Got a HORRIFIC case of oneitis and seriously don't know how to get over it! (Long)

[SteR]

Hey guys. First of I'll lay down the story.

Basically I started university just over a year ago now. When I arrived at my halls I met all my housemates and we all got on well or whatever but back then I was the shyest, quietest most inexperienced guy with women ever. Anyway after a few months of uni I got to know one of my female housemates pretty well and it was about xmas 2002 that I started to really fall for her.

Problem was she had a boyfriend which she met in freshers week.
So after about 3-4 months of having the worst crush ever on this girl I told her how I felt (stupidest thing ever I know). Anyway she told me she was flattered and that was all and nothing was done about it. Of course it took me a week or so to get over her and then everything was cool for like 5-6 months and then when I moved into my house in the 2nd year (with her as one of my housemates) my feelings started to come back for her.

Anyway looking back I know this ***** was playing me all along as whenever she had a row with her boyfriend she'd come running to me and I'd be all nice to her and everything and then she'd forget about me and go fuk her boyfriend whenever he snapped his fingers.

This boyfriend of hers however cheated on her ridiculously like 6-7 times but she still stayed with him and all that crap. Anyway over the xmas holidays she found out he cheated on her again and they split up. She then sent me a text message saying she thought I was damn sexy. I of course thought she really meant it which was absolute bs. Turns out ONE week after she split with her bf and about 2 days after I got the message she was in bed banging some other guy.

I of course being the chump I was kept texting and ringing her over the holiday thinking she really liked me.

It was only then that I realised I had been totally played all this time and she's been a complete snake. However I know realise that I was made a fool of and she really didn't give a flying fuk about me. The only problem is I still sort of have a weird feeling for her. I mean I KNOW she is a slut and she had no regard for me or whatever but I still seem to have this weird feeling and it makes me feel REALLY bad because I genuinely liked this girl and she not only screwed me over but made me feel absolutely worthless because she just used me and fuked every1 else.

However now I am trying to go after girls and stuff but I still get jealous when I see this girl with other guys. I mean I know now she definately isn't worth my time and effort and DEFINATELY isn't worthy of being with me but I dunno I just still have some feelings for her and it hurts me so much that she went off and banged this guy over xmas even though she told me she liked me.

Anyyyways I know the best solution would be to find another GIRL . Problem is I'm not the most confident guy in the world and I don't have a lot of regular contact with girls that I can meet. I mean my course at university is a computing course so there are no chicks there, I don't really have the confidence to make cold approaches on the street or in a library or whatever because I'm new to all of this and my confidence is dented as hell.
I do try to approach girls in clubs but even then I only do it under the influence of alcohol because I get so nervous when chatting to girls sober. I also seem to feel that I'm not good enough even though I keep telling myself I am.

I guess I'm just in a bit of a rut at the moment and I can safely say it's the most depressing time of my life but at least I can say I'm that little bit more wiser about women. I just really want to be happy I guess but I just don't know what to do

Any help is appreciated, cheers guys

 

[stormwriter]

HAHA, you homo.

Go and edit your post. Here is what you wrote:

>>Anyyyways I know the best solution would be to find another guy.

 

[Reto]

Like a lot of guys here, I've been burned as well by a oneitis. It's basically a scare on you brain. It'll fade, but won't go away completely.

I saw my oneitis tues evening at the gym. To this day, we ignore each other. But the feeling of jealousy creeps up when she's with another guy. Why? I've had two girl friends since and it's been over a year since I've spoken to her. It's a scare...

What I did after I was burned was developed an "attitude". I was so p!ssed at all women for my oneits's actions. I wasn't going to let it happen again. So, my confidence shot up! Women are lucky to be with me. Not the other way around. If they don't want me, F' em.

Being in school is the best time for women. Go where women hang out. The library, coffe shop, etc. Your into computer programing? Put a notice on a bulletin board to help people out with thier computer problems. If a guy calls you, be too busy. Help only women!

 

[squirrels]

You weren't played, you played yourself.

You think she was being "mean" and "deceitful" to you? No, you were being deceitful to her. You sat there and pretended to be her friend, all the while waiting for your chance to jump her when she broke up with her boyfriend. She just saw you as a friend, nothing more.

Don't blame her, it's your own fault. She didn't fykk you over, you fykked yourself over. She didn't use you, you offered yourself for use. She's not a slut. You *****d out your friendship to try to get paid off in sex, and she didn't buy.

What can you do? Take responsibility for your failure. You lost this one. It doesn't make you any less of a person to screw up with a girl. We all have. But it DOES belittle you when you fail to take responsibility for your shortcomings and work to correct them.

I know it sounds cliche, but read the DJ Bible, at least the "Must Read" threads. Accept the loss, learn lessons from where you screwed up, and improve. And use the pain of losing her to motivate you to succeed in the future with other women.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You don't have a case of oneitis - this is a case of zero-itis!!! She is not even your wh@re!!!!!! How can you claim her as yours????

