Guys, forget about trying to get your ex back....Improve yourself first!!

[buzzin_frog]

I keep seeing these threads where guys want their ex's back.....that's just a waste of time!!

The only way that you will get your ex back.....is if she wants you back!!

If you're not hearing from her at all.....that means she is moving/has moved on and doesn't want to hear from you!!

Women decide long before the relationship is over that it's not working.....she will fight with you, withhold sex, become distant, ask for a break etc....that means she lost attraction....she is already detaching from the relationship before the break up

Women dump you for a reason.......they wanted to get rid of you.....so, why the hell do you think they would want you back when they wanted you gone in the first place?

You can't persuade or try to reason logic with women to change their minds.....that doesn't work!!

In order to get her back, you need to change and make improvements to yourself. Otherwise, she will just dump you again if you haven't fixed what was wrong

If your beta/AFCness was the problem, then you need to work on yourself to change that

Whatever the problem was, you need to fix that problem first, before you can even think about trying to get her back.....she doesn't want the same guy, that's why she got rid of you....she wants the new improved you instead.....but why waste all your hard work on a chick who didn't appreciate you?....continue to do all your hard work and then reap the benefits on better women who will appreciate who you are

I knew a guy who's girlfriend dumped him because she saw him "going nowhere in life".....he was a Denny's waiter and didn't make a lot of money....her girlfriends had boyfriends that had good paying jobs and they kept telling her that "he's a loser" or "can't provide you with anything"....so she listened to them and she dumped him for a better guy.....so now he's working on improving himself to become better

I have a friend that wasted over year of his life with his ex.....the guy wouldn't listen to me.....he spent over a month going no contact, then decided to contact her.....spent another two months talking to her trying to get her back....she got a new boyfriend and spent about 6 months with that guy.. .then she contacted my friend and they were talking again....then they went out on some dates and she decided that it wasn't going to work out.... that was like a few weeks ago....so, in that whole year he made no improvements to himself.... he wasted his time with an ex who really had no intentions of getting back with him.....my response to him was...."I told you so".....Just think, in that whole year he could have made himself into a better man and been with new women....instead, he's more depressed that he was before because he knows he blew it and wasted his time....you guys shouldn't do that!!

The reason that you want your ex back is because you feel lost without her....you are afraid that you can't find another girl similar or better than her.....that is just insecure and beta thinking.....when you become a better man.....you will get better women... guaranteed!!!.... and if you have an ex that sh!t all over you, then she isn't a great woman that you want to be with.

By improving yourself and becoming a better man.....your ex will find out.....that is what will make her become attracted to you again.....but by improving yourself, you will have better women to choose from, so you won't need her anyway

In High school, I thought my girlfriend was the best thing since sliced bread......after it was over, I realized that she was just the molded heel that you throw away in the garbage can

I really thank her because it was her that I made my mistakes with.....I learned the correct way to deal with women.....I changed what I was doing wrong and applied that with the new girls that I dated after....if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have made the improvements necessary that early in my life.

She treated me like crap and I stuck with it trying to be indifferent.....I was only fooling myself because her behavior did piss me off....she was talking to other guys and most likely cheated and we broke things off....after a couple of months, like an idiot I went back....things were ok to start....then the old sh!t started up again....she was texting the same guy that she was "hanging out with" after we broke up.....she made excuses to why she couldn't hang out, avoided me at school, and didn't really want to talk....she was banging that guy and I wasted my time going back.

After that, I focused only on myself......I worked hard on getting the best grades that I could....worked out everyday....played as hard as I could, playing baseball and continued to train for football as well....I wanted to get a scholarship and just play sports....I didn't care about getting girls.....I just let them come to me

When it was all done, I damn near got a 4.0, was recognized as an All American in Football and Baseball, and banged my ex's friend right before graduation

My ex saw all those things I was doing and wanted to be a part of it.....probably too because she found out that I banged her friend

She saw all the accomplishments and achievements that I made....I made the improvements that I needed.....it wasn't for her.....it was for me... she was the one trying to get me back ....calling and texting saying she "was sorry and made a mistake" and "wanted another chance"....In which I told her...."Sorry, you had two chances and blew it....I've moved on to better things, and you should move on too." then she cried her eyes out

Another thing that I learned out of that relationship, is that girls will hold you back.....they will kill your dreams.....they won't allow you to grow into the better man that you want to be....you will be spending all your time trying to baby sit them through a bad relationship..... while you sacrifice your dreams as they go up in smoke......don't let them do that to you!!

With my ex, I was putting all my attention on her and was trying to keep the relationship working....she was killing my dreams and I was letting her do it....I was neglecting what I needed to be doing....which was focusing on my school work and working hard in sports

If the relationship went on longer....if I didn't decide myself to put myself first, then I wouldn't have accomplished what I did.....I would've had a sh!tty GPA and my stats in sports would have been low.....I wouldn't have received a scholarship which allowed me to play sports and get two degrees....my life would be totally different and I would hate to think where I would be at today.

