Hard time talking to this new girl I met

[Fr0st]

Hey everyone I'm new here so bare with me

I met this cool Spanish girl at a party a few weeks ago.we started talking because she kept tipping me at the bar. Eventually she got so tipsy that I let her sit beside me. We ended up chatting a bit and she wanted my number. Learning from previous situations I took it for what it was. One day at a time. After a week we connected more and wen out on our first ( so far only) date last week. It went well and she enjoyed herself. However this is where the problems pop up. With me being inexperienced with dating I was being too nice from what she says. She grilled me for it later after the date. I didn't realize until after that she was wanting me to make moves. I didn't because she had told me from the start that she wanted to take things slow and let things happen naturally. I took it too literal I think.


Now as days moved on we talked more and I started to understand her a lot more. She's very sarcastic, playful but in public she gets very shy. Eventually I started to think on things too much and Ended up screwing up things. Making issues out of nothing. Because the way she acts it came off to me as just leading me on. So I asked her what does she seek in me? She tells she "doesn't want a relationship now unless something changes her mind." This bothered me more, and I was like well then wtf? She goes on to say "well I think your cute we should be friends". This shot my hopes down even more and I started to see her calling me shy & grilling me for acting strange when I see her at work (forgot to mention we work at the same hospital)"

So being me I tried to over look it and still try. I grabbed her butt a couple times and turned up the heat with flirting. In return she starts to act shy so I feel like I'm against a wall. Things got worse when I told her I wanted to chat with her before I leave work, while she's on break. I sit in my car and wait about 20 minutes and she waits until she goes back in to tell me she can't. She said she was just in a bad mood due to another co worker annoying her. Me being dumb I snapped and told her via txt that it all sounds like BS and " good riddens".

She goes on to say "I don't have to feed you excuses or explain myself really. Grow up, bye". I felt bad for going off like that. I txt her telling her that i'm sorry" I didn't get a response. 24 hours later I hit her up ask her what she's up to. We have small talk. She said she was out the shower Ect & asked what I was doing.
I then asked her if she was able to talk on the phone. She said " I really don't want to". I waited 45 mins and called anyways and didn't get an answer. I left her one last message saying " I know I F'ed up and you have my number & know how to contact me , when you want to talk".

As of now it's been exactly 23 hours since. Heard nothing, however I saw her at work and she's moving all quick trying not to look at me even though I looked up and smiled about to say hello. My bad about the long story but that's how it went down. Now I'm just here wondering if I really did 100% mess this up or not. The worse part about it is, I did hear about a coworker getting into an argument with her...

Help a brother out! I'm 25 btw & she's 21

 

[Yorkex]

She thinks you are clingy and stalker type.
You are going at her too strong and some girls don't like that or get scared.
Almost blown , just leave it as that till she contacts or wait a while before talking to her .

 

[Fr0st]

She thinks you are clingy and stalker type.
You are going at her too strong and some girls don't like that or get scared.
Almost blown , just leave it as that till she contacts or wait a while before talking to her .

I woke up & realized a lot the past day or so. I think its because I for once have legit reasons to really like her. However I admit I'm very paranoid due to always being the guy to be lead on. The NC approach is all I can do really. I didn't want to keep begging for her forgiveness. Once is enough.

 

[EvilSpirit22]

Your Mistakes:

1. You didn't escalate on the first date.

2. You started acting like you are her husband or boyfriend.

3.When a girl says she doesn't wants a relationship,it simply means she wants to have sex.

4. You said SORRY.

5. When she said don't call me,you should have gone NC after that.

6.She never replied back to you, and you being an AFC texted her again apologizing for your mistake.

7. You said Hello when she was ignoring you.



All in all you showed her that you don't have any other options and you freaked out when your only option left you. you gotta have a strong frame that even the God cannot break your frame.

Go NC for Life.If she contacts you(she won't for at least 3 weeks) well and good,If not,Don't give a f*ck.


Ignore her completely as if she doesn't exists for you. Flirt with other girls.


Just don't put a woman on a pedestal. Consider yourself as the prize.

 

[Aesthetix29]

Your Mistakes:

1. You didn't escalate on the first date.

2. You started acting like you are her husband or boyfriend.

3.When a girl says she doesn't wants a relationship,it simply means she wants to have sex.

4. You said SORRY.

5. When she said don't call me,you should have gone NC after that.

6.She never replied back to you, and you being an AFC texted her again apologizing for your mistake.

7. You said Hello when she was ignoring you.



All in all you showed her that you don't have any other options and you freaked out when your only option left you. you gotta have a strong frame that even the God cannot break your frame.

Go NC for Life.If she contacts you(she won't for at least 3 weeks) well and good,If not,Don't give a f*ck.


Ignore her completely as if she doesn't exists for you. Flirt with other girls.


Just don't put a woman on a pedestal. Consider yourself as the prize.

^^^^^SOLID ADVICE!!

 

[Boxer00]

You didn't escalate on the first date.

You are going at her too strong and some girls don't like that

Evil Spirit says he didn't do enough. Yorex said he did too much. Which is it?

