Good Stories = Money.

[Oxide]

Everyone tries to be an alpha male, everyone wants to be the center of attention. One good method is to tell the group some great story that happened to you. Something exciting and interesting, that would make them laugh as well.

This is where this threads come in. let's share some great stories that can be retold by other people, so we can get all the attention we desire. I dont want these stories to be for specific type of person. I want stories that could actually happen to anyone.

Ill start

I was delivering pizza to a house located in a foresty part of the city. (you can say u were just driving). To get to ther house i needed to drive down a narrow path, and i was going around 30, when i saw a squarrel on the road, road killed at it's best.
I turn the wheel so the road kill would be between my tires, but as i am about 3 feet away , the squarrel jumps up, and starts running for its life, RIGHT toward my tire! I sharply turned the wheel and avoided the little thing. But that sure reminded me of the car insurance commercial where 2 squarrels make the car crash

 

[Starman]

heh this is a good threaD..one story I have always gets a roar..

I went on a date with this girl..when I picked her up at her house she was HAMMERED!! and drank like a case of beer by herself..

so we just hung out at her place and I started becoming tipsy..we were making out..and about to have sex..when she starts digging in her mouth..

I looked at her in disgust and said "What are you doing???"

she said "You dont mind if I take out my tooth do you it is bothering me"

She took out her 3 front teeth..*Shudder*

Then I stayed so i didnt make her feel bad..1 hr later she lost her teeth..and accused me of stealing it..and said she was gonna call the cops

I booked

then as an added effect add

"With her teeth of course

 

[Don Ronny]

Wow, Oxide. I had something very similar happen to me about a year ago. I was riding my bike on a cloudy winter day and there was hardly anyone outside. It was real dreary and dark and I was in a rush to get home and warm up with some hot cocoa.

Anyways, I am going downhill at a pretty impressive speed when I spot this pigeon on the street directly in my path. I swerve out of the way so I dont hurt him, thinking he will fly away and sh!t. I have never seen anything like this and I couldn´t believe when it happened, but the dumb bastard actually darted right into the path of my front tire! I heard two sickening crunch-sounds as both my tires flattened the poor fukker, and a bunch of feathers shot up into my face. I knew he was done for and didn´t feel like losing my momentum, so I just kept pedaling, even though I was shocked and disturbed because I never met a suicidal pigeon before!

Must have been the depressing weather.

I came home and told my girl this story thinking she would be upset, but she almost died laughing when I told her about the feathers. So either

A) this is a funny story
B) My ex is twisted!

 

[spanky]

One night while I was attending this conference in a city on a very touristy island, a couple of other guys I met at the conference and I decided to hang out and check out the city’s night life. The place buzzed with tourists during the day so we thought the night would be even better.

The spots we were going to check out where right around the corner from my hotel. As soon as we parked, I noticed that there were some very hot babes walking around. They all were within feet of each other. It was like they were having a hottie conference.

I started to brag to the other guys about how all of the supermodel babes like to hang around my hotel just to get a chance to come up to my room. Next, we went inside of a bar for a few drinks. When we came out about a couple of hours later, there were even more hot babes hanging around. We were catching whiplash as we began to walk to a nightclub around the corner from the bar. I was like, “damn, these fine azz women don’t have any thing better to do than hang around talking on their cell phones? It’s Saturday night!

So as we get closer and closer to the nightclub we are basically wading through hot babes who all look like they could be on the cover of Maxim. As we are about to approach the front door of the club, we passed this Temporary Tattoo booth which was attended by a sweet little old lady.

The old lady yelled out and asked us, “would you young men like a temporary tattoo?”

We all responded, “no, thanks.”

Right after that, she yelled, “Do you want a hooker?”

We all stopped and took another look at the hot babes standing around in the streets and burst out into laughter.

That old lady had to be the oldest pimp I have ever seen.

 

[DankNuggs]

COOL STORY HANSEL....

 

[Starman]

bIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER

LOL @ Hottie conference

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I remember when me and some friends were at NY Eve partying on the city streets.

One of my friends got drunk, and tried to beat up another guy. There was 5 of us, and 4 of them.

Unfortunately, it went a bit far, and my friend got a beer bottle and tried to brain the guy with it. At this point, at least 30 or so guys just appeared and joined up with the 4 guys. So we ran like hell, got chased across the city for 30 minutes, with guys waving beer bottles (and throwing a few at us). Skirted through alleyways and over walls, tried our best to throw them off.

We finally got to a cop station ran into hid, and my friend got fined for public drunkeness (its illegal to drink on the street in Australia).

 

[Starman]

Another story:

AT a bar one time..there were a group of guys harrassing a girl we were with..some argument ensued..and I got overly testosterone Beer Muscles..I went outside..with another friend..and there were 7-8 guys waiting to fight..

