying the wrong thing. Novices are better off avoiding text for that reason, if none other. Once a novice's game improves without texting, it's unlikely they'd return to doing it much, if at all.

 

[RangerMIke]

Got her home and failed to seduce her... when a woman goes home with you she is expecting that the man is going to make something happen... it's only on RARE occasions that she is going to rip your clothes off... especially one that is coming off a LTR. 2 steps forward... 1 step back... your friend obviously does not know how to do this the more practice you get the better you are. But the key is to back off when you start getting resistance... talk a bit... She'll give you signals when you can go back it... try again... this might go on for a bit.. but stay focused that you want sex. He obviously didn't do things right.

Then he became needy and started texting. When she said she didn't know how to use her phone.... that's a hoot He manged to find the only girl in the country that is clueless with a phone.

Didn't act like a man when he needed to... then started texting like a chick. She sees him a friend zone material at this point. Only thing to do at this point is to back off and she if she reaches out to him then try again.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Which is it?

Facts, or "likelihoods"?

You can't call "wrong" and make a string of suppositions as support. If he was a douche, he'd send douchey texts.

Point well taken, in which case I'd tone it down and conclude that all the details provided by OP strongly suggest he likely didn't have a chance to begin with - he was, after all, pursuing a taken girl who continued to blow him off.

Had he asked in person, or on the phone, could you say with certainty that he would have had the same results?

Could you say "with certainty" that he wouldn't have had the same results? That his odds would have been better, or worse?

Look, I just read "The less I talk, the more chance I have of getting laid. The more I talk, the less chance I have of getting laid." The reasoning there was that the more said, the more to ƒuck up saying. It's spot on.

You could just as easily achieve that sort of f*ck up over the phone or in person. The medium is what you are taking issue with. "The less I talk, the more chance I have of getting laid. The more I talk, the less chance I have of getting laid." = non sequitur. You're coming down on texting, but here you're taking issue with being overly-communicative, and although I agree with that sentiment (btw, thank you for that one Espi), it does not pertain exclusively to texting.

Texting is abused. Congratulations on your "text game", but, saying nothing eliminates saying the wrong thing. Novices are better off avoiding text for that reason, if none other. Once a novice's game improves without texting, it's unlikely they'd return to doing it much, if at all.

I'm not looking for props on my "text game", only to negate some absolute that texting is as destructive to attraction as something like bringing flowers along on a first date. Again, you can say the wrong thing in person, over the phone, or via text, in which case the problem isn't "texting" - the problem is ...saying the wrong thing. I can get away with texting a girl left and right - let's use my most current plate that I brought up above as an example - because 1) I know I've got her in the palm of my hand (no pun) and 2) my life would continue on completely unaffected if she dropped off the map. This is the only time I go ahead and "abuse" texting myself; otherwise, I'm much more taciturn.

I wholeheartedly understand that remaining tight-lipped puts you in a better position overall, but let's go ahead and put the 'ol Brad Pitt/David Beckham/Channing Tatum/whoever the hell is hot now test ..to the test: if either one of those dudes texted up a girl, you think they'd recoil in disgust and friendzone them for being little "texty beta b1tches"? Novices are better off initially avoiding texting because they first ought to learn how to discern which girls are attracted to them, which are not, which girls they actually stand a chance with, which they do not. Once they get that down, whether or not they wish to continue utilizing text game from that point onward is a matter of personal preference.

Edit: my plate's roommate had two year's worth of text messages with her oneitus deleted about a week ago by a friend of her's. According to my plate, the girl nearly crashed on her way home and once she got there, it took several bottles of wine to prevent her from breaking out into a full-fledged anxiety attack. By I digress...

 

[Vulpine]

That was a good response, Between_The_Lines.

You are hitting at the very core of the anti-texty-game stance: abuse versus appropriate.

The "interested means interested" "famous dude" test is somewhat inadequate for this idea. I can't find any "what should I text her back" or "What does she mean by [insert texty games here]?" sort of posts from them! The popular scenario is just too far off from "common reality" to properly relate to an average/frustrated. The test is for interest, not what got them interested, and the issue here is that texting isn't for building interest: that's the abuse of text.

Bleh... I'll make another thread when I have better words. But thanks for the thought-out reply. It aligned part of my thoughts about the delivery method of the texty game stuff.

 

[clicheusername20]

and so this continues on. the day after blowing him off at the bars and not texting him, she apologized the next morning. he asked for my advice and I said he shouldn't respond, which he took. but then the girl snapchatted him a picture later in the day asking if he was mad at her, so he "felt like he should respond to this." he responded by saying what are you going to do to make it up for me, and eventually twisted her arm into an ICE CREAM DATE the following evening. they went on the date, no kino or escalation, and he told me she agreed to meet up with him Thursday night at the bars. we went to the bars last night and at about midnight he texted her asking where she was and she responded with a bar in our town. he asked me to come along so i begrudgingly agreed, and by the time we got there, she was gone

lol

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Kick this guy in the BALLS already!!!! (Ieans sh!t, he might not even have a pair anymore cuz she practically neutered him!) Tell this dude that he needs to man up. Tell him that a man NEEDS to be strong. Tell him that a man NEEDS to be tough. Tell him that a man NEEDS to be able to withstand pain without getting hurt/affected. And tell him that crying at 4 AM is not very manly. Show him all of his mistakes. Tell him what a wuss he is being and whenever he does a pusssy thing, call him out on it right away. That son of a b!tch.......I almost feel bad for him.