Help me avoid a case of one-itis

[Alphathree]

Took HB9 for a walk in the park late at night. We held hands, etc. She was _very_ responsive to me physically.

Eventually I found a nice little bridge on which to kiss. We did that for a while.

She was actually a fairly assertive kisser which surprised me because she's this cute little girly-girl type that you would expect to be very timid.

All game IS inner game guys. I didn't once "C&F" this girl except to tell her that her nose wiggles when she talks (thank Mystery for that one). Hehe, she was so cute, she put her hands over her nose and gave me this horrified look. I reassured her.

But other than that, all body language, voice tone, etc.

Anyway, it was a very magical night, and this is the first girl I've dated in a while that I have any 'real' interest in.

So, obviously, I have to fight off the pending one-itis. It is SO hard for me to NOT call her right now. I'm going to try really hard to focus on other things.

ARGH . I can't decide when to call her. Obviously my emotional brain is saying "NOW!! RIGHT NOW!!" and my logical brain is saying "no you idiot, FRIDAY, or later."

The two parts of my brain are busy battling it out.

 

[diablo]

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb

 

[Alphathree]

Dude, I know logically what I need to do. I need you to help me actually do it.

Do you think I could've generated that much interest in an HB9 if I hadn't internalized the contents of that link?

No, obviously.

This isn't some AFC "OMG teh GURL likez me!" post.

I know what I have to do.

It's just overcoming this insane feelings that developed last night. Emotions are powerful things, and I haven't had any like this for any girl in a year or more. And yes I have dated many.

 

[Jariel]

First of all, congratulations on a positive date. Glad to hear you didn't overdo the c+f and go into acting mode.

Oneitis can be scary as it usually only leads downhill once it starts. It overtakes our sense of logic and we start doing things that would normally make us cringe. So I understand you wanting to avoid it.

Oneitis and infatuation have a lot to do with the mind creating a fantasy around a person. So the more you think about her and indulge these fantasies, the stronger your feelings will become.

You could try an NLP exercise of trying to dull your mental images. When you think about her or remember your date, see it in your mind's eye in 3rd person, from a distance and in black and white. It should help you feel detached from the emotions associated with these thoughts.

I usually use it on bad memories and tragic experiences to dull the pain, but it does work for oneitis too sometimes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Call her Sunday night. Give her the gift of missing you and wondering what you are doing over the weekend. She can always call you. If she goes out with another guy - good! - he will probably be an afc that makes her like you more.

I am in a very similar situation with a 9, btw. I am trying to make her chase me, but she is pretty innocent, and I don't think she's ever chased a guy before.

The hot ones make it hard to do the right things, don't they?

 

[DJohnson]

Do date 10 other women and lay as many of them as you like, or none of them, then call me in the morning

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by Bible_Belt
Call her Sunday night. Give her the gift of missing you and wondering what you are doing over the weekend. She can always call you. If she goes out with another guy - good! - he will probably be an afc that makes her like you more.

I am in a very similar situation with a 9, btw. I am trying to make her chase me, but she is pretty innocent, and I don't think she's ever chased a guy before.

The hot ones make it hard to do the right things, don't they?

Sigh. Sunday feels like such a long time =)

 

[mazerati]

dude i recomend you call her tommorow on wendsday and make plans to go out. dont be afraid about how you fill about her. if she rejects you because you like her and want to spent time with her then you shouldnt feel bad, because its human nature. and dont let this so called dj site guide you through your life follow your intuition, dont try to put on some act and seem like a busy guy. in the longrun if you end up dating she will know that you were acting trying to be the gy you are not. anyway all i am saying is do what you feel and think is right.

good luck !

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by mazerati
dude i recomend you call her tommorow on wendsday and make plans to go out. dont be afraid about how you fill about her. if she rejects you because you like her and want to spent time with her then you shouldnt feel bad, because its human nature. and dont let this so called dj site guide you through your life follow your intuition, dont try to put on some act and seem like a busy guy. in the longrun if you end up dating she will know that you were acting trying to be the gy you are not. anyway all i am saying is do what you feel and think is right.

good luck !

I'm sorry dude, but one year ago I was a completely pathetic loser who would've sawed off my right arm to have the night I had last night with this girl.

The _ONLY_ reason I've changed is because of David Deangelo, who preaches much the same things as this website.