I think this girl wasn't really interested very much. There were times when I didn't escalate and things still worked out. Others times I escalated and it worked out too. Escalating or not escalating is not going to be the problem. Interest is the biggest indicator if something is going to happen.

Consider yourself as the prize.

Never consider yourself as the prize. BE the prize.

 

[EvilSpirit22]

Evil Spirit says he didn't do enough. Yorex said he did too much. Which is it?

I think this girl wasn't really interested very much. There were times when I didn't escalate and things still worked out. Others times I escalated and it worked out too. Escalating or not escalating is not going to be the problem. Interest is the biggest indicator if something is going to happen.



Never consider yourself as the prize. BE the prize.

Escalation is the problem. The reason why you could get away without escalating is because the girls were not expecting that. Whenever you are out with a girl who parties a lot and is a little experienced she wants a guy who can escalate.


The girl was interested in this case but he was too much of a NICE guy because of which she turned him down. There were traces of interest even after this that's why he was able to hold her butt and stuff. But then he became this guy who got pissed over a small issue. Then the guy who apologized for a mistake.

These are the traits which actually turns off a girl.

And you have to CONSIDER yourself as the prize before you become the prize. The guys who are coming out here with a weaker frame they need to consider themselves as the prize because if they were the prize in reality they would have been doing much better. For the long term,Be the prize. For short term,Consider yourself as the prize until you become the prize.


OP,you want to resolve your problem,just do the opposite of whatever i listed in the previous post. And stop being a nice guy. Don't hide or be afraid of your sexuality.

 

[Fr0st]

Escalation is the problem. The reason why you could get away without escalating is because the girls were not expecting that. Whenever you are out with a girl who parties a lot and is a little experienced she wants a guy who can escalate.


The girl was interested in this case but he was too much of a NICE guy because of which she turned him down. There were traces of interest even after this that's why he was able to hold her butt and stuff. But then he became this guy who got pissed over a small issue. Then the guy who apologized for a mistake.

These are the traits which actually turns off a girl.

And you have to CONSIDER yourself as the prize before you become the prize. The guys who are coming out here with a weaker frame they need to consider themselves as the prize because if they were the prize in reality they would have been doing much better. For the long term,Be the prize. For short term,Consider yourself as the prize until you become the prize.


OP,you want to resolve your problem,just do the opposite of whatever i listed in the previous post. And stop being a nice guy. Don't hide or be afraid of your sexuality.

Ok , honestly if she didn't mention it or get onto me about not making advances I wouldn't have thought so much about it. It's almost as if she was being patient & telling me my mistakes. Then giving me a chance to correct it at first ( which is strange to me). I must say that I wanted to make advances but I had this stupid mindset of being too respectful. I'm just do used to people being 100% direct & telling me what they actually mean all the time.

I generally have issues being aggressive because is always ended up with aggressive females. Then if being raised by mom growing up has something to do with it. This chick obviously was very interested, she even put me in the know to her mom ( mom works at the same place too) and likes me a lot.


So ES to resolve this do the opposite as in

1.) don't ignore her when she comes around?

2.) don't go full NC for too long?

Edit ** nvm evil spirit I see what you meant **

 

[Bingo-Player]

Ive seen this scenario a hundred times over

Nice guy + woman + date = train wreck

D*ck + woman + date = sex

The first thing you need to learn is that what a woman says and actually wants are two completely different things

As you say you felt she wanted you to make a move on her , but yet she said she wanted to take things slow

ALWAYS go with your gut if you feel she wants you to make a move regardless of what shes said you make a move

You’ve made a lot of natural mistakes with this chick too many i think to regain respect from her .....it would be wise to start detaching yourself from her

You need to look at this experience as your first steps towards becoming better with women

Stick around read some threads and start start digesting the red pill

Youll never look back

 

[Mr_Maximus]

Good explanations of the situation and advice given already.

She is simply putting up walls, so unless you want to bang your head against them, dont make any effort and walk away.

retreat and she might pursue. This usually happens when you really have forgotten about her.

digest the advice, read the dj bible and find another women, it will be easier.

 

[RangerMIke]

Move on. You blew it with her with weak behavior, I do not think you can recover. All good advice above, learn from this and don't repeat with future women. Start acting like a man and I promise you will be hooking up with better quality women than this one.

You have one thing going for you, at least you are not afraid to approach and you seem to have a good sence of interest level. You can build on this, just stop all the weak behavior and you should be okay going forward.

 

[pyros]

you screwed it big time. She found you cute in the begining. Then she realised that you're still a kid, not a man. They way you acted confirmed it so she doesnt want to see your face anymore. Make her a favour and stop talking to her.

Learn from your mistakes btw...

 

[Fr0st]

Yeah more than likely she's done with me. However I noticed she's been the first one to watch every snapchat I made in the past 2 days, along with a couple other females I know from work.

Two of these other females know her & seemed to have made passes at me in person since yesterday. Now I'm just acting on the assumption they are interested in me. Whether it's a bad idea or not... Idk

Yet so far people I thank you all very much for your input. It's really opening up my mind to a lot & some I'm starting to notice each day.

