Great game, no sex

[I-am-someone]

Hi there people,

I've arrived at a sticking point; my game is good, I look good, if I'm in the mood I have absolutely no fear of approaching, I'm confident, ****y, have a good sense of humour, have a good and active social-life, everything.

The only thing that's lacking is sex.

For some reason, I can't go beyond platonic relationships.
I've actually noticed, that I'm quite often asexual in my actions; I actually blush when I make a sexual comment, which I usually have to consciously do in order to get it out.

Many situations leave me not wanting sex at all - I simply don't feel like putting in the effort and I feel like going for sex will only complexify my life beyond the complexity I want it to have.
I don't want to have a girl fall in love with me to such an extent that she expects a relationship. I don't want to have an exclusive relationship, period. I don't want to mess up my friendship with the girls I'm close to right now, simply because I feel that escalating to sex will inevitably result in a relationship. I don't look to have one-night-stands, because I believe it's so empty and meaningless - even though I've never had one.

Maybe it's fear that stops me from moving further.
As a matter of fact, it's probably fear. I've overcome all of my fears, many people around me think of me as the most confident guy they've ever met. However, I've still not overcome this particular point.

What advice can you give me to get ahead?

 

[Vulpine]

If you are masturbating, stop.

It seems like you just don't have sh!t for sex drive. Get more sleep, maybe workout if you aren't, eat healthy... your sex drive should come up and make sex a factor.

It's either lack of sex drive, or...

you are coming up with excuses to make your lack of escalation and closing ok. Complexity? Meaningless? "fall in love with you"? That's women-speak. When you see that, you'll be much more likely to embrace your sex drive.

If you don't want a relationship, make it known. Women live on your terms with you, or are gone, right? Well, if they want to fux, then tell them that no relationship will come of it, that's the condition. You are in control of what you want, so be in control and have some sex!

(if that's what you want)

 

[I-am-someone]

I masturbate once a week. Not masturbating at all actually creates asexuality on the long term. I work out 2 to 3 times a week. My diet is healthy, I eat all the right foods at the right times of day (maybe a few too many late-night snacks).

As far as physiological causes - I may have to do more cardio, I walk fairly frequently and I also ride my bike everywhere, but usually not for more than 10-15 minutes.
I also smoke 1 pack of cigarettes each day, and may drink a little too much beer. Average beer consumption is 1 beer each day, with spikes up to 10 when I go out.

I do not believe the cause is physiological, but rather somewhere in my mindset.

 

[Vulpine]

Ok, Mr. Game...

Let me issue a dare. Go up and let a girl know "you have a problem". She'll want to know what, and I want you to work in a "will you help me"?

Then drop it on her: "I lost my sex drive. Can you help me find it?"

If you've got the game you say you do, you should see just how diabolical and sure-fire this is. It's not far-fetched - I'm sure you can see how this will easily work into a pick-up )something like, kiss her, then back away, then unleash with this little convo(. It commits you to sex, even though you may not want it. It will also have her push as agressor.

Dude, I dare you. I want to see a FR. Go.

Hmm... I'll be fair. Since I issued a dare, if you complete the dare, I'll let you dare me back. I haven't closed in a while. If you use my rap, I'll use one of yours. Check my FR/Journal and come up with a good one, deal? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100718

 

[blueguy]

Only once a week? There's got to be something wrong with you! Just Kidding. I noticed my sex drive going down around 22... but now it's way back up again. I'm 25 now. It's probably higher than it was even back in high school. I am very active though. I go to the gym 7 days a week, like an hour a day, both cardio and lifting. Try increasing your work outs. I really do think that's why mine is so high. I also heard that higher body fat wreaks havoc on sexual drive. If you have extra fat, lose it.

Secondly, it sounds like you have some social barriers that you don't like to cross. Were you raised religiously or maybe with just strict morals? I can tell you that it is hard to break those social boundaries and just do what you want to do. But underneath it all, that is what both you and girls want. They'll never be attracted to you if you aren't sexual on some level and visa versa.

So how come you can't progress sexually? You say you are only at the platonic level. Have you even kissed these girls or held their hand? Why don't you start with that? If you masturbate once a week, then there is at least a psychological barrier there where you think you can do it on your own but you can't possibly do it with another girl.

It sounds like a combination of lower sex drive + needing to overcome psychological social boundaries.

 

[Jay Jay]

Read the Book of Pook. You need to find your balls.

 

[I-am-someone]

Ok, Mr. Game...

Let me issue a dare. Go up and let a girl know "you have a problem". She'll want to know what, and I want you to work in a "will you help me"?

Then drop it on her: "I lost my sex drive. Can you help me find it?"

If you've got the game you say you do, you should see just how diabolical and sure-fire this is. It's not far-fetched - I'm sure you can see how this will easily work into a pick-up )something like, kiss her, then back away, then unleash with this little convo(. It commits you to sex, even though you may not want it. It will also have her push as agressor.

