Got flaked on the last minute - How did I do?

[Konada]

Okay I managed to set up a date with a girl (We're going bowling) over the phone I met last week at my buddy's party. So come today, I received a text from her 10 minutes before our date.

"Sorry I won't be make it today! I'll make it up to you another time!"

I wouldn't be as pissed if she gave me a reason and also notifying me in advance rather than flaking last minute. So I sent her this:

"Ok. Such disrespect is intolerable if you want to meet up with me again. Have a good day."

I don't know how well I handled this but is calling her out on her shvt viable in this case? I reckon any sane human would have the common sense to know that cancelling last minute is blantant disrespect. I'm thinking of nexting her if she doesn't ask for another date straight. Need advice on how I can handle future situations like this.

 

[Strelok]

The first mistake was that message full of frustration you sent her, you actually made her a favor cause you provided her an ego boost,drama for her friends and the opportunity to disappear.

The second mistake you did was to comparing an average girl in the western world to a sane human and expecting one of them to behave like the second by default.

The problem is that your situation is a no win whatever you do so the best thing to do is limit the damages, dont reward her behavious with messages full of feelings and dont reinforce that behaviour.

 

[bigneil]

"Ok. Such disrespect is intolerable if you want to meet up with me again. Have a good day."

Sort of a Hemingway meets Yoda approach? I think you're done.

 

[Konada]

The first mistake was that message full of frustration you sent her, you actually made her a favor cause you provided her an ego boost,drama for her friends and the opportunity to disappear.

The second mistake you did was to comparing an average girl in the western world to a sane human and expecting one of them to behave like the second by default.

The problem is that your situation is a no win whatever you do so the best thing to do is limit the damages, dont reward her behavious with messages full of feelings and dont reinforce that behaviour.

Perhaps I forgot to mention this but I live in Asia. Okay but now I'm confused when is it better to call out on their bullshvt and put them in their place or ignore them completely? Nevertheless, I'm gonna wait to see what she does, if nothing, NEXT.

 

[Johnnyventana]

No reply would have been best. It was a no-win, but not replying would have left her wondering if you got the text and she would have felt uneasy for the night. Thus, a little payback in a no win situation. And lets face it, she didn't deserve a reply with that last minute flake.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

First thing you need is some perspective on how this site works.

Most guys that come here are completely and utterly clueless on how to interact with women when they find the site.

So much of what you read is intended to "beat the nice out of you," where nice really is referring to cluelessness.

Now the reason why people are telling you that your response was a fail here is simple. This girl has low interest in you, evidence by her last minute cancel without setting up a different time and day to reschedule. In other words, its obvious that something else come up (better offer in her mind) and she left you out to dry.

The best reply would have been no reply. Your really damned if you do and damned if you don't in this situation and the outlook is bleak.

With your reply you let her know that she got to you and that you don't handle obstacles well; not attractive.


I'd give her one more chance if you really must, but make her prove that she is making an effort. Otherwise, if you know she's incapable of this, ditch her now to save the head-ache.





PIMP

 

[Konada]

First thing you need is some perspective on how this site works.

Most guys that come here are completely and utterly clueless on how to interact with women when they find the site.

So much of what you read is intended to "beat the nice out of you," where nice really is referring to cluelessness.

Now the reason why people are telling you that your response was a fail here is simple. This girl has low interest in you, evidence by her last minute cancel without setting up a different time and day to reschedule. In other words, its obvious that something else come up (better offer in her mind) and she left you out to dry.

The best reply would have been no reply. Your really damned if you do and damned if you don't in this situation and the outlook is bleak.

With your reply you let her know that she got to you and that you don't handle obstacles well; not attractive.


I'd give her one more chance if you really must, but make her prove that she is making an effort. Otherwise, if you know she's incapable of this, ditch her now to save the head-ache.





PIMP

Great advice. I think that's what I needed to hear. Much thanks to everyone who gave me pointers on this.

 

[sexysuave]

Like other have said, your best bet would have been no reply.

Gotta little funny story about this... once upon a time I was doing daily errands on a weekend, and this chick that I made out with the previous week starts texting me and goes on to say how she's sexually frustrated and the guy that she was hanging out that week just didn't make any moves on her (lol).

She goes on tell me how horny she is and this and that, and that she just needs to get fvcked real good but she has a busy rest of the day. Says she hasn't "gotten any" in a while and its driving her nuts. I tell her she can "swing by to say hi" (lol) since she only lives a few blocks away. She goes on to say all these things about how she just wants me to fvck her real hard, not TOO long, but not tooo short either, pretty much saying she wants to orgasm and go on about her day as she has a lot to do.

