Got control back with NC

[LayercakeBryan]

As stated in the title, I have been seeing this HB8 and she obviously was into me but she had some insecurities small red flag, everything was going well great sex in the first week had fun together, we both have little boys and had a few play dates, but I wasn't getting all that I wanted I wasn't asking for much more but I brought it up and she flipped out (second red flag) berating me bringing up my being aloof and mysterious and so on so I told her I think I will stay single and she was very upset. Needles to say I did not like how the convo went and text her to talk and she jumped on it, we get on the phone and the same **** starts and now she wanted me to apologize.... I'm trying to be cool and i finally had it and said I could have left this with me breaking up with her. I stated that she sounded like she hated me and she said yes so I said SCREW YOU I don't need this and hung up and turned off the phone.

The next day turn the phone on and she blew it up with text about how I must not care but she does and she is disappointed in how it ended up and she wants to talk face to face and work things out, so it seems my Bomb worked and the ignoring her worked and I told her I needed to think before we talk, she said whenever I want to so I said this weekend, that will make it a few days no contact. I want to know how to reengage for the talk and how long to wait? This ties in with my other post from a few days ago.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I don't think that the definition of "getting control back with NC" is: yelling at a girl and simply not talking to her for a night.

But if you're feeling better about things, then I'm happy for you.

A few more days of not texting and calling her might help her understand that you're not messing around.

Here's the bigger question. How long have you been seeing this girl? I get the impression that it's only been a few weeks. And you said that you had sex in the first week, but in your other post you say that you had sex on the 3rd date. Did you really have 3 dates with this girl in a week?

I ask because this seems like a lot of drama for someone you've only dated a brief time. I don't think I've ever argued with a girl that I've dated for less than 6 months. Seriously.

 

[5string]

If you "work things out" with her, my bet is she'll do it again. Be prepared.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

I'm starting to agree, yes it was 3 dates in one week also we have been seeing each other for about three weeks. Hell I don't even know if I want anything long term... to early to tell yes there is a lot of drama to soon. I think her insecurities about having a child are going to be a problem. As for the control statement it was about getting her into a different frame of mind. I will be honest I was hoping for a few more encounters sexually before I next her.

 

[jophil28]

You have control back ? I don't see it.
She has agreed to talk to you ,that is all. And if I know women , she is thinking that she is entitled to assert control because you "upset" her.
Don't ask me to eloborate or explain the logic behind that - there is none.

And to add to what Mantis said about drama.
It is a huge warning sign to be in conflict with a woman after only a few weeks.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

I guess I was overstating the control aspect of it, It was just a knee jerk reaction from her not wanting to lose me I didn't state all the text that I'm basing this on. This is why I come here sometimes It's not worth putting up with crap just for Sex. I think were past the possibility of a relationship. Thanks again guys for the honest assessment.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I'm starting to agree, yes it was 3 dates in one week also we have been seeing each other for about three weeks. Hell I don't even know if I want anything long term... to early to tell yes there is a lot of drama to soon. I think her insecurities about having a child are going to be a problem. As for the control statement it was about getting her into a different frame of mind. I will be honest I was hoping for a few more encounters sexually before I next her.

Yeah man....I dunno. To me, nothing says "I'm lonely, please stay with me" like three dates in a week. If I went on a date on Friday, the girl probably isn't even hearing from me until Mon or Tues. Let alone seeing me 3 times.

And not that I'm a parent, but I know a few single parents, and I get the impression that introducing your kid to the person you're dating is kind of a big deal. It's kind of comparable to when you were younger, and how long you'd wait before introducing a GF to your parents. Like, maybe you'd want to hold off for more than 3 weeks before doing that.

I'm not judging you personally, but everything about this dating encounter reeks of desperation.

Time to hit the RESET button if you ask me.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

Well I next her and it kind of sucks the way it went, come to find out she was really into me but she was playing some games. I met to talk with her on Sunday and it was mostly arguing I kept wanting to leave but she would pull me back she then started making fun of me that I would break up with her many more times before the convo was over and I stated to her we already were broke up and this meeting was for possible reconciliation., that shut her up. All I could think of was what you guys said about to much drama this early on. So at some point we decided to stop talking about the issues and have a date it went well but when I dropped her of it hit me this is not what I wanted, she kissed me on the cheek and said to call her when I get home.

I got home and took her off my facebook and sent her a text because I did not want to talk to her I said "I feel like **** from today and I want this to end please don't contact me anymore..." and went to bed feeling good. She called 30 minutes later and I asked did you not get my text she said no it just came through now and she started crying and said she thought we worked everything out and hurried to put her child to bed so she could call me since I didn't call her and I punch her in the gut with this text. she said all the things she should have said at our meeting but to late, I told her to little to late. She started acting up and I said goodnight and hung up.

