Grieving my teenage years?

[yul]

Guys, can you realise that I felt very sad yesterday about my teenage crush I had at 16 y/o?

I have felt a lot of grief for most of the girls that have really counted (3?) in my life because they were the ones that have accepted me the way I was and liked me.

This may be AFC I don't know but it is very flattering to be liked/accepted without compromise.

Really, it's like I never really let her go and she's been on my mind for the past 15 years.

She was basically hanging out with some guys I also knew and I never was really too close to her. Whenever she talked to me, it was in such a comforting way that you can't possibly overlook. I was in complete adoration yet remained in perfect control.

One night, we were far from home hanging out in the suburbs.
I told her to come home with me and she did.

All I wanted was to be with her, nothing more. No sex, nothing.

When my parents came home later that night we were both sleeping.

They called the cops for reasons I still don't understand (she may have ran away from home I think) and they took her away from me, never to be seen again.

This was probably one of the most shocking moments of my teenage years.
I liked her sooo much and felt proud to be with her.


This may sound ridiculous but I have heard many times that most poeple have unresolved issues from their youth.

I have felt similar emotions from my latter girlfiends too.

I hear grief/letting go is very hard and is essential to one's emtional balance.



Y

 

[WestCoaster]

Yes, this is AFC. Grief is deeper than this. Grief is losing a loved one to death. Grief are people who've been injured for life in an accident or war. Grief is when tragedy happens.

This isn't grief, it's pining for something that wasn't there anyway. You're lamenting a cuddle party 15 years ago with a high school honey?

Please, get some perspective on life.

 

[yul]

I was always told that grief is associated with personal loss, at any level you may find suitable. Of course, losing family members is also grief.

Admitedly, this situation is indeed problematic due to the nature of my statements but nevertheless real.

I admit I was very tired lately and going thru some tough times and have had a troubled life too.

But, most of our bad tempers, character traits and habits come from something during our childhood.

You should hear the shrink on the radio over here. He almost always finds something in ones youth that realtes to many problems in the now.

So I know being AFC is wrong, but having had the chance to relive this feels good.

The only way I know right know to not be AFC is to be able to quickly let go, and get a life of your own and be happy. I jut hadn't let go of her until yesterday. Thats all.

AFC ;-)

Y

 

[yul]

You're lamenting a cuddle party 15 years ago with a high school honey?

What I am lamenting are the very few women that have said to like me as in JBY. I had forgotten about her, that's all.

I am certain that most guys here, however versed in DJ, would go nuts if a girl they are obsessing over would be like that.

Unless being non AFC means that guys don't fall for girls like that.

I don't know.

Y

 

[WestCoaster]

OK, I'll admit I often regret missed opportunities with past women. But I don't lament them in a sad way. What's better is to look back and use it as a teaching moment.

And at the same time try to date as much as you can, it really helps.

Regret is worse than rejection. Anyway, get out there and swing the bat!

 

[Desdinova]

But, most of our bad tempers, character traits and habits come from something during our childhood.

I agree 100%. What I ended up doing was finding what initially caused all my problems, understood them, and worked at reversing them. There's a lot of learned behaviour that you get from your parents, from school, from social conditioning, and many other things.

All I wanted was to be with her, nothing more. No sex, nothing.

I can relate to having felt like this in my teenage years as well. All I wanted was companionship, someone to care about me, someone to touch me with love. All I got from my parents were beatings, getting yelled at, and when I came to them with a problem, they never believed me.

That's why I wanted so badly to be loved, because I never felt it from anyone close to me.

 

[manbearpig]

Desdinova my parents are pretty much distant too. Maybe thats a common theme with people who are desperate to seek out love from the opposite sex? A lack of love & understanding in the home?

I can kinda understand where you're coming from here, yul. I mean I've thought before about the fact I never got laid or even had a girlfriend or any dates at any point back in High school, and I feel regret because older people always say your teenage years are supposed to be the time of your life, so I feel like I missed a major oppurtunity by not dating at that age.

 

[yul]

Thanks for your relpies!

You can really tell that this is the mature man section.

I am still exploring areas of my teenage years. I also take my car to places I have been to remember what the hell happened there.

