Harem Management

[Nutz]

Anyone else have a de facto harem these days? It all sorta happened at once for me, but now that I've got things established and they're cool knowing I'm seeing other women I'm finding it hard to have "me time", which is somethign I didn't expect. Any tips for time management?

Also, how do you track what you talk about with each woman? I actually find it kind of funny that I've got so much going on that I sometimes get them mixed up, but I never let on. If I'm not sure about something and it's possible it had something to do with one of the other women then I don't bring it up. Anyway, one friend showed me an app he has on his iPhone for keeping notes on each girl he dates, but I don't really think that's all that necessary. Just looking for tips & tricks for dating multiple women at once. If I'd been dating them all for a while and added them one at a time over a period of time I don't think it'd be a problem, but we're talkin about 4 women inside of 2 weeks.

Since someone will ask, they're 18, 20, 31, 36.

 

[Jeffst1980]

If it's only been a few weeks, you're at the easy phase. Wait till they start grilling you for commitment and then turn on you.

Dating multiple girls is less of a harem situation and more of a revolving door. Most girls won't put up with it for very long unless they have low self esteem. The ol' sosuave proverb that "women would rather share a successful man..." is only half right; if that was the case, no woman would EVER marry just to "settle down." But, alas, it happens all the time, because women really DON'T like to share successful men for more than a couple of weeks.

Good for you for being honest and upfront with them, though. I'd say the oldest of them will stick around the longest--women past their mid thirties are usually pretty cool about that stuff.

 

[Nutz]

Noted.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Most I ever dated at once was four girls. It never got close to the commitment stage, so that wasn't a problem. One thing I did do was keep an excel spreadsheet of what we did, what we talked about, etc, so it wouldn't too confusing. I was working at the time, so I didn't really have much time to hang out by myself. It got to be too much of a chore after a while, so I just kind of bailed on a couple of them.

If you plan on keeping them, you might want to "rehearse" several answers to the "are we going anywhere" question that will eventually come up. I mean write own a bunch of potential questions, and some responses, and then come up with some responses (from them) to your answers, and responses to them as well.

It sounds like a lot of work, but it's much better than being blindsided by those kinds of questions.


One guy I knew that ALWAYS had three or four girls at once actually kept about fifteen 3x5 cards with him with what he called "inevitable questions" on them that he would practice answering whenever he had time (he commuted by train to and from work about 30 minutes each day)

 

[Lexington]

Wow this is such a strange coincidence. I was seriously about to log on here and start a thread titled something like "dealing with a lot of plates." I guess your thread title was much more creative than mine!

I am dealing with the same issue. Work takes up most of my time. I worked a shift that started at 9 AM yesterday and ended at 1 PM today. I got some sleep during the shift, but afterward I came home, went to the gym and then went on a date with another plate. I met one plate yesterday and another the day before.

Personally, I just never mention the other plates. If they ask me if I'm seeing other girls, I would answer honestly, but they rarely do. For the most part I just try to avoid the topic of relationships in general. Just get them talking about themselves and that topic will never even come up.

I have a built in excuse that works really well. I really do have an extremely busy job. So when I don't have time for one plate because I'm seeing another one, they don't get suspicious.

At the end of the day, I don't lie to them. If any of them did ask, I would tell them that I'm seeing other girls. I'd tell them that they have some competition so they better put in a good bid.

I just try to defuse serious questions with humor. Just avoid the topics altogether and you'll be good.

 

[BobMo']

I've dated multiple women since high school. For me, it's the natural way to be. Partly because I dig the strangeness of the critters, and partly because it makes me feel appreciated.

Women love competition in relationships. If you don't stimulate that instinct in them, they will try to get it going in you by asking if it's ok to see their male friends (there's a post about that in the General Forum now).

Now that I think of it - the troubled times I've had were when I've been caught in exclusive relationships, including a long-term marriage. If you're secure in the multiple-women style, then the question of "harem management" is mostly how you manage yourself and your general attitude to life.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Nutz,
Good post,the sheer balls that you are up front with all this!!!!...Look to the Moslems,their tribes in an exceedingly hostile environment,found a survival value in the dominant male having multiple partners.....However the Prophet puts a limit on four,with the caveat that you must love them all equally!!!....I enjoy spinning plates,but do it by stealth...JeffSt has the right idea,the attrition level will be high so make sure you have a continuous supply coming on in the wings.

 

[Zarky]

OP, you'll get the hang of it. I've been doing it since 2003 and you'll eventually get so you remember what you told each of them. You'll have sort of "routines" for various common issues that come up. That sort of thing. Just keep it up.

 

[3countriesPlan]

For me I basically end up hanging out with a few girls thevast majority of the time. Other girls get some crumbs here and there to keep them from exiting the team. I have 5 girls total and spend most of my time with just 2 of them, 2 others get an invite to my house once every two weeks and the fifth one, I just stop by her house to hit it on the way out to the club a couple times a month. Adding in the prospect girls which is at least 3 at any time it can get busy, so now I've been scheduling dates one after the other and limiting their time. For example 2 dates on thursday night then none on friday then meet girls for more se_x on saturday then sunday I go to the cafe to read and study, so I invite another of the girls to go there with me IF she doesnt bother me when I read (usually tell her to take a book and her laptop)

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

When you are on a roll, picture a combine: as it is spewing residue behind it, it is already cutting the next crop. There is much to admire about a combine, it never slows down no matter what goes through it.

So harem management is a waste of headspace and effort, and it slows you down. I always advise men to devote the lions' share of their effort towards wealth, health, meaning and happiness before all the serious tail chasing. I lived for it when I was younger, but you come to realize how unimportant wanton sex is.

If you are a man of ambition, you have to sacrifice these things temporarily, so that you can achieve wealth, health, meaning and happiness first. THEN you can have an awesome life in every way, and truly BE that prize of a man who gets his pick of the litter!

 

[3countriesPlan]

When you are on a roll, picture a combine: as it is spewing residue behind it, it is already cutting the next crop. There is much to admire about a combine, it never slows down no matter what goes through it.

So harem management is a waste of headspace and effort, and it slows you down. I always advise men to devote the lions' share of their effort towards wealth, health, meaning and happiness before all the serious tail chasing. I lived for it when I was younger, but you come to realize how unimportant wanton sex is.

If you are a man of ambition, you have to sacrifice these things temporarily, so that you can achieve wealth, health, meaning and happiness first. THEN you can have an awesome life in every way, and truly BE that prize of a man who gets his pick of the litter!

It is possible to schedule your teams activities around your self enrichment activities. The girls should be on your side and be supportive of you. Otherwise she needs to be off the team.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear July Baby,
Your analogy "a combine: as it is spewing residue behind it, it is already cutting the next crop" Is just soo appropriate.