Got her facebook, now what?

PhX

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Alright guys, I already have an idea on what I should do but am just looking for some others opinions.

Basically the story is... met this girl in one of my community college classes. We talked a few times; became friends. On the last day of class we were in the computer lab and I asked her if she had facebook, she said yes and I added her.

I'd like to escalate things with her but the location logistics aren't very good considering she lives 45min-1hr away from me. And, another one of my worries, I'm not sure if I talked to her enough throughout the semester. Whenever I did talk to her it was great, there was a connection.. but sometimes a couple weeks would go by and I didn't talk to her (class is once a week).

So that's the short story. Questions, comments, suggestions, tips are all very much appreciated.
 

brian123

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Id just send her a funny message. What I did with a girl was this

She sent me a friend request and I sent her a message telling her to state her case why she is worthy of being my friend. I sent her 3-4 messages from there (all ****y, funny etc...) and then asked her for her #. I got it. From there I have escalated to dating.

Rome wasnt built in a day. Just be funny and take your time.
 

Halloween

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the way you describe it, I think you're fighting an uphill battle.

The semester was your chance to display your high social value to her. By not talking to her you missed your opportunities (I'm assuming you had many).

Instead it sounds like you asked HER for her contact info* which immediately implied to her that she's got higher social value than you. In her mind, she's the prize, and handing over your facebook info is just a polite thing to do to your admirers.

The consequence: her traveling for an hour (or even thirty minutes) to meet lower social status dude number four-hundred and seven isn't going to seem like a good deal to her.

You can build rapport over fb and wait for school to come back in session. But don't take it too far.

If you want to meet up with her in the meantime, you need to come up with a reason to be more than halfway over towards where she lives. Maybe bring friends because my hunch is you need to show her some more social value. Be the driver, be the leader.

Is there a cool show that she should come see? Is there a Mexican restaurant that's just way more authentic than anything near where you live?

Sell it. but not too enthusiastically.

As far as you're concerned you don't care if she comes or not, you're just going to have fun.

* next time go for the number. Facebook is meaningless.
 

randalll

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brian123 said:
She sent me a friend request and I sent her a message telling her to state her case why she is worthy of being my friend. I sent her 3-4 messages from there (all ****y, funny etc...) and then asked her for her #. I got it. From there I have escalated to dating.

i'd never do anything like this over facebook. what you said in the messages might work quite well.. but i think they'd be wasted if put in a facebook message. it's the sort of thing that would work far better in the real world.. where you can be spontaneous.

what i use facebook for is to arrange meetings.. or to catch up with old friends, i've never used it to try to attract a girl. i think it can backfire very easily. just my opinion :)
 

PhX

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I don't think I displayed much low social value. Basically what happened was when it was convenient to do so I talked to her. Never really went out of my way to talk to her is what i'm saying.

This whole "being the prize" mentality I think could screw me up more than it could help. You're saying asking for her facebook info implies she has higher social value?
Basically what was happening is she was leaving, she walked past me and she said "see ya" and i was like "hey, do you have facebook?", she said yes and I said "i'll add you", and that was that.
What would be the alternative, doing nothing.. waiting for her to do something? I mean if I didn't ask her how would anything escalate at all?

Obviously phone number would have been better but I didn't feel comfortable doing that, felt it would have been kind of weird.. so i went with the facebook. I don't think facebook is meaningless at all.. if I didn't go for the facebook then there would be aboslutely no connection from me to her. Waiting for school to go back in session.. this isn't high school, I highly doubt I'll have another class with her. This is community college.


Halloween said:
the way you describe it, I think you're fighting an uphill battle.

The semester was your chance to display your high social value to her. By not talking to her you missed your opportunities (I'm assuming you had many).

Instead it sounds like you asked HER for her contact info* which immediately implied to her that she's got higher social value than you. In her mind, she's the prize, and handing over your facebook info is just a polite thing to do to your admirers.

The consequence: her traveling for an hour (or even thirty minutes) to meet lower social status dude number four-hundred and seven isn't going to seem like a good deal to her.

You can build rapport over fb and wait for school to come back in session. But don't take it too far.

If you want to meet up with her in the meantime, you need to come up with a reason to be more than halfway over towards where she lives. Maybe bring friends because my hunch is you need to show her some more social value. Be the driver, be the leader.

