Deep North Viking
Don Juan
<I originally posted this in the general forum, but I think it deserves to be in the tips as well.>
An Epiphany. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
This is my story.
On November 29th, 2002, at 12:08 in the morning, I had an epiphany. But before I tell you about that, let me tell you about how I was before I had this epiphany.
I was an AFC. I used to sit in my dorm room, play Everquest, and rarely see the light of day. I didn't need women I thought, because it was easier to convince myself that I didn't need something that I didn't think I could get.
I moved to Germany (I'm in the US military) in early 2001, and I was told it was like heaven on earth, as far as women are concerned. "All you have to do to get laid is walk outside", they said. "German girls love Americans", they said. "You will get laid so many times, you will never want to leave", they said. It's so easy, you don't even have to try", they said.
The disappointment I had when I got here was almost unbearable. I didn't get laid at all in my first year here. I went out all the time, made some friends, got drunk every other weekend out on the town, and pretty much had a lot of fun. But I did not get any attention from women. And I couldn't understand why.
I started reading a few things on this website, and I tried a few things. My confidence grew a little, but when I didn't get immediate results, I gave up. I wasn't ready to make a lifestyle change it seemed.
Last Thursday night, when I was sleeping, I awoke in a terrible sweat. My head was spinning. I couldn't feel a thing. I looked at the clock, and it said 12:08. I still can't believe I was able to read it. The best way to describe what it was like is like this: nothing mattered. Nothing at all mattered at all. If my room was on fire, it didn't matter. If I was late for work the next day, it didn't matter. If I was holding a knife, and I started stabbing myself over and over, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. What time was it? It didn't matter. Would I be like this for the rest of my life? It didn't matter.
This feeling lasted for about ten seconds. The only thing I had to grasp on to during that terrifying ten seconds is this tiny little shred of sanity I saw dangling from my ceiling, that told me not to do anything stupid in case I came back around. This is the only thing that saved my sanity to this day, if not my life. It's hard to understand I'm sure, but please read on. And allow me to thank you for reading this far.
I came back around, and I was almost freaking out. All I wanted was for someone to tell me it was ok. Someone needed to tell me that I was going to be fine, that a nightmare can't hurt me. There was no one there of course, but I got up, got a glass of water, and started reading about psychotic breaks, panic attacks, schizophrenia, bipolarism, and things of that nature.
What I had was a panic attack. Probably from my smoking and drinking, there was not enough oxygen getting to my brain. If any of you have ever had a panic attack, let me know if you can relate.
This experience changed my life forever. In that ten seconds, I realized that I have nothing to be afraid of, ever. I am a MAN. I have needs and wants. I need to take what I want.
I need to be goverened only by my own choices.
Things like fear get in the way of many people's choices, and it shows. They are not happier, and in the end, they can't get what they want. They don't take what they want because they choose not to.
If you choose not to take what you want, then you will not get what you want. If you choose to take what you want, then you will get what you want.
Those ten seconds were an epiphany. A turning point in my life, without doubt. I know I will never be the same. I hope that people reading this are having an epiphany as I speak.
Let me know if you can relate to anything I just said. I appreciate constructive criticism, and I appreciate compliments too. Also, I hereby give anyone permission to copy, paste, reuse, redistribute all this any way you want.
Thank you for reading all that.
I truly hope that someone just had an epiphany.
[This message has been edited by Deep North Viking (edited 12-02-2002).]
An Epiphany. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
This is my story.
On November 29th, 2002, at 12:08 in the morning, I had an epiphany. But before I tell you about that, let me tell you about how I was before I had this epiphany.
I was an AFC. I used to sit in my dorm room, play Everquest, and rarely see the light of day. I didn't need women I thought, because it was easier to convince myself that I didn't need something that I didn't think I could get.
I moved to Germany (I'm in the US military) in early 2001, and I was told it was like heaven on earth, as far as women are concerned. "All you have to do to get laid is walk outside", they said. "German girls love Americans", they said. "You will get laid so many times, you will never want to leave", they said. It's so easy, you don't even have to try", they said.
The disappointment I had when I got here was almost unbearable. I didn't get laid at all in my first year here. I went out all the time, made some friends, got drunk every other weekend out on the town, and pretty much had a lot of fun. But I did not get any attention from women. And I couldn't understand why.
I started reading a few things on this website, and I tried a few things. My confidence grew a little, but when I didn't get immediate results, I gave up. I wasn't ready to make a lifestyle change it seemed.
Last Thursday night, when I was sleeping, I awoke in a terrible sweat. My head was spinning. I couldn't feel a thing. I looked at the clock, and it said 12:08. I still can't believe I was able to read it. The best way to describe what it was like is like this: nothing mattered. Nothing at all mattered at all. If my room was on fire, it didn't matter. If I was late for work the next day, it didn't matter. If I was holding a knife, and I started stabbing myself over and over, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. What time was it? It didn't matter. Would I be like this for the rest of my life? It didn't matter.
This feeling lasted for about ten seconds. The only thing I had to grasp on to during that terrifying ten seconds is this tiny little shred of sanity I saw dangling from my ceiling, that told me not to do anything stupid in case I came back around. This is the only thing that saved my sanity to this day, if not my life. It's hard to understand I'm sure, but please read on. And allow me to thank you for reading this far.
I came back around, and I was almost freaking out. All I wanted was for someone to tell me it was ok. Someone needed to tell me that I was going to be fine, that a nightmare can't hurt me. There was no one there of course, but I got up, got a glass of water, and started reading about psychotic breaks, panic attacks, schizophrenia, bipolarism, and things of that nature.
What I had was a panic attack. Probably from my smoking and drinking, there was not enough oxygen getting to my brain. If any of you have ever had a panic attack, let me know if you can relate.
This experience changed my life forever. In that ten seconds, I realized that I have nothing to be afraid of, ever. I am a MAN. I have needs and wants. I need to take what I want.
I need to be goverened only by my own choices.
Things like fear get in the way of many people's choices, and it shows. They are not happier, and in the end, they can't get what they want. They don't take what they want because they choose not to.
If you choose not to take what you want, then you will not get what you want. If you choose to take what you want, then you will get what you want.
Those ten seconds were an epiphany. A turning point in my life, without doubt. I know I will never be the same. I hope that people reading this are having an epiphany as I speak.
Let me know if you can relate to anything I just said. I appreciate constructive criticism, and I appreciate compliments too. Also, I hereby give anyone permission to copy, paste, reuse, redistribute all this any way you want.
Thank you for reading all that.
I truly hope that someone just had an epiphany.
[This message has been edited by Deep North Viking (edited 12-02-2002).]