Grounds for downgrading/dumping?

[sylvester the cat]

Receive a voicemessage from girlfriend clearly drunk saying she misses me and is a little bit drunk, no, fvcked! Then texts me to meet her. I tell her I'm going for a jog.

It is a Tuesday night and she is 26 and we've been dating 3 months.

Getting fvcked on a work night when supposedly in a relationship seems odd to me. She's a hot fvck so am thinking of downgrading to fb rather than outright dumping her. What do u think?

 

[Yorkex]

A little harsh , maybe find out why she was that drunk ? Who was she with ?

If everything us good with you guys then pardon her ....but from your reaction , you don't seem too interested in LTR.

Lay the law & let her no its not acceptable. You respect her because she is an extension of you & you won't tolerate such behaviour.

 

[guru1000]

This post epitomizes the need for overt boundaries at the onset of exclusivity, to alleviate the ambiguity of what steps to take upon violations of relational respect. Of course, one cannot think of every scenario, but a general umbrella boundary of "Respect me, and don't contribute to others' disrespect of me" would have done just fine here. And when she calls the OP drunk in the middle of the night, OP replies with "I consider the act of <say whatever you want her> disrespect." Then withdraw to reinforce said boundary.

Back to the OP. Post hoc boundaries are not as effective, but notwithstanding, now, state overtly and clearly what behavior(s) you consider are appropriate going forward. If she accedes, keep her. If not, relegate to FB/dump her.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Hmm. Overt boundaries have been established regarding nightclubbing and seeing other men etc. Going out on a Tuesday night with work colleagues was not covered. It is quite unlike her I have to say. In the little over three months I've known her she has never done this.

It seems though there is an underlying issue here though. A few weeks ago she inadvertently saw some texts from an old plate of mine who texted me asking to meet. Although I told this plate that I was in an exclusive relationship and did not want to meet my current girlfriend is now convinced I cheated on her (something she just revealed a few minutes ago - it's 11pm here in the UK).

This explains the recent 'button pressing' she has subjected me to. I think this is less an issue of respect and more of a 'where do we go from here'.

I cannot force someone to trust me and at the same time I cannot continue being subjected to constant sh1t tests (of which I am convinced tonight is one of) because of someone's insecurity.

 

[guru1000]

If she's feels insecure; good, means you set the frame correctly. She's looking for a little reassurance; that's all. Nothing wrong with rewarding her for good behavior. However, night out with work colleagues & drunk belies good behavior.

Set the new boundary. Gauge her reaction. If she willingly accedes, and consistently shows good behavior thereafter, reward her. If she opposes, relegate or dump.

 

[sylvester the cat]

If she's feels insecure; good, means you set the frame correctly. She's looking for a little reassurance; that's all. Nothing wrong with rewarding her for good behavior. However, night out with work colleagues & drunk belies good behavior.

Set the new boundary. Gauge her reaction. If she accedes, and consistently shows good behavior thereafter, reward her. If she opposes, relegate or dump.

Her phone called me a few minutes ago. Clearly by mistake as I heard a man's voice and then her talking to whoever it was as they were walking down the street. As she was on her way home the last time I spoke to her it is obvious they are going back to her place. Either that or it's another sh1t test designed to press my buttons. I must say it's working if it is.

Either way I think this is where we draw the line.

 

[guru1000]

Her phone called me a few minutes ago. Clearly by mistake as I heard a man's voice and then her talking to whoever it was as they were walking down the street. As she was on her way home the last time I spoke to her it is obvious they are going back to her place. Either that or it's another sh1t test designed to press my buttons. I must say it's working if it is.

Either way I think this is where we draw the line.

Shvt test or not, unless her brother, that's a dump-able offense.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Shvt test or not, unless her brother, that's a dump-able offense.

Yup. I have no choice now. She has no brother.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

You can just smell something being off and fishy reading through this post...

I hope you have the strength to do what you got to do bro.. she prolly did that on porpus. I know my ex would have.

 

[sylvester the cat]

She's blowing up my phone. Apparently she was picked up at the station by her friend and her bfriend.

I could hear another woman in the background while she was talking. It's been an hour of radio silence from her since I asked her who she's with though so she could have arranged this to cover her tracks.

Either she is telling the truth or this is one manipulative b1tch we're talking about. She's bpd btw.

 

[guru1000]

Yup, she's gaming you. When both parties have game, it's a stalemate. Walk away. If she returns with strong apologies, relegate as FB at best, if that is your game.

I don't entertain drama queens for exclusive relations; I dump them. I don't relegate to FBs, as I can secure a new harem within 30 days--without the drama.

 

[Zarky]

Don't know where you guys find all these BPD women. I've never met one, or at least gotten to know one.

Anyway, if you're worried about the antics of one chick, you need more chicks.