Our relationship was very successful, great timing, waited 7 months before becoming official and got our normal life together (we were in college around the drinking scene) We fell pretty hard, and both sobered up big time. She got life together and never went back to drinking. Finished college with straight A's.
Now, she only drank on rare occasions... and it started to bother me because she never wanted to hang out with me in the city, because I loved to go out to nightclubs with my friends and see my favorite DJs spin.
We lived in a nice area in the city, combined income was around $150k. We're both lucky and successful, and I started celebrating because of this. I spent quite a bit of money on partying and making up excuses to her on why to go out (telling her I need to network, etc).
I started to throw her under the bus and became uncontrollable and she started to seek more attention from me, said 'I Love You' more. Yet, I was soaking it all in, being too 'have my cake and eat it to' lifestyle and eventually just was like, fvck it, I don't need her anymore.
6 months after moving in together on a 12 month lease, she popped the question about what going to happen when the lease ends. I told her to start looking for roommates, if you need to move out early, move out. I told her I was moving to another city, which I planned on at the time due to a contract ending the same time the lease was.
Long story short. She committed to moving with a friend 2 months later. We talked as we planned to stay together, she was looking at apartment in the same complex. She eventually moved 2 blocks away fro me. After she committed, my contract was extended for another 6 months and now I'm not moving as I originally planned.
During the last 2 weeks living together, I was sick with the flu and did not go out at all. We were very close during this these last days and it seemed as if she was regretting the moving out decision because I was home and giving her a lot of attention (rather then partying).
When it was time for her to move out.. I got back into party mode again because I was hiding the pain., i didn't know how to feel about this whole moving situation. The day after she moved we just mutually broken up because I told that I was treating her properly and wanted her to be happy, she agreed, but said she wants to be close still, and hopefully the future is open to us. She said I'm the best the that ever happened to her, (helped her emotionally through college, become sober, get 4.0 GPAs) etc. I was too ****y and said things like, 'Well I guess my job is done here.'
Now... 8 days later after she's gone, I had a huge awakening, talked to some sober friends who came over Alcoholism/AA Classes. They said that I need to stop drinking. I read a lot of information and believe that I became delusional due to all the alcohol. Delusion enough to 'not care' about her leaving.
I'm stuck in a rut now. She's warned me before about drinking too much and I ignored her. She was right. I had a problem.
I immediately stopped drinking and have committed to sobriety. After no-contact rule, I messaged her "I have something to tell you in case you're interested". In an e-mail I admitted to my alcohol problem and my commitment to sobriety, told her that it most importantly affect us and that all I wanted for us to be is the most awesome couple ever and be happy... (kinda AFC?).
She replied,
"The only way a relationship can be functional, healthy, and happy is if both people involved are functional, healthy, and happy. You need to focus on yourself first and foremost before you can even begin to put any thought or energy in to a relationship. I care about you deeply and that is why my want for you to be happy, successful, and healthy is more than my want for our relationship to work. Your goal in life needs to be about making YOU the best, most awesome omgwtfm8 forever before it could begin to be about making us the best, most awesome anything."
You said that you want me to be the happiest girl in the world and the only way I can be that right now is if I'm not with you, omgwtfm8.
You can be extremely driven and determined about things you are passionate about and it is my hope that you use this drive and determination to better yourself.
I'll always be there for you as a friend....but right now, in a role as a girlfriend, I have to step back and away in order to protect and heal myself."
I immediately stopped drinking, started working out twice a day, and very committed to improving my health and lifestyle. What should I do about her?
Now, she only drank on rare occasions... and it started to bother me because she never wanted to hang out with me in the city, because I loved to go out to nightclubs with my friends and see my favorite DJs spin.
We lived in a nice area in the city, combined income was around $150k. We're both lucky and successful, and I started celebrating because of this. I spent quite a bit of money on partying and making up excuses to her on why to go out (telling her I need to network, etc).
I started to throw her under the bus and became uncontrollable and she started to seek more attention from me, said 'I Love You' more. Yet, I was soaking it all in, being too 'have my cake and eat it to' lifestyle and eventually just was like, fvck it, I don't need her anymore.
6 months after moving in together on a 12 month lease, she popped the question about what going to happen when the lease ends. I told her to start looking for roommates, if you need to move out early, move out. I told her I was moving to another city, which I planned on at the time due to a contract ending the same time the lease was.
Long story short. She committed to moving with a friend 2 months later. We talked as we planned to stay together, she was looking at apartment in the same complex. She eventually moved 2 blocks away fro me. After she committed, my contract was extended for another 6 months and now I'm not moving as I originally planned.
During the last 2 weeks living together, I was sick with the flu and did not go out at all. We were very close during this these last days and it seemed as if she was regretting the moving out decision because I was home and giving her a lot of attention (rather then partying).
When it was time for her to move out.. I got back into party mode again because I was hiding the pain., i didn't know how to feel about this whole moving situation. The day after she moved we just mutually broken up because I told that I was treating her properly and wanted her to be happy, she agreed, but said she wants to be close still, and hopefully the future is open to us. She said I'm the best the that ever happened to her, (helped her emotionally through college, become sober, get 4.0 GPAs) etc. I was too ****y and said things like, 'Well I guess my job is done here.'
Now... 8 days later after she's gone, I had a huge awakening, talked to some sober friends who came over Alcoholism/AA Classes. They said that I need to stop drinking. I read a lot of information and believe that I became delusional due to all the alcohol. Delusion enough to 'not care' about her leaving.
I'm stuck in a rut now. She's warned me before about drinking too much and I ignored her. She was right. I had a problem.
I immediately stopped drinking and have committed to sobriety. After no-contact rule, I messaged her "I have something to tell you in case you're interested". In an e-mail I admitted to my alcohol problem and my commitment to sobriety, told her that it most importantly affect us and that all I wanted for us to be is the most awesome couple ever and be happy... (kinda AFC?).
She replied,
"The only way a relationship can be functional, healthy, and happy is if both people involved are functional, healthy, and happy. You need to focus on yourself first and foremost before you can even begin to put any thought or energy in to a relationship. I care about you deeply and that is why my want for you to be happy, successful, and healthy is more than my want for our relationship to work. Your goal in life needs to be about making YOU the best, most awesome omgwtfm8 forever before it could begin to be about making us the best, most awesome anything."
You said that you want me to be the happiest girl in the world and the only way I can be that right now is if I'm not with you, omgwtfm8.
You can be extremely driven and determined about things you are passionate about and it is my hope that you use this drive and determination to better yourself.
I'll always be there for you as a friend....but right now, in a role as a girlfriend, I have to step back and away in order to protect and heal myself."
I immediately stopped drinking, started working out twice a day, and very committed to improving my health and lifestyle. What should I do about her?
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