HOWEVER, I do appreciate your final point about acting a way that I'm not. In fact I am usually very busy, but I'm inbetween work and study terms right now, so these next few weeks are an exception.

If she becomes a bigger part of my life, she will indeed find it filled with many different people.

The point is I can always make time for something, and right now I could make time for her. I have to resist that, at least for a few days.

It's too early in the game to be 'following my heart'. After we've had sex, then yes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm a rafc and a fan of David D, too.

I've always been an alpha male, but before I would just push the AFC act harder and harder. I was wrong and strong.

 

[Gravyboat]

I can relate to this. I recently met an amazing woman. She's the kind of chick you dream about. She's an ex-cheerleader, and a dancer most of her life, so obviously she's beautiful. But incredibly, she's also very laid-back, down-to-Earth, and sweet. AND she's a sports fanatic...hahaha.

When you finally meet someone you want to pursue a long-term relationship with--AFTER transforming yourself-- it's easy to throw all the DJ principles out the window and go with what you felt back in high school. Emotion wants to take over again.

I am, however, sticking to what's worked for me over the past couple of years, and so far it's working. I don't bust on her that much, but I do come off as independent, non-clingy, and humorous. I make sure not to text or call her as often as she calls me, and so far, so good.

I think what can happen when you actually meet someone worth pursuing is you figure, "Well...she's DIFFERENT. She'll like me no matter HOW much I call her, because she's so cool."

But a woman is a woman is a woman, and I'm going to stick with what's worked in the past.

Just to further back this, I'll give you one example. There was a five-day period where after I had called her, she didn't call back. Then I got a text message saying something along the lines of, "Yay...my phone is back...Cingular SUCKS!"

So apparently she'd been having trouble with her provider. In the past, I'd have called a couple of times wondering why she hadn't called back. This time, I didn't.

And when I finally did call her, she actually said, "I miss hearing your voice," among other re-affirming things.

So I'd advise you to fight the urge and stick with what you've had success with--at LEAST in terms of how OFTEN you contact her. If you call her one night and she doesn't pick up, DON'T leave a message. Just let her make the next move. She'll obviously see that you called. And if you don't leave a message and don't call again in a day or two, she'll start to wonder.

And that, of course, is a good thing.

 

[Sasha]

KEEP BUZY! Do what ever! Don't be like me right now sitting behind a screen and thinking about chick! It allways fail... I'm gonna fail. I can feel it and I know it.

And listen to the other guys. Wait a few days before you call. She will go crazy thinking about you. :woo:

 

[Bible_Belt]

Gravyboat - you and I are in the same boat. I am never going back to the afc act!

 

[Black_Italian]

Who cares if you get oneitis. Just hide it don’t make her think you really really like her. People say relationships are built on trust. That’s bull**** relationships are built on lies.

Ninja out

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by Gravyboat
I can relate to this. I recently met an amazing woman. She's the kind of chick you dream about. She's an ex-cheerleader, and a dancer most of her life, so obviously she's beautiful. But incredibly, she's also very laid-back, down-to-Earth, and sweet. AND she's a sports fanatic...hahaha.

When you finally meet someone you want to pursue a long-term relationship with--AFTER transforming yourself-- it's easy to throw all the DJ principles out the window and go with what you felt back in high school. Emotion wants to take over again.

I am, however, sticking to what's worked for me over the past couple of years, and so far it's working. I don't bust on her that much, but I do come off as independent, non-clingy, and humorous. I make sure not to text or call her as often as she calls me, and so far, so good.

I think what can happen when you actually meet someone worth pursuing is you figure, "Well...she's DIFFERENT. She'll like me no matter HOW much I call her, because she's so cool."

But a woman is a woman is a woman, and I'm going to stick with what's worked in the past.

Just to further back this, I'll give you one example. There was a five-day period where after I had called her, she didn't call back. Then I got a text message saying something along the lines of, "Yay...my phone is back...Cingular SUCKS!"

So apparently she'd been having trouble with her provider. In the past, I'd have called a couple of times wondering why she hadn't called back. This time, I didn't.

And when I finally did call her, she actually said, "I miss hearing your voice," among other re-affirming things.