I picked up a bottle..and said "Lets Play!"

I smashed the bottle on a parking meter to get sharp edges over the bottle (mostly to scare them)

when I realized the entire bottle smashed in my hand..cutting my hands into 300 different pieces..and bleeding everywhere..

Everyone just laughed...and the fight was over..but I did get the girl!

 

[numlock]

Originally posted by Starman
Another story:

AT a bar one time..there were a group of guys harrassing a girl we were with..some argument ensued..and I got overly testosterone Beer Muscles..I went outside..with another friend..and there were 7-8 guys waiting to fight..

I picked up a bottle..and said "Lets Play!"

I smashed the bottle on a parking meter to get sharp edges over the bottle (mostly to scare them)

when I realized the entire bottle smashed in my hand..cutting my hands into 300 different pieces..and bleeding everywhere..

Everyone just laughed...and the fight was over..but I did get the girl!

I thought we were supposed to be sharing tales that we could relay to girls...

 

[Starman]

doesnt matter .. you're stories should be aimed at captivating an audience and getting laughs..when girls notice you telling stories and getting people cracking up they will take notice..

and OBVIOUSLY these stories arent to be retold word for word..crikey..I think saying "I got the girl" will be more an advantage for you than a disadvantage

 

[Drex]

Here's mine, I read this somewhere before and rememberred it for just this type of situation.

So I was in a computer lab on campus typing up a paper a couple years ago. Now there's 1 particular computer in the lab that is connected to an overhead projector that displays the same screen that you see on your monitor, this is for the professor when teaching a class.

So this guy comes in to check his email and he sits at this particular computer and does not notice that everything he is doing is being displayed infront of everyone in the lab.

Apparently one of his buddies emailed him the links to a bunch of good porn sites so he started openning the pages up. The look on people's faces were priceless. Some people snickerred and one girl even got up and left the lab. Finally someone gave in and tapped him on the shoulder and then pointed at the projection while trying not to explode with laughter. The guy turned beet-red, closed everything and promptly left the lab.

 

[Oxide]

there ya go drex, nice story!

this is suppose to be something that is funny and relaistic and exciting. sorry man, noone really cares if u messed up your arm with a bottle.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

I'll tell them the story about when i broke my arm in a backyard wrestling match.

"Prepare to feel my unbridled wrath."

www.backyardwrestling.com

 

[spanky]

Drex just reminded me of one of my favorite stories I like to tell!



I have a classmate/friend in graduate school whom every now and then send me hilarious or X-rated emails. Before he added me to his email list, he warned me to never open the emails up at school. I agreed. Well, one day I logged into my email account at a school computer inside of a study lab and discovered that he had sent me an email.

Well, I looked around the study lab and reminded myself that the computer lab was jam-packed full of students since it was around exam time. The computers were only on one side of the room and anyone who was studying on the other side of the room could look up and see the front of the monitors. I decided to risk opening the email since my friend had not been sending me any real obscene emails lately.

I opened up the email and the screen immediately became filled with large words saying-

THERE IS A RUMOR THAT YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS. DO YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS?

There was a YES and NO option right below the message.

Well, being the well-hung guy that I am and desperately wanting to get this message off of the screen before any of my classmates saw it, I quickly moved the mouse pointer towards the NO button.

As I moved the mouse pointer towards the NO button, it began to run all over the screen. So here I am, desperately trying to catch the NO button all over the computer screen before anyone saw the message. That NO button ducked, ran, shook, juked, and evaded the mouse pointer for what seem like hours before I decided to try and close the browser window. When I tried to close the browser window, The whole screen went black and words began to flash on the screen in bright red letters that read-

SMALL PENIS ALERT! SMALL PENIS ALERT! SMALL PENIS ALERT!


Those words had to be in 100pt font or something. Now, I am looking over my shoulder to see if any one has noticed the screen giving away my dark secret. The whole time I am pushing every button on the keyboard to get this thing to stop!

Luckily my studious classmates didn’t look up from their books the whole time. The message finally disappeared and I wiped the sweat from my forehead. Needles to say, I won't be opening any more emails from my friend at school.

 

[Starman]

you tellin me running over a squirrel or pigeon is funnier than coming out of a pub like your a bad a$$, ready to take on 6 guys ..then bust your hand up..while everyone laughs?

Time to empty your colostomy bag pirate..you wouldnt know funny if it snuck up to you in leather pants

 

[spanky]

Now, now, guys, comedy is really subjective, right?

BTW, the humor in Star's post is in the irony of the situation.

There isn't any humor that I don't get- except for slapstick. I am not feeling slapstick.

 

[Drex]

I thought starman's story was pretty damn funny

 

[Drex]

Bump. More stories!