I thought the same thing back then.....maybe I'll never find anyone like her......that's why I went back....but then I saw her for who she was....got rid of her....and put the attention on myself

I laugh at myself now for thinking that....because I have dated and banged girls 10 times better than her....and as I look back a few years later....she wasn't that great anyway to waste my time on....she would have killed my dreams and accomplishments!!

You will realize the same thing as well.....because the girl you are wasting your time on won't be with you forever anyway

Girls that dump you aren't worth your time and effort......don't waste your time by letting them hold you back or kill your dreams.....do what you need to achieve your accomplishments (whether its financial, getting a job, or improving your mental attitude) then you can apply whatever you accomplished towards better women while living a better life

Your ex won't matter to you anymore......then you will realize that she wasn't worth your time....just don't allow her to waste more of your time.....hold you back..... or kill your dreams....because that would just be tragic!!

Also, you should wait to be in a relationship until you are older.....so you can achieve your goals....that way you won't have chicks holding you back!!

Put yourself first starting today.....get over your ex....the woman who you got rid of you......improve yourself.....and enjoy the benefits in obtaining better women!!

 

[Pardner]

girls will hold you back.....they will kill your dreams.....they won't allow you to grow into the better man that you want to be....you will be spending all your time trying to baby sit them through a bad relationship

Quoted for the truth

 

[Lotus Effect]

Girls that dump you aren't worth your time and effort......don't waste your time by letting them hold you back or kill your dreams.....do what you need to achieve your accomplishments (whether its financial, getting a job, or improving your mental attitude) then you can apply whatever you accomplished towards better women while living a better life

^^This!

Congratulations mate. Good post!

 

[-Gripz-]

Excellent post; really hit home for me. Everyone needs to read this.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Repped.

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to buzzin_frog again."

 

[Pardner]

The reason that you want your ex back is because you feel lost without her

I felt the same way, but now I don't need her anymore.

 

[Leprechaun2013]

A good woman will never judge you. She will accept you as you are, giving you more confidence in yourself.

 

[bigneil]

You can indeed get her back if you improve yourself. There is NO greater feeling than lying in bed with her after she comes back to you and hearing her say "You look like you have been working out!" Unless the improvement offsets the differential that led to the breakup it's not enough. In fact, it's never enough. For the first breakup is like the first engine in a car. You can possibly replace the engine once or twice, but the car is never quite the same. You often don't realize this until years later when you can look back on both the first and second phase from a distant perspective.

That said, in the end, the only thing that matters is that someone or something inspires you to improve yourself.

 

[Lotus Effect]

A good woman will never judge you. She will accept you as you are, giving you more confidence in yourself.

No man,

This woman you described is your Mom!

 

[Leprechaun2013]

No man,

This woman you described is your Mom!

What?

 

[bigneil]

Lep, he means that we are brainwashed by our moms into believing that women like that really exist. They don't. Unless you are their child.

 

[Lotus Effect]

The Red Pill

A good woman will never judge you. She will accept you as you are, giving you more confidence in yourself.

No man,

This woman you described is your Mom!

What?

To properly answer your question, I'll post a good article I've read on a thread I've made about Blue Pills, Newbies and Hardcase Disney Believers.
(It took me a lot of time to find this. Really hard endeavour. So do me a favour, AND READ IT!)

It is an excellent read for you Leprechaun2013, as your question and Join date, shows that you are still a newbie in the road to enlightment.


Man affections vs boy affections

a while back i finally figured out what makes a good relationship.

most of the gamey talk is all focused on getting laid. getting laid is the easiest thing in the world, after you do it for a while. what’s not nearly as simple is to maintain an excellent relationship. i’m going to venture out on a limb and say that MOST relationships are crap. and yet it’s really just two fundamental principles, that determine the success of any relationship. it’s ridiculous that it took me so long to figure this out.

my relationships used to be sort of average. have a girlfriend, sometimes you get along, sometimes you don’t. sometimes she’s a c*unt, sometimes she’s nice. sooner or later there are the annoying bits of jealousy and wondering if she’s cheating, and then all the arguments and breakups. standard sh*t.

to figure out why most relationships suck, eventually you have to look at the type of emotional connection you are seeking:

-emotional validation from your partner
-being able to ‘trust’ your partner
-support from your partner
-sort of, almost unconditional love from your partner, ‘as you are’
-seeking approval from your partner
-there’s more aspects, but that’s probably enough to make the point we’re getting to.

we are simple creatures. we are programmed to have an emotional connection to the opposite sex. to get a little weird about it for a second though, think about how this programming expresses itself:

there are only two types of man-love our brain is wired for.

one, the love you got, wanted to get, hoped for, maybe experienced – from you mother, as a child. that’s a key kind of emotional connection to the female. and, as much as that sounds f*cked up, it’s the type of connection most men are trying to find again in their adult life – from a girlfriend / wife.

seriously consider this. look at the few bullet points above. what kind of ‘love’ is that? let’s not judge it, just look at it objectively. that’s how most men view love. they don’t think about it consciously, but that’s the love they got to experience as a child.

here’s some news: no girl will ever love you like your mom did.

before we get a bit more into that, let’s look at the other type of man-love our brain has wiring for:

the love a father has for his daughter.

again, we have to remove all the incestous, sexualized, weird bits of it, and just look at the emotional components that drive the type of interaction, expectation, dependence, and outcome. how does a father love his daughter?