So I'd advise you to fight the urge and stick with what you've had success with--at LEAST in terms of how OFTEN you contact her. If you call her one night and she doesn't pick up, DON'T leave a message. Just let her make the next move. She'll obviously see that you called. And if you don't leave a message and don't call again in a day or two, she'll start to wonder.

And that, of course, is a good thing.

Thanks dude. That's exactly what's going through my head right now: "ahh, maybe just this once, I can get away with it, she's so special!"

ARGH. MUST. FIGHT. EVIL. STUPID. AFC. THOUGHTS!

Funny, when I think of women as objects, I have absolutely no problem being a PUA.

God damned these emotions and finding a nice girl.

In an evolutionary biology sense, it's normal that the only thoughts I've had all day are:

1) Need sleep
2) Need food
3) Must f*ck amazingly hot little HB9 as soon as possible
4) Need sleep... after 3)
5) Need food... before 3)

DAMN my biology.

My only hope (in terms of staving off my emotions) is that I think I did a really good job on Monday night.

I literally swept her off her feet, and I think I could definitely see it in her face.

We all know women don't work like men, but if there's level of what I'm feeling in HER right now, this is driving HER crazy too, and somehow, that comforts me. =)

 

[Aisujin]

Go get a really addicting video game to take your mind off of her. (ie. God of War or Need For Speed 2)

Worked for me when I was dating my current girlfriend.

When they do call first your gonna have a huge grin on your face because you know you did the right thing.

Best of Luck!

 

[Q-Pid]

Originally posted by Aisujin
Go get a really addicting video game to take your mind off of her. (ie. God of War or Need For Speed 2)

Werd!

Just spend time doing other things. (prefferably HBs )

 

[toddC]

yea i know i fuc*ed shyt up with my date....I'm relatively still pretty AFC but I do know what I have to do. I went out with a girl and we kissed and such. I called her the next day. Let me tell anyone who does this its the worst thing you can do. Talking to this girl everyday def. makes her feel like i'm like obsessed with her which is why i now let her call me (for the past 2 days) and it has had big results.

 

[Gravyboat]

Originally posted by Alphathree
Funny, when I think of women as objects, I have absolutely no problem being a PUA.

So true. When emotion isn't involved, it's far easier to hone your skills, because there's no inner conflict. In a way, it's good practice for "the real thing."

We all know women don't work like men, but if there's level of what I'm feeling in HER right now, this is driving HER crazy too, and somehow, that comforts me. =)

Exactly. If she's into you too, she's feeling the same stuff. Even though men, by nature, are the pursuers, women also over-analyze when they like someone.

It's funny--when you do find a woman whose personality you really like, it's tempting to rationalize calling her a lot by saying to yourself, "Well--if I DON'T call her every day or two, she'll lose interest, or meet another guy, or forget I existed, or get frustrated and move on." But if you've already established a good rapport, and there's a mutual level of interest, the less frequently you call, the more she'll wonder what you're up to, and if YOU'RE meeting other women and forgetting about her. So it makes HER work too.

Sometimes, I try to flip the situation around to help my mindset. What would I think if she called me three days in a row, and each time we spoke on the phone for an hour? I'd probably start to expect her call--and worse, I'd probably be less excited each time. And I might even start to wonder, "Doesn't she have sh*t to DO?"

Ah, romance... :crackup:

 

[DJHoolahoop]

What's so bad about wanting to call a girl? You're interested in her right? So why create this stupid distance and having to do things a certain way. Because afterall YOU BELIEVE that you're not an AFC anymore.

Nothing is that truly different, but how you handle yourself. What beliefs you have, your skills and all that stuff has improved, but it hasn't really changed so much that you have to follow rules to get success.

Fact is that the hotter the girl, chances are she'll have a lot more guys chasing after her. So why does it matter if you call her now or later? It matters if you call her all the time. If you don't get her, then so what? That's how you seperate her from one-itis. When you try to call her, it doesn't succeed and you're able to blow it off.

There have been times when I would have an INSANE amount of e-mails and phone numbers. One night I had an entire piece of paper filled up. I tried e-mailing every one of those girls that night, does that mean I'm desperate? You figure that one out.

If I catch myself starting to do the whole "I wonder what it would be like" thing, then I quickly just say "Stop it." and do it enough times that I can move onto thinking about something else.

When you see how many fish are in the sea, you're only going to want the ones that are interested in you. Not the ones that know you're there, but stay away.