Have I messed this up?

[Duracell_Bunny]

Went on a first date yesterday afternoon for a basic small lunch at new bar that had just opened I suggested, has an outside area along a riverside.

Called her up and it turns out this chick lives in the same village as me, our houses are like 500ft apart! I'm surprised we haven't met beforee. We met through a mutual group of friends that live in surrounding villages.

Anyway, she insisted on driving. It all went well and I felt the rapport was there a lot quicker than expected. We got chatting for ages about all sorts.

We moved on to a couple of other places after for some drinks which wasn't planned. I explained that I had organized to visit my parents but she again insisted on driving me there so I could drink and stay longer yet not worry about going over the limit. She offered to pay for almost every round which I thought was a bit odd.

Anyways, when she did drop me off this is where I hope I didn't go wrong. I didn't go in for the kiss or any type of physical contact. It just felt so orquid being right in front of my parents house in full view and being in the daytime. During the date there was just a couple of moments of light kino when we were sitting together.

I sent her a quick text in the late evening thanking her for driving me around everywhere etc. and she responded early morning with "No probs any time. If you feel like draggin my sorry ass out for a run any time let me know. Have a good day at work x" - I feel a bit of a negative vibe with the way shes speaking. It sounds different to her usual bubbly attitude and she doesn't normally send texts where shes not asking or wanting a response.

I've definitely developed onitis for her. Its been years since I met someone that I could chat to for so long and connect with like that. I can't put her at fault, shes naturally good looking and didn't seem to be wearing any makeup (yet this was in broad daylight). Hasn't thrown any **** tests or played any games what so ever. Has genuine intelligence and has realistic opinions, unlike those ones you meet in a club with an attitude that talk crap.

I realise that I should leave it a couple of days and call her up. But I'm majorly worried that by not kissing her I've ruined it all and she only sees me as you know what. She doesn't really have much of social life and only sees a small number friends about 1/2 times a week.

While I like the idea of a run for something different and to keep this daytime thing going, it doesn't really give much chance to escalate. You mean, ending the route at her place all hot and sweaty isn't exactly wise and I really think I should escalate asap if there's any hope.

I have two other potentials but I have no interest in neither of them. One was a random lay from a club the night before that is not that all attractive and seems ridiculously clingy, is also a long drive to get to. The other is just young and immature with lots of guy friends.

 

[Kailex]

The only way for you to know if you have messed this up is by asking her out again.

And for the love of God, can men stop making FOOD PLANS with women?

When you do breakfast, lunch, or dinner as a first date, what you are really doing is involving a THIRD person into the date.

"But Kailex, what do you mean there is a third person?"

Well, not really a third person, but there's a BARRIER there, a sort of WALL... it's that evil being we call a TABLE. Most of the times when we sit down to eat, we sit at a booth or a table... across from the other person, too far to kino and this is one of the most limiting aspects of a date.

Taking a walk through a park with some coffee and a scone is a lot cheaper, and allows for the chance to kino, get closer, have much more contact than a table.



Now, how do you find out if you messed up?

Ask her out again, if her IL is high enough, she'll agree and if you DO NOT ESCALATE at ALL, I give Zeus permission to strike you down with a lightning bolt.

There is no way you should go past the second date with a kiss. She drove you around all day, she's not your chaffeur, she's interested and you should make your interest be known immediately.

You felt awkward kissing her in front of your parent's house? DB, your DAD would have said: What!? What are you waiting for!? MAN UP.




Call her, and find out for yourself.
We could come up with dozens of scenarios in which you blew it or not, but in the end, there's only ONE true way for you to find out if you did or not.

 

[ARrocket]

I've definitely developed onitis for her.

One date dude. Chill.

Kailex hit the nail on the head. The whole premise for the date was off, not at all intimate. If you don't escalate next time you will lose her.

And get your mind off of this woman. I want you to call up one of those other prospects before you even think about seeing this woman again. And since you wanna see her soon, call up another girl NOW.

