Guys these days have the wrong attitude

[Urbanyst]

I think a lot of guys these days approach relationships with the wrong attitude. An unhealthy attitude.

Seems most dudes are quick to cling instead of just experience a woman for a while. I think the right way to view relationships is how you view renting an apartment. You find a place you like and commit to give it a try for a set period of time. The rent goes up the longer you stay there so you have to always be on the lookout for a better deal. You might decide this apartment is not for you after a year or two. Then you move.

Isn't dating the same? You meet a woman you like and agree to give her a try. It doesn't have to last forever or lead to anything. You just give it a try and see how it goes. That's the healthy attitude.

So many guys are so desperate to make every relationship work out and I don't understand why. It doesn't have to work out.

Some of you should try to loosen up a bit. Attitude is huge and it bleeds into everything you do. Women can sense it too.

 

[AlphaNate]

So many guys are so desperate to make every relationship work out and I don't understand why. It doesn't have to work out.

Because they aren't giving themselves options.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

There are a few guys I've been watching on youtube (like Brent Smith and Zan Perrion). They are talking about men and women transcending monogamous relationships in the modern era; even boycotting things like marriage altogether.

Even 99% of guys on SS are still aspiring to monogamy in the short to medium term, despite what their outward attitude describes, you can tell; unaware of the blue pill consequences. Most women will still aspire to it as well, unaware of their own contradictory long term nature.

I'll be honest and say I am guilty of it from time to time. Then something might happen that reminds me that the single life is still for me, I'm not ready and neither are any of the women in my life.

I agree that the wrong angle is taken most of the time. Most want a girlfriend, to become content with life, so they go out and meet people. The way these guys (mentioned above) play it, the way I am starting to try to play, is to go out more anyway to enjoy life, knowing that meeting people and hook-ups are a basic byproduct of that.

Some of you should try to loosen up a bit. Attitude is huge and it bleeds into everything you do. Women can sense it too.

I've been saying this for time. A man's intentions are demonstrated through his body language, tone of voice, even the look on his face; the problem being most are completely oblivious to it, but wonder why they are constantly rejected.

The times I am most successful, are those when I'm having fun and simply couldn't care less.

 

[kronreiff]

OP, thanks for describing the beta male!

 

[logicallefty]

I agree OP.

I think one major factor is that we as men do like companionship. Nothing at all wrong with that. And good companionship is so difficult to find that once we think we have found it, we cling to it (as you said).

Another factor, though, is that men in general have been brainwashed about relationships so badly that even when we start to 'get it', we don't necessarily embrace it right away. At least that was me back in my AFC days. My gut screamed at me that something wasn't right in what I had been lead to believe about relationships, mainly by my mother and sisters, and what the reality really was. I feel lucky that I started to break out of the mold in my early 30s. Millions of men go their whole lives and never see the light. I know dozens of blue pill men that are in their 60s, 70s, even a couple in their 80s. Sad!


My final point on this topic is to resurrect my "Beer Theory" that I posted in 2014. I think if a guy can adopt this mindset when dating women he will never be disappointed:

---------------------------------------

Logicallefty's Think of Women as Beer Theory:

When you as a man drink beer (or whatever you love to drink.. I say beer because that's all I drink), you do what? You drink the beer. It makes you happy. You enjoy yourself. You are entertained. All is good at the time you drink it.

But when the beer is gone/you stop drinking, what happens? It's GONE! It was temporary. Don't expect any further satisfaction from THAT particular beer in the future, because it's gone. Especially after you pi$$ it out!

When I used to get out of a LTR, I would go out. Have fun. Have s3x with a woman. But then the next day feel a sense of emptyness because, well, it's over, it's done, it's gone.

This would happen to me until a couple of years ago. One morning I was driving home from a chick's house that I had fvcked all night, and had great sex, but I knew there was no LTR potential. On that drive it hit me!

Women and beer are no different! And what happens when I want more beer after the beer I had is gone? I drink different beer! Even if its the same kind of beer, it's not the same exact beer I had last night. That beer is gone.

When you think of women just like you do beer, you will never be disappointed. You go out. You have a great time with a woman. Maybe you have sex, maybe you don't. But when it's over, she is gone. She was temporary. Do not expect to see her again.

