Guy exhibits impulsive behavior and I am not sure what do next

[DreamyChick]

I have this guy in my life that I have attempted to be friends with but it just doesn't work. To give background I have known him since we were kids. This weekend I asked him what he was up to and he said, oh not much just going to spend time with my kids, my girlfriend and cut the grass. Sounds like a normal statement right? Except it isn't because the dude is married. I asked him don't you mean your wife and he responds nope So naturally I ask him what he means by this and he says that it means he has a wife and at least one girl friend So I asked him to clarify what he means again and he just acts coy. So I get annoyed because I am thinking this is some sort of test from him and I do not want to go there with him. So I decide to end the conversation. Well an hour or so later he tells me that he was only teasing. I don't believe him, so I just ignore the text. Then on Saturday he texts and asks if I am angry at him? He also says that the girl friend comment was an off the cuff remark nothing to it he was being silly. I have a hard time believing that and I decide that I need to keep my distance from him because I am not down for what he is looking for. So I don't respond. Then on Sunday he texts again asking if he upset me. I still don't respond. Then a few hours later I get a text in the afternoon and he asks if I am okay that it's not like me to not respond. I am on the phone with a family member so I don't respond. Then a couple minutes later he texts that he is in my driveway to check on me. I immediately thought what is wrong with him? He has never come by my house without asking me beforehand so it catches me completely off guard. As I am thinking this I am trying to end my phone conversation and he is continuing to text me Should I go away? Then he calls me and then texts again Please text me back because I am worried. When we have interacted previously I made sure to set clear boundaries with him. That I only wanted to be friends and now I am not quite sure what he is thinking. His behavior was quite impulsive and it's not the first time that he has acted that way when he thought I was upset with him. Finally I text him back that I am fine because I don't want the situation to escalate and then he's trying to tell me that he didn't mean to impose on my privacy but that he thought I was sick or injured. I don't buy that because it seems like he went into panic mode about the girlfriend comment and a full 48 hours had not even passed since our last message. I know I need to confront him but how do I make clear that he overstepped the boundaries?

 

[marmel75]

I have this guy in my life that I have attempted to be friends with but it just doesn't work. To give background I have known him since we were kids. This weekend I asked him what he was up to and he said, oh not much just going to spend time with my kids, my girlfriend and cut the grass. Sounds like a normal statement right? Except it isn't because the dude is married. I asked him don't you mean your wife and he responds nope So naturally I ask him what he means by this and he says that it means he has a wife and at least one girl friend So I asked him to clarify what he means again and he just acts coy. So I get annoyed because I am thinking this is some sort of test from him and I do not want to go there with him. So I decide to end the conversation. Well an hour or so later he tells me that he was only teasing. I don't believe him, so I just ignore the text. Then on Saturday he texts and asks if I am angry at him? He also says that the girl friend comment was an off the cuff remark nothing to it he was being silly. I have a hard time believing that and I decide that I need to keep my distance from him because I am not down for what he is looking for. So I don't respond. Then on Sunday he texts again asking if he upset me. I still don't respond. Then a few hours later I get a text in the afternoon and he asks if I am okay that it's not like me to not respond. I am on the phone with a family member so I don't respond. Then a couple minutes later he texts that he is in my driveway to check on me. I immediately thought what is wrong with him? He has never come by my house without asking me beforehand so it catches me completely off guard. As I am thinking this I am trying to end my phone conversation and he is continuing to text me Should I go away? Then he calls me and then texts again Please text me back because I am worried. When we have interacted previously I made sure to set clear boundaries with him. That I only wanted to be friends and now I am not quite sure what he is thinking. His behavior was quite impulsive and it's not the first time that he has acted that way when he thought I was upset with him. Finally I text him back that I am fine because I don't want the situation to escalate and then he's trying to tell me that he didn't mean to impose on my privacy but that he thought I was sick or injured. I don't buy that because it seems like he went into panic mode about the girlfriend comment and a full 48 hours had not even passed since our last message. I know I need to confront him but how do I make clear that he overstepped the boundaries?