Kailex, you are from New Jersey, not Jersey. Don't say "scone" again. :box:

 

[Kailex]

Kailex, you are from New Jersey, not Jersey. Don't say "scone" again. :box:

He's in England.
Thought that might be a little more familiar to him. :crackup:

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

One date dude. Chill.
And since you wanna see her soon, call up another girl NOW.

Done. That chick from this weekend, she counter offered for Friday night.

AW is maybe for Wedsnesday, I guess shes going to be out with her friends but I suppose its better than being home alone.

As for this quality girl the anticipation waiting is horrid, she normally texts with random crap but hasn't done so today, I'm getting worried. Do you think holding off till the weekend is too long for the second date? The Sunday afternoon thing fits perfectly for both of us but I'm worried it could have cooled down by then if she has any heat for me.

 

[Elephant]

Since you didn't escalate she might think that your not interested and that could explain the 'vibe' that you've been getting. If she was willing to drive and pay she will most likely go out with you again. Just be pacient for now, and act on your next date with that girl.

 

[kingsam]

you need to leave ambridge/emberdale villages and move to the big city with ... OPTIONS

 

[Pimp-sicle]

First off let this be a lesson regardless of what happens from this point on:

When you don't capitalize on an opportunity to get physical with a girl it completely cramps your game and makes you over-analyze.

I have a couple of thoughts after reading your post:


1) Yes you might have lost her interest by not escalating and getting physical with her.

2) Or what many guys often fail to think about; you might have killed your own chances by going on such a long date and "chatting for ages." Most guys aren't great conversationalist so they end up boring a girl to death and/or revealing to much info too soon.

You might be hitting yourself on the head right now for not kissing her at some point, but its just as likely, if not higher, that she didn't give you an opportunity to do so since she already decided she wasn't interested anymore and friend zoned you.

In any case, as others have said, call her up and set up another date. If she accepts and is flirty than your still breathing, if not, learn and move on.





PIMP

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well as I seem to fallen for this chick so much please point out anything I've missed. This felt like one of the longest days at work ever, I just couldn't consentrate, trying not to think about her before I called.

I'm now worried shes not that keen with the way shes starting the excuses.

Called her up earlier, phone off & left a voicemail saying I enjoyed meeting her Sunday and we should do something again this weekend, I'll contact her soon.

Just finished my workout to find a missed call and this text. Is this the first **** test from her? In both cases she is telling the truth. I forgot how women remember the exact diologue spoken to them.

"Hey how was your day? Yes we should do something. Are you not going to [name of a city]??? I've gotta meet my dad on Sunday in town, if you wanna hold my hand?? lol x"

Right, first bit was during (not near the end of the date) when she asked what my plans are for this weekend. I said I may be going a town (a couple of hours away) for a night out there with a friend of mine Saturday night. This isn't acutally arranged I was just considering it but I see how that came across.

Second bit, she had very breifly met her brother (no more than a couple of mins, she was physically jogging back to me all apologetic) to hand over some forms and her father's contact details. Thats when she came out with not seeing her Dad since she was v.young and shes going to meet him. I just acknowleged her comment and spoke no more of.

I understand from previously reading materal that second comment is an invitation to be her emotional tampon? Why the hell shes even hinting at me going along after spending just 3hours with her in my entire life is beyond me.

Do you think its best in this situation to leave it for now? I can't let it wait for another week. Proberbly not a good idea to see her a couple of days after her father's encounter either.

I hate this feeling of hanging.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Called her up again tonight expressing I was innitially thinking of Sunday but feel its best if I don't get in the way.

She responded by offering to meet Sunday evening. Lets not fvck up this time!!!

I'll use that Friday night date with another girl to practice on the kino. I don't mind loosing that one, she lives a good 45mins anyway (would be good to keep her as a FB).