Now, if you do see her again.. Well.. You know there is that chance that you drink beer, pi$$ it out, it goes into the septic and into the ground. Turns to clean water.. Then the beer company taps the creek nearby and makes beer out of that same water.. And you drink that same "water" again. What is the chance of this? About the same as the chance you SHOULD EXPECT to see the same woman again..

I hope you get the idea.

Keep your expectations with women the same as you do the beer you are drinking at a given moment, and you will never be let down ever again. :rockon:

 

[JohnChops]

I like your style, casual is the name of the game. I've been feeling indifferent and just taking plates as they come, lately. It makes dating stress free.

I don't understand the clinginess that most guys will have these days. How can you cling to a girl you barley know, how can you "love" her when you barley know her, why are you thinking about your future with this woman on your first date.

Yes, my friends think like this, no idea why.

Relaxing in the dating works seems long gone.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I've been saying this for time. A man's intentions are demonstrated through his body language, tone of voice, even the look on his face; the problem being most are completely oblivious to it, but wonder why they are constantly rejected.

This is such a strong point. HOW you say stuff and how your body language/mannerisms are WHILE saying it matters more so than what you actually say.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I agree OP.

I think one major factor is that we as men do like companionship. Nothing at all wrong with that. And good companionship is so difficult to find that once we think we have found it, we cling to it (as you said).

Another factor, though, is that men in general have been brainwashed about relationships so badly that even when we start to 'get it', we don't necessarily embrace it right away. At least that was me back in my AFC days. My gut screamed at me that something wasn't right in what I had been lead to believe about relationships, mainly by my mother and sisters, and what the reality really was. I feel lucky that I started to break out of the mold in my early 30s. Millions of men go their whole lives and never see the light. I know dozens of blue pill men that are in their 60s, 70s, even a couple in their 80s. Sad!


My final point on this topic is to resurrect my "Beer Theory" that I posted in 2014. I think if a guy can adopt this mindset when dating women he will never be disappointed:

---------------------------------------

Logicallefty's Think of Women as Beer Theory:

When you as a man drink beer (or whatever you love to drink.. I say beer because that's all I drink), you do what? You drink the beer. It makes you happy. You enjoy yourself. You are entertained. All is good at the time you drink it.

But when the beer is gone/you stop drinking, what happens? It's GONE! It was temporary. Don't expect any further satisfaction from THAT particular beer in the future, because it's gone. Especially after you pi$$ it out!

When I used to get out of a LTR, I would go out. Have fun. Have s3x with a woman. But then the next day feel a sense of emptyness because, well, it's over, it's done, it's gone.

This would happen to me until a couple of years ago. One morning I was driving home from a chick's house that I had fvcked all night, and had great sex, but I knew there was no LTR potential. On that drive it hit me!

Women and beer are no different! And what happens when I want more beer after the beer I had is gone? I drink different beer! Even if its the same kind of beer, it's not the same exact beer I had last night. That beer is gone.

When you think of women just like you do beer, you will never be disappointed. You go out. You have a great time with a woman. Maybe you have sex, maybe you don't. But when it's over, she is gone. She was temporary. Do not expect to see her again.

Now, if you do see her again.. Well.. You know there is that chance that you drink beer, pi$$ it out, it goes into the septic and into the ground. Turns to clean water.. Then the beer company taps the creek nearby and makes beer out of that same water.. And you drink that same "water" again. What is the chance of this? About the same as the chance you SHOULD EXPECT to see the same woman again..

I hope you get the idea.

Keep your expectations with women the same as you do the beer you are drinking at a given moment, and you will never be let down ever again. :rockon:

But there's a problem with this idea. Women don't just go away and die never to be seen ever again like a beer (usually). They are still around. They can still impact your life. There is something about us as men wanting to combine the aspect of sex with a woman, with the companionship of a PERSON. And it's because people in general provide companionship, people do have individual traits that are neither masculine nor feminine, just TRAITS. Women have the feminine aspect and the individual aspect and for some fvcking reason, men DO want it. Not wanting it is denial. There's more to us than we currently know.

 

[Urbanyst]

There are a few guys I've been watching on youtube (like Brent Smith and Zan Perrion). They are talking about men and women transcending monogamous relationships in the modern era; even boycotting things like marriage altogether.

Even 99% of guys on SS are still aspiring to monogamy in the short to medium term, despite what their outward attitude describes, you can tell; unaware of the blue pill consequences. Most women will still aspire to it as well, unaware of their own contradictory long term nature.

