Sanity_Cleaver
Don Juan
Hey guys, ive got a bit of a strange request here.
Now i've seen a few posts about this recently, mainly Jariel's recent one over in the Tips forum, but as with anyone whos studied and mucked about with this DJ stuff for long enough i've come to the conclusion that self esteem sucks.
Im talking about ego here, ego-made-self-esteem. That thing that tells you you're good, great and worth it, the thing that says 'you're the catch'.
Yeah well i say it blows goats.
Sure its great to feel good and know youre the bomb, but the higher you fly the further you fall. For so long i would be on an almighty ego trip for so and so days, and then all of a sudden CRASH. WIPE-OUT. All your balls just suddenly go away and dont come back for what feels like ages. You avoid that honey bunny on the streets when the week before you wouldve gone up to her and snapped up her number. You sit in the corner at social events and as soon as someone talks to you an alarm bell goes off 'oh **** a persons talking to me!'. Or worse you try to confident and funny and outgoing when you dont feel like it at all. You know the feeling. Its just a whole series of ups and downs, a wild, stupid pointless rolelrcoaster.
I had no idea why this was, but its been with me from the very day i woke up and said to myself 'Right i'm going to learn how to score with the ladies'
And you know what? IT SUCKS C0CK!!
My eyes got opened to why this was by the following essay:
http://www.geocities.com/forbidden_area/esteem.html
- and a few good posts here and there, from those of us wise enough to know having an ego sucks.
Yeah sometimes you do feel really good having big fat self esteem- but inevitably its going to fluctuate- and you end up feeling really bad. Ive noticed that when i find myself feeling really good natrually its when i dont care, and when i feel my absolute best i dont care about MYSELF- infact i dont even think about myself at all. That frame of mind where 'ooh she seems into me' is replaced by 'ooh shes nice and friendly'
Basically, i dont want to care. I dont want to have a good self-image, i want to have no-self image. Every one of us is self-obsessed and im convinced that is not a healthy thing.
So this is a cry out to anyone who has actually passed over all this bull**** and acheived that state.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU DID IT
I dont want to think about myself anymore. At all. Personal issues die with neglect. So to those who this applies to, please enlighten me as to how.
Now i've seen a few posts about this recently, mainly Jariel's recent one over in the Tips forum, but as with anyone whos studied and mucked about with this DJ stuff for long enough i've come to the conclusion that self esteem sucks.
Im talking about ego here, ego-made-self-esteem. That thing that tells you you're good, great and worth it, the thing that says 'you're the catch'.
Yeah well i say it blows goats.
Sure its great to feel good and know youre the bomb, but the higher you fly the further you fall. For so long i would be on an almighty ego trip for so and so days, and then all of a sudden CRASH. WIPE-OUT. All your balls just suddenly go away and dont come back for what feels like ages. You avoid that honey bunny on the streets when the week before you wouldve gone up to her and snapped up her number. You sit in the corner at social events and as soon as someone talks to you an alarm bell goes off 'oh **** a persons talking to me!'. Or worse you try to confident and funny and outgoing when you dont feel like it at all. You know the feeling. Its just a whole series of ups and downs, a wild, stupid pointless rolelrcoaster.
I had no idea why this was, but its been with me from the very day i woke up and said to myself 'Right i'm going to learn how to score with the ladies'
And you know what? IT SUCKS C0CK!!
My eyes got opened to why this was by the following essay:
http://www.geocities.com/forbidden_area/esteem.html
- and a few good posts here and there, from those of us wise enough to know having an ego sucks.
Yeah sometimes you do feel really good having big fat self esteem- but inevitably its going to fluctuate- and you end up feeling really bad. Ive noticed that when i find myself feeling really good natrually its when i dont care, and when i feel my absolute best i dont care about MYSELF- infact i dont even think about myself at all. That frame of mind where 'ooh she seems into me' is replaced by 'ooh shes nice and friendly'
Basically, i dont want to care. I dont want to have a good self-image, i want to have no-self image. Every one of us is self-obsessed and im convinced that is not a healthy thing.
So this is a cry out to anyone who has actually passed over all this bull**** and acheived that state.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU DID IT
I dont want to think about myself anymore. At all. Personal issues die with neglect. So to those who this applies to, please enlighten me as to how.