guys come on stop just reading and help each other out

[playainthemaking]

K so this is a duplicate post i made that almost everyone ignored. I dont get why 76 people read it and only two responded. Whats the point of me coming on here if there arent any people that can help. I dont mean to rude but its like going to a car forum and no one knows how to change the oil when i ask them. Anyways guys try and help me out with any comments, i know there are some people here that got game so hit me up.

I am a young cat, only 20 years old and need some help with approaching women. Whats funny to me is that I am good looking, hip, in decent shape and have a great sense of humor. I am the kind of person you see and think he must get girls left and right Im trying to be honest here so please dont take my comments as arrogance. So yeah I am me and although i should i dont get women. Of course logic tells me thats cause you dont really try so i dont have anyone to blame but me. I hate this life without women and want to change it now.

For me approaching is a scary thing that i cant seem to get over. Its like im nervous before approaching and know that when i talk to her it will be so obvious. I care about what people think and dont want to get embarrassed, but then again who does. Every time i seem to get myself to go out and approach, i get all dressed up and head to the mall. When i get there i walk around and look and cant seem to find the perfect opportunity, although i dont think such thing exist. Its like i say to myself "okay shes with a friend, cant talk to her" or "too many people around here if she turns me down...." or the usual " im nervous now i shouldnt go up to here and make a fool".

I am a very logical person so i like to think out my actions. Even if i manage to talk to her, i get worried on what the hell i will say since i did it once and really had a hard time of thinking of stuff to say.

If anyone could please help me out with a detailed description not just a one liner or a bashful comment. Oh yeah i also wanted to mention that if anyone is in the san jose area of california contact me so we can meetup. Willing to drive an hour or so so dont hesitate if you in cuts of Oakland or San leandro.
I was thinking it would be a great idea to get together with one person who is a mack or multiple people and hit up a hot spot to teach other stuff and fine tune each other. Well hope someone replies and takes me up on the offer.

 

[COD]

dude see yourself as they guy who gets the chics. Everyone wants the magic pickup line, or as mystery said the magic bullet that will instantly make a woman undress for you and ride you like a horse.

LETS SAY...........WE GIVE YOU THAT LINE.........then what will you do next, what happens if she responds to that line but not the way you expected, there are a million what ifs.

IT NOT WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW U SAY IT AND WHAT YOU SAY AFTER THE PICKUP LINE. Yes I know starting out you need a freebee.

MY ADVICE...........INNER GAME........you need to view YOURSELF as how you claim others see you. You dont have the skills yet and there is NO instant PUA/DJ tricks to make you da man.

Time, practice, research, make mistakes, comfort level, CONTROL fears, get some rejections, etc.........I mean dude a baby has to crawl before they walk.

You are asking to fly..........it just dont work like that. If u got that magic line other parts will begin to fall apart and you be left wondering WTF happened.

INNER GAME IS THE ORIGIN POINT OF YOUR JOURNEY........THE LINE IS WAY DOWN THE ROAD

 

[playainthemaking]

Hmmm

Well i must say i appreciate straight talk like yours. I think you misunderstood me though because i aint looking for pickup lines cause i know that aint how it works. Its all about how you dress, but more importantly your swagger. I just cant seem to get over the fear part and thats what i would like help with. Maybe some harsh comments perhaps like "just do it or else you'll be just like the rest you moron". Well thanks again at least one person responded.

 

[SharinganUser]

Its all about how you dress, but more importantly your swagger.

Wrong. That is only part of the equation. If you are filled with fear, it doesn't matter how you dress. As the other guy said, you need to work on your inner game.

 

[playainthemaking]

your right

yeah what i meant was once you have eliminated fear or suppressed it to a quite voice that you cant hear, These things are important. I wouldnt have created this thread if i didnt already realize that the fear, my inner game is a problem. Anyone got any realistic advice cause i dont know if reading book after book, thread after thread is the answer. I feel i should go out and do it but the fear holds me back.

