Havings kids / Being a father

[TheProspect]

I know a lot of you guys have different personal perspectives when it comes to having kids. I have seen various posts on other threads guys mentioning how they never want kids at all. I find it intriguing because becoming a father is probably the experience I look forward to most in life. Not saying that I will absolutely will have kids someday, but rather that I couldn’t imagine having an outlook where I would never want to be a father at some point in my life.

I am in no rush to become father. I’m only in my early 20's, and my education is my priority at this stage in my life. There are obviously a lot of variables, but I would prefer to start a family in my early 30’s. However, the last thing I want to do is start a family with the wrong woman.


Anyways, I’m curious to hear your guys’ perspectives…

Why, or why not, do you want children?

If you’re already a father, how has that impacted you? What changes did it bring in your life, for better or worse? Did it offer you any new insights, revelations, etc?

For those who never wanted kids before you actually had them, has the experience of fatherhood shifted your initial outlook?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Let me chime in on this thread my playas.

1. I wanted a son because I'm an only child and wanted someone I could call my own.

2. It's a good feeling to spend time with my son but the fact that I have to deal with his mom is horrible. Not to mention the fact that she moved my son 7 hours away from me. On top of the fact that I travel for work it has been absolute hell for. It's ridiculous that you can want a kid so bad and when you get one have him pretty much taken away from you because of the fact the "mom" has the power.

My advice to anyone. Do not have a kid unless you know your girl 100%. Do not have a kid unless your married as well. My life is a living hell dealing with this situation and if it wasn't for this I would have a perfect life. At 26 money isn't a problem, I travel a lot, I am healthy. I just have baby moms that makes my life miserable.

 

[backbreaker]

I have an 8 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. The 8 year old honestly was conceived through drunken sex with my now wife in Paris lol when I was 24. The 1 year old was quite planned; i was an only child and I hated it and I've always said i'm either not going to have kids or i'm going to have 2.


When she first told me she was pregnant, it didn't really register for like a week. IT's like I heard it, but I didn't' HEAR it til I woke up one day and was like oh **** i'm about to have a child.


I wasn't worried about settling down.. by that time I Had played the field enough and was ready for something different. I wasn't worried about settling down with HER; honesty i'm pretty sure i subconsciously impregnated her on purpose to lock her up lol. I knew from her background, the way she carried herself she'd be a great mother, the type I'd want to be the mother of my child.


It's just... how can I put it.. DIFFERENT. Ultrasounds. Baby food. Joe doesn't know how many times I've accidentally almost killed him loll. feeding him without burping him lol, not holding his neck man i don't know any of this **** lol. Baby proofing the house. baseball games. homework. I love it though and I love my kids.

lac of sex is overrated. for the most part, your kids at least mine pretty much don't want **** to do with you until they need something they can't get lol like dinner. 80% of the time they want a TV or to go outside and play and it's not like they stay up all night their in bed by 10pm and both still take naps.

it's pretty cool like watching your son become a fan of a team because his dad is or watching X men you watched as a kid with your son and stuff like that.


"God was seriously watching over me in the sense i had gotten 2 girls pregnant before my wife and had 2 abortions and both would have been abominations, one was married. Also i knew my wife would be a good mother, but i lucked out in the sense that she's an amazing women in general and a perfect wife.


- don't have kids until you can afford them. if the thought of paying for a kid's private school is so far fetched financially for you where you can't even consider it you aren't ready for kids

- don't have kids until you're ready to settle down a little. I was ready. if you are having a hard time figuring out rather to go to the club or read your son a bedtime story you're not ready to be a father

- be careful what you do, what you say and who you bring around your kids. i don't drink around my kids. i don't let people drink around my kids. i don't let sketchy people in my house. in real life i tend to swear quite a bit lol and one day earlier this year i heard my son say "what the ****" .. surprisingly in the perfect context lol. because i say that all the time. i couldn't get mad at him because 1. i was thinking the same thing lol (when Steph Curry hit that 35 footer against OKC lol) and 2. i say it all the time.he's just intimidating his dad.


