Got LJBF'd after first date?

[Diligentsd]

So, I meet this girl for a first date. She's independent, intelligent, and quite attractive. There was great conversation a little kino, but I didn't kiss close her at the end of the date.

Anyhow, I call her and leave her a voicemail asking what her schedule looks like the following week. She calls back the next day and leaves me a voicemail saying Tue and Thur is open, and that she had a great time, great convo, i'm real down to earth, blah blah blah... Then the "but" came out and she said that she wants to keep it on the friendship level.

I didn't really get her going on the emotional level and I wasn't feeling the vibe yet for the kiss close when we parted ways. I haven't called her back yet so I was wondering if you all could give me a few opinions on how to tackle this.

Thanks

 

[crowes22]

Cheap date. Buy a 12 pack, invite her to your pad, fvck her. Any BS, forget her.

 

[Diligentsd]

Called her back and left a voicemail saying thursday is cool. I told her I was kinda feeling that friendship vibe from our date and maybe she could assist me in picking up chicks when we go out (haha). I'm surprised the whole LJBF thing came out like this, and before she even really got to know me. If she weren't interested at all I think she wouldn't have even called me back. Chicks are weird.

 

[Omni]

If you get together with her again so soon after she LJBF-ed you, it weakens your position; call her Tuesday or Wednesday and cancel the "date"... tell her a girl you're interested in is coming into town for just Thursday.

 

[flexion_]

I'd cancel the date. There is no point to being friends with her. She isn't going to set you up with her friends.

 

[Johnnie5]

chill out and enjoy the friendship , good to get female opinions

use her for fashion advice , female opinions , someone to hang out with

dont forget , you dont pay for friends , she pays her own way when you go out


dont burn all your bridges

 

[Chrispy]

Maybe she doesn't want to rush it.
You should slow it down a bit. Don't call back right away to go out again. Make her sit on her words for a while. Set up another date and see how it goes.

 

[Paradox]

All good advice, nothing contradictory here. All of the DJ's are on the same page on this one.

Very nice post Maximus_Decimus.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I always have a tough time following the 're-frame' ideology. It really comes down to being pragmatic about what's really going on with an individual girl and the circumstances. The question is always: a.) Is this girl worth the effort to attempt to re-frame her impression of you (dubious to say the least) ? And b.) Would your time and resources be better spent in pursuing a new prospect with the understanding of what you missed with this one and using a better approach? My default is to always spin more plates in this instance. The more irons you have in the fire the better your prospects are going to be. Many choices are always better than no choice.

I think you should go into a bit more detail about how you and she behaved on the date. It's real easy to be a keyboard therapist when you only have sparse information about what you did, how you met, how you approached her for a date and what occurred on the date. The devil is in the details man. I could point out that you screwed the pooch by leaving messages with her immediately after the date and I could also question how much of a 'close' kissing her was, but you were there so I think you ought to tell your story a bit more thouroughly if you expect any meaningful advice.

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, it sounds as if you did a lousy job raising her IL. If you pull out all the stumps; tease her like crazy, initiate kino as quickly as possible, use ****y/funny, you won't even have to work for that kiss at the end of the first date. She'll be so into you that you're gonna get it whether you're expecting it or not.

Second...

I told her I was kinda feeling that friendship vibe from our date and maybe she could assist me in picking up chicks when we go out (haha).

By doing this, you have slaughtered your chances with her. You have shown her to be desperate (which is a turn-off). Now, you barely know her, and you want her to hook you up with her friends? If she's getting the desperation vibe from you, she won't want to hook you up with ANY of her friends.

Personally, I'd write this one off.

 

[Diligentsd]

Thanks for all of your replies.

During the date I did some kino with the palm reading. She plays soccer, so i busted on her and told her she better have all of her toe nails because that really turns me off. She talked about previous dates and how they were really intelligent but socially maladjusted. Overall, I was pretty cool and indifferent but not aggressive as I should have been with more kino and getting her to "feel" me.

I told her I was kinda feeling that friendship vibe from our date and maybe she could assist me in picking up chicks when we go out (haha).

I used this to reframe her. If she is interested I think this would turn the tables and make her qualify herself to me more. We'll see if it hooks.

If you get together with her again so soon after she LJBF-ed you, it weakens your position; call her Tuesday or Wednesday and cancel the "date"... tell her a girl you're interested in is coming into town for just Thursday.

I like this idea. It re-reframes things.

1) She framed herself as the prize. You need to reframe and qualify her. For instance, tell her that you always thought of her as a friend from the beginning and that you are surprised she considered otherwise. Then tell her that all your ex-girlfriends were friends first because you wanted to see if they met your standards first.
2) Stop listening to her words, listen to her actions. In the successive dates, if you cannot escalate with her because she is giving too much resistance (then she really did mean the LJBF), then next her and move on to another chick.

I really like Max's idea. But not sure if I should use what Omni says in conjunction with it.