 

[Corona]

yeah what i meant was once you have eliminated fear or suppressed it to a quite voice that you cant hear, These things are important. I wouldnt have created this thread if i didnt already realize that the fear, my inner game is a problem. Anyone got any realistic advice cause i dont know if reading book after book, thread after thread is the answer. I feel i should go out and do it but the fear holds me back.

It's been said before and before but you just gotta go out and keep mackin' until you don't have that fear about it. You gotta get to the point where the thought of a possible rejection rolls off your back as much as an actual rejection (which is actually rare -- flakes are a lot more likely).

Some short term fixes could be dressing to a T and projecting a confident swagger like you said. Back in the day, I used to listen to a song that pumped me up before I called a girl.

Long term ... you just gotta learn how to stop giving a fuck and treat it like a game. I don't remember exactly how I realized this, but I was your age. I smoked a lot of weed back then.

 

[daygameguy]

success breeds confidence - so try getting success in life (maybe following a passion, or getting a desirable educational degree, getting a desirable job, getting the kind of friends you always wanted to have, getting girls etc)

Inner game comes slowly as you start getting success. For me, just knowing the fact that picking up a girl anytime anywhere was actually a possibility, was enough for me to develop some inner game. Reading the forums and FRs was a boost to inner game. Reading Neil Strauss's story of life changing experiences was a boost for my inner game. Going to the gym is a boost for inner game. Dealing with rejections, and picking up a girl with competence, was another level up for my inner game.

There is NO script out there to get you laid. PERIOD. But there are some guidelines, concepts, tips and tools that you can have in your head to make the right kind of words come out of your mouth, at the right time and place.

If you have read books, and watched some videos, all that is left to do is face the real world of pickup, go and approach. Fear will NEVER go away. Just desensitize yourself to this fear.

And when it's all said and done, what really will make or break your chances of success, is how bad you want it, and how far are you willing to go for achieving it.

 

[kingman]

This is how I built my inner game:

I red the DJ bible

I became more selfish

Always positiv thinking

Be grateful about what I have

Try not to think about consequenses

And approaching alots of girls ( this was a sick inner game boost for me)

And most importantly listen to david guetta : the world is mine (lol this is no joke , this song has actually helped my inner game a little)

 

[Charlie Gordon]

Wish I was still out in Cali. I'd make it a point to hit you up some time because you sound genuine and it's not always helpful to sit here playing armchair quarterback. The gears are going in my mind but I'm missing some of the facts...

I dont mean to rude but its like going to a car forum and no one knows how to change the oil when i ask them.

This is the funniest description of sosuave that I have ever heard.

Whats funny to me is that I am good looking, hip, in decent shape and have a great sense of humor. I am the kind of person you see and think he must get girls left and right Im trying to be honest here so please dont take my comments as arrogance.

Wow, this is a plus. It's okay to be honest about this stuff. Don't listen to the people who respond with jealousy.

Of course logic tells me thats cause you dont really try so i dont have anyone to blame but me.

It takes a lot of effort. I find that it gets easier the older I get. But one of my biggest surprises when I started hanging with the community was just how much effort it took to meet the right women and work the magic. And often there was dumb-luck or a less than magical moment that thwarted the potential number exchange or date. Therefore, not only did it take loads of effort, but it also took a lot of resilience.

Easy to underestimate just how much work and resilience it took.

For me approaching is a scary thing that i cant seem to get over. Its like im nervous before approaching and know that when i talk to her it will be so obvious.

I grew up very shy and anxious and I identify with your nervousness on some level. I also know the feeling that in approaching a woman, you're essentially showing her your hand... the pressure and unease that you facilitate may put a lot of pressure on the woman to either accept your advances or reject you. That provokes some degree of anxiety in ANY man.

One of my breakthroughs was in construing "being obvious" as an advantage for both the woman and for myself... that's a subject for another post.

I care about what people think and dont want to get embarrassed, but then again who does. Every time i seem to get myself to go out and approach, i get all dressed up and head to the mall. When i get there i walk around and look and cant seem to find the perfect opportunity, although i dont think such thing exist. Its like i say to myself "okay shes with a friend, cant talk to her" or "too many people around here if she turns me down...." or the usual " im nervous now i shouldnt go up to here and make a fool".

