Heartiste: "Don’t ask questions about her." Your opinion?

[DiegoSantori]

A few years ago, Heartiste posted a blog entry called "Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl".

He wrote obvious things like "Don’t call back right away. Done properly, you will start to hear girls say things like “I didn’t hear back from you. You were making me nervous!” or "Take frequent leaves of absence. Preferably international."

But one piece of advice really confused me: Don’t ask questions about her. (“Aren’t you going to ask how my trip went?”) A high value man does not find the lives of others very interesting in comparison to his own.

So, should you just talk about yourself all the time or what? I mean, I can relate to this to some degree. The ladies that are really interested in me, ask me questions all the time, so I'm basically just there to respond.

But NEVER asking questions about her? Really??

 

[Skyline]

Ask her questions. Women love to talk.

 

[DiegoSantori]

Ask her questions. Women love to talk.

Exactly what I was thinking. Thank you.

 

[Jaylan]

I do fine with women without listening to any of the garbage that comes out of that blog.

No need to overthink. Just be natural and let the conversation flow. A good conversation with a confident and somewhat talkative woman is real fun. Ask your questions and just do your thing.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

A few years ago, Heartiste posted a blog entry called "Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl".

But one piece of advice really confused me: Don’t ask questions about her. (“Aren’t you going to ask how my trip went?”) A high value man does not find the lives of others very interesting in comparison to his own.

Yeah this kind of advice just proves how much conflicting information there is out there, and why you can't subscribe to it all.

Of course you should ask questions to a girl, how else are you supposed to get to know her? No girl is going to want to sit there and listen to you talk about yourself, you'll just bore her. Girls really don't care all that much about you personally anyway.

You have to play the mystery angle, revealing enough but not too much about yourself, and let her do all the talking.

 

[DiegoSantori]

I do fine with women without listening to any of the garbage that comes out of that blog.

That guy called Heartiste really writes lenghty, interminable blog entries and there is a lot of feedback on every entry. Countless comments wherever you look. And those comments are long texts full of overanalyzations. I'm really astonished how many people seem to absorb his advice. It's like a religion for them. LOL

 

[Tictac]

Definitely get them to talk about themselves. Sometimes you may need to ask an open-ended question to get that going.

Usually after than some well-timed uh-huhs, nods etc. will keep that going.

Do not run a police interrogation on women. That would freak anyone out.

 

[Suspens]

One or 2 questions here and there would be fine, but asking question after question like a dumb curios kid gives the vibe that your interest is too high.

 

[amazingswayze]

it depends.

But NEVER asking questions about her? Really??

this is a silly question. it all depends on context.

i believe there are some roads better left untravelled but on the other hand this is the basic way to have a conversation with a girl.

if you don't ask her at least a few questions, she will think you are a heartless a-hole who has no interest in her.

well maybe that's a bit extreme but the answer to this question is that it depends.

i answered yes, and then i thought about it and changed my mind.

context, my friends.

 

[Suspens]

A high value man does not find the lives of others very interesting in comparison to his own.[/I]

That's golden wisdom btw.

 

[zekko]

But one piece of advice really confused me: Don’t ask questions about her. (“Aren’t you going to ask how my trip went?”) A high value man does not find the lives of others very interesting in comparison to his own.

So, should you just talk about yourself all the time or what?

There was a thread recently about social skills, I said something about one trait of a good conversationalist is that they take a genuine interest in the other person.

If you just talk about yourself all the time, that's a sure recipe for boring others and driving them away. That said, your life should be interesting enough to draw someone in.

Like Building_and_Loan said, this just goes to show how much contradicting information there is out there. I've noticed that for every piece of PUA advice, there is usually another, exactly opposite piece of advice. Investing too much into this stuff is kind of stupid, IMO.

 

[BeenLaiden]

A few years ago, Heartiste posted a blog entry called "Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl".

He wrote obvious things like "Don’t call back right away. Done properly, you will start to hear girls say things like “I didn’t hear back from you. You were making me nervous!” or "Take frequent leaves of absence. Preferably international."

But one piece of advice really confused me: Don’t ask questions about her. (“Aren’t you going to ask how my trip went?”) A high value man does not find the lives of others very interesting in comparison to his own.

So, should you just talk about yourself all the time or what? I mean, I can relate to this to some degree. The ladies that are really interested in me, ask me questions all the time, so I'm basically just there to respond.

But NEVER asking questions about her? Really??

That "advice" is garbage. Imagining yourself as such a "high value man" that you almost never ask others questions or have to make them anxious on when to call is idiotic and coming from a person who has no clue but is a living "legend" in their own mind and complete BS artist.