Being such a sensitive person, I can easily remember the events that occured, like my first kiss in that park at 13ish.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Regret is worse than rejection.

Amen to that. How we handle failure says as much about us as how we handle success. When rejection is no big deal, we don't make too much of any one success. AFCs are terrified of rejection, and I think that is why they get oneitis so easily.

 

[WestCoaster]

Anyone who told you your teen years are the best years of your life is on crack. Quit believing these stupid sayings. College, yeah, I can buy that, definitely not high school.

1. The frontal lobe of your brain is not yet fully developed. I.E., the frontal lobe controls emotions, so you're a basket case half the time. Trip on the sidewalk and you're freaking about what other people will think.

2. Don't know about the rest of you, but in high school I worked fast food and other suck jobs.

3. In relation to No. 2, I had no money.

4. No independence, I was still living with my parents. I love them both, but I like living by myself better.

5. The women in high school have the same frontal lobe problems, folks. Anyone who doesn't think women are much better in college, again are on crack.

6. The groups, cliques, etc., such in high school. These groups control everything and their so-called sense of humor is always at the humiliation of someone else.

In a nutshell, high school blows, that's why I've never and will not ever go back to a high school reunion.

You should be out enjoying life, dating up a storm. I just landed a date with a hot 29-year old and I'm a bit older than her ... if I can do that, you can, too.

 

[realsmoothie]

High school absolutely sucked for me. I was too smart to hang out with the cool kids, too athletic to hang out with the nerds, not wierd enough to hang out with the alternative crowd.

20's weren't much better either. Had anxiety issues, could never talk to girls.

It slowly went away. Around 29 something happened... the anxiety has drifted away and I became more confident.

Turning 30 was the best moment of my life. No more pressure. I'm now 32 and have had more success (limited at this point, but getting there) in the last two years than the 30 before them.

Does this mean I don't look back at high school and regret what happened? Sadly, no. I'd love nothing else than a time machine so I could go back and fix myself like in some cheesy 80's movie.

But I've realized that there is no time better than NOW.

 

[GirlCrazy]

It's perfectly normal to look back at that period of your life and see the missed opportunities, mistakes and whatnot. That's why they say that youth is wasted on the young, and the mistakes are so easy to see with the benefit of hindsight.

What you don't want to do is dwell on it. You want to look forward not backward. As long as you've learned from your mistakes, you're ahead of the game.

Dwelling on a teenage crush could be a sign of a bigger problem.

 

[Vulpine]

I can relate, yul. Looking back at some things that happened in my youth, I can say there are some lingering negative emotions. For the longest time I used to feel guilt, sadness, loss... grief. However, I have come to realize the ingnorance of my youth has past. I understand now that, if presented with the same opportunities, things would happen differently. But alas, those opportunities of long ago have past and the damage is done. Live and learn.

I used to grieve for one woman in particular. This chick was a 9.5 easy... a model, with a great and compatable personality. I took her virginity and trained her to be a banshee in the sack. But, I neglected her and treated her poorly. When we broke up, she immediately hooked up with an older guy and got knocked up. She eventually got married and I never heard anything more about her. As time went by, I felt guilty for how I treated her. I felt that I could've been better and things could have went differently. Eventually I realized the pain I was feeling wasn't "pain for me" but "pain for her". I did love her, at the time, and what I was left feeling was pity. I felt sorry for her and her misfortune of a jackazz boyfriend knocking her up. Her misfortune of a kid at such a young age cutting off her freedoms and ending her youth. I felt bad for her misfortune. I kept beating myself up with the "what if's".

But now, I shrug and know that mistakes happen, accidents happen, and that opportunity has came and went. Those days are gone, and nothing is "my fault". It's just too bad that it happened to such a nice person and that's all. Ooops. Sux to be her.

Not me though, I never got knocked up, so I'm doing good. :rockon:

 

[yul]

Hey guys!

I am fine now, really ;-))

I guess it might have been a bit more dramatic than it usually is but there was some sense of release afterall.

It's all about letting go but you do have to know what to let go of...

Cheers!

 

[bossdog]

stop thinking about old sh1t