I told her "ok, I got you" lol, (I'm also thinking she could totally be BSing around but hell I dont' care I'll find out soon enough). She says "I'm gonna take a quick shower, and then if it works out I'll stop by and we will fvck and I will be on my way".. I write back somethign like "don't give me that "if it works out" bs, go take a quick shower and swing by and I'll fvck you and send you on your way after that" .. she writes back "ok ok, geez" :crackup:

Well, some time goes by and texts me again, "sorry, my hair takes forever to dry, but I will be there soon and we will fvck" lol, I'm still thinking, this could go either way, not sure why she would bs about it, but whatever, I have plans later anyway with a different girl so I wasn't tripping over it too much. I actually needed her to hurry up cause I didn't have too much time before I had to go see the other girl lol..

Well she text back last minute and says "you're gonna hate me, but my friend just got dropped off here by her BF, and she has no car and I'm stuck with her now, this was totally unplanned bla bla"... I was upset but didn't respond.. 5 minutes later she text again.. "I'm soo sorry babe, I will make it up to you, promise. If you have time later and we are both free, I can stop by and we WILL fvck!!"... Once again, I don't respond.. Part of me just wanted to write back "you know what, I have too many people in my life that don't flake on me, to keep the flakes around, go ahead and delete my number and I wish you the best, take care"..

But I thought better of it and just didnt' even respond at all, I was getting ready to see the other girl, and was sitting in the dinning rom eating some cereal, just in my shorts and a tank top.. when the door bell rings and someone knocks hard three times.. I'm like "wtf"... I go up and open the door, and it's HER (this is like 20 minutes later), I"m like "ummm hey" she's like "heyy, that's my friend "bla bla"" and she points to the car right there in front of my place and her friend waives.. and I'm like "hey friend".. and then she goes to me (right there at the front door) "yeah, I know you didn't respond I figured you're upset, but I just wanted you to know that I didn't lie to you and my friend really is here, and i was totally gonna come over and all that stuff"..

And I'm still kinda looking at her with that curious expersion on my face, lol, and i"m like "ummm, you came here just to tell me that?".. and she's like "well yeah, you probably thought I was full of sh*t, but I want you to know I'm not..." I'm like "ohhh ok, yeahhh, ummm, right on.. tell you what, why don't you bring your friend in and I'll fvck both of you guys" :crackup: :crackup: she looked at me eyes wide and cracked up and said "ss... she has a boyfriend silly, plus I"m a lady I don't do that" (haa!! yeah, real lady like behavior from her wanting to just get fvcked lol).. Anyway, I threw up a prayer figured what the hell lol..

So they left, but a few days later she was back over getting plowed... Saw her a few times after that, just for sex, and ended up tellign her NEVER to come over unannounced again lol.

The point though, had I responded with a frustrated message telling her never to call me again, I wouldn't have ended up getting some of that..

Now don't get me wrong, if someone keeps flaking on you, then yeah, have self respect lol, don't take away from this that you can just let anyone flake on you anytime they want. That's not what we're saying.

 

[TheJazz]

Dude never the speech. Never the text. Never the words. Never never never!

Women don't communicate verbally like us men, it's all emotion with them. They communicate with feelings, not words mate! Instead of TELLING her about how pissed off you were with her disrespect, you should've SHOWN her with your ACTIONS. You should've made her feel like the total tool she was being, which would have got her more interested in you. Next time you're in this situation, just text back or say "Okay. " and cut off all contact. Not because I'm saying so, but because SHE'S NOT WORTH IT.

You already know a sweet pea that shows you this kind of disrespect is not worth the chase. So just leave her be. Let her live her stupid life. She's not worth your attention and affection. When she realizes this, she'll come crawling back to you like a dog to it's vomit. And when she does, you being the humungous stud muffin that you are, would say "Sorry, something's come up my love, I have to go!" and walk away. Disrespectful women deserve to be lonely.

 

[Jaylan]

Perhaps I forgot to mention this but I live in Asia. Okay but now I'm confused when is it better to call out on their bullshvt and put them in their place or ignore them completely? Nevertheless, I'm gonna wait to see what she does, if nothing, NEXT.

Really? You are in Asia?

Hmm well according to some guys here what happened to you in only typical of Western women *rolls eyes*

Eh women are women

What country are you in btw?

 

[Kerpal]

No point in even responding to that text. Her interest is low and someone made her a better offer. All you're doing is letting her know you don't have any other options, otherwise you wouldn't care if she flaked. Even if you just want to point out how rude it was or whatever, don't bother, she doesn't care. You're just wasting time.

Really? You are in Asia?

Hmm well according to some guys here what happened to you in only typical of Western women *rolls eyes*

I can see these kinds of problems being worse in Asia, particularly countries like China where sex-selective abortion, infanticide, and pre-birth gender selection skew the sex ratio even more toward a higher proportion of males. It's simply a matter of economics. When the supply of something is dropping quickly and demand is extremely high, price will rise to astronomical levels. If I had hundreds of women throwing themselves at me every day, I'd be much more likely to flake on any one of them at the last minute if a better offer came along. Since I'm a non-alpha male in an area with a high sex ratio, I have to take what I can get and I'm the one getting flaked on constantly.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Like others have said here, No reply...Or, if you wanted to turn the hate up a notch, you could've of said, "I hope you die in a car wreck soon."