- don't push your kids in the direction you want them to go. this is the hardest for me. I wanted my son to play basketball. My wife wanted him to take horse riding lessons. He likes to draw. He's good at it.

 

[TheProspect]

I have an 8 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. The 8 year old honestly was conceived through drunken sex with my now wife in Paris lol when I was 24. The 1 year old was quite planned; i was an only child and I hated it and I've always said i'm either not going to have kids or i'm going to have 2.


When she first told me she was pregnant, it didn't really register for like a week. IT's like I heard it, but I didn't' HEAR it til I woke up one day and was like oh **** i'm about to have a child.


I wasn't worried about settling down.. by that time I Had played the field enough and was ready for something different. I wasn't worried about settling down with HER; honesty i'm pretty sure i subconsciously impregnated her on purpose to lock her up lol. I knew from her background, the way she carried herself she'd be a great mother, the type I'd want to be the mother of my child.


It's just... how can I put it.. DIFFERENT. Ultrasounds. Baby food. Joe doesn't know how many times I've accidentally almost killed him loll. feeding him without burping him lol, not holding his neck man i don't know any of this **** lol. Baby proofing the house. baseball games. homework. I love it though and I love my kids.

lac of sex is overrated. for the most part, your kids at least mine pretty much don't want **** to do with you until they need something they can't get lol like dinner. 80% of the time they want a TV or to go outside and play and it's not like they stay up all night their in bed by 10pm and both still take naps.

it's pretty cool like watching your son become a fan of a team because his dad is or watching X men you watched as a kid with your son and stuff like that.


"God was seriously watching over me in the sense i had gotten 2 girls pregnant before my wife and had 2 abortions and both would have been abominations, one was married. Also i knew my wife would be a good mother, but i lucked out in the sense that she's an amazing women in general and a perfect wife.


- don't have kids until you can afford them. if the thought of paying for a kid's private school is so far fetched financially for you where you can't even consider it you aren't ready for kids

- don't have kids until you're ready to settle down a little. I was ready. if you are having a hard time figuring out rather to go to the club or read your son a bedtime story you're not ready to be a father

- be careful what you do, what you say and who you bring around your kids. i don't drink around my kids. i don't let people drink around my kids. i don't let sketchy people in my house. in real life i tend to swear quite a bit lol and one day earlier this year i heard my son say "what the ****" .. surprisingly in the perfect context lol. because i say that all the time. i couldn't get mad at him because 1. i was thinking the same thing lol (when Steph Curry hit that 35 footer against OKC lol) and 2. i say it all the time.he's just intimidating his dad.


- don't push your kids in the direction you want them to go. this is the hardest for me. I wanted my son to play basketball. My wife wanted him to take horse riding lessons. He likes to draw. He's good at it.

That was a good read. Even though I don't have kids, I see a lot of similarities between you and I regarding parenthood. Especially about making sure your wife/girlfriend would be a good mother.

I only have one golden standard I have in regards to choosing a woman to settle down and have a family with: She has to be someone I want my daughter to grow up to be like.

 

[Yewki]

I feel like people want kids in order to provide meaning to their life. It's a type of coping mechanism. They want to occupy their time with something "important"... because they desperately need their life to have a tangible purpose

I'm not interested though

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I think there are a lot of guys on this site who do not want to settle down and/or have children. I don't begrudge them this decision; it's their life and I will at least give them credit that they know what they want and don't want.

I will say that if you do decide to have children, make sure you are an active and loving parent to them. You don't have to be overbearing, but there are already too many broken families in this world and the kids are the ones to end up getting the worst of it, and thus why you tend to have problems with future generations being able to sustain what you might consider the typical family unit of a married couple with kids. If that's what you want, it's going to take work and effort. Make sure whatever woman you decide to have kids with understands it will be hard (perhaps more imporantly doesn't have delusions of it being some Disney fairytale lifestyle) and that she is up to the task for the long term.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I think there are a lot of guys on this site who do not want to settle down and/or have children. I don't begrudge them this decision; it's their life and I will at least give them credit that they know what they want and don't want.