Ha ha, I met the attention ***** earlier. Dammed ***** was with a large group of guys, I bailed

 

[CarlitosWay]

Called her up again tonight expressing I was innitially thinking of Sunday but feel its best if I don't get in the way.

She responded by offering to meet Sunday evening. Lets not fvck up this time!!!

I'll use that Friday night date with another girl to practice on the kino. I don't mind loosing that one, she lives a good 45mins anyway (would be good to keep her as a FB).

Ha ha, I met the attention ***** earlier. Dammed ***** was with a large group of guys, I bailed

Christ this chic was buying you drinks and this and that....? Guessing she really hasn't gotten any in a while or finds you pretty sexually attractive, you need to step it up!!! You need to up the teasing a bit, you're building rapport fine. Remember don't be afraid of your sexuality. Time to be smooth, be you, but a better sexual you. Escalate....:box:

 

[jophil28]

Christ this chic was buying you drinks and this and that....? Guessing she really hasn't gotten any in a while or finds you pretty sexually attractive, you need to step it up!!! You need to up the teasing a bit, you're building rapport fine. Remember don't be afraid of your sexuality. Time to be smooth, be you, but a better sexual you. Escalate....:box:

THis is the wisdom ^^
DuraCell, you need to get a grip on your panic here. Your anxiety is way too high and it is coming from your fear of screwing up and possibly losing her.
Anyway, how did you get oneitis for a woman you haven't even F'd yet?

Her behavior on the first date shows several signs of HIGH interest. Take that as read.
Many woman back off a little after the first outing. This is partly a self protective tactic in case you do not like her, and partly to allow you to step up and lead her to the next date.
A lot of guys wait for her next move after the first outing to evaluate her IL. The truth is that she is probably doing the same , so the end result is a partial standoff !

Bunny, it is YOUR JOB to lead her from here on and you need to do it with confidence .
All signs indicate that she wants to get together again.

Trust me, she has been thinking about that first kiss- they all do. Her imagination is working for you.
The second date is always an opportunity to escalate - I do it slowly and deliberately to build sexual tension . Other guys do at it harder and faster . Design you own style.

But know this- women are simple creatures when you penetrate the surface game playing and their contrived social performances.
They love FEELING and they love ANTICIPATING .

Good hunting.

 

[Kailex]

DB- I want to see a report on this Sunday night saying one of two things:

(1) I kissed her and she kissed back.
(2) I tried to kiss her and got rejected.

You are NOT allowed to say this:

- It didn't feel right, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- The timing was off, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- We had garlic for lunch, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- I have no testicular fortitude, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- I didn't see any IOI's, so I didn't try to kiss her.

You either try and succeed OR you try and fail.
BUT YOU TRY.

 

[Elephant]

DB- I want to see a report on this Sunday night saying one of two things:

(1) I kissed her and she kissed back.
(2) I tried to kiss her and got rejected.

You are NOT allowed to say this:

- It didn't feel right, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- The timing was off, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- We had garlic for lunch, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- I have no testicular fortitude, so I didn't try to kiss her.
- I didn't see any IOI's, so I didn't try to kiss her.

You either try and succeed OR you try and fail.
BUT YOU TRY.

I agree. I messed up with a girl with sky high interest by not going for it. Even it the timing isn't perfect if she like you you'll get it. Just go for it. Not going for it and geting dumped will feel a lot worse than getting rejected.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Oh no!

Just had this text in. Felt a bit sick readin it.

"Can we pencil sunday in? I duno how am gona feel after seeing my dad, the other week i wasn't happy n dnt wana hav t cancel if I am again. Hope thats ok? x"

I guess she ain't interested after all

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Apologies for posting so many times.