Day game and cold approaches are difficult. Day time cold approaches are the most difficult approaches. I used to hang with two wings, Cap'n and Shane, who were Jedi masters of day-time pickup, scoring numbers in front of me left and right. Many guys, however, fall flat on their face if they even approach. I was never good with it outside of college. It takes a lot of timing and determination. Women have to deal with the possibility that you're trying to sell them something or that you're some sort of a threat - and angry, roidbeast boyfriends abound. The shopping mall is tough. The community guys used to meet up at some of the larger malls and play a game. One guy would point to a girl or a set, and the other would have to go up and open them. We'd take turns. Hilarity ensued. Seldom did anyone get a number, but it made the night game much, much easier.

If anyone could please help me out with a detailed description not just a one liner or a bashful comment.

Difficult to offer much feedback without seeing you. You could be correct that you're not trying hard enough. You could be dealing with more anxiety than you let on to in your post. There could be a number of psychological obstacles keeping you from a number exchange, fling, relationship, etc. None of these possibilities can be fleshed out and handled appropriately in the context of a forum.

I think you have the right idea about meeting up with people. Look for local lairs. Some of these groups are all about selling you stuff that you don't need, but there are some really great groups of guys devoted to helping one another.


It might also be helpful if you tell us what happens when an attractive woman approaches you?

Have you ever been asked out? Do you come across women who have interest in dating you? Do you think you have trouble picking up on cues?

 

[playainthemaking]

nice reply

thanks charlie for giving such a great reply. I am a naturally funny person as you can tell which really helps break ice. I dont seem to go out much which is my problem. When i do go out i have this like face that is all business no play. I didnt realize that women actually hit on guys since most women expect a guy to do it. I can only speak of one instance where i was out trying to fix my watch and i happen to walk around and ask jewelers how much they would charge.

I finally came across this chick who was a 5 or 6 honestly again i dont want to lie. She was the manager of a jewelery store and 27 years old who had been married before. Course me being the noobie i was i didnt know how to ask her out or at least it seemed the moment didnt present itself right. So then i leave and come back a week later. I tell her that i need to have my watch fixed again the link is too big and she does it for free again. So finally she tells me hey i saw this dress and i love it wanna go see it. Course again i made a mistake by playing hard to get and saying well....... Finally her coworker hinted that i should go. Lol at this point it was so obvious that i was like okay lets do it shes interested. So i saw the dress and went back talked to her about some her issues and then said hey you need to have fun in your life. Give me your number and ill hit you up.

Two days later, yes i know you should wait, told you guys im not that bad, i called her and set up a time. When the day came she flaked and didnt pick up her phone. I called her twice i believe maybe just once. I know that if a woman stands you up you should have enough respect for yourself to let her go. So in my head i was like okay this chick is done and actually felt bad because one of my first dates ignored me. Now to the good part. So at around 7 30 pm she calls me and was like hey i am sorry i left my phone in my car and went with my friends to a animal shelter. I was like umm okay your the first person to stand me up, women dont do this to ME. I told her hey you got to make this up to me now. She said why dont u come over tonight and we can watch a movie.

Now back then i was like man i hope i get lucky and score. When i talked to someone i know whos decent with women he yells at me and says "DUDE ITS A BOOTY CALL U MORON ANYTHING AFTER 9 30 WITH ONLY A MAN A CHICK AND MAYBE ANOTHER CHICK THERE IS A BOOTY CALL". I thought it wasnt since her roommate was there but man was i wrong. Like my friend said her roommate would leave out of respect for her. Well you know the rest like my boy Emeril says "bam bam bam bam".

Well that concludes my reply let me know if you got anymore feedback or another great analysis. Matter fact analyze what i gave you charlie you should be a psych major. Oh yeah and what you mean by lairs, can u send me some links perhaps. Peace yall.

 

[Charlie Gordon]

Wow, that sounds like a success!

Doesn't seem like you had much of a problem with jewelry store girl. Everything you described sounded fun and natural. You got the girl.

Have you been in a slump since then? Was this a one-time thing?

You obviously have the raw goods to find sex. You're way ahead of the curve.


