Help! I'm a nutjob!

[2crudedudes]

Hi, I'm new to this website and so far I've seen some nice advice and figured maybe I can get a little hand here.

I'm 26 years old, and have really only been with 2 girls since I lost my virginity at 18. I've messed around with a few more, and have had some, uh, mishaps that have prevented penetration with a couple of others. Lets just write those off to performance anxiety for the sake of brevity.

Anyway, the 2 girls I've had full-on sex with have both been LTR for me, first one lasting 3 years and the second been a sort of on-and-off ordeal lasting close to 5 years. This second girl is a few years older than me, is divorced, and is a single mother.

When we first started dating, it was more of a fling than really dating, and we made the terrible mistake of disclosing our sexual pasts. This was done under the assumption that we weren't actually gonna be serious and just have some fun. Fast forward five years and I'm sure a lot of you can see where this is going.

I'll spare you all the gory details (as this post is already lengthy as is) but here's what bugs me the most about her, and more importantly, about myself:

1) I knew she was a mother when I met her, and I was willing to accept it at the time because I figured, what the hell, we're just messing around anyway. With time, however, I developed feelings for her and all of a sudden this was something I could not really work out.

2) She informed me that the guy that got her pregnant bailed on her, and she married some other guy she had sex with at the time and sorta passed it off as his child. This really bugged me for several reasons:
a) There's the obvious treachery
b) Her ex-husband was fighting for custody of the child for a long time, meaning she came in contact with him frequently
c) The reason she told me the truth about her child's father was to avoid confrontation at a party we were planning on going. Somehow (which to this day I still don't know how) she found out he was going to be there. This is after a 5 year marriage, during which she moved to 2 different states. Somehow she comes back to her home town and she can still trace this guy some 6 years later.
d) She was having unprotected sex with multiple partners

3) Her, being older than me, has had a more.... 'colorful' past. Not to mention I've always been very introverted and haven't had that much luck with girls. For some reason, the fact that she's had more partners than me has always made me feel inadequate around her. Then, over the course of a year, we came across a couple of her ex-boyfriends at the most random places (one being at my sister's birthday party in Mexico!) and this really started to make me question just how many guys she had actually been with.

I realize most of this is stuff that I should either accept or move on, and this has actually been the reason our relationship has been on and off for so long.

I like her, I enjoy having sex with her, and if it wasn't for these pesky (but significant) details, everything would be dandy. But it isn't. I know this girl is not right for me, and that I should just move on. However, just recently we had sex again after a month of her being out of state and I can't keep my mind off her.

I know I'm clingy, and that I should just date around, but this task has proven to be a whole lot harder than I originally expected. Lo and behold, she's got her own things going on and all I want to do is be with her, even though I know she's wrong for me. She won't give me the attention I want because we're no longer together, and really, I have no right to demand it.

Like I said before, I'm not exactly Mr. Charming and I just don't know where to meet girls. How can I just get her off my mind and move on?


TL;DR
I know she's wrong for me and her transgressions are severe enough for me not to trust her in a serious relationship (marriage or otherwise) yet I can't get over her. I think about her a lot and her past comes to mind a lot. This is a lot of torture for me and I wish I could just forget her.

 

[Dante420]

Performance anxiety that prevent penetration

That always sucks huh?

 

[2crudedudes]

Performance anxiety that prevent penetration

That always sucks huh?

That's one way to put it... Its especially frustrating when, like myself in these cases, you don't get very many other chances to redeem yourself.

 

[Warrior74]

your not gonna get any support for staying with this lying single mother around here.

You are disrespecting yourself and you know it, so happy just to get some poon you will put up with anything. You think she can't tell? If she did what she did to a child...what will she do to you?

 

[2crudedudes]

your not gonna get any support for staying with this lying single mother around here.

You are disrespecting yourself and you know it, so happy just to get some poon you will put up with anything. You think she can't tell? If she did what she did to a child...what will she do to you?

I realize this. I don't want to stay with her. I don't want support for staying with her. I need some help getting over her. How can I resist the urge to get laid whenever she comes around if its the only chance I have at the moment?

I'm coming to realize I have very poor self control and apparently even poorer concept of self worth.

 

[YogurtSlinger]

Hire a hooker to hang out at your place when she is going to come around. When she sees the hooker, she will know you moved on and leave you alone. Then, just hope you don't have performance anxiety issues again. After all, you did pay good money for that.

 

[Weezy]

NC and time is the best way to forget about them. It's the only way.

 

[Warrior74]

I realize this. I don't want to stay with her. I don't want support for staying with her. I need some help getting over her. How can I resist the urge to get laid whenever she comes around if its the only chance I have at the moment?

I'm coming to realize I have very poor self control and apparently even poorer concept of self worth.

Don't beat yourself up too much. We all have done stupid things for the poon. I know I have.

Solomon made a post in the MM forum about CSO (coochi stock options). You basically have no other supply of poon. So what do you need to do? You need to get a new supply. And you need to diversify your supply so don't get squeezed by any one supplier. In other words, its time for you to go out and start meeting women.