 

[SAYNO]

Originally posted by Desdinova
First of all, it sounds as if you did a lousy job raising her IL. If you pull out all the stumps; tease her like crazy, initiate kino as quickly as possible, use ****y/funny, you won't even have to work for that kiss at the end of the first date. She'll be so into you that you're gonna get it whether you're expecting it or not.

Second...


By doing this, you have slaughtered your chances with her. You have shown her to be desperate (which is a turn-off). Now, you barely know her, and you want her to hook you up with her friends? If she's getting the desperation vibe from you, she won't want to hook you up with ANY of her friends.

Personally, I'd write this one off.

Bingo!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Diligentsd...you should have never called her back when she called you back and left that voicemail. look...it's simple...she calls you back and DEFINES the 'relationship' for you two by saying the dreaded "friendship" word.

bye-bye...later...95% chance you're wasting your time. it might work, but when that word is uttered after a first date, you're toast. chicks know what they're doing when they say that word...they say it 5 times a week.

in addition, SHE is controlling the situation, and YOU are following along, and she knows it now that you're looking to see her more as "friends". most likely she's hoping you would have gotten the message, and would just go away. puke.

ask yourself something? do you genuinely want to be only friends with her? didn't think so.

quit kidding yourself, that's what chicks do. the time you are wasting on her is time better spent finding other chicks who ARE interested in you.

and if you think you should keep hanging with her to get some female perspective, or as a social proof, or perhaps she would set you up with her friends...think again. she's already told all of her friends about you, and it's not favorable in terms of getting puzzy.

the best advice in this thread is flexion_'s...

I'd cancel the date. There is no point to being friends with her. She isn't going to set you up with her friends.

now that you got yourself into this sh1t, here's how you get out of it...fukk that reframing cr@p, fukk trying to raise her IL with lame tactics... this is your best chance...

send her an email, yes email so she can read it 100 times...SHE WILL!...

i had a great time with you, you're cool. but at the present time, it would be best if i explored some other opportunities.

take care.

never initiate contact with her again.

let her chew on THAT for a while. no 'friends' cr@p. no 'lets hang out' BS. you're not dissin' her, but you are. there's a lot to read between the lines in that short email. get it? how many times has she gotten something like that? probably never, if she's hot.


i'm disappointed at most of the advice on this thread. what the fukk is happening to you guys?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Exactly. Spin more plates.


Women have two kinds of friends, girlfriends and boyfriends. If you are not her boyfriend, you are her girlfriend.

I think TooCold is on target after reading your last post, you're done. Learn from this and move on to a better prospect. I wouldn't even waste the time on emailing her since it's more likely that she will still try to 'play friends' in order to preserve her own self image. Just NEXT her.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick

i had a great time with you, you're cool. but at the present time, it would be best if i explored some other opportunities.

take care.

Diligentsd:
Think about it, you have basically two choices a) next her and "explore other opportunities" b) don't next her, call her, meet her, entertain her for a while and hope she'll change you mind and cancel her LJBF thing.

You don't have to be a great DJ to realize that maybe in 95% cases she won't cancel LJBF. So if you go for be you will just waste you time, energy and money. Moreover you may even lose your spirit "what a bvtch I was nice to her and she didn't let me fvck her" despite she told you already LJBF.

 

[Mike24ct]

I would just let her go. A lot of people (women and men) say LJBF when they REALLY MEAN, "You're nice, but I'm not interested in further contact, and I don't want to be cruel." I not necessarily saying that she wants you to disappear, but I wouldn't pursue her. If she calls and wants to hang out, you're busy, you have a date.

As a general rule, I recommend that you give EVERY first date a good night kiss, regardless of how good or bad you think the date went. It's a good way to test her true IL. Every woman that I didn't try to kiss on a first date, I never heard from again. It's expected I think. The worst that can happen is she'll pull away or turn her face so you kiss her cheek. If she doesnt let you kiss her lips, forget about her.

As for palm reading, I think it works AWESOME for pickup, but I haven't found it particularly helpful on an actual date in my limited experience. If it's a girl you just met in a bar, club, coffee shop etc., palm reading is fantastic. But, I haven't seen it help during an actual date for some reason.

Mike

 

[Omni]

Originally posted by Diligentsd
She talked about previous dates and how they were really intelligent but socially maladjusted.

BIG red flag.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus
I think an important point is being missed here. When a chick LJBFs you, in general, that is a really bad sign. However, to blindly next a chick that LJBFs you without evalulating the context of the situation can lead to a loss of potential p*ssy. I say this from my own experience: I was LJBFed and I did an immediate takeaway. When faced with the takeaway, she said she would think about it. Needless to say, I managed to kiss close on that same day, and a few outings later, the f*ck close. Thereafter, I had steady p*ssy for the next several months. As for the LJBF I got, from hindsight, that was simply a sh*t test in that respective context.