"Lairs" is what they used to call groups of guys from the pick-up community who would get together and share ideas. Not sure if they still call em that. There was a lot of mentoring back in the day but it's hard to find a group now that isn't trying to cram Mystery Method, RSD, etc. down its members' throats. You don't need any of that if you can get laid. Maybe just a fun pal or two to go out with. I think this site has a "wingman" forum, which is another way of meeting guys who like to go out in groups to meet women.

 

[playainthemaking]

thanks

Yeah it was a success but because she made it very obvious after i visited her two times. I guess in my head unless she says "i want to have you right now" i tend to say well shes just being friendly to me. I guess i cant tell the diff sometimes since some women are just flirts or just nice to all. Maybe someone can help me. Oh yeah and it was a one time thing but a motivation since i didnt try and it was all mine on the first night. Someone analyze my game and give me a dr. phil analysis without the obnoxious dr phil antics.

 

[DonJuan11]

For me approaching is a scary thing that i cant seem to get over. Its like im nervous before approaching and know that when i talk to her it will be so obvious. I care about what people think and dont want to get embarrassed, but then again who does.

Translation:

I care about what other people think. If they laugh at me while I'm asking a girl out, I would rather not ask her out, I would rather be alone on Saturday night since I might get laughed at by a person who I don't know. It means more to me what this unknown person thinks than anything. Even if this girl magically becomes my girlfriend, I will still care what other people think and will not stick up for my girlfriend or protect her if that means embarrassing myself in anyway, shape or form. She will have to protect me since I care about what others think so much.

 

[playainthemaking]

hmmm

well don juan 11 you have hit the nail on the head in many ways. I greatly value your reply cause its something that i need to get rid of. Although i must say the second part is dead wrong. I am not a b*@#$ at all and would protect my girl, no problem. But maybe in a way i am cause again i have this fear of what people will think. All i know is that when it comes to disrespecting me or my girl i handle my ****. Any advice on how to get rid of fear in the first example.

 

[BlakeW5]

OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. I see all these threads that have been read 100 times and only get 0-3 responses. I understand that some people may feel they have no help to offer, but bad advice is better than no advice at all. If anything, both parties learn from the interaction and that's a good thing.

But anyway, I feel we have a lot in common. I was a good-looking, funny, quick witted guy, who is also a very logical person. My logical side KILLED my sexual side. Instead of acting I sit around thinking through all the options, waiting for the right moment (sometimes there is one but 99% of the time there isn't). So to get over my fear of approaching women I used my logic to my advantage. Think about it, you're worried what others will think of you if they see you crash and burn (I did the same thing). Now how many of those people do you know (probably none) and do you ever actually think you'll see them again? Even if you do it's not like they'll recognize you and knock on you because you were the guy that crashed and burned with that chick at the mall 3 weeks ago. What you do with your life isn't important enough to other people to make them remember it, honestly.

The only way you can get over it is to just do it. Period.

I got over my fear my senior year in high school when I asked a chick to prom. I was nervous all day (mistake), planned out the time and place I would ask her (mistake), and then forced myself to do it when the time came (not a mistake). It took all the b@lls I could muster, and she said no. Was I mad, or depressed, or did I get made fun of? NO

Truthfully I found the whole thing funny. I had got myself so worked up over how bad I would feel if I got rejected, and then when I did it didn't even bother me. That's how I lost my fear of rejection. Funny enough, she changed her mind a few days later and asked me out!

So just get out there and try it. It won't be anywhere near as bad as you're making it out to be in your head.

 

[DonJuan11]

well don juan 11 you have hit the nail on the head in many ways. I greatly value your reply cause its something that i need to get rid of. Although i must say the second part is dead wrong. I am not a b*@#$ at all and would protect my girl, no problem. But maybe in a way i am cause again i have this fear of what people will think. All i know is that when it comes to disrespecting me or my girl i handle my ****.

If I told you I would give you $10,000 to ask a bank teller out, but you may get laughed at and ridiculed by the customers waiting in line, would you do it? If I told you the mafia would come and take your parents away and wouldn't see them again for 10 years unless you asked the waitress out, but you may get laughed at by the other people in the bar, would you do it? You are too relaxed in your everyday life and are not putting yourself under enough pressure.