NC= no contact. That's your best way for dealing with her. Don't call her. Don't hang out with her. If she wants to come by tell her you are busy and can't hang out right now and then get off the phone. Don't go explaining yourself to her.

How do you build your self worth. It's tons of info on here and other places about developing self esteem or inner game. The outer basics are of course, dress well every day, get a nice hair cut, hit the gym (it makes you look better and feel better) and focus on positive thoughts.

Take stock of everything that's good in your life and give thanks for them. Take stock of what things are good about you and embrace them. Look at your weak points and resolve to do something about them and start small.
Don't expect to change overnight...realize that it takes time to make a change. Don't beat yourself up if you fail, just keep trying and learn from your failure. Good luck.

 

[r0cky]

I realize this. I don't want to stay with her. I don't want support for staying with her. I need some help getting over her. How can I resist the urge to get laid whenever she comes around if its the only chance I have at the moment?

I'm coming to realize I have very poor self control and apparently even poorer concept of self worth.

You need to change your attitude. have you ever heard of the saying "everydody lives the energy they emit"?. Your energy is created solely by your thoughts and attitude, and it is your energy that attracts things into your life. If your thoughts about yourself and about life and people are negative, you will create negative energy and therefore will only attract negative things and negative people towards you. You're living a negative life.
This is very easy to change tho, for 2 days you should try and do the following:
1. Have no negative thoughts, only think positive thoughts.
2. be thankful for everything positive that happens or that has happened to you.
3. think and visualise what you want in your life.
4. Do not think about what you DO NOT want in your life. These are negative thoughts. If you feel lonely you shouldnt think "I dont want to be lonely" but instead think about the kind of girl you want
5. have confidence that your new positive attitude will bring all that which you want.

After doing these simple things for 2 days you will feel more energetic and more confident. You will be feeling positive energy. Best of all, after these 2 days positive thoughts will come to you effortlessly and things that you want will slowly start showing in your life.

 

[2crudedudes]

Hire a hooker to hang out at your place when she is going to come around. When she sees the hooker, she will know you moved on and leave you alone. Then, just hope you don't have performance anxiety issues again. After all, you did pay good money for that.

I'm paranoid as it is about catching something from a girl I meet at a bar, I'm not sure hiring a hooker would be a comfortable experience.

 

[2crudedudes]

NC and time is the best way to forget about them. It's the only way.

Working on it. She called me at work on Friday asking if I wanted to hang out, to which I hesitantly said yes to. I felt a silly for not standing my ground, so I called her back later on that day hoping to sabotage the arrangement. This proved to be successful, and I haven't talked to her since. I know its only been a few days, but I'm trying to take it a day at a time.

 

[2crudedudes]

How do you build your self worth. It's tons of info on here and other places about developing self esteem or inner game. The outer basics are of course, dress well every day, get a nice hair cut, hit the gym (it makes you look better and feel better) and focus on positive thoughts.

I've been reading a few of the threads on looks on here and have started taking note of some mistakes I make. I went shopping this weekend and kept these pointers in mind when picking out clothes. I already feel better about myself just for taking action. The next step would be to start working out again.

Take stock of everything that's good in your life and give thanks for them. Take stock of what things are good about you and embrace them. Look at your weak points and resolve to do something about them and start small.
Don't expect to change overnight...realize that it takes time to make a change. Don't beat yourself up if you fail, just keep trying and learn from your failure. Good luck.

This has always been difficult for me because it seems like I've never been happy with anything I've ever had. Maybe my expectations are too high, or maybe I just don't know what I really want. I'll have to do some more introspection I suppose.

 

[2crudedudes]

You need to change your attitude. have you ever heard of the saying "everydody lives the energy they emit"?. Your energy is created solely by your thoughts and attitude, and it is your energy that attracts things into your life. If your thoughts about yourself and about life and people are negative, you will create negative energy and therefore will only attract negative things and negative people towards you. You're living a negative life.
This is very easy to change tho, for 2 days you should try and do the following:
1. Have no negative thoughts, only think positive thoughts.
2. be thankful for everything positive that happens or that has happened to you.
3. think and visualise what you want in your life.
4. Do not think about what you DO NOT want in your life. These are negative thoughts. If you feel lonely you shouldnt think "I dont want to be lonely" but instead think about the kind of girl you want
5. have confidence that your new positive attitude will bring all that which you want.

After doing these simple things for 2 days you will feel more energetic and more confident. You will be feeling positive energy. Best of all, after these 2 days positive thoughts will come to you effortlessly and things that you want will slowly start showing in your life.

I've always struggled with negative thoughts, and it looks like its all about perspective. I guess I haven't been paying attention to the good things happening in my life, since I've never really been happy with myself.

Being indecisive has been more detrimental than I thought. I guess I figured if I didn't know what I wanted, knowing what I don't want would have similar results.

Now that I'm starting to recognize the negative thoughts, I'm realizing just how negative I have been all along. This will be infinitely helpful when changing this for the better.