She is not playing games with you - it is you playing yourself - while she is being the good wh@re that she is, you are fantasizing and obsessing over this slut. Tell me what qualities does she have that tickles your fancy?? Her sweet disposition Her upstanding character? Her righteous values? Her kindness? Her honesty?
None of the above? Then ...

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO INFACTUATED WITH A WH@RE???

I'm dumbfounded!!!!!

Do you have psychological problems? Maybe that should be phrased in the form of a statament and not a question.

You deserve to be tortured!!!!!!! Where is my toolbox?

I'm too upset to write anymore.

 

[NewMan]

Squirrels is dead on the money..

U fvcked it yourself.

Put it down to a valuable lesson - and move on from here.

It's not going to be easy, but we've all done it at some point.

You mistakes?

Well, being Just friends is all wrong. You should have let her know (by your actions) that you were into her.

You see, at that age, women don't want the nice guy, friend. They want the a guy who they have some sparks with.

You should have always flirted with her, not been the guy she goes to when she's down - touchie feely all through this.

You hit on her - you flirt, you make her feel like a woman - by your actions.

You don't sit down and TELL her how you feel - you show her how you feel.

Then, if she's not interested - you move on straight away.

You only remain friends if your strong enough to handle that - and even then then, you never lay off on the flirting (because it's good practice anyways).


Now onto the other part of your post.

I know where your comming from. I did computing in Uni. There's no women there. I was not confident with women either - and to this day I don't do cold approachs on the street or in a coffee shop etc.

But, things will improve. For one, you knwo what you want - and you know you want to improve.

So, read the bible.

Go out. Take classes. Go where there's women.

Lower your standards - perhaps they are to high.

Talk to women. But not to pick them up. Talk to them to get to know them and to gain experience. Imagine your talking to your sister.

Women have women friends. So make women friends - they can introduce you to their friends.

Don't be a pvssy - women don't want a pvssy - they've already got one. So act with confidence even if your not. We all get nervous - but fake it until you've got it.

Finally, hit the bars and clubs. Get a regular bar - and get to knwo people there.

I pick up girls at local bars - because I'm good at it, and It's where I can relax have a few drinks and flirt away.

Just remember, you've many years ahead - and it does get better.

Get hobies, talk to women and have fun.

 

[THA REALNESS]

One-itis comes from lack of closure,you need to find her ,sit her azz down and vent. Even if you sound stupid ,and you will,you will most defintley feel better and you can move on with your life.

Repressing your feelings will always come back to haunt you and it's not healthy .Imagine if you move on and it happens again?

Worst case scenario: She tells everyone what you said.So what? Your counter argument will be that she is a ***** and you banged her anyways ,so what the **** do you care?

 

[gungho]

errr not much to say but the obvious, just need to forget about her and talk to her just like any other person you see around... she likes your attention and thats all you are too her..

 

[SteR]

hey guys I totally understand what you're saying and yep I KNOW it was my fault that nothing happened. I also know that I'm lucky to not be going out with a slut like her.
I guess my biggest problem is getting out of the routine of not talking to girls and actually having the balls to do it. I dunno why though but for some reason I don't believe in myself. I know I have everything going for me I just don't seem to believe in myself. I will continue going for girls in nightclubs for now and hopefully I'll be able to start doing it sober. I just find that when I am sober I get sooo nervous. For instance I went out clubbing last night and remained relatively sober.
I was joking about with my mate at the bar because some girl next to me kept smacking her arm into my elbow where I had a massive cut and I pretended to headbutt her lol. Anyway this hot girl smiled at me and asked me why I was doing it. Thing is I BLUSHED. I couldn't believe it but I did and just said 'she's pissing me off' and then just smiled and turned away. I KNEW I could have continued conversation from there but I just felt so nervous that I didn't. Plus she was with a bloke whom I assumed was her boyfriend but it turned out the guy she was with was a gay guy because my incredibly drunk friend next to me decided to talk to her instead but she wasn't interested in him.
I think the reason I did this was because I am definately intimidated by beautiful girls. I know I shouldn't be but like I said I've always been like this so it's not easy to just change at the snap of a finger. I'll certainly try and cut down on my drink for now but I'm just too scared to do all this when I'm sober.

 

[justjosh47]

Dude get out of your shell!

Im not the best or brightest guy ever eather but I have reinvented my self in college, hell Ive made some majior F***ups also but I learned from all of them , I think you need to meet some more girls , unless you go to a really really bad school im sure thare are party's or Sports events , clubs, Social events,Dances , study groups , maybe even the cafateria or a student center .
College is all about conections, I think it's easier to pick a girl in school then in the real world, you can do it you just need to get out and find them,thare all over the place

 

[anatomiczero]

One-itis comes from lack of closure,you need to find her ,sit her azz down and vent. Even if you sound stupid ,and you will,you will most defintley feel better and you can move on with your life.

What if they won't give you closure, they just kind of giggle or don't say anything? I know you should probably take that as she has no interest, but there's always that "what if"; and even though you know you need to stop getting jealous, you still do.