 

[Johnnyventana]

sexysuave, loved the story. An excellent case study for everyone. If in a situation like this, one replies, she wins. She's off the hook. Don't reply, and she will obsess about it. And it's so easy, you don't need to do a thing. Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is nothing at all.

 

[TempestNight]

Man, some of you are really overreacting, or you are just c0ck block yourself without even knowing the real reason. Learn to do a balanced approach.

Don't overreact. You definitely did with your "I'm mad but I'm pretending not to be while being a gentleman" approach. You don't know why she flaked, maybe her dog got run over by a car, maybe her bff got gangbanged in a dark alley and she has to go to her. Is this likely? No, but **** happens and you can never know.

Do not not react either. Not reacting is the same as overreacting, you are showing how serious you treated the date and how pissed you are because of her. If she did have a good reason to flake, you give off the impression as being self-centered and inconsiderate.

What I would have done was wait until about thirty minutes after her text, then text her back:

"Sorry I reply so late I met someone from work/uni and was chatting with her while waiting for you, didn't even know you texted me until now. I will contact you for another date"

The first part of the response tells her that you were waiting for her, but she wasn't your priority, she wasn't someone you consider important, because you were talking to a "her" from work/college while waiting for her, and you definitely had fun chatting with her because you didn't even know she texted you until 30 minutes after.

If she's interested at you, her jealousy will play to your advantage. If she isn't, you won't come off as desperate and being all sad over her either.

The sad smiley face gives off a casual approach. Make it light.

The final part of "I will contact for you another date" lets you regain control of the dynamics. This is the part where you decide whether you still want another date with her.

If you still want to see her, wait until about 2 days before contacting her to set up another date. If she's interested in you she will be uneasy waiting for your reply, probably slightly guilty that she flaked on you and wondering whether you will still see her. If she isn't interested in you, again, you won't come off as being desperate for her.


Always make balanced responses where you can give yourself multiple options, don't back yourself into a corner with an extreme response.

 

[TempestNight]

Really? You are in Asia?

Hmm well according to some guys here what happened to you in only typical of Western women *rolls eyes*

Eh women are women

What country are you in btw?

Not true at all, I was born in Asia, Hong Kong, China to be precise, my entire life has been lived between the East and the West.

Asian women are virtually completely different than Western women. Unless you use the "I'm an exotic good looking foreigner" card, use the DJ Bible and try to hit up Asian girl as a local and I guarantee you will fail hard.

Cultural backgrounds, traditions, social norms, upbringings, religious beliefs and many other social-geographical factors can change the mindset and behavior of women considerably.

The DJ Bible and many tips in this site are only meant to be used on women with a Western cultural backgrounds and upbringing, it isn't going to work on an Hindu woman or Ethiopian woman.

 

[LE6END]

No reply would have been best. It was a no-win, but not replying would have left her wondering if you got the text and she would have felt uneasy for the night. Thus, a little payback in a no win situation. And lets face it, she didn't deserve a reply with that last minute flake.

Exactly. If she carried a high interest in you, this is what would've played out on her end... The NR hardly fails for women who are interested in you..

 

[Johnnyventana]

Super transparent: "Sorry I reply [replied] so late I met someone from work/uni and was chatting with her while waiting for you, didn't even know you texted me until now. I will contact you for another date." <- this reeks of pathetic obviousness. Any human being would read right through this. Do not listen to this advice. 17 posts, got it.

See above. No reply.

 

[LE6END]

Super transparent: "Sorry I reply [replied] so late I met someone from work/uni and was chatting with her while waiting for you, didn't even know you texted me until now. I will contact you for another date." <- this reeks of pathetic obviousness. Any human being would read right through this. Do not listen to this advice. 17 posts, got it.

See above. No reply.

Wow, yeah, that's a no go. Jesus... To me, the fact you went out of your way to tell her you met up with someone from college, who, surprise surprise, was another female, is plastic wrap, my man.. Either NR, or a simple 'ok' would've sufficed. Not a side adventure.. She'll know immediately. John said it, don't use that. Not just in this case, in ANY case.

About the "17 posts", i'm not certain what you were implying, but I pray you aren't judging someone's experience in real life, based off of their post count on an internet forum..

 

[8ball]

Here's the move: Never lose your cool. Ever. You lost your cool with that text. Wait a bit, text her back with: "Sorry to hear that, maybe another time." And then proceed to put her on the back burner on simmer and date other women. Later on, when your drunk and bored, hit her up for a date..again, don't press. You'll land her eventually because you were laid back and didn't care. Women like to test. Don't lose your cool.

 

[Konada]

Ok she texted me again today:

"Hey I'm really sorry but my gal needed me urgently to go to the mall with her to pick out some clothes for her bf's birthday. I hope you're not mad over this incident. Anyway call me if you want to meet up again."

Lol lamest excuse ever. I just replied with an 'Ok' I'm gonna let this one slide bros. Thanks for the advice guys, pretty solid stuff here.