HB9 coming back in Dec. for Semester Break... should I meet her?

[Insouciant]

An HB9 whom I hit it off with really well back in June is coming back in December for semester break.

We actually tried the whole "talking" thing in anticipation of her returning in December from June until September. (My first mistake was not continuing to spin plates, especially if you are talking with a girl overseas)

I think eventually I became too available to her, had a few AFC moments (jealousy, neediness), which I'm sure dropped her attraction.

Anyways, some **** happened. Got into a fight. We ended our "talking"... she says she "felt us drifting"... but I am pretty sure it's the AFC moments that caused it. I haven't told her that, because then she'd be able to see the change.

Anyways, she reserved her flight back to the States for December, and when I skyped her the first time I was aloof, and when she asked if I still wanted to see her I just said, "sure, why not."

We Skyped again last weekend and it turns out that she still had reserved Friday and Saturday for me (the first two days when she arrives)... and tells me that in spite of what happened, that she really, really liked me, hasn't liked anyone like she did with me in a long time... and that she's still curious about her feelings.

This girl is really attractive, and I know for a fact that on any given day there are a number of guys that are trying to get with her (including her ex). Should I read too much into the fact that those two days are still reserved for me? What other motive would she have for saving those dates?

I guess what I'm asking is... what's the probably that she and I can rekindle that attraction that we had back in June?

I've initiated no contact and have no plans of reaching out to her until at least November because of what happened.

Thanks guys.

 

[SecondHalf]

The days are reserved for you to have some fun if you don't go needy.
Plan a good time out but know that it ends after those two days. She's got to know that's all your worried about too.

"probability that she and I can rekindle that attraction ..."
What purpose would that attraction serve?
What are you goals?
If it's just physical (which it should only be), then it seems that as already been established.

If you want more (a LDR?), Feck no!
You'll either go broke or crazy worrying about that.
Let her worry about that, your goal is two days only.

That's the way I would play it (and actually have in August). Worked perfect!

SH

 

[Insouciant]

Thanks, SH.

Do you agree with my plan to just NC for now and re-engage her in Mid-November?

Pardon me since I'm still a neophyte to game... but you're fairly sure that since she's reserved Fri. & Sat. for me, that something will go down if I play it cool? I.E. there's no way that she'd do it just to "hang out" as friends?

Hmm... she did say that reserving Friday is "more than a friend sort of deal" and that it was usually reserved for someone special.

 

[SecondHalf]

I don't think I would go no contact, just make sure you give off the illusion of being busy. Let her initiate most interactions ...

Anticipation of what you've become will work for you. Just keep up with the facade (if it is one).

Right now, focus on getting out there. Perfect time to do it too! It will distract you. If you're worried about this chick now, you're going to be a mess soon enough.

Read the forums, my game may not be your game given my age. Gets easier as you grow older. Someone else will likely answer you as well and it might be more relevant.

SH

 

[st_99]

I hardly would consider myself fully competent when it comes to females and getting what you want out of them but.. do you realize how insane all of this sounds?

 

[Insouciant]

What do you mean?

 

[origin138]

Despite your "AFC moments" she still reached out to you to see you which means you possibly have a chance to recover if you play your cards right from here on out. Any further episodes of jealousy or neediness will permanently repulse her and you'll be lucky to even be in the LJBF zone.

My immediate concern is why you're dealing with a woman who lives overseas? Surely you don't think this is a viable option for a relationship unless she's permanently moving closer to you in the very near future?

If you want to pursue it, you'll have to let go of the encroaching neediness. Some women are masters at bringing it out in certain men. You have this woman on a pedestal so things are doomed unless you manage to reverse this kind of thinking in your mind. If you don't think you're the prize, find out why not, and get there. Chances are you're not managing yourself and your life to the best of your ability, and are looking to control her, or for her to fill some emotional void. That's not healthy.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Insoucient,
The best value this girl has for you,is to be used as credentialisation material.....So nonchalelently flaunt her wherever you normally hunt,nothing will lift your perceived value more!

 

[scrouds]

Don't actually count on her keeping that "reserved" time free. Don't count on anything.

Did you bang her in june?


Part of me is thinking that you should play the friends ruse on her. But I don't think I want to recommend that because it takes a subtle touch, and I don't think you've developed that yet. But that would work better if you banged her.

 

[Insouciant]

If you want to pursue it, you'll have to let go of the encroaching neediness. Some women are masters at bringing it out in certain men. You have this woman on a pedestal so things are doomed unless you manage to reverse this kind of thinking in your mind. If you don't think you're the prize, find out why not, and get there. Chances are you're not managing yourself and your life to the best of your ability, and are looking to control her, or for her to fill some emotional void. That's not healthy.

Thanks for this. This is definitely what I've been focusing on these past few weeks. If I DO get the chance to see her for those two days (if she doesn't flake); I want it to be as a new me... as in, the me that she first fell for. I want to truly be that guy. Inner game.

Part of me is thinking that you should play the friends ruse on her. But I don't think I want to recommend that because it takes a subtle touch, and I don't think you've developed that yet. But that would work better if you banged her.

I haven't banged her yet. That's why I'm so curious. I want to seal the deal.

What friends ruse do you speak of? When we stopped talking, I sent her a message a few days later telling her, "LJBF. We're incompatible as ****".

Acted totally aloof whenever she tried to bring up the topic about our fight.

Since then... I've worked on bringing back the positive vibes that we had whenever we do chat. I do joke about our new friendship... "careful, you're crossing the friend barrier right now."... that sort of thing. Flirt with her, and then say something like, "You make such a great FRIEND"

Am I on the right track?

