Got dumped

[ChrisFloyd]

Part 2

Did she want to break-up? No! She wanted you to care about her and your future together! That's what she wanted all along.

She breaks-up. She hurts. Does she get angry and bitter. No. She loves you. She reaches out. She offers her place to you so you can move as it's convenient, not for her, but for you. She loves you. Does she become a raging b1tch and demand your dream boat be sold so she can get her money back? No. She loves you. You leave her a note saying you are going to sell the boat. Does she inwardly celebrate. No, she writes you back, aware of how much the boat meant to you and suggesting you don't act rashly but you reconsider, for you. She loses money in her own proposition. She loves you. Even though you have broken up, she still supports your dream. She loves you.

Advice here equates to, she dumped you, so never look back, as if you get to punish her for breaking up, as if it is never justifiable. You never own it either. The sad thing is, in your scenario, there was a actually a great deal to lose, not just some ONS or two week fling.

You continue to maintain that front of dominance and masculinity that is most important to you. You don't say this was a woman who gave me sex whenever I wanted, loved me, was loyal, supported me and my dreams and faithfully stood by me, for two years, despite me treating her with great disregard for long periods of time. No, you don't.

She's simply some chick that broke up with you. So like any other meaningless woman that disregards men, you are advised to move on and never look back. Same advice given about some chick you hit on in a bar who didn't respond back, same advice given for a chick you fvcked once but never heard from again, same advice to move on from a crazy BPD. Go no contact so you can heal and move on. Quick to type. Sounds simple. Go no contact. Forget about her. You can just get yourself another woman anytime you are ready, once you have healed, is what I read inferred in those posts. Don't bother yourself with her. She dumped you (doesn't matter why) so move on.

Meanwhile the majority of the men on this board are here doing all they can to up their odds of meeting a woman that is not looking for a provider, and is loyal, loving, caring, persevering, supportive of their goals and dreams, has sex whenever they want, not to mention she's willing to do almost all the cooking and cleaning. That was your Ex. You were too preoccupied with maintaining your masculinity and dominance to appreciate how loved and supported you actually were.

When she broke up, you asked for advice here. In my view this was her final hope for you to wake-up, to get how much she loves you and still wanted it to work out with you two. At that time, I believed that was possible, but would take reworking the relationship in big ways. I and others suggested you re-evaluate what you really want for your life, outside the reflexive response of having just been broken up with. I never read anything to suggest that you did.

You post again, confused. You have maintained No Contact. You seem to be looking for reassurance that you made the right choice and that your masculinity and dominance is intact and remains so. To others you have maintained No Contact, after she broke up with you, so as you are following standard advice given here, it would follow to most, that you are doing the "right" thing.

Meanwhile, you follow standard advice and you lose a good, loyal, woman who loved you more than you ever knew. She loses the man she loved and wanted a life with. Posters here go on to the next post, unaffected. Your life will forever be changed, as will hers. I find it terribly sad. You'll move forward with your sense of dominance and masculinity but in this case, you'll have lost an opportunity to love and be loved, in a way that very few ever encounter.

This woman stood behind you with her love and her actions. I find it sad that a forum that so wants men to have a woman, like you had, were so quick to advise you, to throw her and the potential you shared away, as if a woman, that loves you so selflessly, can be replaced as easily as a ONS, despite the daily threads stating otherwise. At the same time, I suspect in an effort to maintain your image of dominance and masculinity here, you only offered choice pieces of your story in each thread. Thus it was easy for all to jump on the somewhat standard assumption that the issue was a defect in the woman and you are best without her. You never really spoke up much to suggest otherwise. The consequences are your own.

Despite the fact that she loves you the way she does, and many would be thrilled with such a woman, I recognize that you may not actually really care for, or love "her". Perhaps you really do see her and what she brought to your life, primarily as a means to an end and really nothing more. In that case, I apologize for my projection. In that case, I especially agree, move on and never look back.

TL;DR In the desire to maintain dominance and masculinity, always be vigilant not to lose your objectivity, as the consequences can be forever life altering (in your own life and/or those you give advice to.)

You are taking life too seriously, miss.

