Got another situation to overanalyze

[BPH]

OP - I don't think you did anything wrong, although the bit of you saying "I am surprised you are happy to see me when I didn't hear from you" was a bit cringe. Always assume a IDGAF attitude with this chicks. Saying this lets her know you thought about her.

That said, this chick definitely seems low interest and you shouldn't be expending this much mental energy on her. It doesn't sound like the attraction for you is there for her. There is nothing you can really do about that except act disinterested and move on. She may come around, but she likely doesn't from what you describe. Find other women who want your time and attention.

That's fair. I was a bit drunk so I don't remember my exact wording but yeah, something along those lines.

Noted.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

If you're going to provide advice, don't you think you should at the very least understand what is being asked?

You need to be able to see the big picture as Raiders noted (he's having a bad day so go easy on him).

Are you able to provide a tl;dr? As far as I could tell, there were thirst and lack of abundance issues that seemed obvious. Too many examples to enumerate tbh.

Seems to be a frame issues more than anything else.

 

[BPH]

You need to be able to see the big picture as Raiders noted (he's having a bad day so go easy on him).

Are you able to provide a tl;dr? As far as I could tell, there were thirst and lack of abundance issues that seemed obvious. Too many examples to enumerate tbh.

Seems to be a frame issues more than anything else.

Well by "details" I mean the fact that I noticed the lie about her boyfriend "Mal" who was actually just a girlfriend of hers. Things like that.

I don't think there's much else to really base it on to say it's a frame or abundance issue. It's a college bar on a Saturday night (the slowest night there) near closing time so I guess you could say lack of abundance there since there weren't many hot girls still around that late.

As far as frame, I think I did everything as "right" as I could, save for what Barrister mentioned and the fact that I didn't re-secure the phone number before she left...chick was making out with me, smiling calling me "daddy" when she left. Didn't really think I had anything to worry about until after the fact when I had the "oh sh**, maybe she doesn't have my number either" moment. Then realized with 30,000 followers/simps it's unlikely she's gonna bother looking for my message.

So I guess the TL;DR is this:

Met a hot girl in the bar that I met before who flaked, so I wrote her off and deleted her number. I think 3 weeks went by and then I saw her this last Saturday night, had a better interaction, made out, and made tentative plans to have me over next weekend after presenting some excuses to not leave with me that night. She followed me on IG, I followed her back, told her to text me since I didn't have her number, and realized she might not have my number saved from last time either, so I DM'ed her my number which she hasn't seen and may NOT see due to the fact that she has 30,000 followers. Wondering if I should do anything further.

As far as what "further" means; she and I have a mutual friend who lives in and manages the apartment she lives at with his girlfriend. Thought it might not be the worst idea to see if he has her number and ask for it so I can do a "hey I found it" kinda thing. And then there's Snapchat.

Probably the best I can do for a TL;DR.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I think that the bar hookups typically consists of two parts. First you have to get her initial interest, the make out proves you got that far. You even got her to follow you a bit to a side bar. Second you have to get her to basically follow you somewhere. You have to present her with something she wants. Try to appeal to the bar rats greedy nature. Invite to something cool. Check those two boxes off and you are in there.

 

[BPH]

I think that the bar hookups typically consists of two parts. First you have to get her initial interest, the make out proves you got that far. You even got her to follow you a bit to a side bar. Second you have to get her to basically follow you somewhere. You have to present her with something she wants. Try to appeal to the bar rats greedy nature. Invite to something cool. Check those two boxes off and you are in there.

I felt I kinda did, that's just where I got the resistance. I know a car is nothing special, but to a broke college student who may or may not be driving their parents' I thought that helped. Obviously not enough, but if she was interested enough she would've followed suit.

As my one friend mentioned, maybe she just doesn't know me or spent time with me enough to feel comfortable leaving her friends and getting in my car. Who knows? But I know what it's like when it's easy and she simply had some barriers up near the end for whatever reason.

 

[BPH]

You are chasing too hard. LMS and ASD got you here. Not enough comfort. Adding more attention right now is not ideal.
Next time bounce them to another location or two if you have time.

Sorry I don't remember all the terminology, what do these two mean?

 

[BPH]

You should have waited more days, and then ask her out on a fun date, not follow up on what she said about the party

I'm bad at forum stuff so I'm gonna see if I properly do this quote thing where I respond to individual lines...

Well I thought I was being invited to somewhere that we could hook up, and she seemed interested so I thought that was the correct move.

In your mind you started to invest energy, and started to put her on a pedestal.

This probably makes more sense for the second interaction than the first. I met two girls that night, she being the second one, and I was less excited. When I discovered her social media I'm pretty sure I had already deleted her number and written her off after she stopped responding.

Does this sound like a guy who beautiful women are all over him? You sub communicated "Beautiful women like you never give me the time of day, so I'm surprise you seem excited to see me your highness."

Fair point, from around this moment on I was a little bit buzzed so admittedly my judgement wasn't the best. I felt I acted more from a place of "oh you're NOW you're excited?" but I can see how it might've come across from your quote here.

She knew you're full of $hit and you were looking for her on Instagram, why mention this?

Yeah this was just bad judgement from drinking. I don't know why I brought it up. I thought she had an OnlyFans and that was a bit exciting from when I initially wrote her off because I had the idea she might be a little easier.

You sounded desperate, trying to use logic and reason for her to kiss you, thats a turn off.

Maybe, but like stringpuller mentioned, maybe that was a little ASD? Because after I framed it as not a big deal she was all into it.

This is really desperate, trying to force yourself into sleeping with her, again using logic and reason, the pinky promise is just she telling her what you want to hear, cause you're turning her off.

Ok yep, I can agree with that. What would've been better to do here once I encountered that resistance? Her excuses were a messy room, not knowing me that well, and breakup with a boyfriend she may or may not be lying about.

You were not congruent, you told her to text her, she didn't and your anxiety of losing her made you text her, again more desperate behavior.

Yes. It is worth mentioning she still hasn't seen the message on Instagram. So she may not know it even exists to look for. If that's the case this part is kind of irrelevant because she didn't follow what she said she would do. So yes this was a mistake, but I lost her earlier than this apparently.

That could be the case, but in summary you turned her off by trying to force the interaction by using logic and reason and not being congruent with your word.

Alright, well what should've been done differently, in your opinion?

Also I know you're not bashing me or anything, and I did watch that clip you posted from the timestamp. Thankfully I didn't overdo it and blow up her phone like the guy he's reading off of did, so at least there's that.

 

[BPH]

One was a typo.
LMR last minute resistance
ASD Anti slut defense

LMR sure, but isn't ASD more something for the people watching? Like her friends? It was just her and I so unless it's her own moral ASD I don't know why that would be a factor at all.