Help, about to become the real 40 year old virgin in a few months

[39year_old_virgin]

I am about to turn 40 in a few months time, and I can't believe how fast life has passed me by. It just hit me that I am going to end up like the character in 40 year old virgin if I don't do something about my condition. None of my friends or family know that I am still a virgin, and it is embarassing even here admitting it. I really wish I had known about the seduction community when I was back in High School or College. Anyway, here is my life story so far and how I ended up this way.

When in elementary and junior high school I was picked on relentlessly. I was the short fat kid, and even now I am only 5'5" on a good day. The first woman I had a crush on was in 7th grade, and I didn't know what to do, I kept it to myself and secretly wanted her, but never dared let her know. I had a few more crushes in high school, and the only woman I let know I had a crush on basically thought I was a creep(her friends told me I creeped her out), and looking back the way I approached her was VERY AFC or WBAFC, but I didn't know any better.

In college things only improved slightly for me. I tried the "friends" route of getting a girl with predictable results, in that all the girls I was interested in, if I let them know I wanted them as more than a friend, they LJBF'd me or told me they had a boyfriend. One even told me she just found Jesus and needed time to herself, the next week she was dating someone

In my senior year I was living in a roommate situation off campus, and my roomate was somewhat of a player/DJ/PUA with women. There was this one woman I had a serious crush on, I had talked to her a few times after class and I thought she was the love of my life. I told him about this and he gave me some advice, and I actually managed to get her to my place and cook her dinner, but nothing happened. Unfortunately she also got to know my roommate. A few days later when I had got my hopes up that I could finally get somewhere with this girl, I come home to hear sex sounds in the bedroom(which was not uncommon coming from his bedroom). However, the most humiliating, worst blow of my life came when it was her who left the room with him after they were finished. I was or course , and he insisted that she basically threw herself at him, and he told me she thought of me as just a friend. Needless to say it was an awkward situation after that, and it helped to make me hate women.

After college I didn't even try anymore, there were a few women along the way that I liked, but nothing ever came of it because they just LJBF'd me, or got creeped out like all the others. It made me so depressed that I struggled at work. I did come close with one girl, and we kissed a few times, but she ultimately went back to her old boyfriend before anything more happened, and that is the farthest I have ever gotten with a girl. I also tried the online thing once, and sent out about 200 emails and got one response. We met up but she said there was "no chemistry" when I called for a second date.

At one time I got so desparate that I tried an escort. However I even had really bad luck with that. When the escort got to the hotel she took my money and refused to do anything. When I began to get upset she threatened to call security on me. Needless to say that it was another horrible experience in my life.

Now it is even worse for me than before, I am beginning to lose my hair and I am also unemployed and had to move in with my mother. I became addicted to World of Warcraft as a kind of escape from my miserable existance, but I always held this fairytale notion that I would fall in love with a beautiful woman and marry her and live happily ever after, and it never happened. So now I am a short, fat 39 year old virgin who will be 40 in a few months time.

I wish I knew about the seduction comminity before, and realize that much of what I had done is AFC or WBAFC in the past because I had no clue. Is there any hope for me turning from what I am now into a DJ or Pickup artist? Can I get laid in the next few months without resorting to prostitutes?

 

[Duffdog]

This place will probably not fix you. It is up to you to fix the problems you created. As far as being tall--don't focus on that because you can't change it. The rest of the stuff you can change.

You can stop playing world of warcraft, you can go outside and run, you can get a job doing something...etc.

I find it odd that you can't find a woman in her 30's who will have sex with you for no other reason than if you said you wanted it. Single 30 yr old women are so easy its ridiculous. Just lie to her and make up a bunch of sh1t and have sex with her-- then let us know how it goes.

 

[sodbuster]

You may need to look in the mirror. If you are short and overweight,you won't land the hot babe we all want. After you get experience,maybe-not now. Find a girl who looks like you and get her. If you were interested in a high enough quality woman that your DJ roommate would do[since he has plenty of options,he wouldn't do fat and ugly],but you aren't high quality enough to interest her-you may have your sights set too high.

You need to start on a small bike with training wheels before getting on a 26"bike and you need to be good on the 26" bike before you try to buy the Harley. think of it as a staircase and move up one step at a time. When you get good at average or below average women, you can move up a level. Unless you are willing to devote your life to it, at your age you will never be good enough to pull a 10.

 

[39year_old_virgin]

I am not the least bit attracted to fat women, hypocritical, I know, but I cannot help what I am attracted to and what I am not. The thought of me having sex with a fat woman is disqusting and repulsive to me. I wish non fat 30 year old women were as easy as you say, sadly, I tried online dating and didn't even get a single response from even 30 something women. I got one from a 40 yo with kids, but after meeting me the first time she said there was no "chemistry" when I asked about a second date.

