Got myself in a big clusterf**k- Please Advise

[Diligentsd]

To start with, I was a totally infatuated, oneitis ridden AFC. I spent two months with a girl that I was so sprung on that I didn't give her much of a challenge. We spent 4-5 days a week together. The time we spent was always awesome though. Once her infatuation started fading away a bit and she started making other plans I acted like a baby because we weren't spending nearly everyday together. We argued about it. But she complied.

I even went so far as to say the dreaded 3 words to her, and she did not reciprocate. She was being honest and told me "I'm still all yours". I felt her interest level had decreased, but still quite above 50%.

We talked a few days later and I nailed her down on what she really thought about us. Total interrogation style. She said she couldn't give me the type of relationship I wanted (which from my grotesque actions would be seriously in love and committed). So I immediately asked "when are you going to come get your stuff".

She was surprised and never really answered. I just told her to call me when she wanted to come pick them up. Well she hasn't called and I don't blame her. I have really acted like such a crazy fool and she probably thinks i'm an emotionally imbalanced psycho. But I was sprung, what can i say.

It's been 5 days since I broke it off and I feel as though her telling me what was "really" going on has gotten my head out of the clouds and on my way out of infatuation. I've dated and had good relations with a lot of women for the past 3 years and this special one comes along and I go AFC in a big way.

After acting as stupid as I have, I am quite embarrased to even talk to her. I feel like I can get back together with her and be cool. I've already started hitting up other chicks and got a few numbers.

But, how would I explain how I acted without looking weak and losing more interest?

Is it possible for me to get her interest going forward again?

Your advice and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[pancakepalace]

I just went through a similar situation. Acting oneitis with a girl I really cared about and basically blew it. I also said the three words and she also didn't reply. Her interest went down from there. In the end, I did like you and ended it.

It's hard. The girls I don't care about are all over me always calling and stuff and the ones I do care about, I always blow it.

At this point, I don't think there is much we can do. I haven't talked to my girl for two weeks and don't plan on calling.

She knows what's up and if she really wants it she might call. But, I doubt it...

good luck

 

[Diligentsd]

damn...how long were you two seeing each other? Was she giving you other signs?

 

[iveyleeger]

I feel ya, man. Sorry about that. I would get rid of her stuff so you stop thinking about it. Sell it on ebay or donate to charity or something.

 

[NewMan]

But, how would I explain how I acted without looking weak and losing more interest?

You don't.

Because should you try, you are in reality, no different to what you were before.

You don't explain how you are different - you just ARE.


So you've learnt your lesson perhaps - then go about your business with this new information. And that means no obsessing over her, or calling her telling her how cool you now are.

You either are a DJ or your not. It's all about your actions not your words.

 

[Diligentsd]

Yesterday she called and wants to get her stuff. We are going to get together tomorrow. It's been a week and I have snapped out of the oneitis. I have reflected on all the time we spent together and I don't know what I was thinking.

So now that I'm back in the saddle. I would like to start seeing her again. Definitely at a controlled pace while dating other chicks. I've learnt my lesson.

I acted like a needy wuss to her and the damage may already be too much to recover from. So.....

How should I approach this meeting?

Should I explain why I broke it off or take NewMan's advice and say nothing?

I was planning on us going to a park and telling her that I got way ahead of myself and needed some clarity to self-correct. I know it sounds weak but how else do I explain it?

Thank you all for your replies to my threads. They have helped me get over my infatuation.

 

[decades]

Don't try and do what you contemplate....move on...try
no contact with her and see if you reel
her back in...if you do, then the respect is
back from her and you can move forward
with a stronger position...but she will sense
that you're still being a wuss by trying to forge a new beginning as "buds."

go NO CONTACT....it works...

regards

mike

 

[flexion_]

Dude she is coming to get her stuff. That means good-bye.

You're only chance, and that chance is next to 'nill, is to say nothing. You'll need to rebuild the relationship from scratch and that starts with you. You don't have enough going on in your own life to make a woman NOT the center of it.

Say nothing. Give her stuff back and start working on your life. If you go other route by trying to explain yourself you will fail.

 

[NewMan]

I know it sounds weak but how else do I explain it?

It sounds weak, because it is weak.

she not going to be interested in the old you - the "I made a mistake but am all better now" you....

do you really think that will get her panties wet?

 

[Diligentsd]

Thanks for the insight. It first started off with us meeting at a park instead of her coming over. I could tell in her voice that this was definitely the end.

She said things like she didn't realize how she neglected her family and friends because she was spending all her time with me. That she can't make me the focus of her life. She said I seem uncompromising (BS). I didn't go into making excuses and saying "no, no that's not me". I just nodded my head. She asked me why I didn't want to just take a break. I told her breaks are cop outs and why prolong the inevitable. In parting, we hugged and I told her "take care of yourself, bye".

I was feeling pretty miserable and empty that day. I was very disappointed in myself. This whole experience really brought the darkside out in me and I got a good look into some of my insecurities that I never addressed.

I'm looking into some of the David Deangelo stuff because what he says really makes sense. His article on sosuave "why women leave men" basically summarized the end of our relationship.

I'm feeling alright now though. I don't "need" a woman in my life at this time. Although I am still getting my fixes . I need to improve myself and evolve into the next level so that this will never happen again.