That morning I check my Match account and she had reactivated hers and looked at my profile many times that morning. Me feeling bad for some reason text her and said "If you are done playing games and would like to start caring then call me..." she text back "Now it is my turn to ask you not to call me ever again..." That was it.

I feel good and bad about breaking up with her, I'm not experienced at nexting yet but I am getting better, I have removed all her info from my Phone and computer and never had it in memory so I cant contact her anyway. I have been warned that she will probably call especially if I don't contact her anymore. Whats your thoughts?

 

[f283000]

Nowhere in your posts do I see you getting "control back" or "NC" BUT i do see lots of "drama."

 

[LayercakeBryan]

Sorry there is another post with more info tied to this, I went from Wed to sunday NC and thought she was under control. Your def right about the drama hence me ending it. I guess I dodged a bullet with that one I have never had so much drama with some one during a three week relationship, it just blows my mind...

 

[jophil28]

Me feeling bad for some reason text her and said "If you are done playing games and would like to start caring then call me..." she text back "Now it is my turn to ask you not to call me ever again..." That was it.

That was a rookie move on your part.
What she really wanted was not a relationship with you all at.
She got exactly what she wanted- the chance to throw the knock out punch.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

Guys I want to thank you all for your honesty. Yes I made a rookie mistake that is just it I'm great out of the gate but choke at the end.... I am a good looking guy with much to offer I have no problem meeting HB's all day for the short term like Booty calls and so on but the second it leans towards a relationship and the mind games start I hold my own with the games for about a week then buckle like the rookie mistake above, so I ask you when I feel like texting crap like that, Don't! Also when I feel the urge to call when, Wait! I am walking away from this trying to learn better technique for short or long term deals.

 

[GoodButNotGreat]

That morning I check my Match account and she had reactivated hers and looked at my profile many times that morning. Me feeling bad for some reason text her and said "If you are done playing games and would like to start caring then call me..." she text back "Now it is my turn to ask you not to call me ever again..." That was it.

man why you gotta text her that ****? now she gets to think that shes the one who ended things..wow i would have never done that man just be through with it and never contact her please

 

[LayercakeBryan]

God I know, AFC kinda **** but I know I broke up with her and she went right back to Match and is on constantly.

 

[Kailex]

... and hurried to put her child to bed so she could call me since I didn't call her and I punch her in the gut with this text.

Single mother???

That was your first mistake.

Everyone else has highlighted the other dozen mistakes you made.
Whenever you see a single mother on Match.com or ANYWHERE, immediately think: DANGER, DANGER, DANGER.

And Jesus Christ, stop stalking her on Match.com.
Are you sure you dumped her? You are acting like a dumpee.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

We haven't blocked each other on Match and it shows you when they are on and how many times they viewed you, I have since removed her from all social sites.
Please explain the single mother thing and the danger based on this experience I can see some issues.

 

[5string]

We haven't blocked each other on Match and it shows you when they are on and how many times they viewed you, I have since removed her from all social sites.
Please explain the single mother thing and the danger based on this experience I can see some issues.

I'm gonna tell you straight up and you other guys better listen. I married a single mom. Was with her for 25 yrs before I kicked her out and divorced her. What they say on here is true. Her kids always came first and I came second despite the fact that I stepped up and took care of them. I gave them a good home, it cost me financially and I really paid my dues. I received little in return. All I was in the end was a paycheck. It was the biggest AFC thing I had ever done. It took the best years of my life from me and I can never get that back.

So, for you guys that get the ol oneitis for a single mom, don't fvckin go there. You will pay dearly brothers. Too much damage and baggage that you don't need. I cannot emphasize this enough. Take this advice to heart and let it sink in deeply. Don't get emotionally involved with single mothers. Because if you do, in the end when it's over, something will be missing....your soul.

 

[vatoloco]

Single mothers are only good for one thing: One night stands.

And that's if they're smoking hot.

 

[Warrior74]

Single mums might have been your first mistake, and not knowing what the hell you were doing might have been your last mistake, but your second and most unforgivable....having strange women around your child. Seriously. I'm a father and my daughter has never met any woman I have dated. And won't until I'm in a very committed long term relationship. I think it sets poor examples for children to see a rotation of partners in and out of a child's life and I won't date a woman who does that either. It's low class.

"Oh you have kids, and I have kids, lets let them play and pretend to be a family!!!!" How is that ****ing fair to the children? Especially in the wake of this drama? You selfish cvnts. Have some fvcking self respect and self control. A woman who cannot and will not understand that, is not worth anything more than a pump and dump. I dumped a broad for showing up at my house when my daughter was home and bringing her a present. I'm like "really bytch? you pulling the, let-me-get-in-good-with-the-kid card?" Pathetic.

Have some self respect and respect your son's mind and well being.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

Thanks man for the honesty I am trying to learn from all this.