Is there a cool show that she should come see? Is there a Mexican restaurant that's just way more authentic than anything near where you live?

Sell it. but not too enthusiastically.

As far as you're concerned you don't care if she comes or not, you're just going to have fun.

* next time go for the number. Facebook is meaningless.
 

Halloween

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Yeah, I probably came off as too opinionated there.

For some reason I had it in my head that you sidled up to her after not speaking to her for a semester and said, "do you have facebook so I can add you?" and then she said, "er, yeah, my name is Barbie Bigalow."

Sounds like you were a lot more cas' than I thought.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!
 

Bryce556

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I think you waited quite a while to escalate, usually when the semester starts for me I meet all the girls in my classes that i would be interested in, eliminate down at bit. and I get their facebooks/numbers by the 2-3rd class. I open just by simply siting beside them. I find that if I got a girls facebook then dont really bulid on that right away its just a harder battle the longer time passes after you made that first impression on her. I send a few msgs on facebook and get their msn email and cell number through that way if I dont have it already.

overall If i leave it too long all the original attraction or raport you create just fizziles away and she forgets why shes talking to you etc.
 

brian123

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randalll said:
i'd never do anything like this over facebook. what you said in the messages might work quite well.. but i think they'd be wasted if put in a facebook message. it's the sort of thing that would work far better in the real world.. where you can be spontaneous.

Totally agree. Read world is ALWAYS better. However, if you are not sure you can arrange a meeting with this girl in the future, this is better than nothing.
 

PhX

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I sent her a message the otherday -- here's the transcript:

--------

hey <name>,
so im just hanging out out at this coffee shop waiting on some friends and thought i'd send you a message and say hi. i'm glad we had class together this past semester, you seem like a cool girl.
anyways i hope you're enjoying all this extra snow we got today (me and my nephew had a sweet snowball fight earlier :p).. even though the roads suck it does make it feel a lot more like christmas haha
alright, i will ttyl

--------

she replied with:

that's true- it does feel more like christmas- although when i had to walk to my friend's house yesterday only to get a severe pain in my eardrums from the cold, I wasn't too thrilled about snow.
yea, I would say it was fun being in class with you, but honestly? the class wasn't that much fun. You helped to eleviate the tedium, but.....still. I don't think I will ever want to take another photography class for as long as I live. :D
Hope ya hd fun at the coffee shop- i'm cleaning house with my family and then we are (hopefully) off to get our tree.

Ciao!

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I replied with:

yeah, see i'm not a huge fan of snow.. i don't mind it simply because it's beyond my control, but my nephew absolutely loves it and wishes it could be like this all year round. i think he's crazy, but at 10 y.o. he has an excuse (and a privilege) to be a little crazy :)
as for photography class ha.. yea, i think i agree. photography is great and everything but i'm fully content with taking what i've learned and moving on to other things
and yes, the coffee shop is always a good time. i go down there probably 5x a week til close, it's sort of a hang-out place for discussion and what not for me and a lot of my friends. if you didn't live so far away i'd invite you to stop by.
alright well have fun tree shopping.. which reminds me, i should probably finish up my christmas shopping soon.. 5 more days until christmas? wow.

-----------

and then no reply. Bare in mind this chick is pretty mature, not much of a partyer or anything, 4.0 student, family-oriented chick.

Where do you guys think I should go from here?

I'm really starting to get sick of this... I really do like her, I think about her way more than what is healthy.. and I just want to try SOMETHING or basically stop wasting my time and energy in this if nothing is going to happen
 

aner

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i think "listening" to what a girl says applies even in facebook messages, and I think she gave you a few conversational clues in her reply to you that you could have picked up on. For example, you could have asked about her friend, or why she took the photography class in the first place, or about her family, or about what kind of christmas tree she got, or what her list for santa looks like, or whether she's been naughty or nice this year (stupid, but cute). It seems like you were so happy she replied at all that you didn't pay as much attention to what she was saying.

idk, my 0.02.
 

PhX

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very good point..

well.. too late for that, given my situation right now anything i can do?
 

aner

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if she doesn't respond (she prob will...it's just facebook), you can just message her again in a few days and be like "okay okay your reply is a few days overdue, but I GUESS I can give you an extension on it this one time, since I'm feeling the holiday spirit. how did the tree decorating go?"
 
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