Why the hell do you want anything to do with a desperate, psycho dude? Validation from him because you know he wants to fvck you? I mean this is just crazy...if some chick did this I would block her number and never speak to her again. Are you that desperate for attention?

 

[DreamyChick]

No I honestly thought I could be friends with him without any issues. I didn't think he would ever do anything like that.

 

[marmel75]

No I honestly thought I could be friends with him without any issues.

Obviously that isn't going to happen is it? Let me ask you this. Do you find him attractive enough that you would want to fvck him if he was not married?

 

[DreamyChick]

Yes, I thought about it when he was single.

 

[BeExcellent]

Leave him alone. If he keeps bugging you just tell him whatever choices he makes in his life are his; but if you don't condone his behavior then get away from him & date guys who are available to you.

You have no place confronting him or getting in his business. When someone you are attracted to is taken (as in married) his wife comes first. Respect that even if he doesn't.

If he has mistresses that's his deal. Do not entangle yourself and do not be the morality police either. You are an outsider looking in & have no idea what his relationships are like. Stay that way - walk away.

If he gets single someday independent of you and approaches you at that time, that's different.

But for now? Bail.

 

[marmel75]

Yes, I thought about it when he was single.

Either fvck him so you can end your curiosity about him or stop contacting him. If your morals prevents you from fvcking him because he is married then stop contacting him. Dude is psycho, if you do fvck him be prepared to deal with this behavior if you cut him off.

 

[DreamyChick]

Leave him alone. If he keeps bugging you just tell him whatever choices he makes in his life are his; but if you don't condone his behavior then get away from him & date guys who are available to you.

You have no place confronting him or getting in his business. When someone you are attracted to is taken (as in married) his wife comes first. Respect that even if he doesn't.

If he has mistresses that's his deal. Do not entangle yourself and do not be the morality police either. You are an outsider looking in & have no idea what his relationships are like. Stay that way - walk away.

If he gets single someday independent of you and approaches you at that time, that's different.

But for now? Bail.

Thanks for the direct advice.

 

[DreamyChick]

Either fvck him so you can end your curiosity about him or stop contacting him. If your morals prevents you from fvcking him because he is married then stop contacting him. Dude is psycho, if you do fvck him be prepared to deal with this behavior if you cut him off.

Good point, not looking to add drama to my life.

 

[zinc4]

WTF do you expect being friends with a married guy.

Guys don't want friends from women. We only want the *****. Stop acting innocent. I can smell through the BS from a mile away.

The guy is a headcase, but he's just acting on his natural instincts. As far as I'm concerned, both of you are in the wrong.

 

[DreamyChick]

So you are saying it's not possible for men and women to be friends ever?

 

[dustmuffin]

So you are saying it's not possible for men and women to be friends ever?

Nope....Your straight men friends will always want to f uck you. All women know this. You want a guy friend? Become a fag hag. This guy is nuts. I would run away. WHy are you asking for advice on a men's forum?

 

[DreamyChick]

I thought it would be good to get insight from men about this instance. I don't post here regularly.

 

[yungballa]

Wtf is up with all these women posting threads on here lately.... I understand some women need help, but this is a men's help forum, and we've got women swarming on here now..

Anyways, I find it hard for man and woman to be friends... I can hardly stay friends with my girl buddies.. I'd **** a lot of them if I was given the chance. Only time I'm friend with a girl when I ain't attracted to her, or I'm saving her for later.

In your case, just cut him off. He crazy as hell. Don't try to string him along just to validate yourself. We are not stupid on here. We know all the bvll **** women try, and I hope you aren't trying any of that non sense then trying to act innocent.

He's married. Leave him alone if you don't want him.