I don't think this is true. Personally, I wouldn't mind having kids and family. However, looking at things rationally, there are too many downsides to that path. The modern society is just too anti-family and even more so anti-father.

Once you have a kid, your life as a free man is esentially over. You are now an indentured servant in the eyes of the law. You are at the mercy of your girlfriend/wife and the dysfunctional family court system. You may not be able to see your kids, you may not have a relationship with them because your ex has poisoned their minds against you...but you still have to pay. And then there is the so-called no-fault divorce. Your wife may be the most evil, disloyal, gold-digging, cheating, false accusation-making ***** on the planet but you still have to pay her alimony. Why? Because she is accustomed to the lifestyle...and you have a legal obligation to provide her with that lifestyle! Of course, not every woman is evil and not every family gets broken up but the very possibility of being screwed over by the “justice system” for no good reason gives me pause. I have worked too hard to get where I am to roll the dice and take my chances in this rigged game. It's just not rational.

And then there is the question of the social environment your kids would be growing up in. Between gay/transgender propaganda in elementary school and radical neo-marxist indoctrination in high-school and college, just what kind of people will they grow up to be? And how much of an impact on their upbringing will you be able to have as a father?

 

[amazingswayze]

It's hard for me to say at 18, especially when I haven't quite 'sown my wild oats yet' so to speak.

I really do want kids, just to see what it would be like to create life, and have it be an extension of me.

Unfortunately since discovering the manosphere, I learned that marriage isn't what I thought it would be and it's safe to say that there is no such thing as 'happily ever after'.

If it happens it happens, I just don't wanna be caught up in one big mess where I'm providing for my kid but we don't even live under the same roof.

There's gotta be love involved. A woman can turn on you any day. When she gets old and sick, you might not feel the same way about her as you used to.

But once you have a child, love is unconditional.

 

[Desdinova]

I wanted a child solely for the experience of having one. I got that and it's been interesting, enjoyable, and challenging. The most challenging part came after I kicked his wh0rish mother out of my house. He had trouble dealing with actually spending time with her as opposed to spending most of his time with me.

If you want a child and haven't been able to find a good woman to stay with you for a minimum of 5 years, I'd go with the surrogate mother route. You get all the joy of having a child without the legal bull5hit, custody battles and child support.

I had a vasectomy shortly after my child was born. I didn't want to have another kid with that bytch I called a wife, and I knew that most women aren't going to be worthy of being a mother to any more children. I figured if I end up finding another woman who wants a child with me, she'll be willing to find a way to pay for the reversal of my vasectomy, and that is IF I think she's a decent woman.

 

[Epicwinguy]

I never want a kid, though this idea might change.

There are a great deal of experiences and accomplishments I have never made at age 23 due to a variety of reasons. In a way I know I am an adult, but feel like a kid. I can't really imagine feeling different. The way I see it is I already have a kid to raise and that is myself.

 

[Dingo]

Interesting....

I don't have kids.... Never will..... Never wanted them.

 

[Huffman]

I will definitely have kids in the future.
But so far I haven't been able to find a woman I feel comfortable with. I do attract women who would be good mothers. But they are all so homely and boring. I want a woman who comes with me on epic adventures for a couple of years, before we even think about settling down.

Now that I'm approaching 30, girls my age are trying to catch me, bind me and settle down straight away.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I want kids, but am not mentally or financialy ready yet maybe around 35-38

 

[Epicwinguy]

Hell, why even settle down? I still see ridiculous pressure to do so in society and even on this site!

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

No interest in kids or marriage. I don't want the responsibility, financial obligations, and I simply don't have the patience.