I'll be honest and say I am guilty of it from time to time. Then something might happen that reminds me that the single life is still for me, I'm not ready and neither are any of the women in my life.

I agree that the wrong angle is taken most of the time. Most want a girlfriend, to become content with life, so they go out and meet people. The way these guys (mentioned above) play it, the way I am starting to try to play, is to go out more anyway to enjoy life, knowing that meeting people and hook-ups are a basic byproduct of that.

I've been saying this for time. A man's intentions are demonstrated through his body language, tone of voice, even the look on his face; the problem being most are completely oblivious to it, but wonder why they are constantly rejected.

The times I am most successful, are those when I'm having fun and simply couldn't care less.

Monogamy is great if it happens naturally. I think too many people try to force it because they are insecure. And that makes for a bad relationship with a lot of unnecessary push and pull.

Women should be a positive contribution to your life like friends, a good job and great food. I don't think relationships with women should be filled with drama, frustration and worry. A lot of relationships are a path to nowhere and that's ok as long as the ride is fun. But if the ride is not fun there is no reason to get on it.

I see a lot of guys change up their lifestyle to impress a woman or keep a woman around. I don't think that's healthy for anyone's self image. Your whole lifestyle should not revolve around what attracts women because then you make women the center of your existence. That's very bad for your self image and your ego. This later leads to the resentment of women you see in the MGTOW community.

When you date most girls, they usually push boundaries and try to test your limits. That's why relationships never last for me. I'm happy to be in one as long as I can keep my lifestyle at least 80% unchanged. When girls start pushing for me to change more, I start to wonder how much she even likes me to begin with. Why should I change if there is nothing wrong with me and I'm happy? Why are you with me if you don't like me how I am?

I don't know if I'll ever settle down because it seems to require too much compromising these days. Women just expect you to do things their way because most men do, but I'm just not wired that way to let people boss me around. I believe a relationship should naturally just work. When you start having to change a lot or work very hard at it.. that seems unnatural and kind of desperate. I would rather just break up and start fresh with someone else or be single.

I guess people who want relationships bad don't mind abandoning who they are to make them work.

 

[3agle 3yes]

I would go further and say thinking about relationships this way, affects how you even approach women.

Many men (particularly cold approach beginners) have what I call "relationship bias", this means that they view all attractive women as potential girlfriends before they've even approached her. They get nervous talking to them as if they need to impress her, they get worried they'll be forgotten about if they don't text her often, they set up "dates", they accept women before thoroughly screening her and they think banging her means they're in a relationship. They end up "courting" women, which inevitably gets them to run away.

I know this because that's what I used to do.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I would go further and say thinking about relationships this way, affects how you even approach women.

Many men (particularly cold approach beginners) have what I call "relationship bias", this means that they view all attractive women as potential girlfriends before they've even approached her. They get nervous talking to them as if they need to impress her, they get worried they'll be forgotten about if they don't text her often, they set up "dates", they accept women before thoroughly screening her and they think banging her means they're in a relationship. They end up "courting" women, which inevitably gets them to run away.

I know this because that's what I used to do.

You can't up rate attractive women like this, it doesn't work. Plus many of them are selfish crooks.

 

[Skyline]

I agree but it's not a good idea to jump into a relationship with any girl and "see how it goes."

You should still screen and have automatic disqualifiers. I just recently met up with a girl that I enjoyed a while back, but I dismissed the potential relationship status because I disqualified her on ONE major thing. And I remember stressing about it at that time, was that ONE major thing really worth it? After catching up two years later, yes, yes it was.

Ever since I really thought about what to not look for in a girl, my vision has really narrowed on who I would want to be with. I kind of realized that most women aren't exactly well rounded.

 

[Urbanyst]

I would go further and say thinking about relationships this way, affects how you even approach women.

Many men (particularly cold approach beginners) have what I call "relationship bias", this means that they view all attractive women as potential girlfriends before they've even approached her. They get nervous talking to them as if they need to impress her, they get worried they'll be forgotten about if they don't text her often, they set up "dates", they accept women before thoroughly screening her and they think banging her means they're in a relationship. They end up "courting" women, which inevitably gets them to run away.

I know this because that's what I used to do.

If you chase them, they will run.

Chasing is always a desperate action. That's why it makes people pull back.

 

[resilient]

If you chase them, they will run. Chasing is always a desperate action. That's why it makes people pull back.