 

[SoSuave666]

Your situation is eerily similar to a situation I had with a girl about 1.5 years ago. I met her in June, like you, and she went off to college Sep1. We tried to stick it out, but in about October we decided it wasn't working (she initiated). Throughout the whole relationship I was good. I always had good inner game. Was never needy, jealous, anything of the sort. We both visited each other multiple times. Everything seemed good. The only difference really between you and I was that we were having secks. You apparently, were not.

So I was 24, she was 21. She was a real bangin broad. Real cool, looked great, treated me nicely. She had some game-playing traits, but nothing I ever thought was that serious. Anyway, the last time I went to visit her we got real drunk together out at a party. We went back to her room and banged pretty ferociously. After we were done she started being emotional. Emotional to the point where she confessed to hating her family, that she was depressed (been diagnosed), and was very moody. I wanted to help, being the sucker that I was, so I told her everything would be OK and that I was there for her, and she meant a lot to me. She told me she was falling for me and I told her the same back. She called me her hero and told me she needed me.

4 days later I get an email from her telling me it's not working out. She said stuff like "I know this might be out of the blue" and "you will always have a place in my heart." She continued to say that maybe in the long run, when we are both more mature, it can work out, but that right now she doesn't feel the same way she used to. She ended it with some facebook message form another dude about how he thought she was so beautiful and amazing and that he wanted to meet her and treat her like the princess she is. She said she thought I would get a laugh out of that because I always joked about how she was a 'spoiled princess.'

Anyway, for the first time in my life I became jealous over a girl. I got needy and told her stupid sh!t in an email response about how I thought she was the perfect girl for me, as long as she was in my heart I couldn't make room for someone else, I would be there for her if she ever needed me, blah blah blah all stupid stuff. My one and only needy streak, and it went to this girl. Her attraction diminished, and we stopped contacting each other for a couple weeks.

She wrote me an email about 2 weeks later that said "I hear friendships are great. Hopefully we can remain friends." She then attached two sappy love songs that were all regretful and said sh!t like "I never told you what I should have said." Sappy stuff man, really. I think she knew I wasn't really an AFC, and that I had a lapse. She had known me for so long (secks for 4 months, but had known each other for like 6 years prior) that she knew what I was about. Anyway, I wrote her back and said I can't be your friend. Sorry. Then didn't contact her.

BACK to the relevance for YOU. Before Christmas break she hit me up telling me she wanted to hang out. I was like, aiight cool I'll roll the dice and see what happens. She made time for me, so I thought I'd just feel out the situation. We end up going out for dinner/drinks and then go dancing. We are feelin each other out on the floor, and eventually I just say fvck it, I'm inviting her back to my car. She had said "we aren't having secks again" and "I've moved on" and all that. I didn't buy it. We went back to my car, banged for a couple hours, and then I drove her to her car and left. She went back to school a week later and sent me a text message basically just checking up on me. We talked on the phone and she started getting extremely aggressive about my relationships with other women. She told me how I hurt her because I didn't chase her when she wanted separation. She used other men to gauge my interest in her. She tried jealousy, NC, everything to get me mad. Didn't buy it.

Oh yea, she was a BPD. Diagnosed. Forgot to mention THAT one to me while we were dating. I don't see her anymore or talk to her. I rarely even think about her. Sometimes though I am reminded of things we used to do, and I think to myself: man, if only she weren't crazy. But if she weren't crazy, I'd probably feel a lot worse about our relationship ending.

Anyway, I guess the point is that you can never tell a girls motives. She probably broke up with you because LDRs are hard and her young, immature, AWing mind wanted to be liked/loved by someone who she could see every once in a while, and not some dude she has to skype with. If you ARE going to meet up with this girl, you're right, you better show her you're a changed man with no AFC tendencies. Otherwise, you're just some scrub to her. In the long run, my advice would be to forget about this girl. If she chooses to not be with you, for any reason, she doesn't deserve another chance. But hey, in the short term, if you just wanna bang, go for it.

 

[scrouds]

No you're not on the right track. You're probably overdoing the "we're friends" thing, so that its so obvious you're in her pocket.

My advice is simple: roll with it, do whatever you think is the best move and hope for the best. If you get the lay, great. If you don't, learn from it.

 

[Argyle]

(lost my accout info for Insouciant - Posting under Argyle)

So the worst case scenario basically happened with this chick.

Definitely learned from it. But I acted like a total AFC. It didn't help that I was drunk and couldn't control myself when me and her met for an hour or so.

It's crazy how much anti-game moves I did in spite of knowing so much about how the female mind works when we met. Again, I was beyond drunk and was slurring my words... she wasn't at all.

It literally was my game to lose... 99.9% chance of win, and I fumbled at every conceivable step. I'm not sure I can forgive myself for basically throwing the game away.

My confidence is shot not because I lost the chick, but because I'm thinking to myself, "how could I let this happen?". It was basically the biggest collapse in history. It's like Jordan's bulls getting swept in 4 games in '92.

Bros, I know that I'll be able to move on from this. But any support on how you were able to forgive yourself from acting so AFC would be awesome.

I start a new job in January, so it will basically be a new life for me come next month.

 

[SecondHalf]

(lost my accout info for Insouciant - Posting under Argyle)
But any support on how you were able to forgive yourself from acting so AFC would be awesome.

Make a commitment to yourself.

The drink killed you, you had no game, no judgement.
You shouldn't have drank before the date. You sucked down a few bottles of courage which killed you.

Had this happened to me, I'd have forgiven myself only after I had taken action against the real issue ... the crutch.

If you were nervous about this chick, you should have a) went in sober, b) with a fresh gym pump, c) dressed well, d) with a skank date setup for after.

You should have sufficient plates spinning that no chick will bring you this kind of anxiety.

Lose the booze! Start drinking when the much lighter female you want to boink drinks with you.

Seriously!

SH