I can't blame you because I was the same way when I was a little younger than you and it took me a while to realize and understand it.

 

[Caferacer]

K so this is a duplicate post i made that almost everyone ignored. I dont get why 76 people read it and only two responded. Whats the point of me coming on here if there arent any people that can help. I dont mean to rude but its like going to a car forum and no one knows how to change the oil when i ask them. Anyways guys try and help me out with any comments, i know there are some people here that got game so hit me up.

I am a young cat, only 20 years old and need some help with approaching women. Whats funny to me is that I am good looking, hip, in decent shape and have a great sense of humor. I am the kind of person you see and think he must get girls left and right Im trying to be honest here so please dont take my comments as arrogance. So yeah I am me and although i should i dont get women. Of course logic tells me thats cause you dont really try so i dont have anyone to blame but me. I hate this life without women and want to change it now.

For me approaching is a scary thing that i cant seem to get over. Its like im nervous before approaching and know that when i talk to her it will be so obvious. I care about what people think and dont want to get embarrassed, but then again who does. Every time i seem to get myself to go out and approach, i get all dressed up and head to the mall. When i get there i walk around and look and cant seem to find the perfect opportunity, although i dont think such thing exist. Its like i say to myself "okay shes with a friend, cant talk to her" or "too many people around here if she turns me down...." or the usual " im nervous now i shouldnt go up to here and make a fool".

I am a very logical person so i like to think out my actions. Even if i manage to talk to her, i get worried on what the hell i will say since i did it once and really had a hard time of thinking of stuff to say.

If anyone could please help me out with a detailed description not just a one liner or a bashful comment. Oh yeah i also wanted to mention that if anyone is in the san jose area of california contact me so we can meetup. Willing to drive an hour or so so dont hesitate if you in cuts of Oakland or San leandro.
I was thinking it would be a great idea to get together with one person who is a mack or multiple people and hit up a hot spot to teach other stuff and fine tune each other. Well hope someone replies and takes me up on the offer.

No one will coddle you here. People help those who help themselves, and do more than whine when you don't get a question answered.

Make friends with the search button. She is very nice and won't reject you. Just ask her, and she will help you until you fall asleep at the keyboard.

 

[Warrior74]

start approaching the hotest girls only...the one s that completely turn you on. Not the average girls, not the below average girls, but the best girls you can find. Try it.

 

[playainthemaking]

man thanks guys

thanks to everyone first off for replying to me and giving such great feedback, except for Caferacer. Caferacer are you serious or just some moron who cant seem to read at all. I posted on my thread to not comment with bashful comments that are useless just like your whole existence on this earth. Your a moron and i think you have come to that realization and yet still live in denial. Other people agreed with me saying that people don't respond because it is true. You are so stupid that you think i am whining because i simply ask and wonder why no one responded. You show me one quote that was whiny in any way and i will shoot my computer with my glock. And no the title of the thread is still not whiny so dont even think of bringing that up. That was me just motivating people and as you see it actually worked. I must say i suspect your the kind of guy who pretends to be Magic Don Juan's long lost cousin who is a pimp on the forums but have never actually even had a girlfriend. I mean if you actually would have had one you would know what nagging and whining really is. In return i want to counter your cheap shot and say Make friends with the dictionary. She is very nice and won't reject you my friend. Just ask her, and she will help you until you get a brain aneurysms from all the stress your put on yourself in trying to figure out what whining means you imbecile. Man thats hard stuff, i wish you luck dude rofl.

No one will coddle you here. People help those who help themselves, and do more than whine when you don't get a question answered.

Okay wait wait wait wait. So first of since your IQ is borderline retarded of course you don't even understand the point of the thread or the site for that matter. This place is for people who do want to help themselves you idiot. Why else would we be here. I can think of only one other reason. To be a hating loser like you who tries to hurt other members to make himself feel better. In reality when you put your head down on your pillow, your turn off that light and get real comfy before falling asleep you think to yourself. "Wow man i am really pathetic, i can try and fool others but i know i am a horrible person who FAILS at life in most ways". You should listen to that voice cause thats you talking. Its you being honest, ACCEPT IT.