Since I'm so busy at work I see work as a testing ground for when I'm ever out & doing things. A work buddy would always tell me "hey man did you see how she was checking you out?" I'd always tell him no. That brings up another thing I deal with. I get so focused or into my own world minding my own and I tend to not notice a lot of things. Mainly women showing interest.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Fr0st, she's light years ahead of you in game. It's a total mismatch, but I'm sure you've figured that out already.

Don't you really think you deserve better than this capricious b!tch? As men we need to set standards for ourselves and live by them. Like EvilSpirit (who handled his last challenge like a true boss) said, you showed her you have no other options. It was game over as soon as she realized that.

 

[Fr0st]

Fr0st, she's light years ahead of you in game. It's a total mismatch, but I'm sure you've figured that out already.

Don't you really think you deserve better than this capricious b!tch? As men we need to set standards for ourselves and live by them. Like EvilSpirit (who handled his last challenge like a true boss) said, you showed her you have no other options. It was game over as soon as she realized that.

Yeah I do deserve and want better of course. That's no issue. Only thing I hate now is that I gotta be around her ****ty attitude now. Yet I figured I should just ignore her, talk, work around her when she enters the kitchen where I work. Then maybe her damn mom depending if she knows or not what went on.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

Yeah I do deserve and want better of course. That's no issue. Only thing I hate now is that I gotta be around her ****ty attitude now. Yet I figured I should just ignore her, talk, work around her when she enters the kitchen where I work. Then maybe her damn mom depending if she knows or not what went on.

There is another lesson to learn from for you,

Don't s*** where you eat.

 

[bukowski_merit]

All I see is mistakes by you.

When I read that you sat in your car for 20 minutes waiting for her to come out - I can't help but think that you have a lot more learning to do. That is the peak of sad male behavior.

I can tell you that if you flirt with/see other women at work - and she finds out about it - she'll probably be back on your d!ck like she was. But... you really seem to lack an understanding of the basics of pickup, so I'm not even sure you should waste your time with it at this point. You need more experience and more knowledge.

 

[Fr0st]

All I see is mistakes by you.

When I read that you sat in your car for 20 minutes waiting for her to come out - I can't help but think that you have a lot more learning to do. That is the peak of sad male behavior.

I can tell you that if you flirt with/see other women at work - and she finds out about it - she'll probably be back on your d!ck like she was. But... you really seem to lack an understanding of the basics of pickup, so I'm not even sure you should waste your time with it at this point. You need more experience and more knowledge.

Now flirting is no issue. I run into problems with pick up. It's like I can get half there with flirting then I fizzle out. It's like I don't even want to bother with it anymore. I know this sounds horrible but it's a mix of never talked to a female that's added anything positive and focusing too much on myself (just wanting to be not bothered) I have a hard time letting women get close to me while wanting to. So I can't deal with it right.

I know I'm good looking, drive my dream car. I dress good & smell good. I overall have a good vibe. I may be too into myself?

By all means I'm open to all kinds of links that will help me out. I want to get rid of this issue once and for all.this seems like the best place to learn.

 

[salinechow]

This has to be one of the worst interactions I have ever read.
There is absolutely no hope of recovery. Im gonna tell you why. The guys above are mostly so good at DJ life that maybe they could recover from this disaster so they are giving a 5% chance. Yet, I am still so close to the old AFC me(although well on my way to a full transformation), that I can still clearly see both sides. Sir, you have NO chance. 0. I could see myself behaving the way you did as the old me. You know what that got me. Nothing. Same for you.

Furthermore, you are NUTS to pinch her a$$ after she had low IL in the work place. People ruin their lives like that. Especially in a hospital environment where HR is ALL over that sh!t.

You need to pretend this girl is a 60 yr old milkmaid from now on. Professionally say Hi (maybe say her name) and that IS IT. You ignore her and it will come of creepy. You talk to her in anything but a professional way and it will come of creepy. I wouldn’t even smile at this chick. This situation has bad news written all over it.

P.S Nowadays, the only reason I would ever sit in my car now waiting for a girl is if I was on the phone with another one while I waited. That is the only excuse.

 

[Fr0st]

This has to be one of the worst interactions I have ever read.
There is absolutely no hope of recovery. Im gonna tell you why. The guys above are mostly so good at DJ life that maybe they could recover from this disaster so they are giving a 5% chance. Yet, I am still so close to the old AFC me(although well on my way to a full transformation), that I can still clearly see both sides. Sir, you have NO chance. 0. I could see myself behaving the way you did as the old me. You know what that got me. Nothing. Same for you.

Furthermore, you are NUTS to pinch her a$$ after she had low IL in the work place. People ruin their lives like that. Especially in a hospital environment where HR is ALL over that sh!t.

You need to pretend this girl is a 60 yr old milkmaid from now on. Professionally say Hi (maybe say her name) and that IS IT. You ignore her and it will come of creepy. You talk to her in anything but a professional way and it will come of creepy. I wouldn’t even smile at this chick. This situation has bad news written all over it.

P.S Nowadays, the only reason I would ever sit in my car now waiting for a girl is if I was on the phone with another one while I waited. That is the only excuse.

The ass grabbing was before it went down south. She was surprised & liked it btw. So no worries on that part.