 

[phillies]

Part 2

Did she want to break-up? No! She wanted you to care about her and your future together! That's what she wanted all along.

She breaks-up. She hurts. Does she get angry and bitter. No. She loves you. She reaches out. She offers her place to you so you can move as it's convenient, not for her, but for you. She loves you. Does she become a raging b1tch and demand your dream boat be sold so she can get her money back? No. She loves you. You leave her a note saying you are going to sell the boat. Does she inwardly celebrate. No, she writes you back, aware of how much the boat meant to you and suggesting you don't act rashly but you reconsider, for you. She loses money in her own proposition. She loves you. Even though you have broken up, she still supports your dream. She loves you.

Advice here equates to, she dumped you, so never look back, as if you get to punish her for breaking up, as if it is never justifiable. You never own it either. The sad thing is, in your scenario, there was a actually a great deal to lose, not just some ONS or two week fling.

You continue to maintain that front of dominance and masculinity that is most important to you. You don't say this was a woman who gave me sex whenever I wanted, loved me, was loyal, supported me and my dreams and faithfully stood by me, for two years, despite me treating her with great disregard for long periods of time. No, you don't.

She's simply some chick that broke up with you. So like any other meaningless woman that disregards men, you are advised to move on and never look back. Same advice given about some chick you hit on in a bar who didn't respond back, same advice given for a chick you fvcked once but never heard from again, same advice to move on from a crazy BPD. Go no contact so you can heal and move on. Quick to type. Sounds simple. Go no contact. Forget about her. You can just get yourself another woman anytime you are ready, once you have healed, is what I read inferred in those posts. Don't bother yourself with her. She dumped you (doesn't matter why) so move on.

Meanwhile the majority of the men on this board are here doing all they can to up their odds of meeting a woman that is not looking for a provider, and is loyal, loving, caring, persevering, supportive of their goals and dreams, has sex whenever they want, not to mention she's willing to do almost all the cooking and cleaning. That was your Ex. You were too preoccupied with maintaining your masculinity and dominance to appreciate how loved and supported you actually were.

When she broke up, you asked for advice here. In my view this was her final hope for you to wake-up, to get how much she loves you and still wanted it to work out with you two. At that time, I believed that was possible, but would take reworking the relationship in big ways. I and others suggested you re-evaluate what you really want for your life, outside the reflexive response of having just been broken up with. I never read anything to suggest that you did.

You post again, confused. You have maintained No Contact. You seem to be looking for reassurance that you made the right choice and that your masculinity and dominance is intact and remains so. To others you have maintained No Contact, after she broke up with you, so as you are following standard advice given here, it would follow to most, that you are doing the "right" thing.

Meanwhile, you follow standard advice and you lose a good, loyal, woman who loved you more than you ever knew. She loses the man she loved and wanted a life with. Posters here go on to the next post, unaffected. Your life will forever be changed, as will hers. I find it terribly sad. You'll move forward with your sense of dominance and masculinity but in this case, you'll have lost an opportunity to love and be loved, in a way that very few ever encounter.

This woman stood behind you with her love and her actions. I find it sad that a forum that so wants men to have a woman, like you had, were so quick to advise you, to throw her and the potential you shared away, as if a woman, that loves you so selflessly, can be replaced as easily as a ONS, despite the daily threads stating otherwise. At the same time, I suspect in an effort to maintain your image of dominance and masculinity here, you only offered choice pieces of your story in each thread. Thus it was easy for all to jump on the somewhat standard assumption that the issue was a defect in the woman and you are best without her. You never really spoke up much to suggest otherwise. The consequences are your own.

Despite the fact that she loves you the way she does, and many would be thrilled with such a woman, I recognize that you may not actually really care for, or love "her". Perhaps you really do see her and what she brought to your life, primarily as a means to an end and really nothing more. In that case, I apologize for my projection. In that case, I especially agree, move on and never look back.

TL;DR In the desire to maintain dominance and masculinity, always be vigilant not to lose your objectivity, as the consequences can be forever life altering (in your own life and/or those you give advice to.)

Your posts are way to long and complicated. You don't not look back to punish her, you do it to not give her any drama (which women love) or waste your time. Or risk her mind fvcking you and wasting time. When they dump you they've done it emotionally long ago.