Dude, I dare you. I want to see a FR. Go.

Hmm... I'll be fair. Since I issued a dare, if you complete the dare, I'll let you dare me back. I haven't closed in a while. If you use my rap, I'll use one of yours. Check my FR/Journal and come up with a good one, deal? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100718

Haha, that's great. How funny is that: I was thinking about almost exactly that line while talking to some girl today (thought about this post before that). I didn't use it though... That specific girl is basically my constant pivot (and is good at it), and considers me a very fun and attractive friend in need of a A-class women. She might be fun to have sex with, but I've seen how jealous she becomes - not a good idea.

She fixed me up with an HB9 during a party last week. For some reason, I felt absolutely no attraction to the girl - we talked, had a lot of sh¡t in common, we danced, she was dancing with me like she was having sex. I got the girl's number. She then left with some other guy who she had come to the party with, because "he had to leave" (****blocked)...
The days after that I was actually supposed to go partying, but didn't because I had to study so damn much for school. So, I didn't call the girl and still haven't. Wondering if I should call her, or wait until I have more time available. Right now I'm thinking I'll wait until I have some time on my hands - I have every day planned completely full for the next week.

I'm writing down your dare in my planner, so the FR is probably coming

Only once a week? There's got to be something wrong with you! Just Kidding. I noticed my sex drive going down around 22... but now it's way back up again. I'm 25 now. It's probably higher than it was even back in high school. I am very active though. I go to the gym 7 days a week, like an hour a day, both cardio and lifting. Try increasing your work outs. I really do think that's why mine is so high. I also heard that higher body fat wreaks havoc on sexual drive. If you have extra fat, lose it.

Secondly, it sounds like you have some social barriers that you don't like to cross. Were you raised religiously or maybe with just strict morals? I can tell you that it is hard to break those social boundaries and just do what you want to do. But underneath it all, that is what both you and girls want. They'll never be attracted to you if you aren't sexual on some level and visa versa.

So how come you can't progress sexually? You say you are only at the platonic level. Have you even kissed these girls or held their hand? Why don't you start with that? If you masturbate once a week, then there is at least a psychological barrier there where you think you can do it on your own but you can't possibly do it with another girl.

It sounds like a combination of lower sex drive + needing to overcome psychological social boundaries.

First of all, I have too little body-fat. My best guess is that it's about 5% or possibly a little less. I'm not skinny though, I work out and it shows. You're right, I should probably work out more often. It's been something I've intended to do for a while now, but I've been putting it off because of the amount of work I have to do on a daily basis.

I think you did hit the nail on the head when you said "strict morals". I was raised to respect women, I was raised in such a way that sex was extremely valuable and should be saved for that special girl. There are also some instances where I "crossed the line" with girls when I was young, and I was punished mentally by my family.
Basically, my upbringing hampers me in my sex-life. Nevertheless, half my family has very open sexual morals. My parents have an open marriage, my oldest brother has had over 45 different girls, and my middle brother is gay, and... well, I don't even want to know what he does.
I have sought professional help for this, but nothing ever really came of it. I'm basically being torn between two worlds; one world forces me to be asexual, but another world requires me to be sexual.

So far, the way I've treated this is to simply ignore it and create a different mindset. I've succeeded to some extent, but probably not well enough. Maybe you have some good reading tips for this?

 

[Vulpine]

Haha, that's great. How funny is that: I was thinking about almost exactly that line while talking to some girl today (thought about this post before that). I didn't use it though... That specific girl is basically my constant pivot (and is good at it), and considers me a very fun and attractive friend in need of a A-class women. She might be fun to have sex with, but I've seen how jealous she becomes - not a good idea.
....
I'm writing down your dare in my planner, so the FR is probably coming

:cheer:
Push your comfort zone!


BTW... think how much better she'd be if you could bang your pivot if you came up empty-handed at the end of the night. :yes:

I'd bounce the idea off her and see if she's down as a FB. <-- That would make a better dare, actually.

 

[blueguy]

I think you did hit the nail on the head when you said "strict morals". I was raised to respect women, I was raised in such a way that sex was extremely valuable and should be saved for that special girl. There are also some instances where I "crossed the line" with girls when I was young, and I was punished mentally by my family.
Basically, my upbringing hampers me in my sex-life. Nevertheless, half my family has very open sexual morals. My parents have an open marriage, my oldest brother has had over 45 different girls, and my middle brother is gay, and... well, I don't even want to know what he does.
I have sought professional help for this, but nothing ever really came of it. I'm basically being torn between two worlds; one world forces me to be asexual, but another world requires me to be sexual.

So far, the way I've treated this is to simply ignore it and create a different mindset. I've succeeded to some extent, but probably not well enough. Maybe you have some good reading tips for this?

I can relate since I was raised Mormon. I took a lot of reverse brainwashing to cross those boundaries and feel ok about it. Before, I basically had the thought that I was going to hell if I touched a girl's leg or felt her in a private area.