Here is another good thread from a.s.f on LJBF in an even more extreme context:http://groups.google.ca/group/alt.seduction.fast/browse_frm/thread/9f5219dedd7caa5d/37924d91a4a7a165?lnk=st&q=ljbf+test+group:alt.seduction.fast&rnum=6&hl=en#37924d91a4a7a165

BTW Diligentsd, post as many details as you can next time on what happened. Our advice is based on the information you give us and may change, depending on the amount of details/information you present (you are missing alot of information in the original post).

Maximus_Decimus

i don't disagree with your LJBF comment. however, it's highly probable that you have no chance. but it's true...time spend on her after she's LJBF'd you, is time much better spent elsewhere.

the time he's going to have to spend trying to build interest, etc, for this chick (which is highly unlikely) trying to get her particular puzzy, just isn't worth it.

and the other issue here is that Diligentsd probably doesn't have any other good prospects in the pipeline at the present time. if he did, he would next this chick asap.

Maximus...? are you saying you've been LJBF'd only once? fukk dude, i've gotten it probably 30 times...i'd say about 10% of the time. in my 20 years of 'dating', i've dated in one way or another 300+ chicks... it comes with the territory...forget her...move on to the next. i didn't start realizing, truly realizing, what LJBF meant until my late twenties!

now? fukk it...bye...see ya...as per my email suggestion. i'd rather sit at home and play x-box than be with a chick who LJBF'd me!

honestly, getting LJBF'd is a bit humiliating if you think about it, because she's just lumped you (ME, the totally cool guy that i am, lol) into the lame ass chump category. why hang with her?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus
I was LJBFed and I did an immediate takeaway. When faced with the takeaway, she said she would think about it. Needless to say, I managed to kiss close on that same day, and a few outings later, the f*ck close. Thereafter, I had steady p*ssy for the next several months. As for the LJBF I got, from hindsight, that was simply a sh*t test in that respective context.

BTW Diligentsd, post as many details as you can next time on what happened.

Well, your game was great then. But it also means you are willing to bet your time and energy that you would win her though we apriori know that the chance to turn LJBF to BF is very low.
I.e. you make a bet on a very unlikely outcome. Any kind of gambler know that he should not do that kind of thing.
It reminds me about long distance relationship. If you have a good game, sure you can pull it off. Though anyway it would cost you a lot: time, money and energy wise.
If you are interested in taking challenges and testing your game, sure you may go for it. But if you are interested in simple formula (as most guy would be): max results with min efforts, then no - it is not worth it to try.
You clearly want to max results and and willing to spend extra effeorts. This is a totally different "cost function", which majory of people do not adopt, because from statistical point of view it doesn't pay off.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

sorry...let me address this specifically because it's a good point...

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus

I was LJBFed and I did an immediate takeaway. When faced with the takeaway, she said she would think about it. Needless to say, I managed to kiss close on that same day, and a few outings later, the f*ck close. Thereafter, I had steady p*ssy for the next several months. As for the LJBF I got, from hindsight, that was simply a sh*t test in that respective context.

it worked! this is the best strategy when you get LJBF'd. bye-bye, see you later baby cakes. doesn't matter why she said it...if she actually meant it or it was a sh1t test. your job is to exit, or takeaway as you said.

if she meant it, you'll never hear from her. if you hang around like a lost puppy HOPING to get puzzy etc, you're wasting your time...it ain't gonna happen.

if she didn't mean it (e.g. a sh1t test), she will get back to you, and you will almost certainly get puzzy....and plenty of it, as you did. kudos to you

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus

Two things:

1) She framed herself as the prize. You need to reframe and qualify her. For instance, tell her that you always thought of her as a friend from the beginning and that you are surprised she considered otherwise. Then tell her that all your ex-girlfriends were friends first because you wanted to see if they met your standards first.

2) Stop listening to her words, listen to her actions. In the successive dates, if you cannot escalate with her because she is giving too much resistance (then she really did mean the LJBF), then next her and move on to another chick.

Learn to reframe. Do a search on mASF on reframing or get Swinggcat's e-book.

Maximus_Decimus

but on this earlier post, you've abandoned what works. you're suggesting hanging around, trying to recover. either way, it ain't gonna work because...

if she did mean it, you're still in the same position of wasting your time.

if she didn't mean it (e.g. again, a sh1t test), you just failed that test and she won't respect you as a man.

that's why i don't dig on that mASF stuff...it's all about HER. this site, it's all about YOU.



here's how you avoid the situation almost entirely. when you get the slightest wiff of LJBF, do it to HER FIRST, FAST. it works fukking wonders! especially with a chick that's a little wishy washy about seeing more of you.

in fact, and this might surprise you, i look forward to getting a slight hint of LJBF territory. that's when i back off. again, that works WONDERS!

that said, it's hard to read sometimes and you (me) get sucked into the LJBF matrix. goes with the territory.

and again, if you've got five chicks in the pipleline, you aren't gonna sweat it one bit LJBF'g a chick, if you think she's going to do it to you first.