Imagine someone always talking about how high value they are to you. Anyone. And never asking questions about you. How would you feel? Even IF they were Bill Gates or some world figure. You'd be intoxicated maybe at their "power" etc. but you and everyone else knows you'd start feeling like crap for allowing yourself to only care about who they are when they could care less about you.

That "advice" sounds like a revenge fantasy of an abusive person who is angry they aren't high value but pretends they are and is looking to control and punish others. Not high value at all.

A true high value person is not only high value but expresses interest in others even IF they offer them nothing. It bonds more people to them to look up to them.

A lot of this "PUA" manosphere advice is angry over analyzing crap with revenge fantasies and pretending to be "scientists" who know everything.

It's like a child pretending he's master of the world and everyone must bow down to them.

Problem is for many spurned men it attracts them like flies thinking they've found the answer when they are just falling victim to some nut jobs attempt to hurt others or gain "power" with manipulation and or "attack" using others who follow them as vessels to ruin their relationships.

Be your OWN MAN and do YOU. Not everyone HAS to like everyone. But don't eat the "food advice" while ingesting the poison it's laced with as these same people giving "advice" have their own personal agenda and are thinly veiling it as "helping" others.

 

[WanderingMan]

I understand both sides of this. In the beginning, I rarely talk about myself. If they ask, I'll usally give them an answer- sometimes quick, sometimes (rarely) serious, sometimes witty, but almost always short. Or, I'll just deflect and ask them another question to turn the conversation back to them. A lot of this about frame. There's two ways to be a listener: one is to be the interviewer, and the other is to be the interviewee. I give them snippets of myself, then come from the frame of: what do you have to offer to make me want to bring you into this life of mine.

On the other side of all this, it seems he's talking about after you get to know her. He brings up this example here:

“Aren’t you going to ask how my trip went?”

Like someone said, it's the context. And this example is the context I feel he's talking about.

She goes on some trip. She's all excited and bouncing off the walls about it, and can't wait to tell you how wonderful it was (in the back corner of her mind, she thinks you might even become jealous) That's great she's excited, and there's nothing wrong of you to ask her about it. However, her trip shouldn't be as big of a deal to you as it is to her. Why would her going on a trip be really exciting for you? coming from a certain frame, that could be perceived as submissive and beta: putting her happiness before yours. It's fine to be genuinely happy for her, but you shouldn't be trying to live through her. Living through her would show signs of jealousy and envy: beta traits.

All this considered (and by only reading the part that OP wrote), to not ask her about something important to her because you're suppose to not care, does seem a little childish.

 

[DiegoSantori]

That "advice" sounds like a revenge fantasy of an abusive person who is angry they aren't high value but pretends they are and is looking to control and punish others. Not high value at all.

A true high value person is not only high value but expresses interest in others even IF they offer them nothing. It bonds more people to them to look up to them.

A lot of this "PUA" manosphere advice is angry over analyzing crap with revenge fantasies and pretending to be "scientists" who know everything.

Very good observation that most will/did overlook.

 

[El Payaso]

I think one should balance it out. Sometimes, you express high interest in her, other times you're completely uninterested in her. This is what drives a woman's attraction. Those highs and lows. It's like a drug. She will constantly be seeking the next high with you and will do anything to get it.

 

[devilkingx2]

you should ask her questions.

you SHOULDN'T ask her so many questions on one topic that it looks like you have an ulterior motive(unless it's sexual, it's okay if she thinks you wanna bang her, not okay if she thinks you want her money or to evaluate her for marriage or to know enough about her to stalk/kidnap her effectively)

you SHOULDN'T ask a trillion and a half questions rapid fire, respond to her answers and talk about the subject for a bit after each question, ask related questions, only when the subject runs dry should you ask a new question on a new topic

if you're actually prying her for information on something(anything at all), assuming you're trying to do it secretly then throw in unrelated questions in between the important prying questions

don't tell anything about yourself that isn't relevant to conversation or jokes or something. but also don't hide anything non-personal/private, if she wants to know about you, make her ask if she really cares. if she doesn't care enough to ask you didn't care enough to mention it. on the flipside, it'd be very shady if you refused to answer or dodged basic questions about yourself that have no real secrecy(your name, your job, your height, your hobbies, etc.)

finally, DO ask her personal questions, DON'T ask them suddenly, DO slowly escalate the nature of your questions as the conversation goes on, DON'T ask questions you can't come up with a good reason for you to know(as in, some girls might be averse to answering personal sexual questions like 'have you ever been in a gang bang' for example. but it won't be hard to come up with a reason for you to be asking, however if you're asking for her social security number... that's a different story.)

 

[SmooveMooves]

Any advice that offers a broad resolution over something as complex as social interactions is bad advice.