-giving emotional validation to the child
-rationing trust, with having ‘hand’ – control
-providing support
-molding her in his image
-giving approval, as long as the child does at it is supposed to
-compare these bullets to the ones above. how do you feel about that? take --out the mother / daughter thing. just look at the giving & taking ratios, look at where the control lies.

there is always control in a relationship. question is just – who has it?

there is no other emotional romantic connection wiring in our brain. it’s either seeking the love you got from your mother as a child, or creating the love you get from your offspring.

everything manosphere talks about fits into this model. the whole concept of ‘beta’ is embodied in how men deal with women who they want maternal love from. they are the weak ones, seeking approval, expecting this ocean of support, putting a woman on a pedestal. and guess what – it works for sh*t. mom love is done after you are grown up. realizing that means having to step away from that, coming to terms with the fact that this kind of emotional bond is DONE. being a man means being at the top of the social hierarchy. on the flip side, relationships suddenly work incredibly well when you treat a girl not like an adult that you look up to, an adult that you seek validation from – but like a child.

think about it. sh*t tests? from an adult, maybe. but a child? how do you treat a child who sh*t tests you? well … a lot of men haven’t grown up enough to be called men, so they still wouldn’t know. but for some of us, all that’s missing is this conscious realization. you don’t seek the validation of a child, do you? you don’t ask a child if it’s ok for you to go out, do you? when you want a child to do something, how do you address it?

i’m not saying, ‘be a d*ck’. you still game children, a lot. you want to reward them for good behavior. dealing with kids isn’t easy, either. but if you figure that out, then you also figure out a healthy relationship with a girl. i don’t really believe that the ‘******* game’ is a fully evolved strategy. it’s just better than wanting a replacement mom. so when a girl has the choice between a grown up (who is an as*hole) vs a sniveling boy who wants a mother – she will of course pick the as*hole.

but give her the choice between a father figure, an as*hole, and a sniveling boy and the father figure will win, every time. part of that is giving validation, creating boundaries, being clearly in control.

if you want a great relationship, start reading parenting psychology books (not the new age feminist ones). and dog training books. you can take this however far you want, once you get comfortable. xsplat likes to go full on daddy. it’s a genius move. a bit depraved? maybe. but better than the advocates of game stuff who act like children themselves – basically saying ‘treat girls like you are 12 and in a sandbox with a girl’. and better than mainstream culture which puts out disney sh*t and romantic comedies that all emulate maternal love relationships (which don’t exist).

my relationships have become something entirely different since i started taking the father figure approach. girls love it. they are willing to do anything and everything, and the general bullsh*t from girls is maybe 5% of what it used to be – before i figured this out.

Original Source:http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/15q8vw/a_very_insightful_analysis_of_the_nature_of/c83z3qx

Also Kudos to happyDJ, who was the dude that dug this chunk of gold out of the depths of the web

 

[TARKUS]

Awesome post repped

 

[ChloeDWAYNE]

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[captain55]

Before anyone decides to work on themselves I'd take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if the breakup was really your fault in the first place. Maybe there was another guy she was more interested in, maybe she's a borderline, maybe she's just the type to get bored easily and there was nothing you could do about it.

Yeah she dumped you but you still got her in the first place. And if you can a chick to fall for you once you can do it again.

I would seriously just start gaming other women after the breakup before I started to work on myself. You "may" not need to fix anything.

 

[BraddH]

Oh my god these romance novels. Don't even improve yourself to get your ex back. That's way worse.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

I don't think it possible to really get your ex until you are really beta simp or intend to dump and pump.

I mean, how you can fall in love with her again and anytime you kiss her to know when you were broken she sucked other's guy dvck like lolipop ? You look at your snowflake and wonder ... how many times she swalllowed ... did he gave her facials ... uhh total turn off for me,disgusting.

You don't miss your ex, you just miss easy access to sex.If hotter chick would fvck you ,you wouldnt ever remeber your ex name.People love comfort, it was comfortable
there was someone who you could ****,sucked your **** and validated you, now it's gone and pleasure part of your brain demands it back.You miss pleasure not your ex.

I miss my ex because she swallowed everytime and was submissive.I don't miss her as person that much, she was pretty boring and silly.If not -the sex- I wouldnt think even 15 minutes about her.

 

[GS750]

My BPD ex swallowed. I miss that. Actually, it's the only thing I miss about the psycho.

 

[skinnyguy]

My BPD ex swallowed. I miss that. Actually, it's the only thing I miss about the psycho.

She swallowed because she was psycho.

Anyway, this whole improving yourself to get your ex back thing is for beta faggots. An alpha would be banging 10 women after a breakup and not looking back.

So many desperate men out there.

 

[Mr_Stinky]

Nice post