Why give her the satisfaction and ego boost after she dumps you? The value of pvssy is extremely inflated, it's ridiculous. A woman usually won't dump you till they have a back up plan or a few.

Your posts are ridiculous and not based on logic. Evidence shows that if you want her back you agree to the break up and walk away with out giving her any idea how you feel.

Social media, online dating, and a sea of pandering, weak beta white knights has created a monster.

I can imagine nothing more satisfying for a woman than, while she is attempting to secure the new man she is banging, to have the guy she dumped trying to get her back.

Doesn't matter how loyal and wonderful how she was at one time. Once she makes up her mind, dumps you and starts seeing some one else (just friends) it's over with.

Most women will keep an ex around for security while she starts dating. Always assume she's doing this. There are plenty of new women that are better then her that can make you happier you could be spending time with, rather than taking the risk of being led on and dumped again.

You're literally projecting what you would want a man to do for you. It's obvious.

 

[sodbuster]

The only thing I'd do is make sure she can't call the cops on you when you get the boat..... THAT'S what a pissed off woman would do..... Have her sign over the title, you sign a promissory note, whatever. DON'T just go over to pick up the boat. It is ONLY a verbal agreement right now

 

[Fireballs]

I broke NC today but for logistical reasons. I want to keep the boat so I'm going to pay her out. It was the first time we've spoken since the break-up.. It was a friendly conversation with no animosity which was good.

 

[grayclif]

ĺ

Does me ignoring her make me look butthurt? Or make me look like I don't give a **** and never cared about her? I tried my best to figure this out by myself but my judgement is clouded.

Who cares what she thinks. You are moving on. She matters no more. Thank god you didn't have a kid with her.

Didn't she say you could have the boat? Why keep yourself in her life by paying her on a periodic basis?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Your a pu$$y. That's why she broke up with you. Have her sign over the boat and don't pay her a dime if you don't have to. Get your living arrangements set and block her. The best thing she did was break up with you. Now you don't have to worry about her anymore.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

LYD, I agree with some of your assessment, BUT how does one move on or reconcile feeling strong guilt or remorse as a result of previous perfunctory acts committed?

Even "if" the OP did wrong, would he not be in a stronger position to acknowledge that and walk away (allowing her the opportunity to reach out, IF she does), and maintain his emotional strength devoid of guilt and remorse for acts he cannot correct? Or, alternatively, should he "chase" and drive her away, saddling him with the guilt of losing the "gem" that got away. Great to increase his awareness for spiritual advancement, BUT how do we empower the OP, irrespective of her?

 

[LiveYourDream]

LYD, I agree with some of your assessment, BUT how does one move on or reconcile feeling strong guilt or remorse as a result of previous perfunctory acts committed?

Even "if" the OP did wrong, would he not be in a stronger position to acknowledge that and walk away (allowing her the opportunity to reach out, IF she does), and maintain his emotional strength devoid of guilt and remorse for acts he cannot correct? Or, alternatively, should he "chase" and drive her away, saddling him with the guilt of losing the "gem" that got away. Great to increase his awareness for spiritual advancement, BUT how do we empower the OP, irrespective of her?

@l_e_g_e_n_d My intent is always to empower through increased awareness and the capacity for greater reflection and growth. My perspective is, everyone is doing the best they can, based on what they know. We are all in learning processes. I believe guilt or remorse in any situation is best handled as immediately as possible, within one self through self forgiveness and/or with another if needed through personal sharing and apology. The sooner one frees oneself from guilt or remorse, the better.

As far as your other questions, I don't feel comfortable answering them anymore, as the OP's situation has changed.

The OP PM'ed and shared that he has gotten the closure he needed and is moving on. He shared he only wishes to post about this topic in the No Contact thread moving forward. He posted the following there a couple days ago.

even if she wanted me back.. I would say no.. The trust has been broken.

I wish him the best in every way, including healing and moving forward.

 

[KingBeef]

Yes you could've done more but that's in the past. Learn from your mistakes, grow and move on. For the most part you should be fine. It could be worse like getting her knocked up...