I have sent a moderator a little note about you since you seem to like to help and be so kind. What amazes me and the reason why you should get banned for sure is that you actually commented. I mean its one thing to feel a certain way but to take the time and right a post that someone is whining and that they should befriend the search engine in such a harsh and useless manner, really says something about who you are. Did your uncle abuse you son. Did he like to play pirates of the rectum with you, where you had to be Jack Swallows and he was some horny pirate who had gotten back from a 6 month sail across th Atlantic. I am sorry if that is the case but you have no right to hurt others. Go see a shrink dude, uncle tom has been dead for 20 years lmao.

Oh yeah and again thanks to everyone who actually helped me out, i mean that in the most sincerest way.
It is really late now and i have not gotten a chance to read much or take it all in either. I will be sure to tomorrow morning and will get back to you guys with my thoughts, though i must say , not counting cafe of course, it all looked good from the little skimming i did.

 

[playainthemaking]

nice stuff

okay guys so i finally got some time to read all the great replies and i must say its giving me that motivation to just do it. I am going to try my hardest and stay at the mall however long it takes and hopefully i can do it. I was wondering if anyone could answer this question though. There have been many times where i get the balls to talk to her and i even think of an ice breaker, but dont know what to talk about to her. Does anyone know what would be good way to eliminate this self doubt. I have tried it before and although the rejection part wasnt that bad i got angry at myself because i made a idiot out myself and stumbled and didnt know what to say to her. We kind of had that awkward moment where i m just like looking at her and she at me.

To warrior74's point i want to say please explain more if you can. I have heard and read that you should always talk to anyone you see. Women and men but especially the fat and ugly ones, and of course all other spectrum of women including the hot. This way you become accustomed to speaking to anyone and dont allow any fear to creep up on you. You begin to see people for what they are which is people, instead of hot ***** or ugly woman.

To my boy don juans reply i liked the examples and i would do them if those were the cases obviously. I would like for you to tell me how can put myself under more stress or how to better myself if you got any advice. I am going to try and just approach but its hard when you dont know what to say for the majority of the conversation. Thats my problem, matter fact if i could think of what to talk about, i could close it easily. For me its preparing for a drag race when you know your fuel tank is pretty much empty so when you hit the gas your car will shut off because you just wasted the few drops you had and now its over. I need someone to give me some gas or perhaps knock some sense into me.

Lastly i want to leave you with a story about last night. I was working with this girl and had to drive with her to work with company car. She was a 6 or 7 and i had great conversation with her i mean great. About as good as it gets really she told me about her abusive boyfriend and all this crap so yeah it was good details. Anyways i easily got her number and told her i would call her. I of course didnt have a hard time because we were both forced to be nice to each other since we worked together and therefore the tension was cut. I just asked her about herself and stuff and it all worked out. Now it seems impossible to apply this to the real world where a girl is with friends walking through a mall.

Anyways I went to the the party where we were both serving food as our job and it was funny when we got there. I sort of found out that the chick was a bit of a nut case who loved to fight and argue for the dumbest things and start a argument for no reason. No she didnt disrespect me cause she is a nice person and so am i, but we both found ourself laughing because we argued so much. I asked her later "so im guessing you dont want me to call you because we fight so much in a sarcastic tone". She replied no i
still would like for you to call me, we can go out as FRIENDS. At this point i like slammed on my brakes in my head and i was like lol. I was like man so much seems to have gone wrong. We fought, this ***** is a bit psycho, she only had a 4 year relationship all her life and now doesnt know how to act. Oh yeah and i forgot to mention that the chick used to work with my mother and that her mother is my moms friend. Perhaps i bit off more than i can chew but most importantly is that i tried and that nothing affected me. I can care less if she likes me cause ill just move on. Does anyone think i should call her and go out. My feeling is for fun would be great even if she just wants to be friends for at least one time. Hit me up my fellow friends let me know.