Just had a textual:

me after her text message above:
"What other night are you free? x"
"What were you thinkin a doin? x"
"Oi!! Ur rubbish at txtin!! lol. x"
"Oi you Had not long got in and was cooking a nice juicy steak. I was thinkin of taking you to the boxersize class thats on Sunday. Although it depends what night of the week really. x" (shes a fitness freak, and I know this class invloves pairing up hence more than enough chance to use kino on her)
"How can you eat something so huge at this time a night? The girls have been rwmd, opened up a bottle n got some food from chippie. Yum! Am free... Tmz night, Sat night. N mayb sun nite??x"
"Oh you could have dropped some chips off on your way past mine to go with the steak Yeah I'm always starvin when I come back from training. I'm out Friday but can do Saturday from 9.x"
"We cud hav a drink sat night, y after 9? N c how i feel sun n do something as well?? Depends if ya get sick a seein me. lolx"

Personally I'm not going to hold out or go crazy that Sat is definate. But who knows???

 

[jophil28]

Just had this text in. Felt a bit sick readin it.

"Can we pencil sunday in? I duno how am gona feel after seeing my dad, the other week i wasn't happy n dnt wana hav t cancel if I am again. Hope thats ok? x"

I guess she ain't interested after all

Roll with this - it is NOt an indicator of anything regarding her feelings toward you..At least she is giving you some respect by texting you ahead of time.
There are a couple of positive vibes in her text....do NOT panic.

Her emotional investment in her Dad supercedes her investment in you .

IF she has a desire to see you she will express it.

 

[CarlitosWay]

wow man chill the hell out...you're like a strung out little boy in elementary school! Does she like me or not?, I think she does! Mo wait I don't think so! Wait I think l'm falling for her!!!!

Just take a deep breath relax you'll be fine...if it comes to it get a little wild at the end of the night....

 

[Pimp-sicle]

wow man chill the hell out...you're like a strung out little boy in elementary school! Does she like me or not?, I think she does! Mo wait I don't think so! Wait I think l'm falling for her!!!!

Just take a deep breath relax you'll be fine...if it comes to it get a little wild at the end of the night....

+1 on this!!!

DB: It seems like you don't have much experience with women. This girl IS interested and she's responsive to seeing you. I can't imagine how you would/will react when REAL problems do show up.

Don't let your life revolve around this ONE girl! Go meet more, keep busy and enjoy yourself.




PIMP

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well I've just come back from the date with the other girl tonight and I thought it went well.

She offered to meet at my closest town although I declined using the excuse I'd like to see her up there for somwhere different as I'm in my town almost every weekend. Its actually just cause I don't want her in my territory just yet.

Anyways, as soon as we met I gave her a big beaming smile and gave her a peck on the cheek with the one armed hug, which she returned (not something that feels natural for me).

The whole thing felt kinda weird meeting in a casual enviroment as last time we were in a dark club and she was typsy.

Just went for a chilled night in this small town around the bars that are fairly quiet on a Friday

I'd honestly thought I would be meeting something worse (had the image in my head of a needy chick with low standards). Turns out I'm wrong. She was really easy to talk with and I had really great time. She dressed a lot more respectable and I thought she looked a lot nicer than her tarted up look from before. There was only a couple of awkwered silences but when this happened we'd start messing around and play fighting.

The last bar we were in, we sat down closley on a comfy sofa. I stepped it up a bit, led to holding hands, carressing along her forearm. Moved on to that she was then leaning on me with my arm around her. Conversation went stale so I just looked straight at her and went for it. Success!

As things were going well, and she knew I have to be up early tommorow I eneded the date there. Walked back with locked hands towards the area where our cars were parked. Went in for another kiss that went on a little longer than should have been but was a lot more intamate.

I'd certainly see her again, it was... nice. I feel a lot more relaxed for tommorow. Cheers guys


Anyway, just as I was on my way to this date, I got a text from the chick in my village saying "Can't remember, what night are you free? Tonight or tommorow x". Gave it a an hour before sending her "tommorow". Had a quick check out of sight of my date, she responded by saying "Cool. you don't fancy going cinema do you? Don't know whats on though, lol x"

I don't think the cinema is a good idea, but whatever happens tommorow I feel a lot more relaxed.