Basically, you have to get to the root of the problem.

Do you believe in the religion. Is it your parents' influence on you? If you've finally established that you don't believe in the religion for whatever reason, you have to consciously make note that it is okay to cross whatever boundaries you decide upon.

In strict religions, arousal is to be avoided during dating. What's ironic about these religious standards, is that you can't get a girlfriend or won't even want a girlfriend if she or you are not aroused. What's the point of one? She would just be a friend. In this way, the religion can severely inhibit the formation of relationships, and I've seen it in tons of guys I know who follow the standards to the tee - late 20s, never had a girlfriend or serious relationship, etc.

If it's your parents influence on you, well you should dispose of that anyway since you're 21 and an adult. You establish what you believe in by whatever means and then reprogram your social boundaries until you feel comfortable with them.

That doesn't mean your family or friends will also, but that's life.

 

[I-am-someone]

:cheer:
Push your comfort zone!


BTW... think how much better she'd be if you could bang your pivot if you came up empty-handed at the end of the night. :yes:

I'd bounce the idea off her and see if she's down as a FB. <-- That would make a better dare, actually.

Okay, here's the deal.

Went to a party with this girl tonight, it started off really lame and I didn't really get any dynamics going in the beginning. After a few drinks and getting to know a lot more people at the party as well as meeting more and more people I knew, the dynamics started rolling. So, the praty ended and we got back to her place. We watched TV, drank a beer. She was basically wanting me to stay, but gave off somewhat defensive body-language (even though we did have kino all night). As I left, I gave her a kiss and said I was out. She walked after me and I really felt like she wouldn't have minded if I did something. But, then doubts started to creep into my mind.

Doing something would probably complicate both my study and my social life.
We usually go out partying with three people; me, this guy who's great with women, and this girl mentioned earlier. This guy, is actually an employee of mine and we have to work together for at least the coming year. He's been gaming this girl for a while and is pretty good at it, so I don't think our friendship or cooperation would profit from me doing this.
Another factor is that we're all going on a trip for school in a while, and we'll all be sleeping in the same room for an entire week.
Basically, I don't want drama...
Although I wouldn't mind having her as an FB .

Give me some feedback, I can use it!

 

[Astral100]

I agree with Vulpine: Push your comfort zone!

A can relate that you don't want to complications in your life, but they are well worth it. I would suggest pushing yourself through it the first time around, even for a one-night stand and maybe ease up your schedule a bit so that you could fit some girlfriend-time into it. After that you will see for yourself whether you want this type of complication in your life or not.
As you are now, you cannot make a proper decision unless you had an actual experience.

There is a reason why everyone wants to have sex. It must feel good, right? A lot better that masturbation anyway. So push yourself the first few times and if it really that bad you can always go back. And as Vulpine said - as long as you have a clear objective, and focus on it, you will always be able to achieve it. Be it sex friends, threesomes, or a fullfiling relationship.

 

[I-am-someone]

Bah! Now this girl won't even respond to me anymore.
I think she's given up on me...
And for some reason, that actually feels like sh¡t.

I know the cure, go out and game other women.
You're right, I need to free up my schedule and make more time.
I'll have more time next week, so that'll be fine then.

 

[PigAdlemPimp]

If you don't desire to fvck then there is no point in doing it, some dudes are asexual, there is nothing wrong with that, some asexual dudes are attracted to the looks of a beautiful woman but not arroused sexually by them, if I didn't desire to fvck hot babes I wouldn't do it just for the sake of doing it.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Hi there people,

I've arrived at a sticking point; my game is good, I look good, if I'm in the mood I have absolutely no fear of approaching, I'm confident, ****y, have a good sense of humour, have a good and active social-life, everything.

The only thing that's lacking is sex.

For some reason, I can't go beyond platonic relationships.
I've actually noticed, that I'm quite often asexual in my actions; I actually blush when I make a sexual comment, which I usually have to consciously do in order to get it out.

Many situations leave me not wanting sex at all - I simply don't feel like putting in the effort and I feel like going for sex will only complexify my life beyond the complexity I want it to have.
I don't want to have a girl fall in love with me to such an extent that she expects a relationship. I don't want to have an exclusive relationship, period. I don't want to mess up my friendship with the girls I'm close to right now, simply because I feel that escalating to sex will inevitably result in a relationship. I don't look to have one-night-stands, because I believe it's so empty and meaningless - even though I've never had one.

Maybe it's fear that stops me from moving further.
As a matter of fact, it's probably fear. I've overcome all of my fears, many people around me think of me as the most confident guy they've ever met. However, I've still not overcome this particular point.

What advice can you give me to get ahead?

So you don't want to have sex with a girl and have her expect a relationship....yet you don't want one night stands...

Do you see how the above does not make sense? It is a catch 22.

I think you're just scared.