 

[Colossus]

Forget about getting laid by your 40th birthday. If you have high hopes for this you will only be more crestfallen if it does not happen, which it isnt likely to.

There are some things you cannot change--your age and your height.

The rest you CAN change, just not overnight. I'll give you a priority list that will be helpful to follow:

1. Start exercising seriously. 5 days a week. Jog, lift, cycle, play hoops or tennis...whatever you are interested in, just get out there and MAKE yourself exercise and get into shape. Anyone can get into shape, it's just a matter of persistence and discipline.

2. Get out of your mom's house.

3. Get some sort of gainful employment. Any paycheck is better than no paycheck for the time being.

4. Cancel your WoW account. Today.

5. Get a regular hobby, like joining a rec softball league or something. You'll meet people and develop some social ease.

6. You probably already know this, but really sit down and get to the root of WHY you creep girls out. I'm guessing you come as needy or over-eager. If you fill in other areas of your life you will be less so.

7. Utilize the forums but dont read too much, it can be counterproductive.

8. Set your sights relatively low. Not hookers, but dont be gunning for any HB 8's and 9's. You might have to start with women in their mid-thirties who arent in the best shape and maybe a bit lonely. I am sincerely not trying to be mean, but you cant start playing major league ball when you've never been up to bat.



You'll notice how most of the advice you'll get here is practical advice---meaning you have to do stuff to see results. Keep us posted.

 

[NewMan]

all is not lost.

You've got to get into some sort of shape - you don't have to be built like a greek god, but if you don't have cash, you need to be able to throw around some iron and run a couple of miles.

Check yourself.

Do you smell? serious question. How is your hygiene? teeth? clothes? style?

Get a job. There's no excuse.

Get out of the video games - you don't deserve to be playing if you have not earned the right (you earn the right by making money - lifiting - running - getting out there)

Get a job.

No one but you can change this - so figure out if you want to better yourself - then do it. don't be a lazy good for nothing POS. Get out there.

Get a job.

Get your own place.

Stop wasting your time in video games.

start watching people - look for what works. go out to a bar for a beer - looks and see how people act - talk - move. Mimic what works.


http://www.blowmeuptom.com

Listen to some fo this guy.

Get into the mentality.

Fake it until you make it.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Read Colossus' post over and over. Matter of fact, print it out and put it on your wall.

This forum does not work miracles, and all that pickup stuff is not a magic bullet. If you want to get results, YOU have to make it happen yourself.

If you look around you, you will see that there are a lot of short, overweight guys that nonetheless manage to nail hot women. That's because you can make up for physical disqualifiers in other ways. In fact, most of the guys I know that embody ****y and funny tend to have major physical disqualifiers, and get laid nonetheless.

I have a feeling that if you were ten years younger and six inches taller, you'd be in the same situation you are now, so don't blame your age, height, etc.

I wrote this in a similar thread awhile back:

Work on grounding your identity first. Don't worry about game. Your first obligation is to feel good about yourself and establish a solid identity to rid yourself of needy, approval seeking behavior.

Outer game won't address any of the core issues because, at the end of the day, you are STILL basing your entire perception of self worth on what some random chick thinks of you. This is not a healthy way to feel better about yourself, and this is why most PUA's can't keep girls.

Start by identifying the things that you are good at, and start there. Maybe you're artistic. Maybe you're good at a sport. Focus on those elements that you excel at and use that as a base of self-esteem and identity building.

Going to the gym regularly works very well to build confidence because you see regular improvements every time you go. Of course, this also improves your outer game as a bonus.

Volunteering is also helpful, because it puts you in a position to be "looked up to." You want to transform yourself from someone who is relying on other people to make himself feel good into someone who naturally makes OTHER PEOPLE feel good.

Thinking or meditating on all this stuff is not enough. Reading self help books isn't enough. You develop this confidence and sense of identity through ACTION.

When you develop a strong sense of self, approach anxiety goes out the window. You no longer need validation from anyone, and you begin to actually feel BAD for girls that reject you. You become more accepting and appreciative of women and other people in general.
---

Start by working out your issues that DON'T involve women. . .THEN you can begin to bring women into the picture. Don't set a timetable for getting laid; even if it takes another decade (it won't), it'll be worth it if you are improving yourself in the meantime.