 

[Fugitive]

A bit rude to say she can't post here. She can do whatever the **** she wants. If you have a problem with it why did you reply to her post?

Anyway from the information given this guy is actually obsessed with you. Its unhealthy for you and unhealthy for him. It's also potentially dangerous that he knows where you live. You should be clear with him that you're not interested in him and you do not want him to come to your house again. You should definitely make sure you are not leading him on in anyway as the guys are right women do this a lot. I wouldn't totally cut him off just yet as for all we know he might turn up at your house with a ****ing machine gun. I'd say ease him out gently but definitely a good start would be to tell him you're not interested and not to come to your house again.

If he does come to your house again you need to call the police as its harassment.

 

[DreamyChick]

A bit rude to say she can't post here. She can do whatever the **** she wants. If you have a problem with it why did you reply to her post?

Anyway from the information given this guy is actually obsessed with you. Its unhealthy for you and unhealthy for him. It's also potentially dangerous that he knows where you live. You should be clear with him that you're not interested in him and you do not want him to come to your house again. You should definitely make sure you are not leading him on in anyway as the guys are right women do this a lot. I wouldn't totally cut him off just yet as for all we know he might turn up at your house with a ****ing machine gun. I'd say ease him out gently but definitely a good start would be to tell him you're not interested and not to come to your house again.

If he does come to your house again you need to call the police as its harassment.

We do have a history of hanging out together in college prior to him getting married, so I did consider him a friend. We never dated or were intimate. Although at one point I had feelings for him before he met his wife, but he told me he didn't want to pursue a relationship and wanted to stay friends with me, so I accepted that. Since then we have maintained contact as friends or so I thought. I didn't really believe that I would have to worry about him changing his mind about me considering as how he put me in the friend zone years ago.

 

[zinc4]

My mom and dad were one of the few successful marriage stories out there.....they were very traditional and never maintsined contact with friends from the opposite sex.

They had way too much respect for themselves and the concept of marriage to do that.

Plus my dad was old school....he carried a handgun at all times and accepted absolutely zero bull****. And he would have never been friends on the side with a female.

Most marriages are a joke, though. This guy is a wimp and you are straight up catty for using him for validation or still trying to see if he's intersected in u....whatever the **** you are doing for your egos sake....just stop.

 

[DreamyChick]

I genuinely wanted a friendship with him Zinc. I thought he was interesting and a good person. I am not using him for validation.

 

[LiveYourDream]

This may be a long shot, but I feel moved to ask anyway. Is this a man you posted about on SS, about 10 years ago?

This a rough sketch, so my apologies if I am off a bit. Is he the one that you wrote how you wanted him to escalate to sex with you, all while he was, in my view, pretty clearly asking (directly or indirectly) for you to clearly express that you wanted to have sex (lose your virginity), before proceeding?

Last update I read, sex never happened, just lots of alluding and playing coy on your part, while he made lots and lots of sexual innuendos continuously, but he never got a clear green light from you. Is this the same man? If it is, did you two ever have sex?

If it isn't the same man, have you ever had sex, with the man you are posting about now?

 

[DreamyChick]

This may be a long shot, but I feel moved to ask anyway. Is this a man you posted about on SS, about 10 years ago?

This a rough sketch, so my apologies if I am off a bit. Is he the one that you wanted to escalate to sex with you, all while he was asking (directly or indirectly) for you to clearly express that you wanted to lose your virginity to him, before proceeding. Last update I read, sex never happened, just lots of alluding and playing coy on your part, while he made lots of sexual innuendos continuously, but he never got a clear green light from you. Is this the same man?

Have you ever had sex, with the man you are posting about now?

Unfortunately, yes it is, and nothing ever came of that because I had feelings for him and wanted to be in a relationship and he did not. No we were never intimate and did not even kiss. Actually, I believed that because we never crossed that line that we could maintain a friendship after that happened, because that is all I am interested in now. Now I see that perhaps I am wrong.