HB with abusive childhood

[piday314]

I've recently been talking to a lady who grew up with an abusive father until her mid-teens. I have read numerous horror stories on this forum about BPD women coming from these kinds of backgrounds. Would you ever give a girl like this a chance with your heart?

 

[st_99]

never

 

[jophil28]

I've recently been talking to a lady who grew up with an abusive father until her mid-teens. I have read numerous horror stories on this forum about BPD women coming from these kinds of backgrounds. Would you ever give a girl like this a chance with your heart?

Double never.

 

[piday314]

I understand the general rule against it, but seeing as I'm kinda falling for this girl, your personal stories or other explanations would probably help me make the right choice.

 

[jophil28]

I understand the general rule against it, but seeing as I'm kinda falling for this girl, your personal stories or other explanations would probably help me make the right choice.

My guess is that you have already made your choice.

 

[Warrior74]

No. In fact, a chic who tells you about it is a big red flag.

I dated a chic who told me she was abused after about a month of dating. She was great in the sack, open to doing any and everything. But the paranoia, the baseless accusations and crazy mood swings wasn't worth it. She would try to play the victim role all the time to control me. That's why its a red flag. I don't know if she was really abused or not, but I do know it was a club and by telling me about it, she told me she was going to use that club. And when I refuse to sit there and get clubbed and dropped her, she accused me of being abusive and saying that I abandon people and I'm heartless. After a month she tried to come back, but I just didn't want to be bothered as I had moved on.

 

[piday314]

Well, she didn't go into detail, and I didn't ask for it. It just came up because she said she lived with her mother, so I asked about her father.

 

[st_99]

You're obviously going to continue seeing her but at least take this advice.. keep her away from your friends.

 

[piday314]

I'm not seeing her regularly yet at all. But I'm approaching a juncture where I've got to escalate or let it float away.

So any kind of substantial explanation or story would be appreciated please!

 

[st_99]

I'm not seeing her regularly yet at all. But I'm approaching a juncture where I've got to escalate or let it float away.

So any kind of substantial explanation or story would be appreciated please!

These chicks are not to be trusted and if you bring them into your circle they will create chaos. Don't jeopardize that is all I'm saying.

 

[DropZone3]

Don't become captain save a ho.
Save yourself before she traps you emotionally.

 

[jophil28]

I'm not seeing her regularly yet at all. But I'm approaching a juncture where I've got to escalate or let it float away.

So any kind of substantial explanation or story would be appreciated please!

Many of us have written here about our experiences with "abused" women.
Search the board for the BPD threads and the "Daddy issues" horror stories for some light bedtime reading.

 

[squirrels]

The first relationship a person is exposed to often dictates how they come to seem themselves in a relationship and their expectations. If a girl is used to being abused by her father, then be careful of her trying to subtly work you into the same role.

It comes down to, "how CONSCIOUS is she?". Most people are victims, not survivors.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Payday,
Sadly Forget about her,she will be damaged goods and will end up hurting you and all around you.

 

[DropZone3]

To piday,
You are about to enter your prime as a man and you deserve the best.
How old is this woman? What is her relationship with her mom? Has she ever lived on her own?

 

[~Vortex~]

You could try to heal her yourself; she does not have to know about this. My healing skills have quite vanished after being in the hospital for half a year, but I'll give it a try anyway.

1. Fill Her Mind With Truthful & Beautiful Images, that heal perfectionist and messed up thinking.

Bring it up so it sounds normal and everyday, like have a normal conversation.

... Hmmm... I'm thinking of stuff but nothing is coming to mind. piday314, could you describe this girl to me and tell me if you noticed any emotional and psychological scars on her? Perhaps I can think of some healing ideas for her personally.

2. Make Love To Her Like A Man.

While having sex, say stuff like, "I love your soul" "You drive my crazy" "Ï want to be close to you, inside of you", "you are the only one".

Man... I can't come up with anything else. I'm in a bad state really

 

[backbreaker]

I didn't have an abusive father, but I didn't have a very good one lol. I go to counseling weekly now because of the **** I have been through growing up./ And for the most part, I like tot hink I'm a well adjusted young man.


I don't think you can just throw a blanket over every woman that has dad issues. I think you must take each case by case, and by that I don't mean, i will make a special exception for this girl, but I mean sit back and rationaly judge her behaviors and actions and try your best to determine if this is someone who is in your life.


I mean let's keep it real, if you were to do that, in this day and age, you are dismissing about half of the women population. My oneitis has big time daddy issues and while, she's just not my type, she's a very well adjusted young woman, from that standpoint at least. Her being a gold digger has nothing to do with her daddy issues lol. Her daddy issues were so bad that when her mother would go out of town for work, she would come sleep in my extra bed room. This went on even when I had a live in GF.

I will say, that her coming out and telling you she was abused however is a red flag. I don't talk about my dad, at all. He is persona non grata in my house hold. Most people who, have gotten threw something usually don't want to go back and visit it, or if they do as least as possible. I don't like people who flaunt abuse or a bad upbringing.

Even if you did bring it up, which you didn't, I get asked about my dad all the time. Doesn't mean I must lay it all out there for the world to see. It is what it is.

 

[Die Hard]

This is someone who you've "recently been talking to" and already you're considering giving her "a chance with your heart"?

This clearly shows 'neediness', a lack of control over your feelings and a tendency to become emotionally dependant very fast... That's a sure way to get hurt by women in general, let alone a dangerous woman like this. If you don't let it float but instead, decide to escalate, you will get 'emotionally raped'...

But I have a feeling it won't matter what anyone here tells you, you'll escalate anyway. We'll be here to help you get through the terrible aftermath...

 

[Colossus]

I've recently been talking to a lady who grew up with an abusive father until her mid-teens. I have read numerous horror stories on this forum about BPD women coming from these kinds of backgrounds. Would you ever give a girl like this a chance with your heart?

Not unless you're an idiot. I gave my heart to a girl who was seriously abused by a past bf....it's a tangled trap you're getting into. Ultimately YOU will be the one walking away with wounds.

Listen, people dont just "get over" this stuff unless they are deliberate and intentional about it. Most need professional help. Dont fall into the trap that so many other guys have of trying to be her white knight and thinking your love will change her. It wont. Fair warning.

 

[backbreaker]

Not unless you're an idiot. I gave my heart to a girl who was seriously abused by a past bf....it's a tangled trap you're getting into. Ultimately YOU will be the one walking away with wounds.

Listen, people dont just "get over" this stuff unless they are deliberate and intentional about it. Most need professional help. Dont fall into the trap that so many other guys have of trying to be her white knight and thinking your love will change her. It wont. Fair warning.

I agree with your last part. While I do consider myself well adjusted.. My biggest issue with me is that I just flat out refused to open up to anyone, under any circumstances, I don't trust people. It's taken me a few years to be able to get to the point where when I don't like something I just don't shut down and go home lol, That was my self made, defense mechanism.. A few years. it takes years, to unprogram years of bad programming.