 

[39year_old_virgin]

Why did they take this post out of the mature forum and put it back here? I don't get it. Anyway, thanks for all the advice. I have already quit WoW, and it hit me like a ton of bricks once I was out of the trance that it is, just how messed up my life really is. As for my old roommate, I quit talking to him after that incident, or minimally until I moved out of there and haven't been in touch with him since. I was really upset with him for doing what he did. I will try to do the gym thing again but it is really difficult for me to follow through with it, and it gets harder to lose fat with age.

 

[jon3947]

Read Killapetehog's thread's it is really great stuff, it wont magically fix you up, but once you get started, it will really help

 

[speakeasy]

I am not the least bit attracted to fat women, hypocritical, I know, but I cannot help what I am attracted to and what I am not. The thought of me having sex with a fat woman is disqusting and repulsive to me. I wish non fat 30 year old women were as easy as you say, sadly, I tried online dating and didn't even get a single response from even 30 something women. I got one from a 40 yo with kids, but after meeting me the first time she said there was no "chemistry" when I asked about a second date.

From the stats I've heard, few guys get responses from women online period. So I wouldn't put too much stock in that. Half the women online are just attention wh0res or just there to validate their ego..."oooh, look at all these guys that want me, I must be hot!" And of the others that are looking for something serious and are half decent looking, their inboxes are bursting with guys messaging them 24/7. It's a woman's market and probably a bat ROI no matter how you look at it. The ratio is just too out of wack.

 

[comic_relief]

Why did they take this post out of the mature forum and put it back here? I don't get it.

That is beyond me, I wish you the best. I'll keep checking in on you

comic_relief

 

[saber]

everyone is giving great advice and i definately agree you should not set your goals too high or too fast....

imo you will not be able to make the changes to yourself after 40 years of old habits....even if you did you would probably be 60 before you got where you wanted to be

if i were you i would join the military
It will force you to socialize
challenge yourself mentally and physically
build confidence especially if you go into combat
plus there are a lot of "mediocre women" to practice on
big time reality check

Its going to put you out there in uncomfortable situations for a few years
but you will make some serious progress

is this an option?

 

[speakeasy]

everyone is giving great advice and i definately agree you should not set your goals too high or too fast....

imo you will not be able to make the changes to yourself after 40 years of old habits....even if you did you would probably be 60 before you got where you wanted to be

if i were you i would join the military
It will force you to socialize
challenge yourself mentally and physically
build confidence especially if you go into combat
plus there are a lot of "mediocre women" to practice on
big time reality check

Its going to put you out there in uncomfortable situations for a few years
but you will make some serious progress

is this an option?

Isn't 40 too old to enlist?

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

I don't see how joining the military is gonna help him attract women. I know a guy in the marines and he's a flaming AFC with a girlfriend that cheats on him.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Why did they take this post out of the mature forum and put it back here? I don't get it. Anyway, thanks for all the advice. I have already quit WoW, and it hit me like a ton of bricks once I was out of the trance that it is, just how messed up my life really is. As for my old roommate, I quit talking to him after that incident, or minimally until I moved out of there and haven't been in touch with him since. I was really upset with him for doing what he did. I will try to do the gym thing again but it is really difficult for me to follow through with it, and it gets harder to lose fat with age.

I'll help you out with this. Eat the following:
-veggies (potatoes, yams and other starchy roots are not veggies)
-fruit
-meat (if it moves, its meat)
-nuts (peanuts are roots, cashews are not suggested, if its roasted it loses nutrients)
-grains are ok, no flours and nothing refined. no sugar, no chemicals.
-eggs and cheese/milk are good

You will lose fat with this diet if you exercise. It's healthy, nutritious, and high in fibre so hard to over eat. If you exercise hard, eat more meat. If you don't exercise as much eat more veggies. grains and cheese/milk products are for filling in the gaps.

That and lift. 6-12 rep range for muscle building. Don't overdo it. More is not better. If you overdo, your body will have a negative reaction. You want enough stress to build muscle, not so much that it triggers nervous problems and resulting hormone response like cortisol (which is a stress hormone who's main purpose is to store fat).

You overdo when you notice its hard to focus. Its like you're tired mentally and want to sleep. Your hands shake, your eyes feel heavy. That's overdoing it. You're over-taxing the nervous system by this point and you're about to get you ass kicked, HARD. Stay under that limit and you will be fine. You'll know what I mean soon enough if you keep lifting.

You might also want to look into something called insulin resistance. The diet I gave you is very insulin friendly, but you might require more help. You want to be insulin sensitive, not resistant. Diabetics are insulin resistant. Insulin is THE most important weight loss/gain hormone and you need to learn to work with it.


As always, do your own homework. Take it as a starting point and find out the details.

Watch the movie pumping iron for some motivation. So you can see what hard work gets you.