There's an old saying somewhere "we chase that which alludes us". Women love a challenge, especially if they know they are in competition with other attractive high value plates. If they get a LTR too easily, they wonder why it was so easy to slip into and will subconsciously devalue LTR potential or withdraw attention/affection/sechs (enter sh!t tests with waning IL). It seems to be a big part in their mechanism for how they regulate their IL (and physical/emotional investment) in a DJ.

Women like working for the prize until it's 1) conquered, 2) boredom/complacency sets in 3) a new challenger enters the stage that strikes their fancy.

So enjoy the fun and chemistry while it lasts but it's unrealistic to expect a permanent devotee not subject to changing winds.

 

[ubercat]

I think you have to be smart and look for the win wins. You have to be growing individually and together as people. After a year girlfriend and I have got to the point where it's less dating and just hanging out. Which of course is the danger Point. I still make sure I plan special occasion dates so it doesn't all become hanging out. I encourage a bit of separate time. I just packed her off to gym while I do some study. I've been looking into table tennis as we both enjoy it. Found two different clubs one near each of our houses. So we will both get to meet some more local people in each of our areas. Win win. Gentle leadership is just as effective. Of course you should have positional power but people don't respect a manager has to use their positional power all the time.

 

[Urbanyst]

There's an old saying somewhere "we chase that which alludes us". Women love a challenge, especially if they know they are in competition with other attractive high value plates. If they get a LTR too easily, they wonder why it was so easy to slip into and will subconsciously devalue LTR potential or withdraw attention/affection/sechs (enter sh!t tests with waning IL). It seems to be a big part in their mechanism for how they regulate their IL (and physical/emotional investment) in a DJ.

Women like working for the prize until it's 1) conquered, 2) boredom/complacency sets in 3) a new challenger enters the stage that strikes their fancy.

So enjoy the fun and chemistry while it lasts but it's unrealistic to expect a permanent devotee not subject to changing winds.

This is all true.

And I think a lot of guys don't really understand how repulsive being chased can be until they experience it from a desperate woman or some gay dude. It didn't hit home for me until I was on the receiving end. The most f*cked up story of my life. This gay co-worker at my job tried to trick me into sexting him. He was aware I'm straight, but wanted to be friends with me really really bad. Due to the work environment I couldn't tell him to f*ck off like I would in real life, but I tried to avoid him. Then he pretended he wanted to hook me up with some hot girl he was friends with.

Turned out he gave me a fake number so he could text me while pretending to be the girl. He was trying to get me to show my sausage and eggs. Only reason I figured it out is because the day after I got the number he was asking me about my conversation with her and telling me how bad she wants to see my package and if I would text her that night. I found it fishy she was so sexually charged but turned down my date offer claiming she wanted to get to know me over text first. Then I noticed similar language style between gay boy and all her text messages. I'm still angry at that dude to this day and want to murder him. I also had a few desperate women chase me hard even after I show no interest.

Being chased by people you don't like is a sh*ty experience man. Once you're on the receiving end of this crap you totally get why women can be such b!tches. I still want to punch that gay guy's lights out and this was years ago. And clingy stalker women who think they own you because you had sex with them once are repulsive too. Don't try to force sex or relationships people. Its a bad look.

 

[bigneil]

I think a lot of guys these days approach relationships with the wrong attitude. An unhealthy attitude.
...

Some people said Tom Brady isn't the greatest because he lost 2 Super Bowls, and threw a pick 6 and got way down to Atlanta, and only beat Seattle because Pete Carroll. The problem is, they are confusing perfection with the greatest. We never said he was perfect, only that nobody is better.

My current girl is not perfect, but she is the best girlfriend I've ever had. I'm not going to hold out and insist I have a red one with a sun roof. I don't have that luxury of commanding perfection.

Many men here have insisted that unless a girl is 100% faithful and/or if she ever flakes - ever - she is playing games, etc. Relationships and people are never perfect. Strive to find relative perfection. Funny how members here insist on much higher standards for other members than they do for themselves. Sure, you'd blow off a 21 year old HB9 because she cancelled last December.

 

[Desra Lyons]

Depending on how experienced a guy is though , he could still fall into this frame of thinkin,with a women he wasn't even interested in at first.
You got to consider the kind of games women play , crying , trying to make u jealous,lies that make you feel complacent,telling you that they love you. Inevitably,an ltr can soften anyone, it's all about trial and error and knowing what to look out for so you don't get stuck in a nightmare ltr .